(no subject)
Apparantly my grandmother is doing worse than I had imagined from the initial descriptions I get from my family.
I went to see her before work Sunday night - but she was fast asleep and it being one of the first times she had slept I didn't bother to wake her. All was going well, she went home yesterday and was doing fine - checking the mail and whatnot until she got the idea into her head that she needed to go back to the hospital to pick up her mother. Her mother died when I was in 7th grade. Then as far as I can tell my father and grandfather tried to convince her of this, then she took off tried to get in the car, realized that she doesn't know how to drive, and started trying to walk there. Dad and my grandfather tried stalling her and trying to get her to stop, but she found a place she could kind of climb up their fence, and my dad had to wrestle her off it. They took her to the hospital again, and she's now in a psychiatric ward of Tucker I believe, while they try to figure out what's going on.
As if that wasn't enough, I figure that I failed my Physics test since I didn't know any of the answers. I hate my job, and need to find out Ben Smelly's number so I can talk to him about his job offer.
I tried calling Jill on my way to work, and the conversation started well, I hadn't talked to her in a while and all i knew about her life was her emobaby myspace posts, and livejournal about teh missing kids and bears... not really insight intow hat was going on in her life. No mention of her modeling thing. So I called and she was upset about her neighbors, so I was getting into asking how her modeling thing was and trying to make her focus on that and be happy- then I made my fatal mistake. I expected something from her. I expected her to ask me what was happening in my life, and when she didn't I jokingly mentioned that she never calls me. This turned into her changing her story several times from - It's MY fault she doesn't call me because I said it would be awkward (which I did, however I have since called her two times saying she should call me and she tole me she would) to she has been busy, then when i pointed out that it's fairly easy to make time to call someone, say driving to/from work... oh, she doesn't call her friends on the phone. What the heck is that? If you're not going to call me don't call me, don't jump around on why you aren't going to.
So I was pissed off - (she wasn't acting like she cared what was going on in my life, and i wanted to talk to her about what was goin on with me, and she was basically telling me that there wasnt going to be any calling me happening) and I had gotten to work, and we were still talking. Fine I said, I can tell I'm not important enough to find time to call me.
So then the text message arguement began...
Me:Being friends with you will indeed prove difficult. Perhaps for different reasons than i anticipated.
Me:If you can't... No, WON'T show that I matter to you I don't need your "friendship" because my friends actually matter to me.
Her:Fine. u r sick of my friendshit ne ways.
Me:Fuck you, then. You're a terrible "Friend" to me anyway. Friendshit, that's a good one. Friends take an interest in each other, something you apparantly can't do.
her:Wow, nice one.
Me:Even now you don't give it. Why would I want to be your friend? It's apparantly a bad thing when i call you. I called you today to see how you're doing. You didn't care enough to ask about my life. I don't care if you call your other friends or not. That just shows that you don't give a fuck about their lives either.
Her:Wow Jeremy. you are so self centered and clueless. be that way then
Me: That's Just like you.
Her: Yup, just like me
Me: Maybe if you ever realize how quick you are to quit, you'll learn to look deeper.
Me: I wish I hadn't called you tonight, I had enough worrying me.
Her; Maybe, or arguing is pointless.
Me: You gave up more tonight than an argument
Me: You showed how willing you are to give up me. I am quite hurt.
her: Ah I see.
her: U think so lowly of me y do u care
Me: I think that me finding the time to dall you, and the fact that I'm still talking to you about this, *AND* the fact that you are hurting me might show otherwise.
Her:There was no discussion there was only u trying to put me down no matter what i said.
Me: Yeah that's it, I'm all about putting you down
Her: U hurt me a lot jeremy... and you could give a shit less. you are either really spiteful about it or oblivious.
Her: goodnight
Me: Whatever. You can either be my friend or make up whatever the hell makes you feel better about not doing so. I have to work. If you care at all you'll know how.
Her: goodnight
So that's how I left it.
My boss was rushing me torward the end so I was getting really frustrated. What the fuck. It's so god damn simple to figure me out, and Jill dated me for a fucking year, you'd think she knows me by now but nope not even close. I spelled it out four hundred times, I'm spelling it out now - IF YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND - TAKE THE TIME TO LET ME KNOW. DO SOMETHING IMPOSSIBLY HARD LIKE CALL ME, VISIT ME AT WORK, SOMETHING! Anything that lets me know that, OMFG, There was a thought in your head about me today. I mean god damn, whenever I'm bored, or just thinking of something cool that reminds me of my friends I'll call and see what they are up to. I don't know. I'm cold, I'm mean, I'm blunt, I'm harsh whatever. But I don't know, Jill has *never* done things the way that normal people do things. Maybe that's cool, her style, whatever. But it's maybe not the best way to do things.
While I'm ranting about Jill.
Here's some helpful hints:
YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY JENNY FOR THE PET DEPOSIT SO YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT A FUCKING CAT.
YOU DON'T HAVE A CAR. DAVE IS BEING THE MOST AMAZING FRIEND IN THE WORLD LETTING YOU USE HIS... SAVE SOME FUCKING MONEY FOR A CAR DON'T BUY A CAT, OR GO TO ANIME CONVENTIONS, OR BUY HAIR DYE, OR LIP PIERCINGS UNTIL YOU CAN *GASP* PAY FOR THE SHIT YOU NEED TO LIKE FOOD! A CAR! GOING TO SCHOOL! MONEY YOU OWE JENNY! DOCTOR VISITS! IT'S UNFAIR OF YOU TO BE USING DAVE'S CAR AS LONG AS YOU HAVE AND YOU KNOW THAT, NO MATTER WHAT, BECAUSE HE WON'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY, IT'S STILL UNFAIR!
Do you have any clue how much it would have cost to fix your car if you had fixed it when i told you to? Somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 dollars... Now you have to buy a whole new car? Great thinking. I hope you can ride your cat to work.
Your last journal entry mentions you don't have money for doctor visits. MAYBE IF YOU SAVED SOME MONEY you would. MAYBE IF YOU GOT A BETTER JOB THAT HAS *GASP* BENEFITS! Welcome to the real world. Maybe I am not "mature" enough to move out of my parent's house, but guess what. I can admit that I'm not ready. YOUR WHOLE LIFESTYLE IS UNHEALTHY!
Maybe I'm not saying this stuff the nice way. Guess what. I'm back to being myself. I don't care if how I'm saying this offends anyone. The only reason I mention any of that is because I do care about Jill. I don't think she's going to get anywhere if she continues as she is continuing. She has a dead end job with no benefits (my dead end job has a shitton of benefits) no savings, no more school to help her future, a health condition, which gets worse and worse after not treating it. I want to help, but she just pisses me off when all she can do is think about how she wants a lip piercing, to finish her tattoo, or to dye her hair again, or buy a new animal. Congratulations, "expressing yourself" !=food.
I know you're probably going to be pissed off when you read this jill. And if you are, you've missed the whole point, like usual, of what I am saying.
I don't know what i expect from this post but I had so much bottled up - there it goes.