My love and mistress, Livejournal I miss you!
So here's what is going on in my life. I'm back in school, in my "junior" year. I put that in quotes because right now I think I still have the credits of a sophomore. I'm only taking 12 credit hours, but good lord it is HELL!
I'm working two jobs 5 nights a week. Add to that three organizations on which I'm serving on the executive boards and you get a stressed, tired, out of his mind Aris. I don't really know what to do though. I can't quit work because I need the money... BAD. I also would hate to leave these groups because I do good with them, and also one is my fraternity, can't really leave that.
I also have a boyfriend I've been with for four months. We started dating over the summer. At that point I was just looking for a summer romance and not anything serious. Well guess what, it developed into something serious. Long story short, I gave him my v-card... within the first month. Holy crap, that's crazy.
Also, he is going to be a multi-millionaire probably by October.
Here's where the problem arises. I don't think I love him. I don't know if I can. I don't want to be in a relationship. It might also have something to do with the fact that I cannot emotionally connect to him. I don't know if it's because I don't want to or I can't. I don't do emotions.
Is it bad that right now I think my only reason for staying is that he will be rich? I feel like a cosmic piece of shit for saying that, but that's what I am questioning. I like him a lot, and we have good memories, but I don't know if I can build a future with him.
He's 26, and I'm about to be 20 in 3 days. He's lived his crazy years, I still have to experience mine. He tries to analyze everything and fix everything. I think it's smothering me. He tells me to just let him know if I need space. I don't know if I need PERMANENT space.
I mean what do I do. It's not like if we break up, I'm gonna go be a whore. Maybe I just need to be single. Maybe everything I needed after my last boyfriend were satisfied by him.
In my last relationship, we both wanted different things. I wanted romance and all that goes with it. Now that I have it, it is too much. WHAT DO I DO!? I need time to think about everything, but if I tell him that he goes to pieces and starts crying and I just want clarity, which is something escaping me constantly.
Also (I know it's a lot and I apologize) I'm feeling pushed away from everyone, especially from my close friends. I love them so much, and I know they're dealing with a lot right now, but they are the reason I didn't move out to L.A. and I'm wondering if that is a decision I am going to regret.
My life falls into pieces every minute. What I wouldn't give for my solidarity to be mine again.
How's everyone else? I miss you guys.
I'm working two jobs 5 nights a week. Add to that three organizations on which I'm serving on the executive boards and you get a stressed, tired, out of his mind Aris. I don't really know what to do though. I can't quit work because I need the money... BAD. I also would hate to leave these groups because I do good with them, and also one is my fraternity, can't really leave that.
I also have a boyfriend I've been with for four months. We started dating over the summer. At that point I was just looking for a summer romance and not anything serious. Well guess what, it developed into something serious. Long story short, I gave him my v-card... within the first month. Holy crap, that's crazy.
Also, he is going to be a multi-millionaire probably by October.
Here's where the problem arises. I don't think I love him. I don't know if I can. I don't want to be in a relationship. It might also have something to do with the fact that I cannot emotionally connect to him. I don't know if it's because I don't want to or I can't. I don't do emotions.
Is it bad that right now I think my only reason for staying is that he will be rich? I feel like a cosmic piece of shit for saying that, but that's what I am questioning. I like him a lot, and we have good memories, but I don't know if I can build a future with him.
He's 26, and I'm about to be 20 in 3 days. He's lived his crazy years, I still have to experience mine. He tries to analyze everything and fix everything. I think it's smothering me. He tells me to just let him know if I need space. I don't know if I need PERMANENT space.
I mean what do I do. It's not like if we break up, I'm gonna go be a whore. Maybe I just need to be single. Maybe everything I needed after my last boyfriend were satisfied by him.
In my last relationship, we both wanted different things. I wanted romance and all that goes with it. Now that I have it, it is too much. WHAT DO I DO!? I need time to think about everything, but if I tell him that he goes to pieces and starts crying and I just want clarity, which is something escaping me constantly.
Also (I know it's a lot and I apologize) I'm feeling pushed away from everyone, especially from my close friends. I love them so much, and I know they're dealing with a lot right now, but they are the reason I didn't move out to L.A. and I'm wondering if that is a decision I am going to regret.
My life falls into pieces every minute. What I wouldn't give for my solidarity to be mine again.
How's everyone else? I miss you guys.