Creative Writing Mid-Term SS, Be gentle...

[darksibelis]

Thunder boomed, skies alight with the clashing of the Titans. Rain whispering as if in mourning as they rushed down from the heavens to console the old man kneeling over the small grave. Sobs drowned yet still appeared, the man was wracked with pain. Not physical mind you, but emotional. It was his fault this patch of soil was now occupied with a

Comments

[vicious_circles]

Yay constructive criticism!

The introduction seems kind of rushed, you should provide more details. Like, tell the little girl's name, and why was the grandfather speeding in the rain? The accident seems a bit random and sudden, try to flesh out the story a little bit more, perhaps add some foreshadowing. Also, in the last sentence, take out "condolences" so that it's not redundant. Other than a few minor grammatical errors, I like it! Hope that helps a little bit.

And hooray for using my dog XD

[vicious_circles]

nevermind on that redundancy part >.>

[darksibelis]

Other than a few Run on sentences the grammar was better on my paper. I think my hands have gone retarded and are no longer able to properly spell, or use the correct word.

Thanks for the Constructive Crit.

~Waylayyyy!