Another step

[darksonic]

So the current line of thought is as follows. Something Jess told me on Monday is that at some level, she's known for months that our relationship was over. For my part, I can agree with that. We both continued to lie to ourselves, saying things would get better even when we knew they wouldn't. The good thing to this is that at that same quasi-

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[darksonic]

Ooo, sorry, I wasn't entirely clear with all the pronouns and lack of proper names and all. What you're talking about I realized on Tuesday that I was headed that direction, and then vacantroom pointed it out as well. So going forward, I'm going to let her call me. Which I also honestly doubt will happen - if so, so be it.

Who I was talking about in this post was someone else entirely. I've been friends with this girl for a while, and there were a couple moments when I was with Jess that I'd look at this other person and think "well, maybe if I were single, would anything happen there?" Now I am single, as is she. But I'm thinking I should put my friendship with her first, and worry about other feelings later.

[golemgirl]

Well, regardless of how long the relationship has been in trouble, you just broke up...

I would recommend just being friends until you've had some time to sort out some things for yourself. No sense in starting another relationship while still working out what went wrong in the last.

On a side note, maybe we could try again for this weekend?

[darksonic]

Oh, very true. Of all the things I've deluded myself about, that is not one of them. Like I said, I have no intention of starting anything up just yet.

Maybe the better question is letting her know where I stand or not. I just can't decide if letting the feelings be known but not acted upon would be better or worse. I think I'm leaning a little more toward worse.

As for this weekend... I don't know. Evenings (after 6) on Saturday or Sunday would definitely be possible, although I might bore you a little due to my overwhelming urge to start packing my crap. I think I only have until the end of this month to have everything out, but Jess is lagging on going to the office to find out when the lease is over. And since I don't technically live there, I can't find out on my own.

[golemgirl]

If you're not prepared to act on the feelings, then just let them be. As a girl, nothing is more irritating than the "I like you, but now's not a good time for me" speech, especially if it's instigated by someone else. Though I do have to admit, the novelty of a guy giving the speech might lessen the blow a bit...

Having just finished the packing dance, I understand completely... Let me know if I can help in any way, or something... Paul's got the car Mon-Fri, pretty much all day, but I might be able to steal the truck if you have furniture in need of moving...

[vrosev]

I'm glad to see that you are able to view this in a more posotive light now, that is something that is really fucking hard to do, especially this early on. Now do you see the strength everyone talks about? As for this possible what-if, In my opinion, it would be smart on your part to strengthen any friendships and possibilities. It helps you realize that happiness is truly found within yourself, that you don't need THAT ONE person to make you happy. Don't rush into a relationship (but you already know that) but hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself in that "special" way is a good thing. I highly reccommend it.

[darksonic]

Okay, you got me on that point. I guess I am a stronger person than I thought.

And the one thing that some people have done that is worth more to me than they will ever know is the physical contact. That reassuring touch, or the hug that's a little more than the typical. I've always been a physical person, but not in the "must have sex" fashion. Being held, or just a hand on my shoulder or knee, means SO much to me. I guess it helps remind me of the emotion behind the touch. To know that I'm loved and accepted. Being told is nice, but to just know is so much more.