Beware what you say
A spangel ficlet to welcome adjovi's first time post over at nekid_spike. Hope you like it!
Title: Beware what you say
Author: Darkspace99
Pairing: Spangel
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss would never leave the characters in my hands.
Summary: After insulting a redheaded bartender at a club Spike frequents, Angel finds himself in a little predicament.
A fuming Angel ransacked the whole Wolfram and Hart building looking for Spike. The damn boy had sent a nasty email from his account to Nina. Upset, she had called him, demanding answers and apologies. He had had to buy her an LV bag before she would shut up.
Jumping into his Viper, he raced over to the club Hypnotic, his anger causing him to run several red lights, knock over five garbage cans with sharp turns, and send lots of screaming pedestrians to therapy for near death experiences. Hopping out and striding to the club’s front entrance, he growled when a police officer tried to tell him that he couldn’t park there. One look at golden eyes and the officer knew who this was. Only one vampire could scowl so deeply and the officer valued his pension too much to mess with the CEO of Wolfram and Hart.
Ignoring the gyrating bodies, Angel shoved his way to the bar, snarling at any protesters. Indeed, the peroxide blonde was there, chatting up the bartender, a lovely redheaded girl who smelled of magic. Grabbing the back of his leather jacket, Angel spun him around on the barstool so fast that he nearly got whiplash.
“What the fuck was that for?” Spike demanded angrily.
“The email,” Angel seethed, “to Nina! Did you know what I had to buy her to shut her up?”
Spike snickered. “So you’re a stingy git. What else is new?”
“You son of-“
“Hello?” the bartender Mylie interrupted bitchily. “I’m trying to have a conversation with Blondie here, Mr. Overhanging Forehead!”
Angel’s hand reflexively lifted to touch his forehead before he realized what he was doing. Glowering, he hissed at her, “Stay out of this, little girl!”
The redhead’s eyes narrowed. “Did you just call me ‘little girl,’ you chauvinistic bastard?”
Angel leaned in close with a sneer. “What if I did?”
Spike took this opportunity to slip away. He wasn’t afraid of the old man, just a little too tipsy to fight a livid beast right now. Oh well, he’ll make up for this with a spectacular fight tomorrow.
What looked like lightning crackled around the air of Mylie’s hair. “If you can’t keep a civil tongue in your mouth,” she stated coldly, “then you don’t deserve to have the ability to say what you want.”
“Oh yeah?” Angel challenged, a big shit eating smirk on his face. Anger had blocked the functional circuits of his soul, allowing his mouth to bypass it and take its orders from his demon. He rose up to his full height, towering above the redhead though she had five inch stilettos on.
“You think you can take me?” he sneered.
“I know they can,” she stated smugly, eyes darting to look behind him.
Before he could turn around fully, two tazers electrocuted him into unconsciousness. His last memory was of her mocking laughter.
************
Spike bounced gleefully into Angel’s office, ready to cash in on his rain check for last night’s fight.
“Looked like someone got bitch slapped by her mightiness last night,” he chuckled as he took in the dark look on Angel’s face. “Shouldn’t mess with redheaded chits. They’ve got fiery tempers, mate.”
It was on the tip of Angel’s mouth to say, “Fuck off, Spike” but instead what came out was “Sorry, baby. Should’ve listened to you.”
Spike nearly tripped and fell on his face. He recovered, eyes lifting to Angel’s in astonishment. Angel himself looked like he had been hit in the face with a fish.
“What did you just say?” Spike asked incredulously.
Angel tried to convey his own confusion. “You were right,” he stated before his eyes widened. His voice continued to disobey him. “Why didn’t I listen to you? You always know better than me.”
He clamped his hand over his mouth to prevent further betrayals. Meanwhile, Spike was stunned speechless for once. Maybe, Angel thought, he should do this more often if it would shut the blonde up. Then again, he was incapable of saying Spike was right, normally. It must be a spell.
Using his eyes, he tried to show Spike that something was wrong but Spike seemed not to get the message. In fact, the younger vampire started to get angry.
“’M not gonna sit here while you wind me up,” Spike said coldly. He turned to go and a desperate Angel called out after him.
“That’s it! Go and leave me, why don’t you? Take those beautiful baby blues away and stop torturing me,” Angel cried.
It wasn’t what he wanted to say but it worked. Spike halted and spun around to face him.
“What are you nattering on about? If anyone’s doing the bloody torturing, it’s you!” Spike accused.
“Love…” Angel said pitifully.
“Don’t you call me love, you soddin’ bastard. As I recall, you’re the one who keeps denying our history, wanker!” Spike shouted, clearly upset. He began pacing. Angel wanted to speak but was afraid of what would come out of his mouth.
“Everyone thinks you’re a good man but you’re not!” Spike continued bitterly. “You’re a bloody coward, that’s what you are. At least, I’m man enough to admit our past!”
Angel was outraged. “You’re a better man than me, Spike! You always were!” he screamed.
Spike snorted. “Now I know you’re taking the piss, mate,” he sneered.
Flustered, Angel tried to command his vocal chords to obey him. “You’re wrong! I’m telling the truth! That’s how I really feel about you,” he proclaimed.
“Oh?” Spike lifted one eyebrow in disbelief. “Is that right?”
Angel was about to tear his hair out. “Now’s not the time,” he wanted to say, only it came out as “I’ve always wanted to tell you…”
Realization suddenly smacked Angel in the head. He was saying the opposite of what he wanted to say, meaning-wise. If he tried to say what he didn’t want to say, he might end up saying what he did want to say.
He met Spike’s expectant gaze with his own, which he tried to fill with sincerity and desperation.
“It’s not a spell,” he thought and his mouth cried, “It’s a spell!”
Watching Spike earnestly, he caught the momentary crestfallen expression on Spike’s face before the cold mask slid back in place. Without another word, the blonde stormed off.
The larger vampire’s fleeting moment of triumph at saying exactly the right thing died away. Spike had seemed almost hopeful for a moment, obviously expecting Angel to say something that acknowledged their past relationship. What Angel didn’t understand was why the blonde had seemed so hurt when he didn’t and talked about the spell instead. After all, the younger vampire had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Angel anymore.
Slumping back in his seat, Angel thought about this whole mess. He hadn’t spoken to anyone before Spike so he didn’t know when the spell had taken effect. Maybe it had been Spike who had cast it?
He dismissed the thought right away. The pain and disappointment on Spike’s face had been genuine. Could it be possible that Spike still wanted him? Whoa, hold on to that thought. How’d he get from Spike taking offense at the words he didn’t say to Spike wanting him?
He shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions. Spike’s distaste and disdain of him was clear and he wasn’t about to go open the can of worms that was their history, based on a simple look. For all he knew, Spike could’ve been thinking about something else. It wasn’t likely but it was possible.
Just then, his secretary buzzed the intercom and informed him that Nina had arrived. Before Harmony had even finished talking, Nina had burst in through the doors, brandishing her new LV bag.
“The professor canceled class and I figured that you owe me brunch,” she said coolly.
“Nina, go fuck off, will you?” Angel stated. Immediately, he felt horrified. Her sudden entrance had surprised him and made him forget about the spell.
Nina gasped. “What did you just say to me?!?” she screeched.
“I’m not sorry, dog-girl.” Shit, his mouth kept getting the better of him. “I hate you.”
She almost flung her bag at him but then remembered that it was an LV bag. Instead, she told him coldly, “Don’t call me again, Angel. It’s over between us!”
Then, she flounced out of the room in her high heels without a backward glance. Angel buried his face in his hands with a groan. His thoughts were a mess so he would probably say the wrong thing even when he tried to outsmart the spell. He had to find a way to get rid of it and regain control of his unlife.
************
After unintentionally insulting Fred a few times, Angel finally managed to get the story out. She had then scanned him and found out what spell was cast on him. Her prognosis wasn’t good.
“Sorry Angel, but the only way you can lift the spell is to get someone you’ve wronged with your words or lack of words to forgive you,” Fred said with a helpless shrug.
“That’s difficult,” he replied dejectedly. Keeping it simple seemed to help him say the right thing.
Fred smiled encouragingly at him but secretly, she felt that he deserved it. For so long, he had kept his feelings bottled up and not told anyone how he really felt, making them guess at his thoughts and hurting them with his silence. It was only fair that he should be punished now. Especially if what Spike told her was true. In fact, she had the antidote in her drawer but she wanted to teach Angel a lesson. It would do him good. She tried to convince herself that her decision had nothing to do with the fact that she enjoyed watching Angel getting all flustered.
Mumbling a goodbye, Angel morosely made his way back to his office. He tried calling Nina but she wouldn’t pick up. Who else had he wronged?
There was the whole team. He could tell them about the memory wipe but he really didn’t feel like explaining about Connor. That left…a whole long list of people who were either dead or unreachable. He could call Buffy but he heard that she was with the Immortal and he was still angry over that. Drusilla was off wandering in South America somewhere. Since she was insane, she was unlikely to be able to help.
Gritting his teeth, he knew who was the logical choice or rather, the only one. He obtained a copy of Spike’s movements of the day from the “spy” department and headed for Spike’s latest location.
It turned out that the blonde vampire had returned to his apartment. Knocking on the door, Angel waited patiently for Spike to open it. Politeness was the best option in this situation.
“Whaddya want?” Spike demanded as soon as he saw who his guest was.
“I want to apologize and explain,” Angel said slowly, relieved that the words were coming out right so far.
“Save your nonexistent breath, mate.” Spike tried to shut the door. Angel quickly jammed his foot in.
“Please listen,” he begged, trying not to let his irritation cloud his thinking.
Reluctantly, Spike opened the door wider, allowing Angel to slip inside before shutting it. Crossing his arms, he looked at Angel expectantly. The larger vampire fidgeted uncomfortably. Now that he was in, what should he say? How was he going to convince Spike to forgive him?
“Spike,” he began cautiously. “This morning…it was a spell.”
Spike raised an eyebrow as if to say “And?”
“I am saying the opposite of what I want to say,” Angel continued. So good so far.
“So it wasn’t a spell?” Spike asked, looking nonplussed.
“No!” Angel shouted in frustration. “I mean, yes. If I want to say what I want to say…I have to try to say the exact opposite.”
Spike scratched his head, trying to make some sense of what Angel was saying. “Are you on something, mate?”
Angel counted silently in his head to calm himself down. At this rate, he might end up killing his childe before he could get the spell lifted.
“Let’s try again,” he said with a forced smile. “There is a spell cast on me…that will make me say…the opposite of what I want to say…so if I wanted to say ‘I love you’…I’d have to try to say ‘I hate you’…in order for you to hear ‘I love you.’”
He stared at Spike meaningfully. Even that simple explanation had already given him a migraine. If Spike still didn’t get it, which was possible seeing as he had an idiot for a childe, he swore he would just stake himself and be done with this whole fiasco. Scratch that. He’d stake Spike first and then himself.
“Alright,” Spike said amusedly. “So you can’t say what you want to say.”
Angel was so happy over Spike understanding him that he wanted to kiss Spike to celebrate. His face must have reflected his intentions because the other vampire took a few fearful steps backward. He had no idea why that made him feel irritated and sad at the same time.
Motioning toward the couch, he walked over and slumped down on it in exhaustion, followed by a sighing Spike.
“I don’t bloody get it,” Spike remarked, shooting him a questioning glance. “If it’s that much soddin’ trouble for you to speak, why’d ya come to apologize instead of going to Fred and getting the bloody spell lifted first?”
Angel suddenly found the couch very interesting. Spike’s eyes widened with the implications.
“I have somethin’ to do with lifting the spell, don’t I, mate?” the blonde guessed.
Guiltily, Angel nodded, unable to bring himself to look at the other vampire.
“So…you didn’t exactly come to bleedin’ apologize?”
Another tiny nod from the figure on the couch trying to shrink into himself.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Spike stated with cold fury.
“Spike,” Angel said desperately, trying to find the right words.
“Piss off, tosser!”
“Please…I need your help…”
Spike laughed scornfully. “Oh, that’s rich, mate. You lie to me and then expect me to bleedin’ help you? No soddin’ way!”
Angel gritted his teeth. He had hoped it wouldn’t come to this but it seemed like he had no choice. Removing something from his pocket, he handed it to Spike.
“What’s this?” Spike sneered. “A bloody bribe?”
Ripping it from Angel, he almost hurled it at the brunette before realizing what it was exactly. A stake.
“You gonna stake me if I don’t help you?” Spike demanded incredulously.
Angel looked at him with an “Are you stupid?” expression and then shook his head.
“Don’t tell me you want me to stake you,” Spike ventured disbelievingly.
Angel closed his eyes in embarrassment and nodded tersely.
“Oh…” Spike uttered, struck dumb for the second time in the day.
They lapsed into silence. Angel sneaked peeks at Spike every once in a while but the blonde kept staring at the stake as if it held the answers to all the questions in the universe.
“Well?” Angel finally demanded, unable to stand the quiet any longer, which was surprising since he was the king of broody silences.
“You’re that desperate?” Spike questioned, lifting his gaze to meet Angel’s.
Angel sighed heavily. “I can’t live like this,” he said as calmly as he could manage.
“Why? ‘S not like you talk much to begin with.”
Raking his hand through his hair in frustration, Angel replied through clenched teeth, “I may not say much…but I want to be able to say things…to people I love.”
“Oh…” Spike sounded subdued. “Well then, what do you need me for?”
Angel thought he detected a trace of bitterness. It made his heart ache, for some strange reason.
For several minutes, he debated with himself on how to best phrase what Fred had told him. Remembering the blonde’s fury at being lied to, he finally settled for the simple truth.
Taking in a deep breath, he asked, “Forgive me?”
The silence spoke volumes.
What began as a simple quest to get his spell lifted became something else. The longer the silence endured, the more important the answer became. It was as if the universe held its breath while Angel waited for a reply to a question he had wanted to ask a lifetime ago but had never realized that he had held that urge until now.
Centuries seemed to past by as the two vampires remained frozen in time. Ghosts of the past suffocated the room, making the air heavy with unspoken accusations. Angel’s heart sank. No matter how much he had done now to make up for it, which was preciously little, what he did to Spike could never be erased. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven.
“I already have,” Spike whispered. “A long time ago.”
“You should have!” Angel cried hoarsely, tearing himself away from the sofa. A second later, he realized what he had said and he felt horror devour his soul and demon. He had just said the opposite of what he meant to say, which meant…Spike had not forgiven him and the spell had not been lifted.
With a heavy heart, he turned to glance at Spike, who broke out into a wide grin, totally understanding what he had wanted to say.
Spike threw himself into a flabbergasted Angel’s arms, burying his face and his tears into his Sire’s broad, strong shoulders. “You could have done anything and I would have forgiven you…because I love you,” he whispered.
Still somewhat confused but overcome with emotion nonetheless, Angel breathed, “I love you too.”
Spike suddenly pulled back and punched him in the face. “You cruel bastard!” he hollered.
More bewildered than ever, Angel looked up at him from the floor. “Huh?”
“I didn’t forgive you yet…” Spike explained bitterly. “Wanted to hear you say that you love me first.”
Angel frowned. Wasn’t that what he said? In a moment of pure happiness, he had said exactly what he wanted to say. Only…if Spike hadn’t forgiven him yet and he had spoken without thinking, that meant…
“YES! Spike, I really do hate you!” Angel yelled as he got up from the floor. Wait, why didn’t it come out right?
Spike’s shoulders started shaking and giving up the fight, he dissolved into giggles.
“Was just playing with you, luv,” he gasped in between chortles. “Forgave you when I told ya that I love you.”
It took Angel a few moments to digest everything. Feeling incredibly foolish, he pouted. A hiccupping Spike stepped up close to his Sire and kissed away the pout.
“’M sorry,” he whispered.
Angel moaned his acceptance of the apology. Tilting Spike’s head back, he kissed down the long, pale neck.
“Wish we could’ve shagged,” Spike groaned. “Would’ve been a bloody riot with the spell.”
“Maybe we could get your friend the bartender to cast the spell on me again,” Angel murmured.
Spike pulled back in surprise, meeting Angel’s knowing grin.
“You thought I wouldn’t have figured it out?” Angel laughed. “She doesn’t seem to like me though so you’d probably have to be the one to ask her to recast the spell.”
Spike chuckled. “Or we could just ask Fred,” he suggested, trying to contain his smirk.
“Fred?”
“Who do you think taught Mylie the spell in the first place?”
The End
Title: Beware what you say
Author: Darkspace99
Pairing: Spangel
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss would never leave the characters in my hands.
Summary: After insulting a redheaded bartender at a club Spike frequents, Angel finds himself in a little predicament.
A fuming Angel ransacked the whole Wolfram and Hart building looking for Spike. The damn boy had sent a nasty email from his account to Nina. Upset, she had called him, demanding answers and apologies. He had had to buy her an LV bag before she would shut up.
Jumping into his Viper, he raced over to the club Hypnotic, his anger causing him to run several red lights, knock over five garbage cans with sharp turns, and send lots of screaming pedestrians to therapy for near death experiences. Hopping out and striding to the club’s front entrance, he growled when a police officer tried to tell him that he couldn’t park there. One look at golden eyes and the officer knew who this was. Only one vampire could scowl so deeply and the officer valued his pension too much to mess with the CEO of Wolfram and Hart.
Ignoring the gyrating bodies, Angel shoved his way to the bar, snarling at any protesters. Indeed, the peroxide blonde was there, chatting up the bartender, a lovely redheaded girl who smelled of magic. Grabbing the back of his leather jacket, Angel spun him around on the barstool so fast that he nearly got whiplash.
“What the fuck was that for?” Spike demanded angrily.
“The email,” Angel seethed, “to Nina! Did you know what I had to buy her to shut her up?”
Spike snickered. “So you’re a stingy git. What else is new?”
“You son of-“
“Hello?” the bartender Mylie interrupted bitchily. “I’m trying to have a conversation with Blondie here, Mr. Overhanging Forehead!”
Angel’s hand reflexively lifted to touch his forehead before he realized what he was doing. Glowering, he hissed at her, “Stay out of this, little girl!”
The redhead’s eyes narrowed. “Did you just call me ‘little girl,’ you chauvinistic bastard?”
Angel leaned in close with a sneer. “What if I did?”
Spike took this opportunity to slip away. He wasn’t afraid of the old man, just a little too tipsy to fight a livid beast right now. Oh well, he’ll make up for this with a spectacular fight tomorrow.
What looked like lightning crackled around the air of Mylie’s hair. “If you can’t keep a civil tongue in your mouth,” she stated coldly, “then you don’t deserve to have the ability to say what you want.”
“Oh yeah?” Angel challenged, a big shit eating smirk on his face. Anger had blocked the functional circuits of his soul, allowing his mouth to bypass it and take its orders from his demon. He rose up to his full height, towering above the redhead though she had five inch stilettos on.
“You think you can take me?” he sneered.
“I know they can,” she stated smugly, eyes darting to look behind him.
Before he could turn around fully, two tazers electrocuted him into unconsciousness. His last memory was of her mocking laughter.
************
Spike bounced gleefully into Angel’s office, ready to cash in on his rain check for last night’s fight.
“Looked like someone got bitch slapped by her mightiness last night,” he chuckled as he took in the dark look on Angel’s face. “Shouldn’t mess with redheaded chits. They’ve got fiery tempers, mate.”
It was on the tip of Angel’s mouth to say, “Fuck off, Spike” but instead what came out was “Sorry, baby. Should’ve listened to you.”
Spike nearly tripped and fell on his face. He recovered, eyes lifting to Angel’s in astonishment. Angel himself looked like he had been hit in the face with a fish.
“What did you just say?” Spike asked incredulously.
Angel tried to convey his own confusion. “You were right,” he stated before his eyes widened. His voice continued to disobey him. “Why didn’t I listen to you? You always know better than me.”
He clamped his hand over his mouth to prevent further betrayals. Meanwhile, Spike was stunned speechless for once. Maybe, Angel thought, he should do this more often if it would shut the blonde up. Then again, he was incapable of saying Spike was right, normally. It must be a spell.
Using his eyes, he tried to show Spike that something was wrong but Spike seemed not to get the message. In fact, the younger vampire started to get angry.
“’M not gonna sit here while you wind me up,” Spike said coldly. He turned to go and a desperate Angel called out after him.
“That’s it! Go and leave me, why don’t you? Take those beautiful baby blues away and stop torturing me,” Angel cried.
It wasn’t what he wanted to say but it worked. Spike halted and spun around to face him.
“What are you nattering on about? If anyone’s doing the bloody torturing, it’s you!” Spike accused.
“Love…” Angel said pitifully.
“Don’t you call me love, you soddin’ bastard. As I recall, you’re the one who keeps denying our history, wanker!” Spike shouted, clearly upset. He began pacing. Angel wanted to speak but was afraid of what would come out of his mouth.
“Everyone thinks you’re a good man but you’re not!” Spike continued bitterly. “You’re a bloody coward, that’s what you are. At least, I’m man enough to admit our past!”
Angel was outraged. “You’re a better man than me, Spike! You always were!” he screamed.
Spike snorted. “Now I know you’re taking the piss, mate,” he sneered.
Flustered, Angel tried to command his vocal chords to obey him. “You’re wrong! I’m telling the truth! That’s how I really feel about you,” he proclaimed.
“Oh?” Spike lifted one eyebrow in disbelief. “Is that right?”
Angel was about to tear his hair out. “Now’s not the time,” he wanted to say, only it came out as “I’ve always wanted to tell you…”
Realization suddenly smacked Angel in the head. He was saying the opposite of what he wanted to say, meaning-wise. If he tried to say what he didn’t want to say, he might end up saying what he did want to say.
He met Spike’s expectant gaze with his own, which he tried to fill with sincerity and desperation.
“It’s not a spell,” he thought and his mouth cried, “It’s a spell!”
Watching Spike earnestly, he caught the momentary crestfallen expression on Spike’s face before the cold mask slid back in place. Without another word, the blonde stormed off.
The larger vampire’s fleeting moment of triumph at saying exactly the right thing died away. Spike had seemed almost hopeful for a moment, obviously expecting Angel to say something that acknowledged their past relationship. What Angel didn’t understand was why the blonde had seemed so hurt when he didn’t and talked about the spell instead. After all, the younger vampire had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Angel anymore.
Slumping back in his seat, Angel thought about this whole mess. He hadn’t spoken to anyone before Spike so he didn’t know when the spell had taken effect. Maybe it had been Spike who had cast it?
He dismissed the thought right away. The pain and disappointment on Spike’s face had been genuine. Could it be possible that Spike still wanted him? Whoa, hold on to that thought. How’d he get from Spike taking offense at the words he didn’t say to Spike wanting him?
He shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions. Spike’s distaste and disdain of him was clear and he wasn’t about to go open the can of worms that was their history, based on a simple look. For all he knew, Spike could’ve been thinking about something else. It wasn’t likely but it was possible.
Just then, his secretary buzzed the intercom and informed him that Nina had arrived. Before Harmony had even finished talking, Nina had burst in through the doors, brandishing her new LV bag.
“The professor canceled class and I figured that you owe me brunch,” she said coolly.
“Nina, go fuck off, will you?” Angel stated. Immediately, he felt horrified. Her sudden entrance had surprised him and made him forget about the spell.
Nina gasped. “What did you just say to me?!?” she screeched.
“I’m not sorry, dog-girl.” Shit, his mouth kept getting the better of him. “I hate you.”
She almost flung her bag at him but then remembered that it was an LV bag. Instead, she told him coldly, “Don’t call me again, Angel. It’s over between us!”
Then, she flounced out of the room in her high heels without a backward glance. Angel buried his face in his hands with a groan. His thoughts were a mess so he would probably say the wrong thing even when he tried to outsmart the spell. He had to find a way to get rid of it and regain control of his unlife.
************
After unintentionally insulting Fred a few times, Angel finally managed to get the story out. She had then scanned him and found out what spell was cast on him. Her prognosis wasn’t good.
“Sorry Angel, but the only way you can lift the spell is to get someone you’ve wronged with your words or lack of words to forgive you,” Fred said with a helpless shrug.
“That’s difficult,” he replied dejectedly. Keeping it simple seemed to help him say the right thing.
Fred smiled encouragingly at him but secretly, she felt that he deserved it. For so long, he had kept his feelings bottled up and not told anyone how he really felt, making them guess at his thoughts and hurting them with his silence. It was only fair that he should be punished now. Especially if what Spike told her was true. In fact, she had the antidote in her drawer but she wanted to teach Angel a lesson. It would do him good. She tried to convince herself that her decision had nothing to do with the fact that she enjoyed watching Angel getting all flustered.
Mumbling a goodbye, Angel morosely made his way back to his office. He tried calling Nina but she wouldn’t pick up. Who else had he wronged?
There was the whole team. He could tell them about the memory wipe but he really didn’t feel like explaining about Connor. That left…a whole long list of people who were either dead or unreachable. He could call Buffy but he heard that she was with the Immortal and he was still angry over that. Drusilla was off wandering in South America somewhere. Since she was insane, she was unlikely to be able to help.
Gritting his teeth, he knew who was the logical choice or rather, the only one. He obtained a copy of Spike’s movements of the day from the “spy” department and headed for Spike’s latest location.
It turned out that the blonde vampire had returned to his apartment. Knocking on the door, Angel waited patiently for Spike to open it. Politeness was the best option in this situation.
“Whaddya want?” Spike demanded as soon as he saw who his guest was.
“I want to apologize and explain,” Angel said slowly, relieved that the words were coming out right so far.
“Save your nonexistent breath, mate.” Spike tried to shut the door. Angel quickly jammed his foot in.
“Please listen,” he begged, trying not to let his irritation cloud his thinking.
Reluctantly, Spike opened the door wider, allowing Angel to slip inside before shutting it. Crossing his arms, he looked at Angel expectantly. The larger vampire fidgeted uncomfortably. Now that he was in, what should he say? How was he going to convince Spike to forgive him?
“Spike,” he began cautiously. “This morning…it was a spell.”
Spike raised an eyebrow as if to say “And?”
“I am saying the opposite of what I want to say,” Angel continued. So good so far.
“So it wasn’t a spell?” Spike asked, looking nonplussed.
“No!” Angel shouted in frustration. “I mean, yes. If I want to say what I want to say…I have to try to say the exact opposite.”
Spike scratched his head, trying to make some sense of what Angel was saying. “Are you on something, mate?”
Angel counted silently in his head to calm himself down. At this rate, he might end up killing his childe before he could get the spell lifted.
“Let’s try again,” he said with a forced smile. “There is a spell cast on me…that will make me say…the opposite of what I want to say…so if I wanted to say ‘I love you’…I’d have to try to say ‘I hate you’…in order for you to hear ‘I love you.’”
He stared at Spike meaningfully. Even that simple explanation had already given him a migraine. If Spike still didn’t get it, which was possible seeing as he had an idiot for a childe, he swore he would just stake himself and be done with this whole fiasco. Scratch that. He’d stake Spike first and then himself.
“Alright,” Spike said amusedly. “So you can’t say what you want to say.”
Angel was so happy over Spike understanding him that he wanted to kiss Spike to celebrate. His face must have reflected his intentions because the other vampire took a few fearful steps backward. He had no idea why that made him feel irritated and sad at the same time.
Motioning toward the couch, he walked over and slumped down on it in exhaustion, followed by a sighing Spike.
“I don’t bloody get it,” Spike remarked, shooting him a questioning glance. “If it’s that much soddin’ trouble for you to speak, why’d ya come to apologize instead of going to Fred and getting the bloody spell lifted first?”
Angel suddenly found the couch very interesting. Spike’s eyes widened with the implications.
“I have somethin’ to do with lifting the spell, don’t I, mate?” the blonde guessed.
Guiltily, Angel nodded, unable to bring himself to look at the other vampire.
“So…you didn’t exactly come to bleedin’ apologize?”
Another tiny nod from the figure on the couch trying to shrink into himself.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Spike stated with cold fury.
“Spike,” Angel said desperately, trying to find the right words.
“Piss off, tosser!”
“Please…I need your help…”
Spike laughed scornfully. “Oh, that’s rich, mate. You lie to me and then expect me to bleedin’ help you? No soddin’ way!”
Angel gritted his teeth. He had hoped it wouldn’t come to this but it seemed like he had no choice. Removing something from his pocket, he handed it to Spike.
“What’s this?” Spike sneered. “A bloody bribe?”
Ripping it from Angel, he almost hurled it at the brunette before realizing what it was exactly. A stake.
“You gonna stake me if I don’t help you?” Spike demanded incredulously.
Angel looked at him with an “Are you stupid?” expression and then shook his head.
“Don’t tell me you want me to stake you,” Spike ventured disbelievingly.
Angel closed his eyes in embarrassment and nodded tersely.
“Oh…” Spike uttered, struck dumb for the second time in the day.
They lapsed into silence. Angel sneaked peeks at Spike every once in a while but the blonde kept staring at the stake as if it held the answers to all the questions in the universe.
“Well?” Angel finally demanded, unable to stand the quiet any longer, which was surprising since he was the king of broody silences.
“You’re that desperate?” Spike questioned, lifting his gaze to meet Angel’s.
Angel sighed heavily. “I can’t live like this,” he said as calmly as he could manage.
“Why? ‘S not like you talk much to begin with.”
Raking his hand through his hair in frustration, Angel replied through clenched teeth, “I may not say much…but I want to be able to say things…to people I love.”
“Oh…” Spike sounded subdued. “Well then, what do you need me for?”
Angel thought he detected a trace of bitterness. It made his heart ache, for some strange reason.
For several minutes, he debated with himself on how to best phrase what Fred had told him. Remembering the blonde’s fury at being lied to, he finally settled for the simple truth.
Taking in a deep breath, he asked, “Forgive me?”
The silence spoke volumes.
What began as a simple quest to get his spell lifted became something else. The longer the silence endured, the more important the answer became. It was as if the universe held its breath while Angel waited for a reply to a question he had wanted to ask a lifetime ago but had never realized that he had held that urge until now.
Centuries seemed to past by as the two vampires remained frozen in time. Ghosts of the past suffocated the room, making the air heavy with unspoken accusations. Angel’s heart sank. No matter how much he had done now to make up for it, which was preciously little, what he did to Spike could never be erased. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven.
“I already have,” Spike whispered. “A long time ago.”
“You should have!” Angel cried hoarsely, tearing himself away from the sofa. A second later, he realized what he had said and he felt horror devour his soul and demon. He had just said the opposite of what he meant to say, which meant…Spike had not forgiven him and the spell had not been lifted.
With a heavy heart, he turned to glance at Spike, who broke out into a wide grin, totally understanding what he had wanted to say.
Spike threw himself into a flabbergasted Angel’s arms, burying his face and his tears into his Sire’s broad, strong shoulders. “You could have done anything and I would have forgiven you…because I love you,” he whispered.
Still somewhat confused but overcome with emotion nonetheless, Angel breathed, “I love you too.”
Spike suddenly pulled back and punched him in the face. “You cruel bastard!” he hollered.
More bewildered than ever, Angel looked up at him from the floor. “Huh?”
“I didn’t forgive you yet…” Spike explained bitterly. “Wanted to hear you say that you love me first.”
Angel frowned. Wasn’t that what he said? In a moment of pure happiness, he had said exactly what he wanted to say. Only…if Spike hadn’t forgiven him yet and he had spoken without thinking, that meant…
“YES! Spike, I really do hate you!” Angel yelled as he got up from the floor. Wait, why didn’t it come out right?
Spike’s shoulders started shaking and giving up the fight, he dissolved into giggles.
“Was just playing with you, luv,” he gasped in between chortles. “Forgave you when I told ya that I love you.”
It took Angel a few moments to digest everything. Feeling incredibly foolish, he pouted. A hiccupping Spike stepped up close to his Sire and kissed away the pout.
“’M sorry,” he whispered.
Angel moaned his acceptance of the apology. Tilting Spike’s head back, he kissed down the long, pale neck.
“Wish we could’ve shagged,” Spike groaned. “Would’ve been a bloody riot with the spell.”
“Maybe we could get your friend the bartender to cast the spell on me again,” Angel murmured.
Spike pulled back in surprise, meeting Angel’s knowing grin.
“You thought I wouldn’t have figured it out?” Angel laughed. “She doesn’t seem to like me though so you’d probably have to be the one to ask her to recast the spell.”
Spike chuckled. “Or we could just ask Fred,” he suggested, trying to contain his smirk.
“Fred?”
“Who do you think taught Mylie the spell in the first place?”
The End