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A large number of you are going to really hate this:
4 Easy steps to a Number One Emo-pop Radio Hit!
This week from your helpful friends at Supremely Boring Inc comes...
4 Easy steps to a Number One Emo-pop Radio Hit!
1.Drop a pencil 3 or 4 times in a "basic guitar instruction" book. Write down each chord the tip lands on (For a small extra cost, we can even write the chords down for you! If it worked for Simple Plan, it can work for you!)
2.Load a random (best if severely histrionic) eighth-grade girl's livejournal, and copy.
3.Badly sing livejournal snippets over guitar chords. Arrange into the highly orginal intro-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-extro format.
4.Watch the money roll in!
This handy guide will guarantee success on mainstream radio, with virtually no time wasted on such nuisances as creativity or musical innovation! Why spend the time developing a pesky unique sound, creating original works of musical art, innovating, or telling interesting stories, when money is only a corporate computer-generated faux-angsty click away?
Besides, we're helping the world! What kind of problems are war, poverty, famine, and death in the face of such heart-rendering horrors as the loss of 2-month girlfriends, not being allowed to play your music full-blast at 3 AM in the house, and being teased in grade school? Our dark, humorless tone is exactly what's needed when confronting such hell-spawned demons.
Running low on livejournals to raid? Have no fear, you can always write a homogenized anti-corporate anthem! Nothing is more rebellious and convincing than hearing a corporate band that earns 10-million dollars a year whine about capitalism! The money will practically beg you to take it!
But wait! There's more! For only a small extra fee, we can help you further cultivate that rebellious image! While a suburban white boy living in his parents house is already almost the epitome of anti-establishment, we give you that little extra push in the right direction, providing such rebel neccessities as armband spikes, black makeup, and connections to famous revolutionaries like Hilary Duff and Avril Lavigne. You'll be a regular Che Guevera or Martin Luther King in no time!
But don't take our word for it! Here are some reviews from our satisfied customers:
"Before I found Boring Inc., I was lost. I didn't know what that wooden circle thing in my room was, only that it made funny noises when I ran into it. Now I know it's a drum, and thanks to Boring Inc., that was all I needed to become a world-class superstar! Thanks Boring Inc.!"
- drummer for Good Charlotte
"duh...I used to get my fingers all cut up by my guitar when I played it, then Boring Inc. came along and taught me it was because I was strumming a cheese grater. Duh...now that I have a real guitar, I make millions of dollars a year! Thanks Boring Inc.!
- Guitarist for Simple Plan
For more reviews from satsisfied customers, from such names as Sum 41, Brand New, Fall Out Boy, Yellowcard, Bowling For Soup, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, Billy Talent, New Found Glory, and many many more, check up on our website! You can find us at:
www.musicfor12yearoldgirlsbymenwiththebrainsofthem.com
And coming next week from Supremely Boring Inc.: 2 Easy Steps to Mainstream RnB!
My solution: Good Charlotte, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, Brand New, Simple Plan, Bowling For Soup, Taking Back Sunday, Billy Talent, New Found Glory, Yellowcard, Blink 182, 3 Days Grace, Box Car Racer, The Ataris, Jimmy Eat World, and Brandtson should be forced to live together on a tiny island until their incessant whining depresses them to death. (It certainly is depressing to be a world-famous multi-millionaire).
Love you Lisa...:) :) :) :)
4 Easy steps to a Number One Emo-pop Radio Hit!
This week from your helpful friends at Supremely Boring Inc comes...
4 Easy steps to a Number One Emo-pop Radio Hit!
1.Drop a pencil 3 or 4 times in a "basic guitar instruction" book. Write down each chord the tip lands on (For a small extra cost, we can even write the chords down for you! If it worked for Simple Plan, it can work for you!)
2.Load a random (best if severely histrionic) eighth-grade girl's livejournal, and copy.
3.Badly sing livejournal snippets over guitar chords. Arrange into the highly orginal intro-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-extro format.
4.Watch the money roll in!
This handy guide will guarantee success on mainstream radio, with virtually no time wasted on such nuisances as creativity or musical innovation! Why spend the time developing a pesky unique sound, creating original works of musical art, innovating, or telling interesting stories, when money is only a corporate computer-generated faux-angsty click away?
Besides, we're helping the world! What kind of problems are war, poverty, famine, and death in the face of such heart-rendering horrors as the loss of 2-month girlfriends, not being allowed to play your music full-blast at 3 AM in the house, and being teased in grade school? Our dark, humorless tone is exactly what's needed when confronting such hell-spawned demons.
Running low on livejournals to raid? Have no fear, you can always write a homogenized anti-corporate anthem! Nothing is more rebellious and convincing than hearing a corporate band that earns 10-million dollars a year whine about capitalism! The money will practically beg you to take it!
But wait! There's more! For only a small extra fee, we can help you further cultivate that rebellious image! While a suburban white boy living in his parents house is already almost the epitome of anti-establishment, we give you that little extra push in the right direction, providing such rebel neccessities as armband spikes, black makeup, and connections to famous revolutionaries like Hilary Duff and Avril Lavigne. You'll be a regular Che Guevera or Martin Luther King in no time!
But don't take our word for it! Here are some reviews from our satisfied customers:
"Before I found Boring Inc., I was lost. I didn't know what that wooden circle thing in my room was, only that it made funny noises when I ran into it. Now I know it's a drum, and thanks to Boring Inc., that was all I needed to become a world-class superstar! Thanks Boring Inc.!"
- drummer for Good Charlotte
"duh...I used to get my fingers all cut up by my guitar when I played it, then Boring Inc. came along and taught me it was because I was strumming a cheese grater. Duh...now that I have a real guitar, I make millions of dollars a year! Thanks Boring Inc.!
- Guitarist for Simple Plan
For more reviews from satsisfied customers, from such names as Sum 41, Brand New, Fall Out Boy, Yellowcard, Bowling For Soup, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, Billy Talent, New Found Glory, and many many more, check up on our website! You can find us at:
www.musicfor12yearoldgirlsbymenwiththebrainsofthem.com
And coming next week from Supremely Boring Inc.: 2 Easy Steps to Mainstream RnB!
My solution: Good Charlotte, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, Brand New, Simple Plan, Bowling For Soup, Taking Back Sunday, Billy Talent, New Found Glory, Yellowcard, Blink 182, 3 Days Grace, Box Car Racer, The Ataris, Jimmy Eat World, and Brandtson should be forced to live together on a tiny island until their incessant whining depresses them to death. (It certainly is depressing to be a world-famous multi-millionaire).
Love you Lisa...:) :) :) :)