Meanwhile midnight
Title: Meanwhile midnight
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: darkwonderland3
Genre: Romance
Warnings: None
Rating: G
Pairings: Aoi/Kai
Disclaimer: They're not mine, only the story.
Synospsis: Midnight is almost there while Aoi thinks about this year passed. He thinks about what he has lost, and hopes his mistake can be erased.
More than twenty minutes before new year.
Do you still remember this year ? All the happy memories we had ? All what we had lived together before I put an end to it, to this "we" I cherished so much ? Do you think about it at least ? Do you think about it just like me I think about all this ceaselessly for a month ? Even today I regret my gesture. Forgive me for having abandoned you. But you have to understand that I was afraid of this serious relationship, of all the brand of love you gave me, of your love. And when you asked me, a few days later, what you had done wrong so that I leave you like that, I've told you the most pitiful of lies : I can't stand you sticking at me all the time. Bullshit. It's me who never ceased to claim your arms, only me who asked for your kisses, only me who spent all my time in your embraces. I miss all of this, I have to admit. I miss everything about you, and I don't have had the courage yet to tell you. But would you still want me ? Don't you move on to other things ? Is it an other man who will have the right to taste your lips when later you'll wish him a happy new year ? I do not want to have all these answers if it's to have more pain. All I want now is you. You and only you. Only you snuggled in my arms.
More than ten minutes before midnight.
Ten short minutes which aroused the unbearable anguish in me. It's absurd to be so anxious by something so pointless. The simple fact of sending you this stupid message makes tremble my hands with fear. And if you didn't answer ? And if you had definitively put me behind you ? After all, you have perfectly the right to do so. It's me who left, me who made you cry when I said to you it was over. Believe me angel, throughout this year, I was in pain as well as you. Because I couldn't have you by my side, in my arms. I had to content myself with observing you, most of the time only by far. Sometimes, I happened to see you with another man, and this view tore me from the inside, creating in place of my heart an open and bleeding wound. I was hurt, but I deserved this pain, and it made me understand the mistake I had made. It was a mistake to leave you. A horrible mistake. And now here I was, standing in front of the plate glass window of my modest house, looking at the sky as dark as your eyes, a sky soon illuminated by a thousand colors, looking for the best words to write to you, those that would affect deeply your heart. You've always been sensitive, honey. Whether it was while watching a movie, a moving scene, or some words I whispered to you. Then, I started to write these words on a blank sheet soon blackened by my regrets. I write you my guilt and my pain to have you so cowardly abandoned, my fears too, but especially how much I still love you. If you knew Kai how I feel bad. I would like to go back to that day when everything broke, and tell you the whole truth. I know one day I shall manage to do it but for the moment, these words remain stuck in my throat.
More than five minutes before midnight.
My anxiety becomes stronger as midnight approaches. And I hesitate. Should I really write you this damn message ? Will you take the trouble to read it ? Will you smile or cry while reading it ? I'd love so much to be with you right now. Just to see your face and dry your tears which could run down your lovely face. But I can't. It has been a year since we don't have spoken to each other and I doubt that you will come back to me just by these simple words. You're not as naive unlike me. But I have a tiny hope that deep down you, you still have a semblance of love for me. That deep down you, you haven't forgotten what we were, how we loved each other and how we were happy in our little bubble. Our world quite pink like I enjoyed calling it. It's me who dared to make the first move, me also who put an end to our happiness. If you knew my angel how this year has been hard without you ! How many times have I wanted to burst in your home and ask for your forgiveness, to tell you that I was sorry, that I regretted my words ! You've already forgiven me once, this is not our first break up... One more time, it was me who had put an end to it the first time. Why ? Because you were the first one to love me this way, and it frightened me. So, I prefered to escape rather than to trust you and learn to be loved in such a way. But now, will you grant me your forgiveness ? Will you be able to rely on me again ? I don't know. I know nothing. I'd just like you to be here, and that you answer to all these questions that I ask myself. I'm hurt Kai. Your smiles which are not sent to me hurt me, the reassuring hugs you offer to others hurt me, the pain I can see on your laughing face, the rare occasions when our path cross, hurts. And there is only you who could silence this pain, my beloved.
Midnight.
The first strokes of midnight resound while the sky is illuminated with red, blue and purple. And I smile at this colored sky. Because these colors represent something to me. The blue reminds me of the day you gave me, mischievously, my nickname. Aoi. We were in my garden, laid in the damp grass because of the morning dew, and I made slide between my fingers a dark blue hollyhock. I loved these flowers since childhood I must say. And while I admired this little thing, your lips had crept up to my ear and whispered then this Aoi. Since, you haven't stopped calling me this way. The red is the symbol of my love for you but also the symbol of my wounded heart which bleeds for you my angel. It's also the symbol of my wrath against myself, for having abandoned you. At last, purple is your color. It suits you. Just like you it is of a soft delicacy. Just like you he can calm my fears and my anxieties. But as sweet as it is, he reminds me of my loneliness, my pain, of this red that flows from my wounds. And all these memories take me back to you every time my eyes meet one of these colors. Removing my look of these lights, my fingers grab nervously my phone hidden in the pocket of my jeans and I noticed that none of the messages wishing me a happy new year I received is from you. Do you haven't received it ? Or have you just decided to do nothing ? I don't want to ask me questions and torture me to find an answer that I would probably never know. Then I press these buttons while trembling slightly. I'd like to write you what I've written on this sheet, but this, I want you to hear it by my own voice. I give up the idea of write you beautiful sentences where you could feel my pain, and I simply wrote a "Happy new year". Luckily, the message is sent without difficulty. I hope now that in the next few minutes I'll receive an answer from you. And time goes by, accompanied by the rumblings fireworks make, and now I'm in the process to doubt again. I gradually lose the hope that you want to answer me. That you take the trouble to read it. And while the last rumbling and the last light illuminate the sky, I feel between my fingers these slight vibrations. I feel my heart leap up into my chest when I see your name on the screen and I hasten to read your message. And I smile. Because what I read makes me happy and at the same time it does to me a lot of good. I want to write you, read your words, so I take the risk to tell you how much I miss you. And the answer I get a few minutes later makes me softly cry. Weep with joy. Maybe eventually, this "we" can be rebuilt and be strong enough this time to resist at anything that might happen to us.
~~~~~~~~
A/N: Most of my oneshots, already written and/or translated, are Aoi/Kai while my multichapters fics are Aoi/Uruha (and lately Uruha/Aoi *^* OTP ! <3)
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: darkwonderland3
Genre: Romance
Warnings: None
Rating: G
Pairings: Aoi/Kai
Disclaimer: They're not mine, only the story.
Synospsis: Midnight is almost there while Aoi thinks about this year passed. He thinks about what he has lost, and hopes his mistake can be erased.
More than twenty minutes before new year.
Do you still remember this year ? All the happy memories we had ? All what we had lived together before I put an end to it, to this "we" I cherished so much ? Do you think about it at least ? Do you think about it just like me I think about all this ceaselessly for a month ? Even today I regret my gesture. Forgive me for having abandoned you. But you have to understand that I was afraid of this serious relationship, of all the brand of love you gave me, of your love. And when you asked me, a few days later, what you had done wrong so that I leave you like that, I've told you the most pitiful of lies : I can't stand you sticking at me all the time. Bullshit. It's me who never ceased to claim your arms, only me who asked for your kisses, only me who spent all my time in your embraces. I miss all of this, I have to admit. I miss everything about you, and I don't have had the courage yet to tell you. But would you still want me ? Don't you move on to other things ? Is it an other man who will have the right to taste your lips when later you'll wish him a happy new year ? I do not want to have all these answers if it's to have more pain. All I want now is you. You and only you. Only you snuggled in my arms.
More than ten minutes before midnight.
Ten short minutes which aroused the unbearable anguish in me. It's absurd to be so anxious by something so pointless. The simple fact of sending you this stupid message makes tremble my hands with fear. And if you didn't answer ? And if you had definitively put me behind you ? After all, you have perfectly the right to do so. It's me who left, me who made you cry when I said to you it was over. Believe me angel, throughout this year, I was in pain as well as you. Because I couldn't have you by my side, in my arms. I had to content myself with observing you, most of the time only by far. Sometimes, I happened to see you with another man, and this view tore me from the inside, creating in place of my heart an open and bleeding wound. I was hurt, but I deserved this pain, and it made me understand the mistake I had made. It was a mistake to leave you. A horrible mistake. And now here I was, standing in front of the plate glass window of my modest house, looking at the sky as dark as your eyes, a sky soon illuminated by a thousand colors, looking for the best words to write to you, those that would affect deeply your heart. You've always been sensitive, honey. Whether it was while watching a movie, a moving scene, or some words I whispered to you. Then, I started to write these words on a blank sheet soon blackened by my regrets. I write you my guilt and my pain to have you so cowardly abandoned, my fears too, but especially how much I still love you. If you knew Kai how I feel bad. I would like to go back to that day when everything broke, and tell you the whole truth. I know one day I shall manage to do it but for the moment, these words remain stuck in my throat.
More than five minutes before midnight.
My anxiety becomes stronger as midnight approaches. And I hesitate. Should I really write you this damn message ? Will you take the trouble to read it ? Will you smile or cry while reading it ? I'd love so much to be with you right now. Just to see your face and dry your tears which could run down your lovely face. But I can't. It has been a year since we don't have spoken to each other and I doubt that you will come back to me just by these simple words. You're not as naive unlike me. But I have a tiny hope that deep down you, you still have a semblance of love for me. That deep down you, you haven't forgotten what we were, how we loved each other and how we were happy in our little bubble. Our world quite pink like I enjoyed calling it. It's me who dared to make the first move, me also who put an end to our happiness. If you knew my angel how this year has been hard without you ! How many times have I wanted to burst in your home and ask for your forgiveness, to tell you that I was sorry, that I regretted my words ! You've already forgiven me once, this is not our first break up... One more time, it was me who had put an end to it the first time. Why ? Because you were the first one to love me this way, and it frightened me. So, I prefered to escape rather than to trust you and learn to be loved in such a way. But now, will you grant me your forgiveness ? Will you be able to rely on me again ? I don't know. I know nothing. I'd just like you to be here, and that you answer to all these questions that I ask myself. I'm hurt Kai. Your smiles which are not sent to me hurt me, the reassuring hugs you offer to others hurt me, the pain I can see on your laughing face, the rare occasions when our path cross, hurts. And there is only you who could silence this pain, my beloved.
Midnight.
The first strokes of midnight resound while the sky is illuminated with red, blue and purple. And I smile at this colored sky. Because these colors represent something to me. The blue reminds me of the day you gave me, mischievously, my nickname. Aoi. We were in my garden, laid in the damp grass because of the morning dew, and I made slide between my fingers a dark blue hollyhock. I loved these flowers since childhood I must say. And while I admired this little thing, your lips had crept up to my ear and whispered then this Aoi. Since, you haven't stopped calling me this way. The red is the symbol of my love for you but also the symbol of my wounded heart which bleeds for you my angel. It's also the symbol of my wrath against myself, for having abandoned you. At last, purple is your color. It suits you. Just like you it is of a soft delicacy. Just like you he can calm my fears and my anxieties. But as sweet as it is, he reminds me of my loneliness, my pain, of this red that flows from my wounds. And all these memories take me back to you every time my eyes meet one of these colors. Removing my look of these lights, my fingers grab nervously my phone hidden in the pocket of my jeans and I noticed that none of the messages wishing me a happy new year I received is from you. Do you haven't received it ? Or have you just decided to do nothing ? I don't want to ask me questions and torture me to find an answer that I would probably never know. Then I press these buttons while trembling slightly. I'd like to write you what I've written on this sheet, but this, I want you to hear it by my own voice. I give up the idea of write you beautiful sentences where you could feel my pain, and I simply wrote a "Happy new year". Luckily, the message is sent without difficulty. I hope now that in the next few minutes I'll receive an answer from you. And time goes by, accompanied by the rumblings fireworks make, and now I'm in the process to doubt again. I gradually lose the hope that you want to answer me. That you take the trouble to read it. And while the last rumbling and the last light illuminate the sky, I feel between my fingers these slight vibrations. I feel my heart leap up into my chest when I see your name on the screen and I hasten to read your message. And I smile. Because what I read makes me happy and at the same time it does to me a lot of good. I want to write you, read your words, so I take the risk to tell you how much I miss you. And the answer I get a few minutes later makes me softly cry. Weep with joy. Maybe eventually, this "we" can be rebuilt and be strong enough this time to resist at anything that might happen to us.
~~~~~~~~
A/N: Most of my oneshots, already written and/or translated, are Aoi/Kai while my multichapters fics are Aoi/Uruha (and lately Uruha/Aoi *^* OTP ! <3)