紅蓮- Guren 1/1
Title: 紅蓮- Guren
Chapters: 1/1
Author:
darkwonderland3
Genre: AU, Romance, Angst
Warnings: Mpreg, miscarriage
Rating: PG15
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Aoi
Synopsis: They were happy, they were going to have a baby. But nothing went right.
Note: SEND ME A SHIP AND ONE OF THESE AND I'LL WRITE A MINI FIC on tumblr
14. Things you said after you kissed me.
"Hurry up to come back home, we need to talk."
Uh-ho, that's not a good sign, Kouyou thought when he read the message. We need to talk was never a good sign and Kouyou wondered what he could have done wrong to upset his husband so that he would text him something like that. It is true that Yuu wasn't feeling quite himself these last days - he seemed grumpier and also a little sick - but the man was sure and convinced that he'd done everything in his might to please the man he loved. So yes, Kouyou had absolutely no idea why he was sending him this message. And he really hoped it wasn't something too serious. Great... now he was worried sick! Kouyou hurried to put his things in the car then headed home. He was so going to have a bad time!
Yuu hadn't welcomed his husband with his usual kiss nor with his smile. In the living-room, Yuu was glaring at him so angrily it started to make him feel scared. Not because of the raven-haired but rather of what he was going to tell him. The last time Kouyou had seen those eyes he had to hold him back otherwise he would have punched something or someone, and in both case Yuu would have been hurt. But right now this anger was towards Kouyou himself.
"Sweetie, what's happening?"
"Sit down, you'll need it."
"Yuu you're scaring me. Are you telling me you want to divorce me or-"
"I'm pregnant."
"Because I really don't want to lose you and... You're what?"
"I'm pregnant, we're having a baby Kou!" And at this moment, all the wrath had disappeared from Yuu's face and it took a few more seconds for Kouyou to understand he had been faking it since the beginning. And when he did, Yuu couldn't miss the happiness on the man's face, his smile from ear to ear.
"We're having a baby," Kouyou repeated, standing up from the couch and brought the raven-haired in a tight hug before kissing him with so much love. "I'm going to be a dad."
"You are, sweetheart." Yuu smiled to him.
They were feeling true happiness at the end of this day. Kouyou was on cloud nine after this announcement and all the fear and stress he'd been feeling had totally disappeared. All that mattered now was his husband's health, and the baby. He was going to be father, he was going to love this child with his whole heart.
~
Yuu was slowly reaching his fifth month of pregnancy when he felt his baby move for the first time.
It was during a stormy night in the middle of July, the window in their bedroom had been left open so that the room would cool a little, at least they hoped it would. Yuu was sitting against the bed head reading a child book to let his baby hear his voice, when he felt a kick. At first it had been so sudden that he hadn't immediately realized it was the baby. But at the second kick...
"Kouyou come here! Hurry!" He shouted happily.
"What? What's happening?" The blond man asked walking out of the bathroom hurriedly with a towel around his hips, half curious, half anxious.
"Come here," Yuu patted the mattress in front of him smiling from ear to ear when his husband sat down. "Give me your hand."
Slowly the raven put his hand on his belly, a little above his pelvis, and waited for the next kick, and Kouyou's reaction too obviously. Kouyou felt them very well, one then two and it didn't stop for a few minutes during which they both couldn't stop smiling. It was real, their baby was finally moving and it was making them feel so glad.
"He's excited," Kouyou said stroking the spot where the baby had started to kick again.
"He? Do you want a boy?"
"Boy, girl, I don't care. As long as he's healthy I don't care if we're having a boy or a girl. It's just easier to say 'he'."
"Kouyou?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"At my next ultrasound scan, would you like to know the sex of the baby?"
"What do you want Yuu?"
"Hm.. I'd like to have the surprise." The mother-to-be admitted.
"Then I don't wanna know."
Kouyou leaned closer to Yuu and gently bit his bottom lip before sucking it when Yuu put his arms around his neck. They kissed for a while, tenderly, sharing innocent caresses and loving words while baby seemed to have fallen asleep.
"You're making me so happy Yuu," Kouyou whispered looking at his husband underneath him and grazed his cheeks with his thumbs.
That night Kouyou slept against his husband's back, with both hands on his belly as if he could that way show the baby that his daddy was there too. Nothing could snatch away their happiness from them. Nothing.
Or so they thought.
~
Yuu was alone at home today. The raven-haired had been feeling tired more than usual this week even though the birth wasn't planned before at least a little less than three months, so he couldn't really blame his pregnancy. A bit earlier in the morning, Kouyou had insisted to stay with him today again but Yuu had refused. His husband had already missed too many work days only to pamper him and take care of him as if he were made of glass. Yuu was just tired, nothing bad could happen to him. He was just going to spend the day resting, and so did he.
Stabbing pains in his lower abdomen woke him up from his nap this afternoon. Pains he didn't mistake for labour pains, it was too soon and it was scaring Yuu.
"Everything's fine baby, mommy's awake now."
Yuu got up from the bed, moaning in pain as he did and tried to reach the door, but the more he was walking forward the more the pains were painful. Tears were starting to run down his cheeks as he was thinking the worst. It couldn't happen, not now, not to him.
"Don't die my baby," He pleaded tearfully. "Don't leave me... please..."
Yuu glided slowly to the floor and stayed there, in pain and not knowing what to do. He didn't want to call Kouyou and disturb him at his work, but at the same time what could he do? The raven-haired was still whispering calming words to his baby when he dialled Kouyou's number after another stabbing pain, more violent than the previous, and hoped he would answer quickly.
"Look who's awake," Kouyou's voice rang in his ear after a few seconds, lovingly. "Did you sleep well sweet-“
"Come back home... Something is wrong with the baby," He said crying. "I-I don't know what's happening Kou!" Yuu heard something fell on the other end of the phone and immediately felt guilty for making his husband worry so much.
"Okay... Stay calm, love. I'm on the way," Kouyou tried to not sound too scared, he didn't want to throw his lover into a panic but how could he stay calm when Yuu was telling him such a thing? "I'm coming Yuu, don't worry." And he hung up.
"Don't worry baby," Yuu whispered, caressing his belly. "Daddy will be soon at home. He's going to take us to the hospital and... and you're going to be fine." The raven-haired rocked himself back and forth letting once again pained moans escape his mouth. Yuu was terrified, so terrified he might lose their child. He couldn't lose it, Kouyou would be so angry at him and Kouyou wanted that baby as much as he did. It was Yuu's duty to protect their baby.
But Yuu soon started to feel something hot flow between his legs.
~
Kouyou had never hated a waiting room this much before today. It was too calm even though he wasn't the only one, too bright it was driving him crazy, and no one was informing him about Yuu's and the baby's state. And most of all, Kouyou was worried sick. For the last half hour the only thing he did was to pace around the room, sighing in exasperation every time he had an eye contact with a doctor or a nurse and no one could help him; he had to be patient, as they said. But Kouyou only wanted to know if they were well, if they were going to be two or three when they would get back home. Nothing more.
"Mr. Takashima?" Kouyou looked at the person who called him, and seeing the expression of the surgeon's face, he knew. No words needed to be said and he couldn't tell if the ache he was feeling in his chest would have been worse or not if he had let the man talk.
In front of the surgeon, Kouyou let his tears run down his cheeks, silently and avoiding to look at the man in front of him. And as for him, he was patient enough to wait for Kouyou to calm down before asking him a few questions, without judging him a single time. Who would anyway after this? He'd just lost his child, no one could blame him for showing his sorrow.
"I'm really sorry for your loss," Kouyou wondered how many parents had to hear those words before him, how many times he had to announce them the death of their baby, and how could that man be so used to those moments. "I'll lead you to your husband's room."
On the way, Kouyou tried to make his tears stop but when the surgeon answered him that the baby was already dead when Yuu came earlier, he just couldn't. Kouyou had needed an answer, he had needed to know what had happened no matter how painful it would be to hear it. And now he felt culpability hitting him hard, he should have stayed home today. Maybe he would have driven Yuu here sooner and faster and so they could have saved their baby. But he left Yuu alone.
"Was it a boy... or a girl?" Kouyou asked when they reached Yuu's bedroom. "We hadn't even chosen a name yet..."
"You were having a little girl," The man answered after hesitating for some moments. "We're here if you need something. I'm really sorry again."
Kouyou dried the few tears that still were on his face and breathed deeply before getting into the bedroom.
Yuu was lying on his back, his head turned towards the window so that Kouyou couldn't see the expression of despair on his face and the many tears he had shed, was still shedding. The raven-haired had experienced everything during the surgery, he had heard the surgeons say to each other when they were practising the emergency C-section that maybe it was too late, but they would still try. One of the nurses had been kind enough to reassure him during the whole process, but Yuu knew it was over when he didn't hear his baby cry. The silence had been his only answer.
Kouyou saw the way his hand was clutching the covers at the place where his belly was, heard his muffled sobs and it broke his heart more than it already was to see his husband in that state. And without hasty movements, he sat down on the edge of the mattress and took Yuu's free hand in his own.
"Love, look at me," Kouyou gently ordered but Yuu didn't move at all, ignoring the other man. "Yuu please, look at me."
"Where's my baby?" Yuu asked still looking out the window, his hand still clutching the covers with force. "Where's my baby Kouyou? Where is he? Why can't I see him?"
"Sweetheart..."
"Give him back! Give me my baby back!" Yuu cried as he turned his back on Kouyou and curled up on himself. He didn't want to look at the blond and see all the disappointment on his face, and the anger too. "Give him back... He needs his mommy..."
Kouyou lay down beside his husband, taking him in his arms and holding him as strong as he could. Yuu had wanted to struggle at first, but he was way too exhausted. And broken. He'd lost their baby, that little being he was supposed to carry nine months, a little being they were eagerly awaiting, but now? There was nothing. Nothing to love, nothing to hold in their arms, nothing to protect. There was only grief and a gaping wound in place of his heart.
The raven-haired could feel Kouyou kiss his neck, his cheek, his hair and his shoulder and whispering from time to time soothing words, trying to calm down Yuu's tears. And his as well. Yuu knew Kouyou was crying too, he could hear his sobs in the way his voice was shaking, the way he was squeezing his hand. Kouyou was broken too and it was all Yuu's fault.
"Please... Leave me alone," Yuu said after his tears had stopped running down his cheeks, after long minutes during which Kouyou had stayed by his side. "I am so sorry Kou... Please leave me..."
"I'm not going to leave you. You need me."
"I'm the only one to blame," He continued without paying attention of what Kouyou was whispering to him. "And you have to be so mad at me... You wanted this child so much... I couldn't even-" A tender kiss made him stop talking.
"I'm not mad at you sweetheart, it wasn't your fault," Kouyou spoke softly, his face hidden in the crook of his neck. "I'm hurt just as you but not because of you, don't hate yourself for this."
"I should have sensed sooner something was going on..."
"We're going to overcome this honey, together," Kouyou said putting his lips on Yuu's left temple. "I'm with you and I'm not going to leave you."
~
3 years later.
"How are you feeling this morning?"
"Still as sick."
Yuu was sick like a dog since a few days and so so pale. He had horrible nausea every morning and since it was winter, Yuu thought he could have caught something. Nothing serious, with some medicines he would be soon on his feet again!
"I'm going to the pharmacy, I won't be long."
But Kouyou had something else in mind. For him, the raven-haired hadn't caught a simple virus. He had already seen his husband like that, but it's been three years ago. So when the pharmacist asked him if he needed something else beside the pills, he told her he'd like a pregnancy test which she put in the bag with a really big smile and wished him all the best.
Back at home, Kouyou went to their room and sat on the bed before stroking Yuu's long and dark hair.
"What's that?" Yuu weakly asked when he noticed the pregnancy test in his husband's hands.
"I thought maybe you weren't sick, but having morning sickness."
"I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Well because we used condoms."
"Accidents happen, idiot," He said with a smile.
"You'll be disappointed if I'm not with a child..."
"Sweetheart, we already had this discussion. I won't."
Yuu looked at his husband, then at the pregnancy test, and at Kouyou again with worry in his eyes before sighing and leaving the bed for the bathroom.
The waiting time had been stressful for both of them. What if Yuu wasn't pregnant? What if Kouyou would once again see his dreams to be a father vanish? After Yuu's miscarriage three years ago, they'd tried to have another child. But it never worked. So what if this time was the right one? Yuu was scared, and that's why he refused to wait next to Kouyou for the result and instead lay down on his bed again.
After a few minutes, he heard Kouyou's footsteps coming closer to the bedroom but he stayed on the bed with his back turned on the door. He didn't want to see the disappointment and sadness on his face, didn't want to hear him say he wasn't pregnant.
"Yuu."
"I'm sorry Kouyou..."
"We're having a baby." Yuu cried. Tears of relief, tears of fear, tears of joy and Kouyou expected him to do so. He could understand his feelings very well, he was feeling the same after all. And so he went back to Yuu's sides and took him in his arms, kissing the tears on his face and whispering how much he loved him.
"But... But what if..."
"No. You don't have to worry, love. Our baby will be healthy and you're going to be a perfect mother," Kouyou told him making the raven look in his eyes, his thumbs rubbing his cheeks. "We won't lose that one. Look, he's already so strong! Do you realize Yuu, after all our attempts?"
"I really want that baby..."
"We're going to have our family, I promise."
~
Months passed by in a flash and Yuu was near the date of delivery. Everything went smoothly during the first few months even though they were dead scared of another miscarriage. But Yuu's pregnancy was closely monitored and him and Kouyou would soon be parents.
They got invited by Yuu's parents today and as always, his mother had bought lots of baby clothes, shoes and of course toys too.
"I promise this one is the last one, at least for today," The woman said, putting in her son's hands another small box, wrapped with a cute gift wrap.
"Oh my God!!" Yuu shouted when he opened the box and saw the pair of glossy shoes.
"What is it sweetie, you don't like them?"
"It's not that mom, my waters just broke!"
Everything happened quickly starting from then. Without showing his stress, Kouyou had helped Yuu to get in the car and he had drove them all four to the hospital. And now Yuu's parents - soon joined by Kouyou's who Yuu had warned on the phone in the car - were waiting for the good news, so impatient to meet the new member of the family.
In the delivery room Kouyou was encouraging his husband, holding his hand and putting kisses on his forehead from time to time.
"You're doing a great job sweetheart, it's almost over."
The delivery didn't last too long and soon the room was filled with the cries of the baby and the joy of everyone. Yuu cried when he heard his baby for the first time, but it was tears of happiness, he was relieved. The baby was breathing, he was alive and this time there were no fears nor pain, only happiness.
"Do you want to meet your baby girl?" A nurse asked after a while, holding the baby in her arms, clean and wrapped in a blanket.
Yuu shed more tears when she put his daughter in his arms, that little being he's been protecting during these months, that part of Kouyou and himself. She was so beautiful, as he'd imagined her, and he couldn't help himself from carefully caressing her cheek.
"There, there my little angel," Yuu cooed. "I'm your mommy."
"She looks just like you, so beautiful." Kouyou said filled with emotion, standing next to them and smiling at their sight. He then leaned closer to Yuu and kissed him tenderly. "I am so proud of you, and I can't be happier now. I love you both so much."
"Excuse me," A nurse interrupted them, unwillingly. "Have you thought of a name?"
"We have," Yuu started, and without taking his eyes off his baby he added with a smile. "Her name is Aoi."
~~~~~~
A/N: It's the first time I write mpreg (and maybe not the last time) so I hope it's all right ^^