I beat the shit out of my neighbor and RapeShack gets effed in the eh.
So at 7:42 this morning, I started making a list of all the reasons why I kick ass. As of right now, it's 10:55 and I thought I should take a break because my hands started to hurt from all of the non-stop typing, because as we all know, my hands need to be in good shape so I can go to the bowling alley and beat some drunken hillbillies to death with their own bowling shoes. Goddamn, I hate bowling...
Back to the story, there are so many reasons I kick ass that it's just un-fucking-real.
For instance, I was going out to my car this afternoon and our neighbor's dog started barking at me. I yelled and threw a rock at it, but the little shit didn't stop barking... he just kept yapping and choking himself on his leash. It got to the point that I couldn't hear myself think about how much I kick ass, so I just walked up to the little bastard mutt, ripped his head off, and left in our neighbor's mailbox.
I came home after running some errands and our neighbor, the dog's owner, came over to yell at me for what I did to his dog. As soon as I opened the front door, he started shouting and waving the leash around about how he was going to call the police... so I just straight kicked him in the scrotum and hung him from the rafter on our porch with his dead dog's leash.
His dangling body started to make a really big mess on the porch, but I didn't want to clean it up. I just took his wallet and went back into the house to continue playing videogames. About an hour later, two cops showed up to ask me about the body dangling in clear view of the street. I remembered that in order to be a cop in Crawfordsville, it's manditory to be a total redneck. They won't even let you into the academy unless you drive a Chevy and can name at least three Lynard Skynard songs: so I just told the cops that the dangling body was a member of Al-Qaeda that stopped by to try to get me to sign a petition to legalize gay marriage. They were alright with it, hell, they even gave me a key to the city because I rule like that.
Man, I love me.
Alright, now that we got that out of the way, the real reason I wanted to write.
As most of you know, I was employed by RadioShack, a trusted name in corporate backstabbings and overpriced electronics, for a good portion of last year. I really loved the job I had and even decided to take a semester off of school because I could've used my position as a wireless representative to springboard into different jobs with other corporations, namely Sprint and Comcast, which would've provided me with excellent career opportunities and would've helped pay for the college I was struggling to afford at the time.
After a couple of months there, I helped to get one of my good friends a position with the company and together, he and I both played a part in a rather impressive gain in sales, though due to the fact that the store was undermanned for most of the year, we still fell short of 2004's totals. My friend and I each set sales records in our time there and the other employees also sold better themselves since they were no longer under the pressure of being undermanned. Each employee was a straight-shooter with the customers and we each had our own fair-share of regulars (i.e. customers that would only buy off of us) and even helped attract business from people that 'forgot Crawfordsville even had a RadioShack.'
There was a team of four running a store that was normally supposed to be ran by a team of six or seven; the least time anyone would put in a week was 45 hours and bear in mind this was during the holiday rush.
However, politics came soon into play. On top of trying to revive a store which had been undermanned and behind for six months, for whatever reason, store deposits were usually late or slightly inaccurate (off by less than $5), which proved as an excellent opportunity for our dipshit district manager to come in and make an example of us. Instead of taking time and using effort to keep the employees that deserved to stay, there was a whole-sale slaughter at the store in which every employee was let go without reason, severance, or even a chance to round out the week and get what money we could.
The four of us weren't fired for wrong-doing... we were let-go so some self-righteous prick on a power-trip, whom also fired his own sister for discounting some iPod accessories, could show how cut-throat he could be in a hopes of getting a promotion and being in charge of his own district.
The rumor was that I was fired for drinking on the job and selling drugs to employees... while both allegations are 100% true, they weren't the reason I was fired. Yes, I told them I drank inside the store and came into work higher than a kite at times, but only to piss them off AFTER I had been fired. I even set a daily-total-sales record and record for most wireless sales in a day after smoking a full 20 sack on my lunch -- I pocketed close to $320 that day alone. However, all of that was after I had been let-go and proceeded to go off on the DM, even referring to him as a 'catfish beaner' and how he should 'thank the crustache God that I don't knock his teeth out'.
Well, nevertheless, four good employees were terminated for nothing more than politics and we were each replaced with mindless drones that wouldn't know their asses from a hole in the ground, let alone anything about electronics or sales. I think a retarded chimp would have better luck selling a cell phone to a borderline customer than any current Crawfordsville employees would, let alone ones I saw on trips to other stores.
All of this happened ten days before Christmas, too... which helps prove their shittiness.
On top of that incident alone, we were each raped out of our final paychecks, anywhere from $100 to $200 each, and we each black-balled from jobs with competitive companies. I can honestly say I've been overlooked at jobs I'm more than qualified for because of that whole fiasco with Cingular, Cellular Consultants, Nextel, Sprint, and most likely in the next week, U.S. Cellular. Despite a letter of reccommendation from my manager saying that not only was I honest, but on several incidences went to Lafayette or Indianapolis to get products for customer that our store didn't carry, the corporate version of my termination and being 'let-go for loss prevention' outweighs the fact that I'm a damn good employee and one of the best salesmen to grace that franchise in a long time.
So long story short, I absolutely hate RadioShack.
Not dislike; not dispise; I fucking hate RadioShack.
Ever since I was fired, I've thought nothing more of how I would love to see that entire corporation fall apart before my very eyes.
As I'm sure most of you saw some of RapeShack's new ad campaign featuring completely unfunny fuckers from all walks of life (i.e. people who want iPods, people who want cell phones, struggling actors that can only get commercial roles) in the ads with the red chair.
Well, nevertheless, karma is on my side. If you aren't familiar with the concept of karma, watch some 'My Name is Earl.'
Since my termination from the company, I've seen RadioShack spend millions more on advertising than they made in revenue, cancel their partner ship with Verizon Wireless for Cingular then be blindsided by the obvious fact that it's not an easy transition, and supposedly have to sell their corporate headquarters back to whomever they had leased it from... then I saw this... an article where it all begins to show and RadioShack begins to die.
RadioShack gets phucked wit teh buttsecks.
My God, I really hate RadioShack.
But I really love me.
The End.