I write words that make computers do things.

[darthparadox]

Inspired by XKCD's Up-Goer Five, there's a meme going around where people try to describe their jobs (or other technical subjects) using only the thousand most common words in English. The Up-Goer Five Text Editor is quite useful for this. So here's my attempt.
I write words to make computers do what I want them to do. This is hard because

Comments

[nightsinger]

XD I love you.

[peartreealley]

That is complicated.

Mine boiled down to:

"I color animal hair."

[taliabear]

So you...dye wool, I guess?

[peartreealley]

Yup, but "dye" and "wool" weren't allowed ^_^

[nightsinger]

:D Mine's "I'm a mom." Of course, that's the advanced version, too...

[jannyblue]

I am on a computer most of the day, and I make it tell me if numbers are the right ones.

See, I keep track of money spent by a group of very important people (some of them well-known), and my job is to make sure they don't spend more than what they said they would spend, because of where the money comes from.

If they try to spend too much, I get to tell the people who gave me the numbers "no" and make them give me different numbers. (Sometimes, I have to do that a few times before they get it right)

The money is used for good things that help people in places that are not here, but I am not really allowed to talk about a lot of it. Also, not all people like who I work for, so I don't talk about it much.

[shatterstripes]

I draw pretty pictures. I also tell stories in words and pictures.

easy

[jedusor]

I study the way human tongues change when they touch sweet things. I give people bottles of either water or water that is a little bit sweet, which they put in their mouths for ten seconds once a day for ten days, then I give them smaller cups of water and water that is a little bit sweet, and they try to figure out which cups of water have sweet stuff in them. Some sweet things change tongues, and other sweet things don't; I'm trying to figure out what kinds of sweet things work. If one kind does and another kind doesn't, that tells me something about how tongues work. Also, I color the water I use blue and green. I didn't decide to do it this way, but I'm okay with it because it oh shit seriously, "science" isn't allowed? Fuck that noise, I'm done.

(Everything in that is allowed except "science." I guess people cuss more than they care about the inner workings of the universe. NOW I'M DEPRESSED.)