I killed them
Title: I killed them
Author: datzeiikookniet
Pairing: EXO Chanyeol, Sehun
Genre: Romance, fluff
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything, just the story
Summary: Chanyeol has to watch Sehun, who has murdered the ones he loved without knowing a single thing.
All they ever told me, was that I had been wrong and the blood on my hands proved they were right. I didn’t know what I had done, didn’t know where the blood came from. I didn’t bother trying to explain the situation, they had already locked me up and I was literally scared to death of what might have happened. Realization came years later, when they kept treating me like a piece of shit while I still didn’t know what the hell had happened that day. I wasn’t brought to court, I couldn’t even tell my side of the story, which I didn’t know about. I was just locked up, for safety matters, probably. The only things I could do were eating, showering, keeping myself busy with working out and sleeping.
For years - I didn’t even know how many - nobody had visited me, except for the food that was passed through a shutter in the door and the hairdresser, who had me chained down before starting his work. I had an older brother, parents, friends, but nobody ever came. Until the day I was released, to be under constant surveillance of one of the prison staff. I was roughly dragged out of the cage I was held in, feeling sudden anger take over, the aggression that usually came when I felt even more afraid than usual. I suppressed it, though, because I had felt this before, when I was locked up. I would never let this side get the better of me when I was outside, because I wasn’t sure what would happen. By the time they got me out of there, I realized that this was the exact reason they had kept me, the uncontrollable anger that had bottled up inside of me. They still didn’t tell me a thing, but I had the feeling I had killed someone with that.
I was pushed in a van with blinded windows, to sit in the back. They didn’t speak, hell they didn’t even look at me. I didn’t ask them what was going on either, making me realize I hadn’t spoken in … years. I hadn’t seen all of them in years. I felt sad at the thought of my family and friends, I had unintentionally left them behind. The car pulled to a stop, the man wearing sunglasses looking back at me from the drivers-seat.
“Get out.” he hissed. I wasn’t shocked by the tone of his voice, during my stay at the prison, that was how everyone spoke to me - I was glad I even got out of there without handcuffs and all. Nonetheless, it wasn’t all that pleasant to hear, especially considering I still didn’t know what I had done wrong, even if I had my ideas. I opened the door and stepped out, gently closing it behind me. I looked around, seeing an unfamiliar street. Every street would be unfamiliar after years…
I saw a tall young man, probably taller than me, standing on the small, neatly kept pathway to a fairly large house. He walked over and smiled at me. It was a nervous smile, but somehow very welcoming after all the bashing in the prison. I heard the car that dropped me off, drive away.
“Um… Hi,” now that sounded deeper than I had expected, “I assume you are… Oh Sehun?” He remembered my name correctly. So the people who were responsible of keeping me alive, also knew my name, even if they had never called me by it - or anything else, for that matter. I nodded shyly, after opening my mouth and finding the weird reality that no sound came out. I didn’t bother to close my mouth, I knew I looked stupid, but why should I care about what I looked like? Nobody had cared for me for the past years, so why would he? “Good… My name’s Park Chanyeol, I’m you’re guardian from now on.” This time, the nervous smile was replaced by a small, genuine smile as he gestured for me to follow him into the house behind him. I felt rather insecure, being around a person again.
We headed inside, I could feel how my insecurities weren’t willing to wash away yet. My mind was bothered by a lot of things, why was I suddenly taken out of there? Why couldn’t I speak? Who was this guy? Why was he the one to take me inside of his house? Why was he so nice to me?
Unconsciously, I tried clearing my throat and when I was gestured to sit on the couch, a sound escaped my lips. I grinned widely as I tried it again and again, saying useless “Ah~~’s” for at least five consecutive minutes. The guy whose name was Chanyeol, looked at me, standing in the kitchen, with a funny expression and before I knew it, I found myself blushing. I was making a fool out of myself and I didn’t even know why I cared.
“Do you have problems talking?” he asked me, once he had joined me on the couch with two glasses of water standing on the table. The huge grin plastered on his face made me slightly embarrassed and insecure. This guy sounded as if he cared… after such a long time of people who didn’t even say a word to me except for ‘food’, not even giving me the time to ask them what their fucking problem was, this was a very welcomed change.
“Yes.” I managed to say. My voice sounded so strange… I wasn’t used to this sound at all, it was as if it belonged to a different person. I took a sip of the water, hoping it would bring back the sound I had heard when they took me out of my house with bleeding hands… making me realize I was twelve back then. “Do…” I bit my lips, my mouth was still not working the way I wanted it to. “Do you…” I frowned, put the water back on the table and sat back with crossed arms. I had wanted to ask him if he knew how many years had passed, but not having talked for such a long time, seemed to have taken its toll on me.
“It’s okay.” Chanyeol told me with a caring, yet hesitant pat on my shoulder. “Do you want me to explain to you what happened and why you’re here?” I tried to smoothen the frown and nodded. “Well okay… I don’t know if they told me all the details, but I’ll tell you what I know. You apparently have problems with rage, you literally go blind as your anger reaches a certain point… I’m told it could be fear as well, you’re vulnerable for both.” It was what I had thought, I was uncontrollable. “It seems you… I know they haven’t told you this and I don’t want you to be… shocked too much… But the people close to you, you’ve-” My eyes were widened and I held my arms up to stop him there. I didn’t want to hear the words I feared. I knew I had killed someone, but I didn’t know that it were the people close to me… No wonder I never had any visitors… My mind played weird tricks on me that moment, as if it brought me back to when my voice was still high and squeaky and I felt darkness surround me. I clutched onto the closest object in range as I felt myself black out.
“Sehun-ah… If you don’t listen to me this instant, you’ll go to your room and you can’t come out before dinner.” dad’s raised voice told me. I looked at him with a clouded mind. What was he talking about? Why did I have to listen to him if it was Jonginnie who had broken his car’s window in the first place?
“Appa… It wasn’t-”
“Don’t lie to me Sehun! I said that if you didn’t listen to me, you’d disappear to your room! Now, go before I lose my temper!” he yelled, obviously already losing it. I clenched my teeth, if there was something that I disliked, it was injustice. I surprised myself when I glared at him and I could see Jongin cowering behind the door because he could never handle my father’s wrath even if it wasn’t directed towards him. I hated it to see him like that, when it was just me, he never acted vulnerable. My wrist was grabbed painfully and before I knew it, I snapped, my chest exploding with fear and anger.
After that, the only thing I saw, was the blood staining my hands, the bars surrounding me and the men who kept pacing back and forth in front of my cell.
Trembling, I shocked out of my memory. I didn’t notice I clutched on to an arm, pressed against a chest, nor did I notice the smell that would’ve overwhelmed me, or the comforting hushes and gentle stroking of a hand over my upper arm. Until I calmed down. I didn’t look up at the face belonging to the person who held me, I just stayed like that. For a while, I didn’t feel the constant fear of what was going on and I could just feel… loved wasn’t the right word, appreciated didn’t cut it either… But I felt human and I needed to feel human.
“I… I killed them.” I stated, my voice shaking. Chanyeol’s smell was starting to comfort me more and more, his warmth around me made me feel at ease and the feeling of being wrong could finally partly stop occupying the larger part of my brain. “I can talk.” I said as I pushed his chest to look at him, his warm grin encouraging me. “I… can talk but I killed them… Why didn’t they tell me anything?” My eyes pleaded for an explanation I was almost sure I couldn’t get out of him.
“I don’t know why they didn’t tell you… To be honest, I don’t know a lot about them at all, the only thing I know is that I’m supposed to be there for you, now that you’re out of prison.” Listening to the sound of his voice properly, it did suite his face and definitely his length. Without noticing, I was studying his features, the grin on his face that started to fade the longer I looked at his pretty lips, the blush on his cheeks when I questioningly looked in his large, brown eyes. “Aigoo what are you doing~” he said, looking away from me and scooting a little farther away from me on the couch. I tilted my head in confusion, when I looked at a person before, they would pinch my cheek or pat my head… Did I change into a monster during the time they held me captive? I looked away, questioning my appearance and took another sip of my water.
I shook out of my thoughts at the sound of a phone ringing. Chanyeol apologized and walked towards the phone hanging on a wall. I took the opportunity to look at him a little more, wondering why he wore the clothing he wore, it showed me nothing of what he looked like underneath. The funny thing was, I didn’t even question myself when I thought those things, I mean… It was pretty normal for me to be looking at people the whole time, imagining what they looked like and all. And since I wasn’t able to do that in prison, my old habit seemed to be catching up with me again.
“B-Baekhyun-ah…” his voice came wavering, unlike the cheery confidence he showed before. He clenched the phone tightly while listening to what the other person had to say and all I could do, was watch him. I knew he didn’t like the conversation, I could tell by the way he tried to make himself look smaller. I couldn’t see his face, given he was facing the wall, his back turned to me. “Are you sure… I mean… Why like this? Can’t we at least properly meet and talk?” Ever since I was the small little kid I could remember myself to be, I had hated it to see people sad, knowing them or not. Chanyeol seemed on the verge of breaking down, even though he looked like a tough guy. I was about to stand up and comfort him if I could, but he already spoke up again, making me stop trying to get up. “Hm. Well… If that’s how you see things…” he hung up without finishing his sentence and plopped back onto the couch, quite close to me.
“What happened…” I asked hesitantly, not trying to make his mood even worse. I was rewarded with a sad smile and a dark chuckle.
“My boyfriend broke up with me, that’s all.” Oh. So he is gay. I definitely wouldn’t have guessed that. I did what I did when I was twelve years old, given it was the only thing of which I knew people appreciated I did. I gently sat on his lap and gave him a hug, just like when my appa was feeling down or when umma was having a bad day. This time, though, I was pushed aside and Chanyeol looked mad out of his mind. I blinked several times at the rough way he had pushed me off of him. “Stop doing that. You’re no longer twelve years old, you’re nineteen.” My jaw dropped, when I had calculated the time I was in there, I had come up to be … at the most fifteen by now, not nineteen. I jumped off the couch immediately and hid behind the armrest. I could understand that what I did, was wrong, adults - as I saw people my age when I was young - didn’t do that. They merely patted the other’s shoulder and if they didn’t know the victim that well, they’d only say some comforting words. I just sat myself on his lap and hugged him… of course he’d be upset. Especially after just hearing his boyfriend broke up with him. “I’m sorry.” That surprised me. His voice sounded just like when he answered the phone, giving me the idea that he was slowly breaking down. “I… Can I still take that back?” I peeked over the armrest and saw a new hesitant smile playing on his lips - lips that had only been good to me ever since I came here. I raised an eyebrow, not fully grasping the fact that the burning feeling in my cheeks was the blush that had developed from looking at his face. “I forgot it’s not your fault, I guess it’s only natural you didn’t know how some things might be considered weird.” I frowned. He was very understanding, even though I had just harassed him. Maybe that was the reason he had to look after me? I didn’t know but I got up nonetheless to sit on the couch again. “No, no~ please… I know I’m being bipolar, but I …” he blushed, such a cute sight… I tried to push the thoughts away, what was I even thinking… This guy was here only to help me live again and I was just thinking he was cute - right after his boyfriend dumped him. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “You tried to comfort me, right?” he asked, his grin turning into a wide smile, exposing his teeth, that did things to my heart I couldn’t understand. But I nodded, he was right. “Then please, I won’t stop you again.” Self-consciously - very self-consciously - I made my way to his lap again, to sit down and wrap my arms around his body and hug him, though with a lot less confidence than the first time. The hoodie Chanyeol wore, definitely made sure I couldn’t see his body, but being like this, I felt he must have been lean, just like myself. I blushed under his touch, something that I wasn’t familiar with. Was all this due to the fact I was in a prison cell for seven years and didn’t know about the world and how it all worked? I didn’t know, I just knew I felt both comforted and nervous sitting here like this.
I refocused. I had to stop being emotionally involved with him, if that was possible. Even if he had provided me a place to stay, a chest to lean against and words that could keep me alive… I had been here for only a very short time.
“Chanyeol-ssi…” I said after clearing my throat. I heard a deep chuckle and I wondered why, but didn’t ask about it. “Something’s bothering me.” The feelings washed over me again, while still sitting on a boy’s lap I didn’t even know. He hummed to let me continue, the vibration of his voice sending shivers through my body as he did. “Did I… Who did I kill… Everyone? Just my father… Jonginnie?” Chanyeol swallowed at my question, this time taking his turn to calm me down.
“From what I head, everyone that was near your house. Which means your parents, your brother and your friend.” He said it bluntly and I was glad he did. I didn’t want him to beat around the bush, even if it meant hearing this. I killed them. All of them. I suddenly understood why I was kept in that prison for so long without ever being told what had happened. I was a fucking monster, killing my family and my closest friend. My only close friend. Jonginnie. I had killed Jonginnie.
Tears were flowing from my eyes and I had no control over them whatsoever. Chanyeol’s grip around me had tightened and unconsciously I knew this was going the wrong way. The kind of fear I was feeling right now was the same fear that caused me to do what I did in the first place. What if I did it again…
“Shh…” The soft shushing next to my ear calmed me, just this little bit. I realized I was picked up from the couch and carried around the place. I had my face, thus my tears, hidden in the crook of his neck, not wanting to show anyone the pathetic state I was in. A door in front of me was kicked open and I was placed on a warm, soft bed. “Here. Go to sleep for now, tell me if something is up, I’ll be right here, beside you.” I tried to push the feeling in my chest away, tried to listen to his words and let the fear seep out of my body. It was harder than I expected, because usually when this happened in prison, I’d just thrash the place, but I couldn’t do that now.
It had been three weeks since I had been released, being under Chanyeol-hyung’s care for the same amount of time. He wanted me to call him ‘hyung’, because he wanted to be close to me. It turned out he was only about one and a half years older than me, but nonetheless he was way more mature at some points. Sometimes, he was just a child, though, with that foolish grin and jokes that cracked me up all the time. Or just the fact that he loved the lisp which bothered the hell out of me once I noticed it. It made me feel so… childish, even when I had just found out to be nineteen, I felt like being twelve all over again.
I had found out I could open up to him, I laughed more as time passed. If we were in the mood, we would dance together, even though I proved to be better at it than he was. It became easier to push the fear away and the anger never showed up either. Maybe it was because he let me sit on his lap so often, we’d just cuddle to comfort each other. He was still down sometimes about his boyfriend breaking up with him, I believed his name was Baekhyun. When I thought about that person, I did feel the anger return in my chest. How could he do that? Who in the world would break up with a person as perfect as Chanyeol? The way he would laugh and the way his eye twitched when his smile grew too large… Was it even possible not to love him?
He didn’t take me out of the house, he said I was supposed to stay inside due to the prison’s requests. He worked for them, too, but he didn’t like their ways, he told me, even though he wasn’t supposed to. He told me more things he wasn’t supposed to as well, he actually taught me how to be a person my age and all things that come with it. But I wasn’t as stupid as not to notice we never talked about sexual stuff. Maybe I was even weird to think about it, but it was a normal thing to get attracted to other people, so I was kind of curious about that part, too. But since Chanyeol never told me a thing, I never asked anything either.
“He wants to meet me and talk.” Chanyeol said absentmindedly, a smile gracing his face. It made me happy he could smile about it, but it made me sad just the same. Why did he even want to meet that guy? Even after three weeks… I could see how hurt he was, so why did he smile? Maybe he was positive on restoring their relationship… “Can you accompany me?” he asked when I scooted next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. His arm naturally found his way around my shoulder, as if it was second nature to him, but to me, it felt like a thousand sparks running through my veins, instead of blood.
“Y-yeah sure.” So now I found myself stuttering every time he did things like this, while he didn’t even seem to notice the effect he had on me. I could rest my head on his shoulder because that only involved action from my side, but when it was Chanyeol who did things, even just a slight touch, I felt myself tense up. “Am I allowed to come?” I jerked my head back, partly because I couldn’t take his arm around me and partly because I didn’t actually believe they would allow me out of this house just like that.
“Hm. Well, I already did things I wasn’t supposed to…” his voice trailed off, as if he had said too much. I raised my brows in question, but he didn’t respond to it, pushed my head back on his shoulder and sighed, while I could only try to calm my heartbeat. “Don’t worry about that, please just come with me.” I nodded, afraid my voice would be unsteady if I answered. “Thank you, Sehun-ah.” I began to feel shivery and uncertain again, what if it happened again… If I was capable of killing Jonginnie and my family, would I be capable of killing him as well…? The hand that was around my shoulder made its way to my neck, to pull my into a hug, forcing me to straddle his thighs. “Don’t worry, I didn’t become your guard for nothing, I won’t let it happen again.” He whispered, only making things more confusing. Was he reading my mind? Did he maybe know some things that I didn’t? Why did he have to be seductive while telling me those things? Was he aware of my feelings for him…?
The day of meeting Baekhyun had arrived. He would come to Chanyeol’s place, as the plans had changed a little. It had been the plan to meet at the park, but since I wasn’t feeling well and Chanyeol absolutely didn’t want to go without me, he was able to convince Baekhyun in coming to his place. But of course, the other didn’t agree unless he could take someone with him to make sure Chanyeol wouldn’t rape him, which he would never do, but Baekhyun insisted.
They entered the house, Baekhyun and some guy who was about my height, black hair and overall a kind of intimidating aura. They held hands as they stepped through the front door, I could see the frown on Chanyeol’s face. I was sitting on the couch, stiff, uncomfortable and with a huge headache that didn’t seem to want to leave me alone these days. The nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach only worsened at the sight of the figures in front of me. These two people were the very reason of Chanyeol’s unhappiness for the past weeks… These two people were the reason to my own unhappiness, my own fear and therefore my anger. I didn’t want to see Chanyeol break down in front of my eyes, but the look in the older’s eyes showed me enough. He was having a hard time. The way his gaze was fixed at their hands told me he wanted his own hand there, instead of the black-haired boy’s one.
“You know Tao.” Baekhyun introduced the other’s presence as if Chanyeol and him had already met before. “I told you I wouldn’t be coming alone… let’s talk, Chanyeol-ah.” Baekhyun told my guardian. I bit my lip after wetting it with my tongue, it didn’t bother me I was totally left out, but it bothered me to hear Baekhyun speak. It was flawless, he sounded like an angel and he looked very… charming. I could understand why Chanyeol liked him and that thought wasn’t comforting me at all. They all sat themselves down, the ‘couple’ sat on one couch, Chanyeol sat on the large armchair next to the couch I sat on alone now. Alone. Once again. “I find this very hard to say, but since you wanted to talk,” three fucking weeks ago, bastard, you’re too late to make excuses now. “I’ll tell you why I broke up with you.” I turned my head slightly, following Baekhyun’s piercing gaze to see Chanyeol’s tearstained eyes. It stung my heart so badly, my breakfast was on its way up. “You were told to watch a murderer, right?” I snapped my head back to look at the bastard that just called me a murderer, but my reaction wasn’t half as fierce as Chanyeol’s.
“DON’T call Sehunnie a murderer!” he yelled, getting up from his chair. I was taken aback by the amount it seemed to hit him, my headache worsening at the rough sound of his voice, but that didn’t bother me. I didn’t even notice he had called me ‘Sehunnie’. The fear in the other boy’s eyes made him calm down slightly and Chanyeol sat himself down on the armchair again. “Just don’t. You don’t know him.” I wondered if I should have said anything, the scene was killing me. He wore a smile to cover the tears, but they glistened enough to be noticed easily.
“Well… He is one and since you’re allowing him to sit here on your couch casually, I wasn’t wrong in breaking up with you, you’re unsafe. What if he killed you? Then I had nobody.” It took me some time, but I understood what was going on. This wasn’t Baekhyun’s reason for breaking up with Chanyeol at all, he had been with the Tao guy even before I… came in. He just used me as an excuse to get away from Chanyeol, not even having the guts to tell him he was two-timing him. Why the hell did he make the effort to even come here after three weeks? My blood started to boil and pounded against my skull, I knew it wasn’t good. I had to suppress the anger, but when I saw Chanyeol stand up in pure fury, I rushed up and pushed him down in the chair again, too harshly because I wasn’t controlling myself. I glared at the two people who made my heaven into hell again because they found it necessary to barge in and tell lies.
“Get. OUT!” I screamed, but the two figures were no longer in my sight. Nothing was, my vision had become blank.
--
“Get. OUT!” the once lovely, sweet, smiley Sehunnie yelled. The Sehun that loved me, I knew that much. It could be because I was the only person he knew now, but I could very easily see how attracted he was to me. When we danced, he paid more attention to the way my body moved, than his own did. Also, I knew very well he loved my smile, my voice, my attention, my touches… I knew I was driving him crazy but then again… That lisp, he was driving me crazy just the same with everything he did.
At first, I thought I had to take care of yet another hopeless case, but it was the moment I saw him, that I knew he was different. He looked sincerely innocent, afraid and insecure, unlike the guys who I had to guard before, they knew what they did and they had controlled it, Sehunnie hadn’t. He appeared flawless to me, until he hugged me that first time. I was really shocked, after all, I had a boyfriend and I didn’t think he liked guys. But it didn’t take me long to realize he didn’t even know what he was doing, when you’re young, those things just happen and since he hadn’t been able to socialize… Well, you get the point. I just fell madly in love with him.
Right now, he was even more angry than I was, seeing my old-time crush coming back to show me his new love and stabbing new daggers into my wounds. I knew this was Sehun’s infamous anger, I knew that if I didn’t take action, he’d destroy everything in here, including me. The way he had pushed me back, said enough.
When I saw Baekhyun had taken Tao with him, I wasn’t happy, the guy knew wushu and I wouldn’t think he’d be afraid to use it. Though, the moment Sehun had snapped, both were scared to death and were already scrambling towards the exit. What were they even thinking… it had been better if you didn’t come, Baekhyun-ah.
I almost literally kicked them the last few steps out of my house for their own safety before quickly pinning Sehun on the ground, his eyes not seeing me as his hands tried to claw their way out of my grip. I straddled him by the waist area, using my feet to keep his legs down. His whole body was sweating due to his fever and his other condition.
“Shh, shh, Sehun…” I tried whispering in his ear, but it wouldn’t work the way I wanted. My voice didn’t have the impact it usually had. His glare didn’t see me, it pierced me. I had grown to love every bit of him so much that I couldn’t see this happening, not because of me.
Then, an uncontrolled movement from his hips rubbed his crotch against my own, a low moan escaping his mouth and a flicker of what seemed to be the old Sehun flashed in his eyes. I blushed at the suddenness of what was happening, but whether I liked it or not - I did - I found something that could make him stop.
--
In the blank area I was in, a sudden warm sensation ran through me. It was only short and not that intense, but it grabbed my attention. Faint colors came back in my vision and when I felt it again, a blurry Chanyeol hovered above me. I heard myself make sounds I never made before, the feeling between my legs unfamiliar but very satisfying. I guess somehow I understood I was moaning, even if nobody ever told me it could also be accompanied by this feeling in the lower region. My hips moved on their own, upwards, against something else - someone else. I could see clearly now. Chanyeol was blushing, his hands were holding mine down, his legs and feet kept me to the ground, his hips were lowered, but not enough to touch me if I didn’t move on my own. Being a little out of it, I wanted to feel it again, but before I could try, Chanyeol stepped away from me.
When I realized what had been going on, I started to tremble, the sickness I had felt the last couple of days leaving my body at the impact of the other feelings. I had lost it, just like that long time ago when I had lost Jongin. When I had killed him and my family. The way I was brought back to reality didn’t help me either and I found myself very confused, blushing over the matter.
“H-hyung, what’s going on with me?” I tried to hide my face with my hands and curled myself up to cover what was growing between my legs. I didn’t consciously notice the way my voice sounded raspy before I looked up at his flushed face.
“Y-you were losing it, come on, get up.” He held his hands out to me and even though I was embarrassed out of my mind, I took them and got up, to be pulled in a tight hug. His action surprised me, but the warmth of his body and the deep sound of his voice were comforting me. “Why the hell did you get angry like that, Sehunnie…” Sehunnie, he called me Sehunnie… I breathed in slowly, being led over to the couch and surprisingly being sat on his lap once again, both my legs over his thighs, to the other side, my feet resting on the couch. I was afraid the bulge in my pants was obvious, but luckily, he didn’t say anything.
“They hurt you, hyung.” There was no point in lying and besides, I had never been a good liar in the first place. “I can’t see people being hurt, especially not those who mean a lot to me.” The shock had gotten me to blurt out more than necessary and this time, I did find it embarrassing what I had just said. I tried to hide my face, but he grabbed it softly and made me look at him, the blush on my face spreading like wildfire.
“I mean a lot to you?” It’s obvious, right, I just said it. I shifted my eyes from his, wetted my lips and bit them nervously. “Don’t bite those.” I could feel the weird sensation in my lower region again as his face leaned closer to mine, his gaze fixed on the lips I had stopped biting because he said so. He kissed me. Very gently, as if I was about to break or something. My eyes had shut when his lips moved against my own, when my hands found their way to his neck. I had pulled him in closer, moving my lips together with his, but at the same time, Chanyeol had moved me even closer to him. I pulled away from his gentle kiss, not even bothering to try and cover my reddened cheeks.
“Hyung… What are we doing?” I asked, not too sure if I should give in to this just because it felt right. His ever present wide grin shone, but it had a loving spark in it together with something that I failed to see before.
“I am getting rid of your anger and you are responding quite to my liking.” I blushed ferociously at his words, he was just trying to help me and I was getting that tingly feeling again, hardening my member between my legs… His fingers traced my cheeks, my jaw, my lips. He wasn’t just trying to help me, he was enjoying himself. There was something about the way he looked at me, that made him seem a little different, but still the same in a way.
“Chanyeol-hyung!” I nearly squeaked when he picked me up and carried me, like he had done on day one. Though this time, it was his room I was taken to and not my own. He had flicked on the light with his elbow and closed the door with his foot. He put me on his bed, again standing over me, enclosing me between his knees. “What are you doing all of a sudden…” I managed to whisper while trying to look away from the eyes that captured mine hopelessly.
“Not ‘all of a sudden’, you don’t know what you’ve been doing to me, Sehun-ah.” He eyed me completely, I felt as if I was naked while being fully clothed. I knew my member was creating a visible bulge in my pants and it wasn’t hard to guess where his gaze lingered. “Do you want me to give you what snapped you out of it?” I couldn’t blush any deeper red, remembering how I had unconsciously rubbed myself against him and the feeling it gave me. “I liked the sound of that…” he whispered as I could feel the heat of his body get closer to me. My breath hitched, anticipating what I wanted to feel so badly. He stopped right before his clothed erection could touch my own. “Do you want it?” he asked and the slight flash of concern in his eyes told me he wasn’t going to do this if I didn’t tell him to go ahead.
“Please, hyung, please.” The effect my words had on him - his face was reddened completely - made my heart flutter. Even though he was older than me and I hadn’t seen the world in years, I could make him blush, it made me feel proud.
The moment his crotch came in contact with my own, I let out a groan, as if I had been waiting forever to feel the tingle spread through me - which I quite honestly had, because I never even touched myself. Chanyeol’s breath sounded heavy and his face lowered next to my ear as he let himself touch me again. Another moan escaped my mouth as he kept grinding himself into me.
“Moan for me Sehunnie…” he breathed in my ear, having me give in to what he wanted without thinking twice. My hands were at his butt, pressing him down on me when I felt his tongue and lips working on my neck. I had never experienced anything like this before, but I imagined this was what guys did to girls, but I never could imagine any girl to make me feel like this. He stopped kissing my neck and looked into my eyes, not moving his hips anymore but keeping them in place on top of me. “I love you.” he said before giving me a much desired kiss on my lips. This time, he let his tongue slide across my lips, to which they naturally parted and let him enter my mouth. The feeling of his tongue molding together with my own in addition to his hips on mine simply became breathtaking to me and I had to pull away.
“Chanyeol-hyung.” I panted and looked in his eyes. I didn’t expect him to want to do all this to me, I thought it was my own desire, but he gave me everything I wanted voluntarily. I wanted to say I loved him too, but I was interrupted by his question.
“Can I give you more?” he asked before gently sucking my earlobe to which I had to let out low moans again.
“P-please.” I managed to say. All these new feelings were so overwhelmingly good that I never wanted it to stop. He got off of me and heaved a sigh, then he smiled and started to undo my pants. I was nervous and embarrassed, but I wanted more, so I let Chanyeol do as he pleased. He pulled off my jeans and unbuttoned the shirt I wore. I felt extremely exposed. He prevented me from covering myself and leaned down to kiss me again, one hand traveling down my body while the other held him up to not crash down on me.
“Do you know you are beautiful?” he asked, slightly out of breath after a long kiss. I stared at him blankly, that was completely the opposite of what I thought at first, that I had turned into a monster.
“It’s you that’s beautiful.” I murmured embarrassedly. He shook his head with a smile, one that - for once - didn’t bare his teeth.
“You can’t know that if you haven’t seen me.” I was rather… disappointed by that. Did that mean he only loved… my body?
“Hyung… I love your personality, I love your face… I don’t need to see any more than that to know how beautiful you are.” With that, it seemed he lost confidence completely and lied down beside me.
“It seems I used the wrong words to express myself… I’m just… God, Sehunnie, I’m sorry.” I felt wrong, I had misunderstood him and now made him feel bad about it. I mustered up all the courage I could find and propped myself up on one elbow, facing him. He gave me a questioned look, to which I responded with a shy smile.
“Since you’ve stopped before I could see you, I’m guessing you don’t want to continue?”
“There’s nothing I want more…” he muttered, apparently really affected by my words earlier. It made me feel even worse, so it also gave me more reason to make it up to him, the best I could. I knew I had no experience whatsoever in any of this, but the least I could do, was bring back the courage he had before to make me feel the heavenly way I felt then.
“Then let me help you.” I didn’t care my face was as red as it could have gotten, the fact that he looked at me the way he did - slightly startled in a good way - was worth my embarrassment. My unbuttoned shirt still hang over my shoulders so I took the opportunity to lay it on the bed. I took a deep breath before grabbing the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it upwards, giving me the desired effect of his arms lifting and his shirt sliding off. I guess I understood his words a little better now, seeing his milky skin slightly damp from his heat, his abs showing lightly… I would have said the exact same thing he told me. I folded his shirt and made it join my own.
I needed confirmation, I had to know if I was doing the right thing, but the only thing I got from hyung, was a look that said; ‘Well, you gonna do something or what?’ Trying to set my worries aside, I took his jeans off with as much care as I could to not hurt him with any weird movements, giving the jeans the same treatment as his shirt. After that, I was left gasping for a few seconds at the bulge in his boxers.
“Guess you accepted my apology?” He smirked at my reaction, which only made me more embarrassed, but I didn’t want it to spoil my moment, while I had apparently just given him back what I wanted, his confidence.
“There was nothing to apologize for in the first place.” I said in a low voice after I ripped my eyes from his erection and tried to focus on something less intimidating. My eyes wandered to his face, where his eyes practically pleaded me to do something with his almost completely naked body. I smiled nervously before I placed a short kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m about to do.” Chanyeol didn’t reply, so I took it as a sign to get going already. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, then sat beside him on my knees. His chest looked inviting, so I bent down and without thinking too much, I kissed his nipple. He let out a sigh of relief - probably because I finally crossed the barrier that stopped me from touching him. My fingers fumbled with the other one as I licked and sucked as if my life depended on it, his gasps and soft moans encouraging me to not stop. I secretly glanced down, seeing I had hardened his member more and the painful feeling in my own pants proved I did the same to myself.
I left his nipples after giving the second one the same treatment and took another breath. It felt as though I had to just get this over with. I made my way downwards, putting my hands on either side of the waistband of his boxers, accidentally brushing across his crotch. Even though I had thought nothing about that, Chanyeol let out a groan. I hesitantly pulled the remaining clothing down, eyes widening at the size of what revealed itself.
“You don’t have to do anything… Just please stop killing me.” I had neatly placed his boxers together with my shirt and his clothing, my own jeans nowhere to be found, before I looked at him confusedly.
“Are you making fun of me right now?” I asked, both referring to the fact that I was a murderer and the fact that I had no idea what the hell I was doing right now. This time he didn’t take my words to heart and pushed me down roughly, it seemed I was done for now, while I hadn’t even done a single thing. His hands held mine down next to my face while his knees were on either side of my hips - again - though this time, an erection was dripping onto my boxers. I slowly began to hyperventilate at all the impacts of new things, but I couldn’t deny I felt hot and Chanyeol needed to cool me down again.
“I’m not even going to let you try anymore, Sehunnie, you’re absolutely killing me. Let me, instead.” He must have noticed the look on my face, because he softened and kissed me again. “Don’t be afraid, Sehunnie, you know I love you, right?” Yeah, but… but you’re leaking, hyung! Then all of a sudden, while I was still in thoughts, one of his hands grabbed my member through my boxers. “Why are you so surprised? Relax, it’s not too bad, right?” He moved his hand up and down slowly, drawing out long, pleading moans from my mouth. I got silenced by a kiss for a while before he bent down and my boxers went flying in no time. I was a little bit shocked to see my own member in the same condition as Chanyeol’s, pretty much hard and clear liquid was coming out of the tip. He smirked up at me, then let his long fingers slide across my shaft, occasionally licking his lips. Slowly, but surely, he picked up speed. His hand now pumping my member at a steady pace. His own breath had become shallow and faster as well, even though he wasn’t gaining the kind of pleasure I was.
I don’t understand any longer… I’ve made a huge mistake in the past and now you’re giving me this. Is this supposed to be a reward for what I’ve done? I’ve killed people, yet you’re making me feel as if I’m with them as well, right up there in heaven. So, please, I hope you’ll enlighten me one day with an explanation to why you’re letting me feel this good, to why you’re giving me all this, Chanyeol…
“P-please more, hyung.” I said as I couldn’t take the sight of this much longer. My request was fulfilled, Chanyeol’s lips made contact with my tip and I could almost feel myself losing it then. I moaned loudly when he started sucking, my hands gripped his hair without me noticing and I could feel myself tense up completely. The movements of his tongue around my tip were easily sending me over the edge after all of the sexual tension I had gone through already.
My breathing was short and shallow as I felt myself release in his mouth, electric pulses sent through me, making my body spasm weirdly, but damn pleasurably. Trying to come down from the heavenly feeling, I breathed in slowly, while Chanyeol had moved himself next to me again, his arms lovingly around me. I could still feel his erection poking my leg, but I wasn’t any longer repelled by it.
“Holy… What was that…” I breathed, actually aware that it must have been an orgasm, but I was amazed to have felt such a thing for the first time in my life. He chuckled.
“It’s pretty good, isn’t it?” I nodded slowly, it was way more than pretty good, but of course he would know that. Making me realize that what he had done for me, didn’t give him anything. I furrowed my eyebrows, slowly coming to the point of having caught my breath again.
“But Chanyeol-hyung, you didn’t get any…” I didn’t actually know why I sounded disappointed, maybe it was because I wanted him to feel the same way.
“It’s okay, as long as Sehunnie had his share~” The few words made my heart flutter, but I wasn’t sure if he was really okay with it. Before I could ask, he already answered. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ll just jerk off or something~” I lightly whacked his arm, not too sure what to think of that comment. “I’m just kidding… I think.” He wrapped us in the covers, snuggling comfortably into the crook of my neck.
“Chanyeol-hyung… Thank you.” I said, but I felt like those words weren’t the right ones. “No, ‘thank you’ is not enough… I guess I mean I love you.” I heard a content sigh but something was still bothering me. “When will they make me leave you?” I asked, rather hesitantly because I was afraid of the answer.
“They can’t. I won’t let them. You’ll be here until the end, we’ll be together until then. I won’t let anything happen to you and I won’t let you hurt anyone. Sehunnie, I love you, that means a lot to me, so you’re not going anywhere.”
Author: datzeiikookniet
Pairing: EXO Chanyeol, Sehun
Genre: Romance, fluff
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything, just the story
Summary: Chanyeol has to watch Sehun, who has murdered the ones he loved without knowing a single thing.
All they ever told me, was that I had been wrong and the blood on my hands proved they were right. I didn’t know what I had done, didn’t know where the blood came from. I didn’t bother trying to explain the situation, they had already locked me up and I was literally scared to death of what might have happened. Realization came years later, when they kept treating me like a piece of shit while I still didn’t know what the hell had happened that day. I wasn’t brought to court, I couldn’t even tell my side of the story, which I didn’t know about. I was just locked up, for safety matters, probably. The only things I could do were eating, showering, keeping myself busy with working out and sleeping.
For years - I didn’t even know how many - nobody had visited me, except for the food that was passed through a shutter in the door and the hairdresser, who had me chained down before starting his work. I had an older brother, parents, friends, but nobody ever came. Until the day I was released, to be under constant surveillance of one of the prison staff. I was roughly dragged out of the cage I was held in, feeling sudden anger take over, the aggression that usually came when I felt even more afraid than usual. I suppressed it, though, because I had felt this before, when I was locked up. I would never let this side get the better of me when I was outside, because I wasn’t sure what would happen. By the time they got me out of there, I realized that this was the exact reason they had kept me, the uncontrollable anger that had bottled up inside of me. They still didn’t tell me a thing, but I had the feeling I had killed someone with that.
I was pushed in a van with blinded windows, to sit in the back. They didn’t speak, hell they didn’t even look at me. I didn’t ask them what was going on either, making me realize I hadn’t spoken in … years. I hadn’t seen all of them in years. I felt sad at the thought of my family and friends, I had unintentionally left them behind. The car pulled to a stop, the man wearing sunglasses looking back at me from the drivers-seat.
“Get out.” he hissed. I wasn’t shocked by the tone of his voice, during my stay at the prison, that was how everyone spoke to me - I was glad I even got out of there without handcuffs and all. Nonetheless, it wasn’t all that pleasant to hear, especially considering I still didn’t know what I had done wrong, even if I had my ideas. I opened the door and stepped out, gently closing it behind me. I looked around, seeing an unfamiliar street. Every street would be unfamiliar after years…
I saw a tall young man, probably taller than me, standing on the small, neatly kept pathway to a fairly large house. He walked over and smiled at me. It was a nervous smile, but somehow very welcoming after all the bashing in the prison. I heard the car that dropped me off, drive away.
“Um… Hi,” now that sounded deeper than I had expected, “I assume you are… Oh Sehun?” He remembered my name correctly. So the people who were responsible of keeping me alive, also knew my name, even if they had never called me by it - or anything else, for that matter. I nodded shyly, after opening my mouth and finding the weird reality that no sound came out. I didn’t bother to close my mouth, I knew I looked stupid, but why should I care about what I looked like? Nobody had cared for me for the past years, so why would he? “Good… My name’s Park Chanyeol, I’m you’re guardian from now on.” This time, the nervous smile was replaced by a small, genuine smile as he gestured for me to follow him into the house behind him. I felt rather insecure, being around a person again.
We headed inside, I could feel how my insecurities weren’t willing to wash away yet. My mind was bothered by a lot of things, why was I suddenly taken out of there? Why couldn’t I speak? Who was this guy? Why was he the one to take me inside of his house? Why was he so nice to me?
Unconsciously, I tried clearing my throat and when I was gestured to sit on the couch, a sound escaped my lips. I grinned widely as I tried it again and again, saying useless “Ah~~’s” for at least five consecutive minutes. The guy whose name was Chanyeol, looked at me, standing in the kitchen, with a funny expression and before I knew it, I found myself blushing. I was making a fool out of myself and I didn’t even know why I cared.
“Do you have problems talking?” he asked me, once he had joined me on the couch with two glasses of water standing on the table. The huge grin plastered on his face made me slightly embarrassed and insecure. This guy sounded as if he cared… after such a long time of people who didn’t even say a word to me except for ‘food’, not even giving me the time to ask them what their fucking problem was, this was a very welcomed change.
“Yes.” I managed to say. My voice sounded so strange… I wasn’t used to this sound at all, it was as if it belonged to a different person. I took a sip of the water, hoping it would bring back the sound I had heard when they took me out of my house with bleeding hands… making me realize I was twelve back then. “Do…” I bit my lips, my mouth was still not working the way I wanted it to. “Do you…” I frowned, put the water back on the table and sat back with crossed arms. I had wanted to ask him if he knew how many years had passed, but not having talked for such a long time, seemed to have taken its toll on me.
“It’s okay.” Chanyeol told me with a caring, yet hesitant pat on my shoulder. “Do you want me to explain to you what happened and why you’re here?” I tried to smoothen the frown and nodded. “Well okay… I don’t know if they told me all the details, but I’ll tell you what I know. You apparently have problems with rage, you literally go blind as your anger reaches a certain point… I’m told it could be fear as well, you’re vulnerable for both.” It was what I had thought, I was uncontrollable. “It seems you… I know they haven’t told you this and I don’t want you to be… shocked too much… But the people close to you, you’ve-” My eyes were widened and I held my arms up to stop him there. I didn’t want to hear the words I feared. I knew I had killed someone, but I didn’t know that it were the people close to me… No wonder I never had any visitors… My mind played weird tricks on me that moment, as if it brought me back to when my voice was still high and squeaky and I felt darkness surround me. I clutched onto the closest object in range as I felt myself black out.
“Sehun-ah… If you don’t listen to me this instant, you’ll go to your room and you can’t come out before dinner.” dad’s raised voice told me. I looked at him with a clouded mind. What was he talking about? Why did I have to listen to him if it was Jonginnie who had broken his car’s window in the first place?
“Appa… It wasn’t-”
“Don’t lie to me Sehun! I said that if you didn’t listen to me, you’d disappear to your room! Now, go before I lose my temper!” he yelled, obviously already losing it. I clenched my teeth, if there was something that I disliked, it was injustice. I surprised myself when I glared at him and I could see Jongin cowering behind the door because he could never handle my father’s wrath even if it wasn’t directed towards him. I hated it to see him like that, when it was just me, he never acted vulnerable. My wrist was grabbed painfully and before I knew it, I snapped, my chest exploding with fear and anger.
After that, the only thing I saw, was the blood staining my hands, the bars surrounding me and the men who kept pacing back and forth in front of my cell.
Trembling, I shocked out of my memory. I didn’t notice I clutched on to an arm, pressed against a chest, nor did I notice the smell that would’ve overwhelmed me, or the comforting hushes and gentle stroking of a hand over my upper arm. Until I calmed down. I didn’t look up at the face belonging to the person who held me, I just stayed like that. For a while, I didn’t feel the constant fear of what was going on and I could just feel… loved wasn’t the right word, appreciated didn’t cut it either… But I felt human and I needed to feel human.
“I… I killed them.” I stated, my voice shaking. Chanyeol’s smell was starting to comfort me more and more, his warmth around me made me feel at ease and the feeling of being wrong could finally partly stop occupying the larger part of my brain. “I can talk.” I said as I pushed his chest to look at him, his warm grin encouraging me. “I… can talk but I killed them… Why didn’t they tell me anything?” My eyes pleaded for an explanation I was almost sure I couldn’t get out of him.
“I don’t know why they didn’t tell you… To be honest, I don’t know a lot about them at all, the only thing I know is that I’m supposed to be there for you, now that you’re out of prison.” Listening to the sound of his voice properly, it did suite his face and definitely his length. Without noticing, I was studying his features, the grin on his face that started to fade the longer I looked at his pretty lips, the blush on his cheeks when I questioningly looked in his large, brown eyes. “Aigoo what are you doing~” he said, looking away from me and scooting a little farther away from me on the couch. I tilted my head in confusion, when I looked at a person before, they would pinch my cheek or pat my head… Did I change into a monster during the time they held me captive? I looked away, questioning my appearance and took another sip of my water.
I shook out of my thoughts at the sound of a phone ringing. Chanyeol apologized and walked towards the phone hanging on a wall. I took the opportunity to look at him a little more, wondering why he wore the clothing he wore, it showed me nothing of what he looked like underneath. The funny thing was, I didn’t even question myself when I thought those things, I mean… It was pretty normal for me to be looking at people the whole time, imagining what they looked like and all. And since I wasn’t able to do that in prison, my old habit seemed to be catching up with me again.
“B-Baekhyun-ah…” his voice came wavering, unlike the cheery confidence he showed before. He clenched the phone tightly while listening to what the other person had to say and all I could do, was watch him. I knew he didn’t like the conversation, I could tell by the way he tried to make himself look smaller. I couldn’t see his face, given he was facing the wall, his back turned to me. “Are you sure… I mean… Why like this? Can’t we at least properly meet and talk?” Ever since I was the small little kid I could remember myself to be, I had hated it to see people sad, knowing them or not. Chanyeol seemed on the verge of breaking down, even though he looked like a tough guy. I was about to stand up and comfort him if I could, but he already spoke up again, making me stop trying to get up. “Hm. Well… If that’s how you see things…” he hung up without finishing his sentence and plopped back onto the couch, quite close to me.
“What happened…” I asked hesitantly, not trying to make his mood even worse. I was rewarded with a sad smile and a dark chuckle.
“My boyfriend broke up with me, that’s all.” Oh. So he is gay. I definitely wouldn’t have guessed that. I did what I did when I was twelve years old, given it was the only thing of which I knew people appreciated I did. I gently sat on his lap and gave him a hug, just like when my appa was feeling down or when umma was having a bad day. This time, though, I was pushed aside and Chanyeol looked mad out of his mind. I blinked several times at the rough way he had pushed me off of him. “Stop doing that. You’re no longer twelve years old, you’re nineteen.” My jaw dropped, when I had calculated the time I was in there, I had come up to be … at the most fifteen by now, not nineteen. I jumped off the couch immediately and hid behind the armrest. I could understand that what I did, was wrong, adults - as I saw people my age when I was young - didn’t do that. They merely patted the other’s shoulder and if they didn’t know the victim that well, they’d only say some comforting words. I just sat myself on his lap and hugged him… of course he’d be upset. Especially after just hearing his boyfriend broke up with him. “I’m sorry.” That surprised me. His voice sounded just like when he answered the phone, giving me the idea that he was slowly breaking down. “I… Can I still take that back?” I peeked over the armrest and saw a new hesitant smile playing on his lips - lips that had only been good to me ever since I came here. I raised an eyebrow, not fully grasping the fact that the burning feeling in my cheeks was the blush that had developed from looking at his face. “I forgot it’s not your fault, I guess it’s only natural you didn’t know how some things might be considered weird.” I frowned. He was very understanding, even though I had just harassed him. Maybe that was the reason he had to look after me? I didn’t know but I got up nonetheless to sit on the couch again. “No, no~ please… I know I’m being bipolar, but I …” he blushed, such a cute sight… I tried to push the thoughts away, what was I even thinking… This guy was here only to help me live again and I was just thinking he was cute - right after his boyfriend dumped him. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “You tried to comfort me, right?” he asked, his grin turning into a wide smile, exposing his teeth, that did things to my heart I couldn’t understand. But I nodded, he was right. “Then please, I won’t stop you again.” Self-consciously - very self-consciously - I made my way to his lap again, to sit down and wrap my arms around his body and hug him, though with a lot less confidence than the first time. The hoodie Chanyeol wore, definitely made sure I couldn’t see his body, but being like this, I felt he must have been lean, just like myself. I blushed under his touch, something that I wasn’t familiar with. Was all this due to the fact I was in a prison cell for seven years and didn’t know about the world and how it all worked? I didn’t know, I just knew I felt both comforted and nervous sitting here like this.
I refocused. I had to stop being emotionally involved with him, if that was possible. Even if he had provided me a place to stay, a chest to lean against and words that could keep me alive… I had been here for only a very short time.
“Chanyeol-ssi…” I said after clearing my throat. I heard a deep chuckle and I wondered why, but didn’t ask about it. “Something’s bothering me.” The feelings washed over me again, while still sitting on a boy’s lap I didn’t even know. He hummed to let me continue, the vibration of his voice sending shivers through my body as he did. “Did I… Who did I kill… Everyone? Just my father… Jonginnie?” Chanyeol swallowed at my question, this time taking his turn to calm me down.
“From what I head, everyone that was near your house. Which means your parents, your brother and your friend.” He said it bluntly and I was glad he did. I didn’t want him to beat around the bush, even if it meant hearing this. I killed them. All of them. I suddenly understood why I was kept in that prison for so long without ever being told what had happened. I was a fucking monster, killing my family and my closest friend. My only close friend. Jonginnie. I had killed Jonginnie.
Tears were flowing from my eyes and I had no control over them whatsoever. Chanyeol’s grip around me had tightened and unconsciously I knew this was going the wrong way. The kind of fear I was feeling right now was the same fear that caused me to do what I did in the first place. What if I did it again…
“Shh…” The soft shushing next to my ear calmed me, just this little bit. I realized I was picked up from the couch and carried around the place. I had my face, thus my tears, hidden in the crook of his neck, not wanting to show anyone the pathetic state I was in. A door in front of me was kicked open and I was placed on a warm, soft bed. “Here. Go to sleep for now, tell me if something is up, I’ll be right here, beside you.” I tried to push the feeling in my chest away, tried to listen to his words and let the fear seep out of my body. It was harder than I expected, because usually when this happened in prison, I’d just thrash the place, but I couldn’t do that now.
It had been three weeks since I had been released, being under Chanyeol-hyung’s care for the same amount of time. He wanted me to call him ‘hyung’, because he wanted to be close to me. It turned out he was only about one and a half years older than me, but nonetheless he was way more mature at some points. Sometimes, he was just a child, though, with that foolish grin and jokes that cracked me up all the time. Or just the fact that he loved the lisp which bothered the hell out of me once I noticed it. It made me feel so… childish, even when I had just found out to be nineteen, I felt like being twelve all over again.
I had found out I could open up to him, I laughed more as time passed. If we were in the mood, we would dance together, even though I proved to be better at it than he was. It became easier to push the fear away and the anger never showed up either. Maybe it was because he let me sit on his lap so often, we’d just cuddle to comfort each other. He was still down sometimes about his boyfriend breaking up with him, I believed his name was Baekhyun. When I thought about that person, I did feel the anger return in my chest. How could he do that? Who in the world would break up with a person as perfect as Chanyeol? The way he would laugh and the way his eye twitched when his smile grew too large… Was it even possible not to love him?
He didn’t take me out of the house, he said I was supposed to stay inside due to the prison’s requests. He worked for them, too, but he didn’t like their ways, he told me, even though he wasn’t supposed to. He told me more things he wasn’t supposed to as well, he actually taught me how to be a person my age and all things that come with it. But I wasn’t as stupid as not to notice we never talked about sexual stuff. Maybe I was even weird to think about it, but it was a normal thing to get attracted to other people, so I was kind of curious about that part, too. But since Chanyeol never told me a thing, I never asked anything either.
“He wants to meet me and talk.” Chanyeol said absentmindedly, a smile gracing his face. It made me happy he could smile about it, but it made me sad just the same. Why did he even want to meet that guy? Even after three weeks… I could see how hurt he was, so why did he smile? Maybe he was positive on restoring their relationship… “Can you accompany me?” he asked when I scooted next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. His arm naturally found his way around my shoulder, as if it was second nature to him, but to me, it felt like a thousand sparks running through my veins, instead of blood.
“Y-yeah sure.” So now I found myself stuttering every time he did things like this, while he didn’t even seem to notice the effect he had on me. I could rest my head on his shoulder because that only involved action from my side, but when it was Chanyeol who did things, even just a slight touch, I felt myself tense up. “Am I allowed to come?” I jerked my head back, partly because I couldn’t take his arm around me and partly because I didn’t actually believe they would allow me out of this house just like that.
“Hm. Well, I already did things I wasn’t supposed to…” his voice trailed off, as if he had said too much. I raised my brows in question, but he didn’t respond to it, pushed my head back on his shoulder and sighed, while I could only try to calm my heartbeat. “Don’t worry about that, please just come with me.” I nodded, afraid my voice would be unsteady if I answered. “Thank you, Sehun-ah.” I began to feel shivery and uncertain again, what if it happened again… If I was capable of killing Jonginnie and my family, would I be capable of killing him as well…? The hand that was around my shoulder made its way to my neck, to pull my into a hug, forcing me to straddle his thighs. “Don’t worry, I didn’t become your guard for nothing, I won’t let it happen again.” He whispered, only making things more confusing. Was he reading my mind? Did he maybe know some things that I didn’t? Why did he have to be seductive while telling me those things? Was he aware of my feelings for him…?
The day of meeting Baekhyun had arrived. He would come to Chanyeol’s place, as the plans had changed a little. It had been the plan to meet at the park, but since I wasn’t feeling well and Chanyeol absolutely didn’t want to go without me, he was able to convince Baekhyun in coming to his place. But of course, the other didn’t agree unless he could take someone with him to make sure Chanyeol wouldn’t rape him, which he would never do, but Baekhyun insisted.
They entered the house, Baekhyun and some guy who was about my height, black hair and overall a kind of intimidating aura. They held hands as they stepped through the front door, I could see the frown on Chanyeol’s face. I was sitting on the couch, stiff, uncomfortable and with a huge headache that didn’t seem to want to leave me alone these days. The nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach only worsened at the sight of the figures in front of me. These two people were the very reason of Chanyeol’s unhappiness for the past weeks… These two people were the reason to my own unhappiness, my own fear and therefore my anger. I didn’t want to see Chanyeol break down in front of my eyes, but the look in the older’s eyes showed me enough. He was having a hard time. The way his gaze was fixed at their hands told me he wanted his own hand there, instead of the black-haired boy’s one.
“You know Tao.” Baekhyun introduced the other’s presence as if Chanyeol and him had already met before. “I told you I wouldn’t be coming alone… let’s talk, Chanyeol-ah.” Baekhyun told my guardian. I bit my lip after wetting it with my tongue, it didn’t bother me I was totally left out, but it bothered me to hear Baekhyun speak. It was flawless, he sounded like an angel and he looked very… charming. I could understand why Chanyeol liked him and that thought wasn’t comforting me at all. They all sat themselves down, the ‘couple’ sat on one couch, Chanyeol sat on the large armchair next to the couch I sat on alone now. Alone. Once again. “I find this very hard to say, but since you wanted to talk,” three fucking weeks ago, bastard, you’re too late to make excuses now. “I’ll tell you why I broke up with you.” I turned my head slightly, following Baekhyun’s piercing gaze to see Chanyeol’s tearstained eyes. It stung my heart so badly, my breakfast was on its way up. “You were told to watch a murderer, right?” I snapped my head back to look at the bastard that just called me a murderer, but my reaction wasn’t half as fierce as Chanyeol’s.
“DON’T call Sehunnie a murderer!” he yelled, getting up from his chair. I was taken aback by the amount it seemed to hit him, my headache worsening at the rough sound of his voice, but that didn’t bother me. I didn’t even notice he had called me ‘Sehunnie’. The fear in the other boy’s eyes made him calm down slightly and Chanyeol sat himself down on the armchair again. “Just don’t. You don’t know him.” I wondered if I should have said anything, the scene was killing me. He wore a smile to cover the tears, but they glistened enough to be noticed easily.
“Well… He is one and since you’re allowing him to sit here on your couch casually, I wasn’t wrong in breaking up with you, you’re unsafe. What if he killed you? Then I had nobody.” It took me some time, but I understood what was going on. This wasn’t Baekhyun’s reason for breaking up with Chanyeol at all, he had been with the Tao guy even before I… came in. He just used me as an excuse to get away from Chanyeol, not even having the guts to tell him he was two-timing him. Why the hell did he make the effort to even come here after three weeks? My blood started to boil and pounded against my skull, I knew it wasn’t good. I had to suppress the anger, but when I saw Chanyeol stand up in pure fury, I rushed up and pushed him down in the chair again, too harshly because I wasn’t controlling myself. I glared at the two people who made my heaven into hell again because they found it necessary to barge in and tell lies.
“Get. OUT!” I screamed, but the two figures were no longer in my sight. Nothing was, my vision had become blank.
--
“Get. OUT!” the once lovely, sweet, smiley Sehunnie yelled. The Sehun that loved me, I knew that much. It could be because I was the only person he knew now, but I could very easily see how attracted he was to me. When we danced, he paid more attention to the way my body moved, than his own did. Also, I knew very well he loved my smile, my voice, my attention, my touches… I knew I was driving him crazy but then again… That lisp, he was driving me crazy just the same with everything he did.
At first, I thought I had to take care of yet another hopeless case, but it was the moment I saw him, that I knew he was different. He looked sincerely innocent, afraid and insecure, unlike the guys who I had to guard before, they knew what they did and they had controlled it, Sehunnie hadn’t. He appeared flawless to me, until he hugged me that first time. I was really shocked, after all, I had a boyfriend and I didn’t think he liked guys. But it didn’t take me long to realize he didn’t even know what he was doing, when you’re young, those things just happen and since he hadn’t been able to socialize… Well, you get the point. I just fell madly in love with him.
Right now, he was even more angry than I was, seeing my old-time crush coming back to show me his new love and stabbing new daggers into my wounds. I knew this was Sehun’s infamous anger, I knew that if I didn’t take action, he’d destroy everything in here, including me. The way he had pushed me back, said enough.
When I saw Baekhyun had taken Tao with him, I wasn’t happy, the guy knew wushu and I wouldn’t think he’d be afraid to use it. Though, the moment Sehun had snapped, both were scared to death and were already scrambling towards the exit. What were they even thinking… it had been better if you didn’t come, Baekhyun-ah.
I almost literally kicked them the last few steps out of my house for their own safety before quickly pinning Sehun on the ground, his eyes not seeing me as his hands tried to claw their way out of my grip. I straddled him by the waist area, using my feet to keep his legs down. His whole body was sweating due to his fever and his other condition.
“Shh, shh, Sehun…” I tried whispering in his ear, but it wouldn’t work the way I wanted. My voice didn’t have the impact it usually had. His glare didn’t see me, it pierced me. I had grown to love every bit of him so much that I couldn’t see this happening, not because of me.
Then, an uncontrolled movement from his hips rubbed his crotch against my own, a low moan escaping his mouth and a flicker of what seemed to be the old Sehun flashed in his eyes. I blushed at the suddenness of what was happening, but whether I liked it or not - I did - I found something that could make him stop.
--
In the blank area I was in, a sudden warm sensation ran through me. It was only short and not that intense, but it grabbed my attention. Faint colors came back in my vision and when I felt it again, a blurry Chanyeol hovered above me. I heard myself make sounds I never made before, the feeling between my legs unfamiliar but very satisfying. I guess somehow I understood I was moaning, even if nobody ever told me it could also be accompanied by this feeling in the lower region. My hips moved on their own, upwards, against something else - someone else. I could see clearly now. Chanyeol was blushing, his hands were holding mine down, his legs and feet kept me to the ground, his hips were lowered, but not enough to touch me if I didn’t move on my own. Being a little out of it, I wanted to feel it again, but before I could try, Chanyeol stepped away from me.
When I realized what had been going on, I started to tremble, the sickness I had felt the last couple of days leaving my body at the impact of the other feelings. I had lost it, just like that long time ago when I had lost Jongin. When I had killed him and my family. The way I was brought back to reality didn’t help me either and I found myself very confused, blushing over the matter.
“H-hyung, what’s going on with me?” I tried to hide my face with my hands and curled myself up to cover what was growing between my legs. I didn’t consciously notice the way my voice sounded raspy before I looked up at his flushed face.
“Y-you were losing it, come on, get up.” He held his hands out to me and even though I was embarrassed out of my mind, I took them and got up, to be pulled in a tight hug. His action surprised me, but the warmth of his body and the deep sound of his voice were comforting me. “Why the hell did you get angry like that, Sehunnie…” Sehunnie, he called me Sehunnie… I breathed in slowly, being led over to the couch and surprisingly being sat on his lap once again, both my legs over his thighs, to the other side, my feet resting on the couch. I was afraid the bulge in my pants was obvious, but luckily, he didn’t say anything.
“They hurt you, hyung.” There was no point in lying and besides, I had never been a good liar in the first place. “I can’t see people being hurt, especially not those who mean a lot to me.” The shock had gotten me to blurt out more than necessary and this time, I did find it embarrassing what I had just said. I tried to hide my face, but he grabbed it softly and made me look at him, the blush on my face spreading like wildfire.
“I mean a lot to you?” It’s obvious, right, I just said it. I shifted my eyes from his, wetted my lips and bit them nervously. “Don’t bite those.” I could feel the weird sensation in my lower region again as his face leaned closer to mine, his gaze fixed on the lips I had stopped biting because he said so. He kissed me. Very gently, as if I was about to break or something. My eyes had shut when his lips moved against my own, when my hands found their way to his neck. I had pulled him in closer, moving my lips together with his, but at the same time, Chanyeol had moved me even closer to him. I pulled away from his gentle kiss, not even bothering to try and cover my reddened cheeks.
“Hyung… What are we doing?” I asked, not too sure if I should give in to this just because it felt right. His ever present wide grin shone, but it had a loving spark in it together with something that I failed to see before.
“I am getting rid of your anger and you are responding quite to my liking.” I blushed ferociously at his words, he was just trying to help me and I was getting that tingly feeling again, hardening my member between my legs… His fingers traced my cheeks, my jaw, my lips. He wasn’t just trying to help me, he was enjoying himself. There was something about the way he looked at me, that made him seem a little different, but still the same in a way.
“Chanyeol-hyung!” I nearly squeaked when he picked me up and carried me, like he had done on day one. Though this time, it was his room I was taken to and not my own. He had flicked on the light with his elbow and closed the door with his foot. He put me on his bed, again standing over me, enclosing me between his knees. “What are you doing all of a sudden…” I managed to whisper while trying to look away from the eyes that captured mine hopelessly.
“Not ‘all of a sudden’, you don’t know what you’ve been doing to me, Sehun-ah.” He eyed me completely, I felt as if I was naked while being fully clothed. I knew my member was creating a visible bulge in my pants and it wasn’t hard to guess where his gaze lingered. “Do you want me to give you what snapped you out of it?” I couldn’t blush any deeper red, remembering how I had unconsciously rubbed myself against him and the feeling it gave me. “I liked the sound of that…” he whispered as I could feel the heat of his body get closer to me. My breath hitched, anticipating what I wanted to feel so badly. He stopped right before his clothed erection could touch my own. “Do you want it?” he asked and the slight flash of concern in his eyes told me he wasn’t going to do this if I didn’t tell him to go ahead.
“Please, hyung, please.” The effect my words had on him - his face was reddened completely - made my heart flutter. Even though he was older than me and I hadn’t seen the world in years, I could make him blush, it made me feel proud.
The moment his crotch came in contact with my own, I let out a groan, as if I had been waiting forever to feel the tingle spread through me - which I quite honestly had, because I never even touched myself. Chanyeol’s breath sounded heavy and his face lowered next to my ear as he let himself touch me again. Another moan escaped my mouth as he kept grinding himself into me.
“Moan for me Sehunnie…” he breathed in my ear, having me give in to what he wanted without thinking twice. My hands were at his butt, pressing him down on me when I felt his tongue and lips working on my neck. I had never experienced anything like this before, but I imagined this was what guys did to girls, but I never could imagine any girl to make me feel like this. He stopped kissing my neck and looked into my eyes, not moving his hips anymore but keeping them in place on top of me. “I love you.” he said before giving me a much desired kiss on my lips. This time, he let his tongue slide across my lips, to which they naturally parted and let him enter my mouth. The feeling of his tongue molding together with my own in addition to his hips on mine simply became breathtaking to me and I had to pull away.
“Chanyeol-hyung.” I panted and looked in his eyes. I didn’t expect him to want to do all this to me, I thought it was my own desire, but he gave me everything I wanted voluntarily. I wanted to say I loved him too, but I was interrupted by his question.
“Can I give you more?” he asked before gently sucking my earlobe to which I had to let out low moans again.
“P-please.” I managed to say. All these new feelings were so overwhelmingly good that I never wanted it to stop. He got off of me and heaved a sigh, then he smiled and started to undo my pants. I was nervous and embarrassed, but I wanted more, so I let Chanyeol do as he pleased. He pulled off my jeans and unbuttoned the shirt I wore. I felt extremely exposed. He prevented me from covering myself and leaned down to kiss me again, one hand traveling down my body while the other held him up to not crash down on me.
“Do you know you are beautiful?” he asked, slightly out of breath after a long kiss. I stared at him blankly, that was completely the opposite of what I thought at first, that I had turned into a monster.
“It’s you that’s beautiful.” I murmured embarrassedly. He shook his head with a smile, one that - for once - didn’t bare his teeth.
“You can’t know that if you haven’t seen me.” I was rather… disappointed by that. Did that mean he only loved… my body?
“Hyung… I love your personality, I love your face… I don’t need to see any more than that to know how beautiful you are.” With that, it seemed he lost confidence completely and lied down beside me.
“It seems I used the wrong words to express myself… I’m just… God, Sehunnie, I’m sorry.” I felt wrong, I had misunderstood him and now made him feel bad about it. I mustered up all the courage I could find and propped myself up on one elbow, facing him. He gave me a questioned look, to which I responded with a shy smile.
“Since you’ve stopped before I could see you, I’m guessing you don’t want to continue?”
“There’s nothing I want more…” he muttered, apparently really affected by my words earlier. It made me feel even worse, so it also gave me more reason to make it up to him, the best I could. I knew I had no experience whatsoever in any of this, but the least I could do, was bring back the courage he had before to make me feel the heavenly way I felt then.
“Then let me help you.” I didn’t care my face was as red as it could have gotten, the fact that he looked at me the way he did - slightly startled in a good way - was worth my embarrassment. My unbuttoned shirt still hang over my shoulders so I took the opportunity to lay it on the bed. I took a deep breath before grabbing the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it upwards, giving me the desired effect of his arms lifting and his shirt sliding off. I guess I understood his words a little better now, seeing his milky skin slightly damp from his heat, his abs showing lightly… I would have said the exact same thing he told me. I folded his shirt and made it join my own.
I needed confirmation, I had to know if I was doing the right thing, but the only thing I got from hyung, was a look that said; ‘Well, you gonna do something or what?’ Trying to set my worries aside, I took his jeans off with as much care as I could to not hurt him with any weird movements, giving the jeans the same treatment as his shirt. After that, I was left gasping for a few seconds at the bulge in his boxers.
“Guess you accepted my apology?” He smirked at my reaction, which only made me more embarrassed, but I didn’t want it to spoil my moment, while I had apparently just given him back what I wanted, his confidence.
“There was nothing to apologize for in the first place.” I said in a low voice after I ripped my eyes from his erection and tried to focus on something less intimidating. My eyes wandered to his face, where his eyes practically pleaded me to do something with his almost completely naked body. I smiled nervously before I placed a short kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m about to do.” Chanyeol didn’t reply, so I took it as a sign to get going already. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, then sat beside him on my knees. His chest looked inviting, so I bent down and without thinking too much, I kissed his nipple. He let out a sigh of relief - probably because I finally crossed the barrier that stopped me from touching him. My fingers fumbled with the other one as I licked and sucked as if my life depended on it, his gasps and soft moans encouraging me to not stop. I secretly glanced down, seeing I had hardened his member more and the painful feeling in my own pants proved I did the same to myself.
I left his nipples after giving the second one the same treatment and took another breath. It felt as though I had to just get this over with. I made my way downwards, putting my hands on either side of the waistband of his boxers, accidentally brushing across his crotch. Even though I had thought nothing about that, Chanyeol let out a groan. I hesitantly pulled the remaining clothing down, eyes widening at the size of what revealed itself.
“You don’t have to do anything… Just please stop killing me.” I had neatly placed his boxers together with my shirt and his clothing, my own jeans nowhere to be found, before I looked at him confusedly.
“Are you making fun of me right now?” I asked, both referring to the fact that I was a murderer and the fact that I had no idea what the hell I was doing right now. This time he didn’t take my words to heart and pushed me down roughly, it seemed I was done for now, while I hadn’t even done a single thing. His hands held mine down next to my face while his knees were on either side of my hips - again - though this time, an erection was dripping onto my boxers. I slowly began to hyperventilate at all the impacts of new things, but I couldn’t deny I felt hot and Chanyeol needed to cool me down again.
“I’m not even going to let you try anymore, Sehunnie, you’re absolutely killing me. Let me, instead.” He must have noticed the look on my face, because he softened and kissed me again. “Don’t be afraid, Sehunnie, you know I love you, right?” Yeah, but… but you’re leaking, hyung! Then all of a sudden, while I was still in thoughts, one of his hands grabbed my member through my boxers. “Why are you so surprised? Relax, it’s not too bad, right?” He moved his hand up and down slowly, drawing out long, pleading moans from my mouth. I got silenced by a kiss for a while before he bent down and my boxers went flying in no time. I was a little bit shocked to see my own member in the same condition as Chanyeol’s, pretty much hard and clear liquid was coming out of the tip. He smirked up at me, then let his long fingers slide across my shaft, occasionally licking his lips. Slowly, but surely, he picked up speed. His hand now pumping my member at a steady pace. His own breath had become shallow and faster as well, even though he wasn’t gaining the kind of pleasure I was.
I don’t understand any longer… I’ve made a huge mistake in the past and now you’re giving me this. Is this supposed to be a reward for what I’ve done? I’ve killed people, yet you’re making me feel as if I’m with them as well, right up there in heaven. So, please, I hope you’ll enlighten me one day with an explanation to why you’re letting me feel this good, to why you’re giving me all this, Chanyeol…
“P-please more, hyung.” I said as I couldn’t take the sight of this much longer. My request was fulfilled, Chanyeol’s lips made contact with my tip and I could almost feel myself losing it then. I moaned loudly when he started sucking, my hands gripped his hair without me noticing and I could feel myself tense up completely. The movements of his tongue around my tip were easily sending me over the edge after all of the sexual tension I had gone through already.
My breathing was short and shallow as I felt myself release in his mouth, electric pulses sent through me, making my body spasm weirdly, but damn pleasurably. Trying to come down from the heavenly feeling, I breathed in slowly, while Chanyeol had moved himself next to me again, his arms lovingly around me. I could still feel his erection poking my leg, but I wasn’t any longer repelled by it.
“Holy… What was that…” I breathed, actually aware that it must have been an orgasm, but I was amazed to have felt such a thing for the first time in my life. He chuckled.
“It’s pretty good, isn’t it?” I nodded slowly, it was way more than pretty good, but of course he would know that. Making me realize that what he had done for me, didn’t give him anything. I furrowed my eyebrows, slowly coming to the point of having caught my breath again.
“But Chanyeol-hyung, you didn’t get any…” I didn’t actually know why I sounded disappointed, maybe it was because I wanted him to feel the same way.
“It’s okay, as long as Sehunnie had his share~” The few words made my heart flutter, but I wasn’t sure if he was really okay with it. Before I could ask, he already answered. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ll just jerk off or something~” I lightly whacked his arm, not too sure what to think of that comment. “I’m just kidding… I think.” He wrapped us in the covers, snuggling comfortably into the crook of my neck.
“Chanyeol-hyung… Thank you.” I said, but I felt like those words weren’t the right ones. “No, ‘thank you’ is not enough… I guess I mean I love you.” I heard a content sigh but something was still bothering me. “When will they make me leave you?” I asked, rather hesitantly because I was afraid of the answer.
“They can’t. I won’t let them. You’ll be here until the end, we’ll be together until then. I won’t let anything happen to you and I won’t let you hurt anyone. Sehunnie, I love you, that means a lot to me, so you’re not going anywhere.”