All These Things That I've Done
For arobinhoodtype, who requested All These Things I've Done by The Killers.
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no
"I'm not perfect, Shane." It may have been whispered like a secret, but Sasha knew that it wasn't one to him. He wouldn't argue it with her the way that Peter often had. There would be no comment about her being perfect to or for him. She wasn't perfect to anyone, and she wasn't perfect for anyone. Peter's comments had always been met with disbelief on her part, but there was something about knowing that he looked at her that way...
Something she could never live up to.
She picked up her mug as he nodded, taking another slow sip of her tea. At least it wasn't alcohol. Getting drunk around the kids was out of the question. Henry might have been in his bed, but Lexie was sitting on Shane's chest, playing with pink rattle that was shaped like a dog. Shane would tug on it once in a while, and she would giggle and try to pull it back from him. Sasha had only started talking when Lexie had settled down a little.
"I let things go for too long. I gave up too many things that were important to me. Los Angeles. The Fab Five. You. I think - and I get that this was wrong now, but hindsight is good for nothing when you're living with a laundry list of relationship mistakes - I think I got confused and decided that love meant sacrifice." How could she not, living in the world of people who gave up their lives for each other regularly? It was hard not to be inspired by the Petrellis, and the lengths they would go to in order to protect one another.
"It's not all your fault, Sasha." He gave the rattle another soft tug, earning another laugh from Lexie as she grasped the end of it and clapped her small hands around his. "You were tryin' to keep everyone happy. It worked for a while, didn't it? He shoulda known you couldn't live like that. No one would be able to do it."
He got the nod this time as she considered his words, setting her tea down on the coffee table. She couldn't talk to Miles about this, and her boys were MIA. Shane always helped her make sense of things. And somehow, he had a tendency to paint her in a flatteringly realistic light. Her confidence was shot at the moment, so it didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated by her.
"I just want to know that I won't regret this. I want Anthony, or Peter from the future, or someone to step in and tell me that we'll all be happy when the smoke clears. Not that I'm going to get it. God forbid they show up when it's actually convenient. I'm on my own this time." And she realized as she watched Lexie, smiling when she let go of the rattle and held on to Shane's thumb instead, that maybe it wasn't being alone that scared her this time. Maybe it was the fear that she would be responsible for making everyone else miserable.
Shane ran his free hand along Lexie's back, trying to calm her into falling asleep. "You're capable of gettin' through it. Especially since you're not as alone as you seem to think you are. You still have your friends. I'm here. I'll be here whenever you need me."
"I know that." She leaned over until her head rested against his shoulder, and gently ran her fingertip over Lexie's little nose. "But I have to be an example for them. I have to do this myself and make sure that I'm getting them through it. This was my decision, I have to stand by it." Even if almost everyone around her was sure that she was making a mistake. No one really said it, but she figured that most of them were afraid to. They knew that she didn't want to hear it.
"I think you've been doin' a good job of that," he answered, looking down to make sure that the infant in his arms was starting to nod off. "For whatever it's worth."
"Coming from you?" Sasha smirked, leaning up to give him a kiss on the cheek. "It's worth a whole damn lot." More than she was willing to tell him, so she hoped that the kiss would do the rest of the work for her. "I'm totally going to fall asleep on you now. Lex has the right idea." And if she happened to stay out for over three hours, it'd be more rest than she'd had in one attempt in months. She felt comfortable enough to give it a shot now that she had gotten a few things off of her chest.
She wasn't perfect, but he made her think that she wasn't supposed to be.
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no
"I'm not perfect, Shane." It may have been whispered like a secret, but Sasha knew that it wasn't one to him. He wouldn't argue it with her the way that Peter often had. There would be no comment about her being perfect to or for him. She wasn't perfect to anyone, and she wasn't perfect for anyone. Peter's comments had always been met with disbelief on her part, but there was something about knowing that he looked at her that way...
Something she could never live up to.
She picked up her mug as he nodded, taking another slow sip of her tea. At least it wasn't alcohol. Getting drunk around the kids was out of the question. Henry might have been in his bed, but Lexie was sitting on Shane's chest, playing with pink rattle that was shaped like a dog. Shane would tug on it once in a while, and she would giggle and try to pull it back from him. Sasha had only started talking when Lexie had settled down a little.
"I let things go for too long. I gave up too many things that were important to me. Los Angeles. The Fab Five. You. I think - and I get that this was wrong now, but hindsight is good for nothing when you're living with a laundry list of relationship mistakes - I think I got confused and decided that love meant sacrifice." How could she not, living in the world of people who gave up their lives for each other regularly? It was hard not to be inspired by the Petrellis, and the lengths they would go to in order to protect one another.
"It's not all your fault, Sasha." He gave the rattle another soft tug, earning another laugh from Lexie as she grasped the end of it and clapped her small hands around his. "You were tryin' to keep everyone happy. It worked for a while, didn't it? He shoulda known you couldn't live like that. No one would be able to do it."
He got the nod this time as she considered his words, setting her tea down on the coffee table. She couldn't talk to Miles about this, and her boys were MIA. Shane always helped her make sense of things. And somehow, he had a tendency to paint her in a flatteringly realistic light. Her confidence was shot at the moment, so it didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated by her.
"I just want to know that I won't regret this. I want Anthony, or Peter from the future, or someone to step in and tell me that we'll all be happy when the smoke clears. Not that I'm going to get it. God forbid they show up when it's actually convenient. I'm on my own this time." And she realized as she watched Lexie, smiling when she let go of the rattle and held on to Shane's thumb instead, that maybe it wasn't being alone that scared her this time. Maybe it was the fear that she would be responsible for making everyone else miserable.
Shane ran his free hand along Lexie's back, trying to calm her into falling asleep. "You're capable of gettin' through it. Especially since you're not as alone as you seem to think you are. You still have your friends. I'm here. I'll be here whenever you need me."
"I know that." She leaned over until her head rested against his shoulder, and gently ran her fingertip over Lexie's little nose. "But I have to be an example for them. I have to do this myself and make sure that I'm getting them through it. This was my decision, I have to stand by it." Even if almost everyone around her was sure that she was making a mistake. No one really said it, but she figured that most of them were afraid to. They knew that she didn't want to hear it.
"I think you've been doin' a good job of that," he answered, looking down to make sure that the infant in his arms was starting to nod off. "For whatever it's worth."
"Coming from you?" Sasha smirked, leaning up to give him a kiss on the cheek. "It's worth a whole damn lot." More than she was willing to tell him, so she hoped that the kiss would do the rest of the work for her. "I'm totally going to fall asleep on you now. Lex has the right idea." And if she happened to stay out for over three hours, it'd be more rest than she'd had in one attempt in months. She felt comfortable enough to give it a shot now that she had gotten a few things off of her chest.
She wasn't perfect, but he made her think that she wasn't supposed to be.