It was cowardly, and Miles wouldn't approve.
However, Miles has been a little busy lately - and so has she. Having Seth around sounded convenient initially; a live in babysitter who wanted to prove his usefulness, but he was also a sixteen year-old boy. Seth had football practice and dates to go on, homework that she was absolutely no help with. He was adjusting to a new school and a new home. It was her job to take care of him, not the other way around.
She had two small kids of her own and one teenager who needed more help than he was willing to admit, which meant that she had been focusing on the three of them instead of annoying Miles while he raced against the clock to get all of his edits in. He'd made sure to stop by on her birthday, before Nathan and Peter arrived to take her out with the kids. Seth had liked Nathan better than Peter; and that was fine, though not entirely unexpected.
Four days later, all of her gifts had been opened but one; and that large, green box that was so tastefully wrapped she almost didn't believe that Shane had done it all himself. She had two voicemail messages from him, the first sounding a lot more cheerful than the second. And the second hadn't mentioned the weekend visit that he had offered in the first. He could take a hint. It was insanely rude of her to have waited four days to call him, but it was a hint.
Not that her being a total fucking idiot was really any news to him.
She leaned forward and took a breath, pausing before she hit his number on her speed dial. He came in at number four; behind Miles, Peter, and Bruce. Although, if phone-ranking meant anything, those were the necessities. When she heard his voice on the recording she couldn't help but smile.
Then her nerves kicked in and ruined it, because this wasn't a call that she was looking forward to making. That beep might have actually made her jump a little, but Henry and Lexie were sleeping, and Seth was in his room. No witnesses meant that she could deny it forever, and pretend this had never happened as soon as she hung up.
"Hey, Shane. It's Sash-it's me. I'm sitting here with gift in front of me, and it looks really pretty." And that was the point where she realized that she had all but admitted to not opening her gift, so she paused. "...You didn't have to send me anything. You spoil Lex and Henry as it is, and Seth hasn't turned those speakers off since you helped him set them up." Great, she sounded like she didn't appreciate it. That was exactly the message she hadn't wanted to leave him.
"I've been thinking about you a lot lately - and I know you were considering coming out this weekend, but I don't know if you still are - so my opinion is that you should probably wait. Next month is going to be a lot busier with the little girl's first birthday, and I'd rather have you there for that than ice cream and movies on the couch," Sasha explained, tapping her nails against the glass tabletop and staring over at the unopened gift again. "They'll be happy to see you whenever you come. We're always happy to see you." Some happier than others, if she could get away with saying that.
Why couldn't she get away with saying that?
"Look, I miss you. I haven't opened your gift because lately, I've been reading into everything from the color of the wrapping paper to whether or not you couldn't visit last weekend because you were on a date. I fucking hate being like this. I know you probably don't - it's not the same for you, and that's okay. I'll take you in our lives in whatever way you're comfortable." She reached for the gift and then stopped herself, sitting back in her seat. "I have these crazy, romantic, insanely inappropriate feelings for you that are going to screw everything up. I'm sorry."
If Jacques hadn't picked that moment to start barking to go out, she might not have realized that Shane's voicemail was still getting everything she said. "Shit, I have to go. Don't hate me. Oh, and Henry told me to say hi for him. Bye." She clicked off her phone and dropped it on the table, right next to the unopened present.
Then quickly, quietly, and with one brief glance at the package, she got up and walked away so that she wouldn't change her mind.
Sometimes, she wondered why the hell she even bothered.