Upon taking the advice of the psychic Beth Lynch, who I consulted regarding the death of a girl who was my best friend before she was killed by a drunk driver on June 8,1996.I miss her, and want her energy to come to me, but never has. She was 25. she left behind a daughter, Amanda, a husband Bradley and lots of loving family and friends. Her and ( Read more... )

Still no Addison. According to my OB and an emergency ultrasound I still have 3.5cm to go before I am completely effaced and am only 1cm dilated. With almost non stop contractions since Sunday. If she isn't here by Monday I have to call the office and set up an induction. I am not impressed by this. I can't stand how Sierra's pregnancy was ( Read more... )

Just some random thoughts to catch up on life i guess.... i am exactly 39 weeks pregnant and anxiously awaiting addison's arrival. On Tuesday of last week I was 60% effaced, not dilated. It didn't take long to get to that part... unfortunately for as much pain etc I've had the past few days i should be furhter along i think. I am a bit ( Read more... )

so i am away for the weekend staying at a friend's house... needed time to get away, clear my head, think about my REAL, TRUE feelings with a minimum amount of distractions. well most of it's happened. except that the minimum amount of distractions part hasn't been so successful. lol. my phone's been ringing off the hook between scott calling me ( Read more... )

Confused, nervous, scared, apprehensive, quizoxic, anxious, wanna throw up, and scream all at once. Want scott to realize we can fix this, things aren't as horrible as he thinks. Want him to not go back to her. Annoyed that I can't get through to him. Just plain twisted up in my stomach!wishing I could change the past, and control one's free will. ( Read more... )

today i sit on my mother's computer, because of a few reasons.  the first being due to hurricane ike's wrath, we're without electricity at the trailer, been that way since 12am this morning. and the NYSEG line says won't be fixed til tomorrow night around 11:59pm.  the second and BIGGEST reason is ed is such a WONDERFUL man that he told me to leave ( Read more... )

Click to view

Maybe some day he'll realize how TRULY SORRY i am for the past and how i NEVER stopped loving him.  i was just too stubborn and proud to admit it.... and now may be too late.  forgiveness may be a lot to ask, but with unconditional love and time, it's a promise worth giving.  i am sorry i never tried to fix it, sorry i had a hand in messing it up, ( Read more... )

I have made some TERRIBLE mistakes in the past few years.  Mistakes I can't take back.  These bad decisions have left me in a spot that's hard to move on from.  I try every day to not hate myself.  I also try very hard to look toward the future with the lessons I've learned.  Except this time it's extremely difficult to do that.  I miss my old life ( Read more... )

i sit here in my room alone... listening to music from my past, wondering why i've done the stupid shit i've done. ex: cheated on my ex husband... dated some of the people i've dated, made the decisions i've made in general.  i can honestly say, i don't know.  i have some of the worst demons... the demon of alcoholism, the demon of "grass is ( Read more... )

I got some VERY reliable insider information on the 12th of july, the information presented to me at first, was hard to take and hurtful.  But looking at the situation now... FUCK IT!  I know he cheated, "Mr I don't cheat, she means nothing, you can trust me, I won't be like the rest", YUP, in fact most people that found out I dated him, didn't ( Read more... )