Holy Hinduism Batman! It's dawn already!
Hi. Lookit, it's me, up til dawn (whenever that is) from browsing fic from my 4 known internet sources (egads, one of these days I should find more good sources. Emphasis on good.):
1. Archive of our own (aka AO3)
2. Adultfanfiction.net (this is not encouragement to follow me. They take the "adult" part very seriously.)
3. Fanfiction.net (ugh, pit of voles, i know, but they sort shit, not like...)
4. Livejournal (sadly, the most reliable of the internet for finding a community dedicated to my latest crave, even if it's not sorted worth shite)
And barely finding enough to keep me satisfied, too tired to do more than plod along wearily through post after related post, because there aren't any pairing tags. (Considering the subject, that'd be just as silly as using multiple-chapter-story tags, but they do so do that)
I'll repeat tired. Just... tired. Weary even. Not exhausted. Not sleep-deprived. Not even sleepy. Just lost (most of) the control that keeps things buried where they should, lest I slip into another 3-year-recovery breakdown.
Nevertheless, I'm deeply sick of this shit.
I know I shouldn't bitch, I know I don't really have anything on the many people with much worse problems. I have a job that pays well, albeit part time, enough that I can pay my bills. I have friends, even if none of them are around, and I can't really recall the last time I truly talked to one. I have family that's paying at least a vested interest in helping me out on my bad days. I have a life worth living, in short.
Doesn't mean I'm not lonely.
An ache so deep it hurts just to say it in type, if not aloud. Hurts bad enough that I'm going to cry myself to sleep after I tuck this failing laptop away. Just like every time it slides up on my weary control. If I don't, I'll make myself sick the next few days, nausea so overpowering the scent of food can turn me off and make me rush away.
I long/need/want/must have someone to love. One-sided is as best I can hope for in this world anymore, yet no one fits the bill. Heart too hurt to even look, and no one really around to look at anyway.
I'm tired of this endless repetition, and the bathroom is calling.
1. Archive of our own (aka AO3)
2. Adultfanfiction.net (this is not encouragement to follow me. They take the "adult" part very seriously.)
3. Fanfiction.net (ugh, pit of voles, i know, but they sort shit, not like...)
4. Livejournal (sadly, the most reliable of the internet for finding a community dedicated to my latest crave, even if it's not sorted worth shite)
And barely finding enough to keep me satisfied, too tired to do more than plod along wearily through post after related post, because there aren't any pairing tags. (Considering the subject, that'd be just as silly as using multiple-chapter-story tags, but they do so do that)
I'll repeat tired. Just... tired. Weary even. Not exhausted. Not sleep-deprived. Not even sleepy. Just lost (most of) the control that keeps things buried where they should, lest I slip into another 3-year-recovery breakdown.
Nevertheless, I'm deeply sick of this shit.
I know I shouldn't bitch, I know I don't really have anything on the many people with much worse problems. I have a job that pays well, albeit part time, enough that I can pay my bills. I have friends, even if none of them are around, and I can't really recall the last time I truly talked to one. I have family that's paying at least a vested interest in helping me out on my bad days. I have a life worth living, in short.
Doesn't mean I'm not lonely.
An ache so deep it hurts just to say it in type, if not aloud. Hurts bad enough that I'm going to cry myself to sleep after I tuck this failing laptop away. Just like every time it slides up on my weary control. If I don't, I'll make myself sick the next few days, nausea so overpowering the scent of food can turn me off and make me rush away.
I long/need/want/must have someone to love. One-sided is as best I can hope for in this world anymore, yet no one fits the bill. Heart too hurt to even look, and no one really around to look at anyway.
I'm tired of this endless repetition, and the bathroom is calling.