(no subject)
Jessica Purser
and Mom's gunna call sometime, methinks.
Christina Rothwell
She's going to call... me?
Jessica Purser
Mmm, she hasn't heard from you in a while and is considering calling, so yeah probably.
Christina Rothwell
>.>
<.<
*disconnects phone service*
Jessica Purser
Hahahha
No.
Talk to her.
Christina Rothwell
It'll just be the exact same awkward conversation we've had every time we talk for the past two years or whatever now.
Jessica Purser
It's mom. it'll never be cozy to chill with her.
She and i are better than ever and i still get awkward quick.
Christina Rothwell
How about I just send her a message? "I'm fine, we're all still alive, no major issues."
Jessica Purser
so it's just how it is.
Christina Rothwell
fml.
Jessica Purser
LOL
I do that sometimes
Christina Rothwell
lol
Jessica Purser
she doesn't really care, something's better than nothing.
Christina Rothwell
There's a reason I haven't talked to her, and it's because I can't stand the awkwardness. The LOLCatspeak. The trying so desperately hard to be cool. The revisionist history.
Jessica Purser
I can't stand the awkwardness either, but...
we.
Are.
awkward.
think about it - you're awkward, i'm awkward, mom's awkward.
that's why we don't really get along with other people.
Christina Rothwell
I'm not awkward. I'm a paragon of social grace by comparison.
Jessica Purser
But sometimes, you (generally speaking) just have to get over it.
Ppppft.
And i'm the queen of morocco.
Christina Rothwell
We arent' awkward together. Or with other people we get along with.
Just Mom.
Jessica Purser
mmm, I am.
Christina Rothwell
My point though is this: it shouldn't be awkward with our freaking mother. And you've accepted this, but I can't.
I mean, maybe just her personality will determine that she'll always be somewhat awkward. That'd be one thing. But this is a different kind of awkwardness.
Jessica Purser
well...to be blunt, you've got a lot of things you can't accept for one reason or another that just ends up being you wanting to hold onto bitterness.
At some point, you just need to let it go.
Can I forget? Hell no.
But at the very least, I can push it aside and move forward.
Christina Rothwell
Perhaps. And perhaps this is one of them. But I can't just let it go, water under the bridge and all that. Stuff happened and she's pretending it didn't. That isn't cool with me.
I've tried the whole let it go and move forward thing. It just causes me more pain and accomplishes nothing else.
And I'm not really strong enough to go through pain without a purpose.
Jessica Purser
So you'll cling onto it?
For what? Mom doesn't know what to do because you won't talk to her about it.
Christina Rothwell
If anything was to be accomplished through me pretending that everything's hunky-dory, I'd do so, but no.
And I have talked to her about it - rather, at her, because she refuses to acknowledge anything.
Jessica Purser
I keep saying we need to skype, the three of us, but no one's willing to do it.
Christina Rothwell
I would be more than willing if I thought it would accomplish anything besides further drama. But you know how she is, Jess - she'll agree with everything I say, then be all pissy about it later on. She's the paragon of passive-aggressive behavior. Or else she'll continue with the revisionist history and bullshit excuses.
Jessica Purser
But there comes a point where you have to realize that you can't get what you really want from mom.
she can't take your pain away.
she can't.
No matter what you hear from her, you won't get what you're looking for.
Christina Rothwell
Oh, I know this. Dave has told me this as well. But at this point, I can't just pretend that she's a fantastic mother, like she seems to want to pretend to be. I can't take the pain of pretending, lying to myself and to her. Not right now.
Jessica Purser
So don't.
and she pretends less when you do.
trust me.
I talked to her about my stuff, and she doesn't pretend anything with me.
you pretend, she will. She's a chameleon, she'll match your behavior.
Christina Rothwell
True, but frankly, I've tried this in the past. Tried to not pretend that she's all Supermom. It really accomplishes nothing. She gets all passive-aggressive-pissy about it, nothing accomplished, just more drama. This is the only viable option I see right now. I don't like it.
Jessica Purser
You don't like anything that has to do with Mom.
Christina Rothwell
This has become true. It didn't used to be this way.
Jessica Purser
mmm...it's been this way since at least Daryl kicked you back to NY.
Christina Rothwell
Listen, if it'll make you feel better, I'll talk to her. Try to sort all this crap out. I seriously don't expect anything to be accomplished, but I'll try.
Yeah, that was the beginning of it, sure.
Jessica Purser
don't do it for me.
One way or the other you'll get an answer.
Christina Rothwell
Pretty sure I've already got my answer.
Jessica Purser
well, going in close-minded should work.
Christina Rothwell
Well, what do you expect? The definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting a different result. I've been down this road already and every time the result is the same. Wouldn't it be absurd to think that this time it'll be different? Mom and I have nothing in common now except you. She wants to believe she was a great mother to me, I refuse to believe that. She wants to pretend she likes my husband, I know better. She wants to go back to being my best friend when that was never what I needed her. She wants to revise history, act like nothing ever happened, and since what happened - all of it - has been a pretty huge impact on who I am today I can't just pretend like it never happened. I could just as soon pretend the Raisin never happened. I can't have a close relationship with her - I know this - and I see no point in trying for the impossible. I'll be nice and respectful to her, but beyond that I can't make promises.
Jessica Purser
Okay.
just...try.
I don't expect miracles with this as much as you do.
You try, she tries, at least there's that.
Just dont be close-minded. that won't work.
I told Mom the same thing.
so it's not fair for you to be close minded if she's not, and vice-versa.
Christina Rothwell
Like I said. For you, I'll try.
Jessica Purser
Okay.
If/when it doesn't get anywhere, I'll never ask again.
Long story short, Jess has talked me into talking to Mom about my multitudes of issues with her. This was like two weeks ago. So far, nothing has come of it. Which I'm pretty much okay with. As I've mentioned, this seems like a not-wonderful idea to me, and frankly, I have no idea what to even say to her. I mean, I don't want to get all crazy weepy yelling emotional about any of this. I don't want to make her feel horrible. But I don't want to sweep this all under the rug, either. lkjsnfatrfgg I don't freaking know.