a little behind

[davemartin86]

ahem

Brian Wilson once said "Beware the lollipop of mediocrity; lick it once and you'll suck forever. '"

What a champ.

So I now thrust upon you....the ramblings (scribblings?) of the past week or so.

1.

So many people
but no souls.

Wittle away down the street
no shoes on your feet
no places to go
or people to meet.

2.

My hand on yours
your arms around hers

Comments

hellooo

[summi91]

Hey there Dave,
Hmm I have to say I find you refreshing!
You have such a freeform in your writing, the sort of thing I would like to have more of! Sometimes I just write but often I mull over what I have written. Bah!
Anyway I liked this...

“So many people
but no souls.

Wittle away down the street
no shoes on your feet
no places to go
or people to meet”

(The only thing is that I think ‘Wittle’ is spelt Whittle!) Sorry to be a picky pain!
But anyway, I like this entry a lot. Good job!
Sommer

Re: hellooo

[davemartin86]

Thank you for the feedback Sommer, I tend to just write whats on the edge of my brain, and worry about it after i've posted it.

I really should upgrade to one of those commonplace books with spell check too =)

[littlenedved]

i liked the first thing you wrote.. very nice, really captures society today i think the so may people, but no souls especially. because really today we walk don the streets and we are soulless, we are caught in our own world not noticing those less fortunate or even anyone else around us. it struck me a lot...

keep up the good stuff

[czaronias]

Great work with these poems! They're both simple to understand, yet insightful. One of the poems reminds me of an entry I made few weeks ago about how as a society we are caught in our own world not noticing those around us and we more often then not ignore peoples obvious screams for help. We are chosing to walk the streets soulless.

[jessbrown1]

Hi Dave,
This was a very interesting poem. I love how you just call it a scrible. Genious. My favourite part is
"So many people
but no souls.
Whittle away down the street
no shoes on your feet
no places to go
or people to meet".
I love the rhyming scheme in this poem. In my opinion all good poems need a rhyming scheme!
Jess