I've been poking at this entry for a few weeks now, and I keep not changing it. I'm not really happy with it, but I think at this point it's just time to post it
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Ah yes, I'm very, very familiar with that sort of thing! Sounds like NGS is basically a different flavor of Codependency. It's what I've been working at conquering for the past three+ years for myself.
You are NOT alone in feeling that way, and I hope you find more strength as you move forward with developing your "spinal implants" (as my co-worker likes to put it) and finding real happiness.
Fair enough...my theory on that is that this way you can read more than my half-assed summary description and decide if this is actually something that applies to you. If it is, *then* you buy the book. (This is exactly what happened for me and two other members of the group....)
First, congratulations on the job! I know how you boys get when you're not working.
Nice-Guy Syndrome sounds rather like the male version of the "martyr complex," which is nice to discover all by itself, because it's one of those things that people hold up as an entirely feminine problem. Now I can call bullshit and hold up this example. Also, it looks like you're still seriously struggling with it, because, um, it means I have a big chunk of my self-respect back, since I'm actually *useful*. You don't have to be employed to be useful OR useful to be a valuable human being, Dave. XD Write that on your mirror or something.
This second half I thought about for a long time before I added it on. Please understand that I'm not saying it to be horrible or hurtful or anything like that. Just... a little bit of honesty, may be a little bit of external confirmation, if you need it. The first time I read about the Internet Nice Guy - and, I guess, indirectly, about Nice Guy Syndrome - I had this slow feeling of dawning horror that
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Good point about my reaction to the job...I'd managed to miss that as a manifestation of NGS.
And yeah...there was a *lot* of NGS in our relationship. Reading through the book, I've been finding that about half of the behaviors I *don't* currently exhibit, I absolutely *did* exhibit them back then. Oh God yes. Getting out may have been one of the smarter things I ever did.
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You are NOT alone in feeling that way, and I hope you find more strength as you move forward with developing your "spinal implants" (as my co-worker likes to put it) and finding real happiness.
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Dav2.718
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Nice-Guy Syndrome sounds rather like the male version of the "martyr complex," which is nice to discover all by itself, because it's one of those things that people hold up as an entirely feminine problem. Now I can call bullshit and hold up this example. Also, it looks like you're still seriously struggling with it, because, um, it means I have a big chunk of my self-respect back, since I'm actually *useful*. You don't have to be employed to be useful OR useful to be a valuable human being, Dave. XD Write that on your mirror or something.
This second half I thought about for a long time before I added it on. Please understand that I'm not saying it to be horrible or hurtful or anything like that. Just... a little bit of honesty, may be a little bit of external confirmation, if you need it. The first time I read about the Internet Nice Guy - and, I guess, indirectly, about Nice Guy Syndrome - I had this slow feeling of dawning horror that ( ... )
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And yeah...there was a *lot* of NGS in our relationship. Reading through the book, I've been finding that about half of the behaviors I *don't* currently exhibit, I absolutely *did* exhibit them back then. Oh God yes. Getting out may have been one of the smarter things I ever did.
Dav2.718
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