You can feel my anger/You can feel my pain
September 3rd,
It’s the first day. The few girls that were accepted, were put in the freshmen barracks. The worst thing possible. Rats were running rampant in the halls, leaving trails of shit everywhere. It was disgusting. Some windows were even broken, letting in the cold pre-winter frost. Doors were non-existent. We huddled together at night for warmth in the den with the large fire place. I think that’s where our room will be. They did say they’d bring a feeling of fellowship between the cadets. A fellowship to survive. Our dinner was one can of beef stew and some bread. It was divided between eight girls. We managed tonight. I don’t know how the others will manage later on. I have this feeling they don’t like girls in this camp. But despite everything, I’m going to see this through, even if it takes my sanity....
September 10th,
A week has passed. Julie was injured during one of the practices. I think she’ll be leaving soon. We haven’t been given that much food, but a blessing is we have plenty of hot water. I think they want us nice and clean. I’m not going to disappoint them. I don’t trust head master John. He’s the only one reasonably kind to us. I don’t know why. And he’s been giving some of us these looks. I don’t know how to explain them. It’s almost as if he’s hungry. I won’t say he scares me, but he un-nerves me. It’s almost like he’s looking into your very soul with those unusually pale eyes. Julie and Sara have been talking about quitting. I don’t blame them, but I won’t be. They are the weaker two of us. Like the slogan says, Only the strong shall survive. I hope I’m one of those. Because, later on I fear that the only way out is to die....
October 1st,
It’s almost been a month. There are six of us now. Julie and Sara are gone. They’ve given us a little more food now. Julie and Sara’s share no doubt. It’s been getting colder at night, and we’ve started having a fire. We’re still sleeping together. I don’t know how much longer Jenny can stand that. She’s claustrophobic. This whole situation has been getting to her. We’ve been doing around the campfire stories and things. You know ghost stories, getting to know you stories. Last night we did fears. Jenny told us she was claustrophobic that night. Megan fears losing control. Mary fears rape. Lizzy fears her own body. I didn’t understand that one, but we agreed not to ask questions. Jessica fears being alone in the dark. I don’t fear. I didn’t grow up with monsters under my bed, or monsters in my closet. The only monsters I know are the ones we make in our own minds. Plain and simple. There’s no point in fearing something you have no control over. Maybe I thought wrong....
October 10th,
We had an exercise today. We play that we are members of different camps, the boys and the girls. The whole idea is to get from the boys camp to our camp and a special bell that rings through out the compound. When you hit it, you’re safe. I made it through. So did Jenny and Megan. Lizzy and Jessica were captured, and so was Mary. We were told that when we were captured, we were at the mercy of those who captured us. Mary was the unlucky one. Apparently Marco really took the at their mercy bit seriously. He and his group raped Mary. She never had a chance with them. Mary was always slow, and they caught her first. Marco slammed her against a tree, cut off her clothes. They took turns with her. When she started to fight at first, they beat her, and cut her. When she was returned to us, she was just a shivering mass of a young girl. We each took turns staying up, looking after her. I’m going to get Marco for this. Somehow, someway. He will pay.
October 24th,
It’s been two weeks since the exercise when Mary got raped. We were doing our daily routine, Mary was allowed to be absent for it, but we weren’t. When we got back, Mary was hanging from the rafters in the attic. Head Master John took her down and that was the last we saw of her. He said he shipped her body back home, but for some reason I don’t believe him. He told us to forget about this, that deaths happen all the time in war time. And if we dwell on it, we’ll be the next to die. He got us right back into our exercises. We did the same one again. This time I was captured. Megan and Lizzy were the ones that got through. Jenny was captured with me. We don’t know what happened to Jessica. No one caught her, and she didn’t get through. I’m scared to think what might have happened to her. Head Master John said he’d give her twenty-four hours to get back. If she failed to return in that time, we’d set up search parties to find her. I hope she comes back. There are dangers out there that aren’t animals...
October 25th,
All exercise have been called off for today. We’ve been split up and sent on search parties. Megan was put in Marco’s group. From the start of their search he was telling her exactly what to do. I was more then a little worried for her. But there was nothing I could do. I was paired up with a young boy named Jordan. He seemed nice enough, and genuinely concerned about Jessica. He was the leader in the group that was responsible for capturing me yesterday. I’ll have to claim it’s the unusual circumstances surrounding us and his atypical kindness in this cruel place that made me start to like him. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All these men are out to hurt us. To get rid of us. But still...
We never found her that day. We couldn’t even find a trail. When we split up again to go to our barracks, there was something wrong with Megan. I can’t describe it, but she just wasn’t the same...
It’s the first day. The few girls that were accepted, were put in the freshmen barracks. The worst thing possible. Rats were running rampant in the halls, leaving trails of shit everywhere. It was disgusting. Some windows were even broken, letting in the cold pre-winter frost. Doors were non-existent. We huddled together at night for warmth in the den with the large fire place. I think that’s where our room will be. They did say they’d bring a feeling of fellowship between the cadets. A fellowship to survive. Our dinner was one can of beef stew and some bread. It was divided between eight girls. We managed tonight. I don’t know how the others will manage later on. I have this feeling they don’t like girls in this camp. But despite everything, I’m going to see this through, even if it takes my sanity....
September 10th,
A week has passed. Julie was injured during one of the practices. I think she’ll be leaving soon. We haven’t been given that much food, but a blessing is we have plenty of hot water. I think they want us nice and clean. I’m not going to disappoint them. I don’t trust head master John. He’s the only one reasonably kind to us. I don’t know why. And he’s been giving some of us these looks. I don’t know how to explain them. It’s almost as if he’s hungry. I won’t say he scares me, but he un-nerves me. It’s almost like he’s looking into your very soul with those unusually pale eyes. Julie and Sara have been talking about quitting. I don’t blame them, but I won’t be. They are the weaker two of us. Like the slogan says, Only the strong shall survive. I hope I’m one of those. Because, later on I fear that the only way out is to die....
October 1st,
It’s almost been a month. There are six of us now. Julie and Sara are gone. They’ve given us a little more food now. Julie and Sara’s share no doubt. It’s been getting colder at night, and we’ve started having a fire. We’re still sleeping together. I don’t know how much longer Jenny can stand that. She’s claustrophobic. This whole situation has been getting to her. We’ve been doing around the campfire stories and things. You know ghost stories, getting to know you stories. Last night we did fears. Jenny told us she was claustrophobic that night. Megan fears losing control. Mary fears rape. Lizzy fears her own body. I didn’t understand that one, but we agreed not to ask questions. Jessica fears being alone in the dark. I don’t fear. I didn’t grow up with monsters under my bed, or monsters in my closet. The only monsters I know are the ones we make in our own minds. Plain and simple. There’s no point in fearing something you have no control over. Maybe I thought wrong....
October 10th,
We had an exercise today. We play that we are members of different camps, the boys and the girls. The whole idea is to get from the boys camp to our camp and a special bell that rings through out the compound. When you hit it, you’re safe. I made it through. So did Jenny and Megan. Lizzy and Jessica were captured, and so was Mary. We were told that when we were captured, we were at the mercy of those who captured us. Mary was the unlucky one. Apparently Marco really took the at their mercy bit seriously. He and his group raped Mary. She never had a chance with them. Mary was always slow, and they caught her first. Marco slammed her against a tree, cut off her clothes. They took turns with her. When she started to fight at first, they beat her, and cut her. When she was returned to us, she was just a shivering mass of a young girl. We each took turns staying up, looking after her. I’m going to get Marco for this. Somehow, someway. He will pay.
October 24th,
It’s been two weeks since the exercise when Mary got raped. We were doing our daily routine, Mary was allowed to be absent for it, but we weren’t. When we got back, Mary was hanging from the rafters in the attic. Head Master John took her down and that was the last we saw of her. He said he shipped her body back home, but for some reason I don’t believe him. He told us to forget about this, that deaths happen all the time in war time. And if we dwell on it, we’ll be the next to die. He got us right back into our exercises. We did the same one again. This time I was captured. Megan and Lizzy were the ones that got through. Jenny was captured with me. We don’t know what happened to Jessica. No one caught her, and she didn’t get through. I’m scared to think what might have happened to her. Head Master John said he’d give her twenty-four hours to get back. If she failed to return in that time, we’d set up search parties to find her. I hope she comes back. There are dangers out there that aren’t animals...
October 25th,
All exercise have been called off for today. We’ve been split up and sent on search parties. Megan was put in Marco’s group. From the start of their search he was telling her exactly what to do. I was more then a little worried for her. But there was nothing I could do. I was paired up with a young boy named Jordan. He seemed nice enough, and genuinely concerned about Jessica. He was the leader in the group that was responsible for capturing me yesterday. I’ll have to claim it’s the unusual circumstances surrounding us and his atypical kindness in this cruel place that made me start to like him. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All these men are out to hurt us. To get rid of us. But still...
We never found her that day. We couldn’t even find a trail. When we split up again to go to our barracks, there was something wrong with Megan. I can’t describe it, but she just wasn’t the same...