Your voice whispers nearly all the time now/Reminding me just how worthless I am
April 31st,
They haven’t found out yet. Jordan and I are still put on patrol together, but more often then not we aren’t patrolling anything but each other’s bodies. I know this is bad. I know that I shouldn’t, but I’m falling in love with him. I can’t help myself. He is the only sane thing in this insanity. The only thing I know will be there for me. The only constant...
May 2nd,
Jordan was sent off with some of the others. They are doing some out doors training. I’m stuck here alone with Marco and his henchman and Head Master John. I think they know about me and Jordan. Or if they don’t know, they will soon. I missed my period. It was due the first. I’m scared now. Now I really do have something to be afraid of. And that is my baby. They’ll kill her when they find out. I can’t let that happen. I can’t let them know. But I don’t know how to hide it. In a few months it will show. And they’ll be demanding to know who the father is. And they’ll find some way to kill her and make it look like an accident. I’m so scared now, I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to lose anything now...
May 10th,
I saw him again. Head Master John. I got closer this time. The papers around him, are pictures. Of the girls. And mine is the one in front of him. He was doing something to my picture. Writing on it in the cat’s blood. I ran then, back to my dorm. When I got there, the room began to spin, and I passed out. I woke up later in the doctor’s office. My stomach hurt, very badly. I know what happened. And I knew what the doctor was going to say before he uttered a word. “You had a miscarriage. Your fine now, but you’ll have a lot of explaining to do with Head Master John.” I stayed in the office curled in a ball until Head Master John came to see me. He asked me who the father was, but I remained silent. He told me it was a breach of the rules to have relations with the other cadets. If I just told him, he would be lenient on my punishment. But I still didn’t answer. My punishment is going to be twenty lashes when I’m recovered from the miscarriage. That will be no more then two days knowing how the doctor feels about me.
May 11th,
I gave him more credit. At least Jordan wasn’t back when I was punished. I think he would have jumped at the chance the Head Master gave to save me. “Come forward the man or men who have had relations with this woman and her punishment will be simple solitary confinement for a month.” They wanted blood. I think the Head Master would still have given me the twenty lashes. He just wanted to know the father. Marco was the whipper. He’s good. I’ll give him that. He kept me awake the whole time. Chained there half naked in front of the whole school, blood pouring down my back. I finally lost consciousness after the twentieth stroke. I again awoke in the doctor’s office, my back wrapped and stitched up where he got me more then once. I’ll be back on regular duty tomorrow. Jordan came back as they were taking me down. I haven’t seen him yet. I hope he hasn’t said anything...
May 18th,
It’s been a week since my punishment. Eight days since I lost the baby. I’m sure Head Master John did something to me. He had to have. I tried to look up what he was doing, but all the books in the library were on maneuvers and other military related subjects. I don’t know how to fight back against him. Not this way.
Jordan has been keeping his distance. I know it’s good. I’m glad he is, but I need someone to cry on. And I think he does too. When I saw him again, after he found out why I was punished he looked at me and I could see his sorrow for what had happened. We’ll have to wait until I go on patrol with him again. I don’t know when that will be, if it will be.
Some times I just hear you laugh forever/I want you the fuck out of my head
They haven’t found out yet. Jordan and I are still put on patrol together, but more often then not we aren’t patrolling anything but each other’s bodies. I know this is bad. I know that I shouldn’t, but I’m falling in love with him. I can’t help myself. He is the only sane thing in this insanity. The only thing I know will be there for me. The only constant...
May 2nd,
Jordan was sent off with some of the others. They are doing some out doors training. I’m stuck here alone with Marco and his henchman and Head Master John. I think they know about me and Jordan. Or if they don’t know, they will soon. I missed my period. It was due the first. I’m scared now. Now I really do have something to be afraid of. And that is my baby. They’ll kill her when they find out. I can’t let that happen. I can’t let them know. But I don’t know how to hide it. In a few months it will show. And they’ll be demanding to know who the father is. And they’ll find some way to kill her and make it look like an accident. I’m so scared now, I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to lose anything now...
May 10th,
I saw him again. Head Master John. I got closer this time. The papers around him, are pictures. Of the girls. And mine is the one in front of him. He was doing something to my picture. Writing on it in the cat’s blood. I ran then, back to my dorm. When I got there, the room began to spin, and I passed out. I woke up later in the doctor’s office. My stomach hurt, very badly. I know what happened. And I knew what the doctor was going to say before he uttered a word. “You had a miscarriage. Your fine now, but you’ll have a lot of explaining to do with Head Master John.” I stayed in the office curled in a ball until Head Master John came to see me. He asked me who the father was, but I remained silent. He told me it was a breach of the rules to have relations with the other cadets. If I just told him, he would be lenient on my punishment. But I still didn’t answer. My punishment is going to be twenty lashes when I’m recovered from the miscarriage. That will be no more then two days knowing how the doctor feels about me.
May 11th,
I gave him more credit. At least Jordan wasn’t back when I was punished. I think he would have jumped at the chance the Head Master gave to save me. “Come forward the man or men who have had relations with this woman and her punishment will be simple solitary confinement for a month.” They wanted blood. I think the Head Master would still have given me the twenty lashes. He just wanted to know the father. Marco was the whipper. He’s good. I’ll give him that. He kept me awake the whole time. Chained there half naked in front of the whole school, blood pouring down my back. I finally lost consciousness after the twentieth stroke. I again awoke in the doctor’s office, my back wrapped and stitched up where he got me more then once. I’ll be back on regular duty tomorrow. Jordan came back as they were taking me down. I haven’t seen him yet. I hope he hasn’t said anything...
May 18th,
It’s been a week since my punishment. Eight days since I lost the baby. I’m sure Head Master John did something to me. He had to have. I tried to look up what he was doing, but all the books in the library were on maneuvers and other military related subjects. I don’t know how to fight back against him. Not this way.
Jordan has been keeping his distance. I know it’s good. I’m glad he is, but I need someone to cry on. And I think he does too. When I saw him again, after he found out why I was punished he looked at me and I could see his sorrow for what had happened. We’ll have to wait until I go on patrol with him again. I don’t know when that will be, if it will be.
Some times I just hear you laugh forever/I want you the fuck out of my head