Fic: When You Hold A Flame (Vol 2: Track 6)
Series: When You Hold A Flame
Title: Me, I’m Not
Pairing,Character(s): Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,051
Spoilers: Through 2x08, AU after that (Series).
Warnings: Homophobic language, violence, swearing.
Previous Chapters: HERE
Summary: He didn’t even want things to get better anymore…he’d settle for them just not getting worse. But maybe even that was too much to ask.
And it's happening, never planned on this.
You got something I need, kind of dangerous.
And I'm losing control, I'm not used to this.
What you want from me? I’m not used to this.
Can't seem to shut it off, this thing I've begun,
And it's hard to tell just where it's coming from.
And it's hard to see what I'm capable of,
And it's hard to believe, just what I've become.
A week or so went by, and Dave figured he was doing a pretty good job with the plan. He’d kept the gay reined in, had barely touched Kurt since he’d talked to him last, and nothing had happened. Nobody knew. Maybe this was going to work.
But then Dave saw Kurt talking to Hudson, touching his shoulder, and he remembered that day with the Gaga outfits last spring and a wave of rage rose in him, and before he knew what he was doing he was walking up towards the locker as Hudson walked away. Kurt closed his locker and turned straight in to face him, and suddenly they were eye-to-eye, and he wanted to say something but he was too close to Kurt and the words had left him. He didn’t know anymore why he had approached Kurt, after he said he was going to ignore him. It didn’t matter that he was talking to Hudson. Dave needed a reason to have come in like this. Kurt’s chin was trembling.
“I don’t want you near me.”
Right. Of course. He couldn’t blame Kurt for that, he supposed, but it still fucking hurt to hear it. They were too close now, their faces maybe a foot apart. He could smell Kurt’s shampoo, he could practically taste him. The need to just reach out and touch him overwhelmed Dave, and his hand moved forward until his index finger rested on Kurt’s chest and slowly traced down. The movement was too intimate, and as he leaned closer, it was all he could do not to take those sweet strawberry-flavored lips again, right here in front of everyone, and he needed to get out of here, needed to get out now, and he saw something in Kurt’s hand and he just grabbed it away, only looking then to see what it was.
Huh. Weird. It was one of those toppers they put on wedding cakes. He didn’t know why the fuck Kurt had one of these but it gave him an excuse to leave. “Can I have this?” he asked, pasting a smirk on his face and pretending that the terror in Kurt’s eyes wasn’t destroying him. Kurt said nothing, so with a quick “Thanks,” Dave walked away, sliding the cake topper into his pocket. He’d figure out what to do with it later.
***
It was the next day after practice and Dave was changing back into his regular clothes when Wheels approached him. “Stop picking on Kurt.”
Shit. He noticed. No one was supposed to notice. Did Kurt say something? He said he wouldn’t say anything. “You mind?” he asks. “I’m changing.”
Chang appeared behind Wheels. “We’re serious.” He slammed Dave’s locker door closed, and for the first time he actually seemed somewhat threatening and not like the crazy goofball Asian he’d been all year. Dave was, well, kind of impressed. “This is a warning.”
Shit. “Oh yeah?” he asked as he put on his jacket.
“From now on, you’re gonna leave him alone,” Wheels added. Dave sighed and shrugged his jacket the rest of the way on.
“Look, if he wants to be a homo, that’s up to him. But don’t rub it in my face.” If Kurt hadn’t been getting all up in his face that time, just a few feet from where they were standing, then it would never have gotten this bad.
Wheels’ face was more intense than Dave had ever seen it. “We’re not asking you.”
Chang immediately followed. “Yeah, we’re done talking about this.” He stepped in closer, and Dave was suddenly struck by how deep Chang’s eyes looked. “Just back off, all right?”
Apparently it wasn’t just Kurt…something about guys getting up in Dave’s face just made him snap. But at least he had the sense not to kiss Chang. “Look, you back off!” He shoved Chang backwards, and the kid fell into Wheels and knocked him back and out of his chair. Dave’s jaw fell open slightly; he had always refrained from messing with Wheels, it just seemed wrong to hurt a cripple, he had it bad enough anyway without that. But before Dave even had a chance to check and see what happened, Sunshine took over.
“Hey!” he yelled, and shoved Dave backwards, and it was on. Dave flipped Sunshine around before they could reach the lockers, and it was Sunshine who hit first. He kicked Dave, and pushed him back against another row of lockers, and his head smashed back against the lockers and a lock slammed into his side between his ribs and holy shit, that fucking hurt. He socked Sunshine in the face and knocked him onto the floor, but before he could get much further the Beast appeared.
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s going on? Get up, get up here, get up!” She pulled Dave away and pushed him back against the lockers, and Sunshine scrambled to his feet only to be pushed back. “What the hell’s going on here?” she yelled, and Dave took a moment to catch his breath. Dave stared at Sunshine for a moment, and they seemed to come to the mutual conclusion that it was best to leave the teachers out of this, so Dave just shrugged and backed away from the Beast’s hand, and Sunshine did the same.
He looked back over towards where Chang and Wheels had been, but Chang had already helped Wheels back into his chair and was pushing him away. Chang looked back at him, narrowing his eyes and pointing at his own eyes before pointing directly at Dave.
Chang was watching him.
And apparently, so were half the fucking guys in Nude Erections.
Great. Just wonderful.
***
That night the Beast called his house and told his mom about the fight with Evans. Told her that neither of them would say what it was about but that she was calling both of their parents to let them know.
Of course, when he had come home rubbing the bump on the back of his head and had popped a few pills for the pain in his side, his mom had figured out that something had gone down. He told her that it was stupid, that he’d made some comment about Sunshine’s girlfriend that was supposed to be a joke and he took it too seriously. And Mom believed him, of course, Mom always did. He was glad that his mom and not his dad had taken the call. Dad would be interrogating him all night if he’d been home to answer the phone.
He went up to his room and opened the third drawer of his desk, pulling out the little cake topper he’d stashed at the back of it and looking at it for a moment, running his thumb over the bride’s plastic hair underneath her veil. He looked at it, and he said a probably-useless prayer, and he put it back into the drawer.
***
The next day he was headed to history when he saw them. Through the choir room door. Kurt was standing there with Hudson, and…were they dancing? Together? He stopped and stared for a second. Kurt was holding Hudson’s hand, their palms clasped tight together, and there was music. Dave didn’t know what to think of it, but suddenly Hudson turned and looked at him, and shit, he’d been caught staring, and he didn’t know how to cover for himself so he just sneered and made a limp-wristed gesture and then kept on walking.
A few moments later, though, a force hit him from the left, and he found himself staring into some old guy’s face as the guy pushed him backwards into the bulletin board on the wall, his forearm at Dave’s throat. “What the hell?” he gasped.
Wait. He knew where he’d seen this face before. It had been a long time since he’d seen it but he knew who this was. And the thought, frankly, terrified him.
Mr. Hummel pressed him harder up against the wall, and he gasped for breath again. “You like picking on people, David? Why don’t you try me?”
“What?” Dave asked, his eyes darting towards the choir room door where Kurt and Hudson had left the room and were running towards them. Where had Mr. Hummel come from? What was he doing there in the room with those two? And then he remembered what he heard the other day, that Hudson’s mom was getting married, and he remembered the wedding cake topper that was sitting in his desk drawer at home, and he put two and two together. Hudson’s mom was marrying Kurt’s dad. They were going to be stepbrothers. That explained…well, a lot.
“What happened to you, Dave? You were a nice kid. You were my son’s friend, now you’re threatening him? What happened, huh? Can’t handle someone who’s a little different from you? Can’t take it to know that not everybody’s just like you?”
“Burt! Stop!” Hudson said, and Kurt was taking his father by the arm and pulling him away. “Please, you’re sick, come on,” he said, and Burt let him pull him away, and Dave sucked in a breath of sweet air as Burt stepped back. Dave looked at Kurt, his eyes wide as he shook his head, and ran. Anywhere, just not here. He didn’t even want things to get better anymore…he’d settle for them just not getting worse. But maybe even that was too much to ask.
He didn’t say a word about it to his parents that night, but he didn’t have to. About an hour after dinner, as he was sitting at his desk turning the cake topper over and over in his hand and trying in vain to focus on his pre-calc homework, a knock came on his bedroom door. Dave shoved the cake topper roughly into the pocket of the jacket hung over his chair.
“David.”
“Yeah Dad?” he asked, trying to stay casual, stay cool, even though he’d heard the phone ring about five minutes ago and knew what this had to be about.
“May I come in?”
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
The door opened, and his father walked into the room, still in his suit from work. Dave rotated around in his chair and met his dad’s eyes. “That was Principal Sylvester. She’s requested a meeting tomorrow. With Kurt Hummel and his father. She said that you and Mr. Hummel had an incident at school today.” His dad looked at him, raising one eyebrow in that infuriatingly expressive way of his. “You want to tell me what’s going on, David?”
Dave swallowed and shrugged. “I dunno. I mean, yeah, I make fun of Kurt sometimes, most of the guys on the team do, he’s a queer, you know?” The corner of his father’s lip curled, just barely noticeable but definitely there, and Dave’s stomach turned. “But today Mr. Hummel just went ballistic on me, I dunno why.”
The eyebrow again. “David.”
“I dunno, Dad! Who knows what Fancy wants. We’ll find out tomorrow I guess.” Dave turned and looked back at problem 16 in his book. He waited but he didn’t hear his father get up.
“David, I’m worried about you. You’re acting out. Your mother told me about the fight yesterday with that Evans boy, and now this? What’s going on?”
“Nothing, Dad. Nothing’s going on. Can you just…this homework’s due tomorrow, I need to get it done.” He tapped his pencil on the paper, and plugged some random numbers into his calculator, and finally he heard his father stand up and walk towards the door.
“I’ll find out tomorrow what’s really going on, you know. There’s no point in pretending-”
Dave sighed and set his pencil down on the desk and slowly spun his chair around. “Dad. Please. I need to get this done.”
His father shook his head and left the room, and when he heard footsteps going down the stairs, Dave shook his head and took the cake topper out of his pocket again, considering it a minute before putting it back in its place in his desk drawer.
So now Kurt had gone and gotten Sylvester involved. And both of their dads. Great. He had better keep Dave’s secret tomorrow.
If he didn’t, things could get ugly.
Title: Me, I’m Not
Pairing,Character(s): Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,051
Spoilers: Through 2x08, AU after that (Series).
Warnings: Homophobic language, violence, swearing.
Previous Chapters: HERE
Summary: He didn’t even want things to get better anymore…he’d settle for them just not getting worse. But maybe even that was too much to ask.
And it's happening, never planned on this.
You got something I need, kind of dangerous.
And I'm losing control, I'm not used to this.
What you want from me? I’m not used to this.
Can't seem to shut it off, this thing I've begun,
And it's hard to tell just where it's coming from.
And it's hard to see what I'm capable of,
And it's hard to believe, just what I've become.
A week or so went by, and Dave figured he was doing a pretty good job with the plan. He’d kept the gay reined in, had barely touched Kurt since he’d talked to him last, and nothing had happened. Nobody knew. Maybe this was going to work.
But then Dave saw Kurt talking to Hudson, touching his shoulder, and he remembered that day with the Gaga outfits last spring and a wave of rage rose in him, and before he knew what he was doing he was walking up towards the locker as Hudson walked away. Kurt closed his locker and turned straight in to face him, and suddenly they were eye-to-eye, and he wanted to say something but he was too close to Kurt and the words had left him. He didn’t know anymore why he had approached Kurt, after he said he was going to ignore him. It didn’t matter that he was talking to Hudson. Dave needed a reason to have come in like this. Kurt’s chin was trembling.
“I don’t want you near me.”
Right. Of course. He couldn’t blame Kurt for that, he supposed, but it still fucking hurt to hear it. They were too close now, their faces maybe a foot apart. He could smell Kurt’s shampoo, he could practically taste him. The need to just reach out and touch him overwhelmed Dave, and his hand moved forward until his index finger rested on Kurt’s chest and slowly traced down. The movement was too intimate, and as he leaned closer, it was all he could do not to take those sweet strawberry-flavored lips again, right here in front of everyone, and he needed to get out of here, needed to get out now, and he saw something in Kurt’s hand and he just grabbed it away, only looking then to see what it was.
Huh. Weird. It was one of those toppers they put on wedding cakes. He didn’t know why the fuck Kurt had one of these but it gave him an excuse to leave. “Can I have this?” he asked, pasting a smirk on his face and pretending that the terror in Kurt’s eyes wasn’t destroying him. Kurt said nothing, so with a quick “Thanks,” Dave walked away, sliding the cake topper into his pocket. He’d figure out what to do with it later.
***
It was the next day after practice and Dave was changing back into his regular clothes when Wheels approached him. “Stop picking on Kurt.”
Shit. He noticed. No one was supposed to notice. Did Kurt say something? He said he wouldn’t say anything. “You mind?” he asks. “I’m changing.”
Chang appeared behind Wheels. “We’re serious.” He slammed Dave’s locker door closed, and for the first time he actually seemed somewhat threatening and not like the crazy goofball Asian he’d been all year. Dave was, well, kind of impressed. “This is a warning.”
Shit. “Oh yeah?” he asked as he put on his jacket.
“From now on, you’re gonna leave him alone,” Wheels added. Dave sighed and shrugged his jacket the rest of the way on.
“Look, if he wants to be a homo, that’s up to him. But don’t rub it in my face.” If Kurt hadn’t been getting all up in his face that time, just a few feet from where they were standing, then it would never have gotten this bad.
Wheels’ face was more intense than Dave had ever seen it. “We’re not asking you.”
Chang immediately followed. “Yeah, we’re done talking about this.” He stepped in closer, and Dave was suddenly struck by how deep Chang’s eyes looked. “Just back off, all right?”
Apparently it wasn’t just Kurt…something about guys getting up in Dave’s face just made him snap. But at least he had the sense not to kiss Chang. “Look, you back off!” He shoved Chang backwards, and the kid fell into Wheels and knocked him back and out of his chair. Dave’s jaw fell open slightly; he had always refrained from messing with Wheels, it just seemed wrong to hurt a cripple, he had it bad enough anyway without that. But before Dave even had a chance to check and see what happened, Sunshine took over.
“Hey!” he yelled, and shoved Dave backwards, and it was on. Dave flipped Sunshine around before they could reach the lockers, and it was Sunshine who hit first. He kicked Dave, and pushed him back against another row of lockers, and his head smashed back against the lockers and a lock slammed into his side between his ribs and holy shit, that fucking hurt. He socked Sunshine in the face and knocked him onto the floor, but before he could get much further the Beast appeared.
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s going on? Get up, get up here, get up!” She pulled Dave away and pushed him back against the lockers, and Sunshine scrambled to his feet only to be pushed back. “What the hell’s going on here?” she yelled, and Dave took a moment to catch his breath. Dave stared at Sunshine for a moment, and they seemed to come to the mutual conclusion that it was best to leave the teachers out of this, so Dave just shrugged and backed away from the Beast’s hand, and Sunshine did the same.
He looked back over towards where Chang and Wheels had been, but Chang had already helped Wheels back into his chair and was pushing him away. Chang looked back at him, narrowing his eyes and pointing at his own eyes before pointing directly at Dave.
Chang was watching him.
And apparently, so were half the fucking guys in Nude Erections.
Great. Just wonderful.
***
That night the Beast called his house and told his mom about the fight with Evans. Told her that neither of them would say what it was about but that she was calling both of their parents to let them know.
Of course, when he had come home rubbing the bump on the back of his head and had popped a few pills for the pain in his side, his mom had figured out that something had gone down. He told her that it was stupid, that he’d made some comment about Sunshine’s girlfriend that was supposed to be a joke and he took it too seriously. And Mom believed him, of course, Mom always did. He was glad that his mom and not his dad had taken the call. Dad would be interrogating him all night if he’d been home to answer the phone.
He went up to his room and opened the third drawer of his desk, pulling out the little cake topper he’d stashed at the back of it and looking at it for a moment, running his thumb over the bride’s plastic hair underneath her veil. He looked at it, and he said a probably-useless prayer, and he put it back into the drawer.
***
The next day he was headed to history when he saw them. Through the choir room door. Kurt was standing there with Hudson, and…were they dancing? Together? He stopped and stared for a second. Kurt was holding Hudson’s hand, their palms clasped tight together, and there was music. Dave didn’t know what to think of it, but suddenly Hudson turned and looked at him, and shit, he’d been caught staring, and he didn’t know how to cover for himself so he just sneered and made a limp-wristed gesture and then kept on walking.
A few moments later, though, a force hit him from the left, and he found himself staring into some old guy’s face as the guy pushed him backwards into the bulletin board on the wall, his forearm at Dave’s throat. “What the hell?” he gasped.
Wait. He knew where he’d seen this face before. It had been a long time since he’d seen it but he knew who this was. And the thought, frankly, terrified him.
Mr. Hummel pressed him harder up against the wall, and he gasped for breath again. “You like picking on people, David? Why don’t you try me?”
“What?” Dave asked, his eyes darting towards the choir room door where Kurt and Hudson had left the room and were running towards them. Where had Mr. Hummel come from? What was he doing there in the room with those two? And then he remembered what he heard the other day, that Hudson’s mom was getting married, and he remembered the wedding cake topper that was sitting in his desk drawer at home, and he put two and two together. Hudson’s mom was marrying Kurt’s dad. They were going to be stepbrothers. That explained…well, a lot.
“What happened to you, Dave? You were a nice kid. You were my son’s friend, now you’re threatening him? What happened, huh? Can’t handle someone who’s a little different from you? Can’t take it to know that not everybody’s just like you?”
“Burt! Stop!” Hudson said, and Kurt was taking his father by the arm and pulling him away. “Please, you’re sick, come on,” he said, and Burt let him pull him away, and Dave sucked in a breath of sweet air as Burt stepped back. Dave looked at Kurt, his eyes wide as he shook his head, and ran. Anywhere, just not here. He didn’t even want things to get better anymore…he’d settle for them just not getting worse. But maybe even that was too much to ask.
He didn’t say a word about it to his parents that night, but he didn’t have to. About an hour after dinner, as he was sitting at his desk turning the cake topper over and over in his hand and trying in vain to focus on his pre-calc homework, a knock came on his bedroom door. Dave shoved the cake topper roughly into the pocket of the jacket hung over his chair.
“David.”
“Yeah Dad?” he asked, trying to stay casual, stay cool, even though he’d heard the phone ring about five minutes ago and knew what this had to be about.
“May I come in?”
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
The door opened, and his father walked into the room, still in his suit from work. Dave rotated around in his chair and met his dad’s eyes. “That was Principal Sylvester. She’s requested a meeting tomorrow. With Kurt Hummel and his father. She said that you and Mr. Hummel had an incident at school today.” His dad looked at him, raising one eyebrow in that infuriatingly expressive way of his. “You want to tell me what’s going on, David?”
Dave swallowed and shrugged. “I dunno. I mean, yeah, I make fun of Kurt sometimes, most of the guys on the team do, he’s a queer, you know?” The corner of his father’s lip curled, just barely noticeable but definitely there, and Dave’s stomach turned. “But today Mr. Hummel just went ballistic on me, I dunno why.”
The eyebrow again. “David.”
“I dunno, Dad! Who knows what Fancy wants. We’ll find out tomorrow I guess.” Dave turned and looked back at problem 16 in his book. He waited but he didn’t hear his father get up.
“David, I’m worried about you. You’re acting out. Your mother told me about the fight yesterday with that Evans boy, and now this? What’s going on?”
“Nothing, Dad. Nothing’s going on. Can you just…this homework’s due tomorrow, I need to get it done.” He tapped his pencil on the paper, and plugged some random numbers into his calculator, and finally he heard his father stand up and walk towards the door.
“I’ll find out tomorrow what’s really going on, you know. There’s no point in pretending-”
Dave sighed and set his pencil down on the desk and slowly spun his chair around. “Dad. Please. I need to get this done.”
His father shook his head and left the room, and when he heard footsteps going down the stairs, Dave shook his head and took the cake topper out of his pocket again, considering it a minute before putting it back in its place in his desk drawer.
So now Kurt had gone and gotten Sylvester involved. And both of their dads. Great. He had better keep Dave’s secret tomorrow.
If he didn’t, things could get ugly.