Some thoughts on death and dying

[dawnd]

This was written in response to a piece elsewhere, in which the author was talking about the recent death of their mother. I decided I wanted to keep the response for myself, since I include a bunch of stuff about my own journey with my mom’s decline into dementia and her waning years

Comments

[dieppe]

*HUGS* for you too, because I know what that religious upbringing can do to people. My mom died of breast cancer at 76, and thankfully she wasn't toxic with her religious beliefs. We never talked about them, but though I've been what I consider a "strong atheist" for decades now (I don't slide towards "Whoooo knows an all powerful being could have created the Universe we just can't see...?"), we just never talked about it.

And I never confronted her about it on her deathbed, because, hey if it gave her comfort and harmed no-one, believing there's something after this.. well go ahead mom.

Anyway *HUGS* again because Dementia is no fun for anyone. :(

[dawnd]

Thanks. I appreciate it. Yeah, the religious thing is just so … crappy. I moved into Paganism decades ago, and these days I think of myself as more of an agnosto-pagan. I definitely don’t believe in the God of my mother. I believe that there is something greater than ourselves (like, a whole damn universe!) but I am absolutely not convinced that there is any entity that gives a crap about any of us personally. I like to honor the earth, the seasons, and to behave in a loving and kind way. I want to work toward peace and equity and justice for all people. I don’t know what I - or we - don’t know. As long as people are ok with those things, and don’t try to tell me what to believe or not, they can believe whatever they want. But when they cross the line into shaming me or controlling me or others in the name of some god/dess/es… well I’ve got no patience for that. And I have no patience for justifying treating other people badly, or supporting systemic racism/injustice because “that’s what the Bible/God” tells us to do.” That’s BS

[dieppe]

If I were to be "religious" of any sort it would be more pagan. Acknowledging solstices and equinoxes, and the seasons of the earth. Or hell, maybe worship the sun because all energy for life comes from there in the first place. ;)

Also I am a huge fan of religions that aren't trying to continually convert people. Judaism, paganism, wicca... I've never had those people knock on my door.

But anyway yeah, in the end I think most of us all try and become better. So hang in there and everything good!

[brian1789]

(hugs) to both you and the OP...

I understand the mixture of feelings and the guilt inherent in trying to balance the needs.

(more hugs) and I hope she's out of the hospital by now.

[goodheartduck]

How to love someone who imperfectly loved you... to the point of causing harm. Perhaps I do it the way they did, the best I can, but while trying to make the best better for myself and all others involved.

**hugs** to you and the OP. I am glad you have the chance to be there for your mother's final years. Knowing you, I am sure you are letting the compassionate side of yourself win.

There's no way to have better parents, or a better past in any way.

But you can be true to yourself, by finding and giving your imperfect but well-intentioned love back to someone who had no small role in your life. ♥ Wishing you and the OP peace....