Bethany Joy Galeotti Guest Editor Entry
My guest editor entry for Bethanyjoy.com
What constitutes 'normal'?
There are many things I want to do with my life, places I want to go, people I want to meet and cultures I want to experience. There are some people who have no fear and just go for it. There are other people who work hard and make their own path in life.
And then there’s me.
My path is blocked and I’ve been finding myself trying to pull back the brambles and get through, but they’re prickly and hard to get through.
If I was to tell you that I suffer with anxiety, what would you think? Would you think that I spent every day stuck in my own thoughts? Would you think that I couldn’t leave the house, go to work or live my life? I actually live a peaceful, stress-free and happy life.
I’ve recently been looking into my anxiety issues with the help of a therapist. For years now, I’ve found myself panicking in certain situations where I have no reason to panic. I first noticed it when I changed jobs four years ago - I was leaving a low paid unsecure job for a better one, with more money and more security for the future. This change triggered something deep in me that resulted in me crying for days and breaking out in a sweat whenever I thought about it.
It turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made, but try telling twenty year old me that.
Holidays give me worrying thoughts, particularly if I’m flying or forbid - leaving the country. Going somewhere new, somewhere I don’t know the layout or the people … the unknown. Sometimes I feel like saying that I’m afraid of nothing. Literally.
With the help of my therapist, I’ve come to realise that I have a type of anxiety issue that is not only unhelpful, but is the most pointless thing I have ever had to deal with.
Anticipation anxiety.
Have you ever heard of something so ridiculous?
My mind, God love her, plants seeds of hesitation and dread for events in my life that I haven’t reached yet. Some seeds are for events I’m planning, such as weddings, holidays and parties. While other seeds, and these are the ones I hate the most, are for events such as pregnancy, bringing up children and physical aging that are years, if not decades in the future, that I shouldn’t even be thinking of yet, let alone worrying about them.
The upside to my anticipation anxiety is that once the event is happening in real time, I think to myself:
What was all the fuss about? This is fine, this is fun.
The downside to my anticipation anxiety is that sometimes, I avoid events I want to go to or happen, just so I don’t have to go through the motions.
For example, I’ve been in the same job for four years. Would I leave? No. I know how to do my job, my friends are there. I can’t start over. I don’t feel strong enough to. What if the new job doesn’t work out, or isn’t as good as my current job? I wouldn’t be able to go back. At this rate, I’ll be still in the same job until I have a baby, and then I’ll have a new can of worms to deal with.
I’ve been told that realising the problem is a very good start to recovery. Now I know what I need to fix, I can start making real progress in changing my negative thoughts to positive ones. I may even go abroad again in the future (but not too far obviously, I can’t be too far away from my safe zone).
I only hope, with the help of my therapist and the support of my friends and family, I’ll be able to cut away at my fears and stride forward on my path.
What constitutes 'normal'?
There are many things I want to do with my life, places I want to go, people I want to meet and cultures I want to experience. There are some people who have no fear and just go for it. There are other people who work hard and make their own path in life.
And then there’s me.
My path is blocked and I’ve been finding myself trying to pull back the brambles and get through, but they’re prickly and hard to get through.
If I was to tell you that I suffer with anxiety, what would you think? Would you think that I spent every day stuck in my own thoughts? Would you think that I couldn’t leave the house, go to work or live my life? I actually live a peaceful, stress-free and happy life.
I’ve recently been looking into my anxiety issues with the help of a therapist. For years now, I’ve found myself panicking in certain situations where I have no reason to panic. I first noticed it when I changed jobs four years ago - I was leaving a low paid unsecure job for a better one, with more money and more security for the future. This change triggered something deep in me that resulted in me crying for days and breaking out in a sweat whenever I thought about it.
It turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made, but try telling twenty year old me that.
Holidays give me worrying thoughts, particularly if I’m flying or forbid - leaving the country. Going somewhere new, somewhere I don’t know the layout or the people … the unknown. Sometimes I feel like saying that I’m afraid of nothing. Literally.
With the help of my therapist, I’ve come to realise that I have a type of anxiety issue that is not only unhelpful, but is the most pointless thing I have ever had to deal with.
Anticipation anxiety.
Have you ever heard of something so ridiculous?
My mind, God love her, plants seeds of hesitation and dread for events in my life that I haven’t reached yet. Some seeds are for events I’m planning, such as weddings, holidays and parties. While other seeds, and these are the ones I hate the most, are for events such as pregnancy, bringing up children and physical aging that are years, if not decades in the future, that I shouldn’t even be thinking of yet, let alone worrying about them.
The upside to my anticipation anxiety is that once the event is happening in real time, I think to myself:
What was all the fuss about? This is fine, this is fun.
The downside to my anticipation anxiety is that sometimes, I avoid events I want to go to or happen, just so I don’t have to go through the motions.
For example, I’ve been in the same job for four years. Would I leave? No. I know how to do my job, my friends are there. I can’t start over. I don’t feel strong enough to. What if the new job doesn’t work out, or isn’t as good as my current job? I wouldn’t be able to go back. At this rate, I’ll be still in the same job until I have a baby, and then I’ll have a new can of worms to deal with.
I’ve been told that realising the problem is a very good start to recovery. Now I know what I need to fix, I can start making real progress in changing my negative thoughts to positive ones. I may even go abroad again in the future (but not too far obviously, I can’t be too far away from my safe zone).
I only hope, with the help of my therapist and the support of my friends and family, I’ll be able to cut away at my fears and stride forward on my path.