sadness and longing, move along.
I am having one of my days where the sadness of missing her is almost overwhelming.
The grey day does nothing to help. I sit and stare at the public internet traces of her... I feel like a stalker. I am a stalker. I am a peeping jill staring in her windows and desperately wishing i were inside. i miss cuddling with her, i miss how we loved one another, i miss how she felt like the other half of my brain. They say time heals all wounds but this wound is always there, and it eats away at me. Gnawing lightly at my heart, everyday and never stopping. Somedays are worse than others but the pain is there everyday.
When J and i got together, we knew we wanted and often said, "everyday" to one another. The other side of that coin for me comes with such pain that i still can't make sense of why it all had to happen this way.
She lost her whole life. A pain I can not imagine. Her strength and perserverance through that are amazing to me. I am so proud of her and so happy to hear about the happiness she is finding and the balance she persues.
All i lost is her and although i am loved by many - some days it still feels like i am walking through devastation that has still not yet been touched. The emotional wreckage this has done to my heart has maimed me and i will never be the same.
The grey day does nothing to help. I sit and stare at the public internet traces of her... I feel like a stalker. I am a stalker. I am a peeping jill staring in her windows and desperately wishing i were inside. i miss cuddling with her, i miss how we loved one another, i miss how she felt like the other half of my brain. They say time heals all wounds but this wound is always there, and it eats away at me. Gnawing lightly at my heart, everyday and never stopping. Somedays are worse than others but the pain is there everyday.
When J and i got together, we knew we wanted and often said, "everyday" to one another. The other side of that coin for me comes with such pain that i still can't make sense of why it all had to happen this way.
She lost her whole life. A pain I can not imagine. Her strength and perserverance through that are amazing to me. I am so proud of her and so happy to hear about the happiness she is finding and the balance she persues.
All i lost is her and although i am loved by many - some days it still feels like i am walking through devastation that has still not yet been touched. The emotional wreckage this has done to my heart has maimed me and i will never be the same.