Fall to Pieces, Part One
Title: Fall to Pieces, Part One
Characters: Yumichika and Ikkaku
Rating: PG
Warnings: Some angst
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or its characters.
Fall to Pieces, Part One
“Don’t.” The word is meant to be a command, but it comes out as a plea. Yumichika shivers as the cold wind assaults him, thin tendrils of his long hair whipping across his face. “Please.”
“It ain’t up to you,” is the indifferent reply. There’s a pause, and then Ikkaku turns to leave.
“I said don’t.” The tone of Yumichika’s voice grows frantic. He can barely make out the back of Ikkaku’s head through the tears in his eyes.
“An’ I said it ain’t up to you.” Ikkaku stops walking, but doesn’t turn around.
“When have I ever asked you for anything?” A trembling hand punctuates Yumichika’s question. He stumbles forward, reaching for the other man but coming up short. “When?”
“Not the point.” Another pause, and then another step away.
“I haven’t! All these years and I’ve never...” The rest of his words are carried away on the wind. Yumichika falls to his knees, tears dripping from his chin. “I’ve never asked you to stay. Not once. Even when it’s killed me inside.”
“Not my fault.” There’s a hint of regret in Ikkaku’s voice. A hint, but not enough.
Yumichika stands, grabs hold of those broad shoulders, and whips his friend around. “Well, I’m asking you now!” He trembles, face white with cold and pain, fingers desperate as they cling to Ikkaku’s clothes. “I’m asking you now.” His eyes shine bright, wet but no longer tearful. They flash angrily, rage replacing his sorrow.
“Then stop me.” A tiny smirk settles over Ikkaku’s face.
Yumichika wipes it away with one clean blow to that bald head. “You are... Sometimes I...”
“Love me?” Another grin, wider now.
“Never.” But the tone of Yumichika’s voice has softened. He stays put, even as Ikkaku begins to leave. His shoulders are still shaking, his eyes still bright as he watches his only friend disappear into the horizon.
“Never.”
----
Ikkaku returns the next morning, broken and bruised. His face is a mess, barely recognizable through the blood and the dirt. The hitch in his breath speaks of internal injuries, and the limp in his step suggests a broken toe. It’s the worst shape he’s come home in since he’s had a place to call home. There’s no way he can get out of this without at least a lecture, and maybe the silent treatment. He’s in too much pain to realize the contradiction in that thought.
His face, or what’s left of it, falls as he limps through the door. Yumichika is sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes red from lack of sleep and his pretty mouth drawn into a tight frown. Ikkaku sees the muscles in the brunet’s body jump, knows that he wants to rush over, but also knows that the unspoken pact between them won’t allow it. So he drags himself across the floor and plops down next to Yumi’s feet. His breath shatters in his chest as a whole new rush of pain floods through him.
“Yeah, so I fucked up,” he mutters, leaning his head against the bed. “You gonna be mad at me all week, or just a few days?”
“Haven’t decided yet.” There’s a brief pause as Yumichika walks over to the dresser and begins pulling out their supply of bandages and salve. “What do you think?”
“I think you should consider my injuries punishment enough,” Ikkaku says, knowing full well that he might as well tell Yumi to jump off a cliff. He winces as the brunet starts treating his wounds. “Ain’t every day I get beat up this bad.”
“Doesn’t stop you from trying, does it.” It’s more of a statement than a question, so Ikkaku just grunts and closes his eyes. Yumichika speaks a moment later, his voice still tense, but warmer now. “Did you win?”
A slow grin spreads across Ikkaku’s face, before he realizes it hurts to smile and grimaces instead. “Do you have to ask?”
“Mm.” There’s some salving, a lot of bandaging, and finally Yumi steps back to admire his work. “You’re not leaving for a week.”
“What, you gonna stop-ow!” Ikkaku’s teeth rattle as Yumichika’s fist slams into the side of his jaw. “I’m injured!”
“Yeah, remind yourself of that when you go looking for a fight tomorrow.” The pretty man rolls his eyes as he walks away, leftover bandages trailing behind him.
Ikkaku drops his head back and closes his eyes again. He listens to the sound of Yumichika putting things away, listens as the brunet leaves the room. Once the room falls into silence, he touches the bandage on his cheek and frowns.
“I’m sorry.”
----
Ikkaku doesn’t apologize; he’s incapable of saying he’s sorry. Yumichika knows this. Knows it and hates it, but accepts it all the same. The bald man likes to apologize in actions. He smiles more, talks less, and even lets Yumi have the extra blanket. His jokes are less cutting, his manners less appalling, and his language less vulgar. But all that still doesn’t make up for the fact that the man just won’t say he’s sorry.
“Two words, is that so much to ask?” Yumichika folds his arms across his chest and taps his toe.
“Fuck off. There, two words. Happy now?” The look on Ikkaku’s face is less than apologetic. A bit of the niceness he’s been playing at is starting to crumble away.
“Oh, is that what you want me to do? Because I can. And I will. Out the door, I’m gone.” Yumi turns to leave, his hand reaching for the sword he keeps near the window.
“Damn it, Yumi. Will you settle the fuck down?” A pause, a few swears, and then Ikkaku comes limping over. “You just started talking to me again this morning, and now you expect an apology? Where’s my apology? I’ve been sittin’ here with nothing to do and no one to talk to for two days.”
Violet eyes roll before they narrow in the bald man’s direction. “Oh, two days. I am so sorry. Would you like me to get down and beg for forgiveness?”
Another pause, and a considering look. “Well...”
Yumichika doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want to hear whatever stupid response is coming next. So he smacks the other man upside the head and flounces through the door.
“Yumi!” There’s a lot of scuffling, and then a thud, as Ikkaku falls into the street.
“Ikakku, stop,” Yumi hisses, glancing around warily. “You’re making a scene!”
“Well, isn’t that what you want? Me to make a fool of myself, proclaim my undying devotion and roll around like a girl?”
Yumichika has to admit that Ikkaku looks pretty comical like that, sprawled on the ground with bandages covering most of his body. He stifles a chuckle as he crouches down. “You really are that clueless, aren’t you.”
“Maybe?” The grin on the bald man’s face says it all. Totally, completely clueless.
“Come on, let’s get you inside.”
----
“I can’t do this any more.” Yumichika’s voice is soft and low. It makes Ikkaku’s stomach lurch.
“Do what?” he asks, even though he already knows. He doesn’t want to talk about this now. Not ever.
“Don’t play dumb.” There’s a shift as Yumichika gets up off the bed and starts pacing.
“Why? You’re always telling me that’s what I am. An’ sit down, will ya? You’re makin’ my head hurt.” Ikkaku sits up, wincing a little more than he needs to as he swings his feet onto the floor.
“Are you listening to me? I’m saying that this isn’t working.” Yumichika pauses, glances in his direction. “At least not for me.”
“Well, what do you want me to say?” He sighs, rubbing his hand across his face.
“Oh, I don’t know. How about what you’re thinking? What you’re feeling? Anything, everything, all the things you never say? I’m telling you, it’s like you’re some sort of... of... emotional idiot.” Yumichika’s hands are flying now, accenting each word he says with a gesture.
“Emotional idiot, eh? That’s a new one. Should remember that for the next time you’re pissed.” A small smirk, but it fades when he sees the hurt on Yumi’s face.
“There won’t be a next time, Ikkaku.”
“Sure there will. There’s always a next time. How could there not be, I’m an emotional idiot, right?” He keeps his tone light, but his eyes are dark as he watches Yumi move toward the door.
“Not this time.” The pause that comes next is deafening. “I can’t.”
He knows that he should get up, knows that he should do something, but he refuses to give in. His body starts to move on its own, but he stops it, rooting himself to the bed with his pride and his stubbornness.
Yumichika stands there for a moment, giving Ikkaku a chance to stop him.
And then he’s gone.
----
~TBC~
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