Mixed With the Lightning of Slaughter [ch. 13]
previous: 12 - stained and made bloody
13 - and the wrath of hearts that burn
The Chidori crackles around his hand and dissipates, shuddering along the chakra threads as the ends cringe and curl away. His eyes are blurred by blood, but he does not try to clear his sight. The blurriness does not weaken his ability to attack, and attacking is most important. Attacking is important too, his father is saying to the elders, and he peeks curiously around the door. We defend and attack to protect, always.
Attacking is important, he repeats to himself, stumbling over the syllables. Later he tells his brother this, and then: So, could you teach me about throwing shuriken? Looks up at his brother, hoping; and Uchiha Itachi raises his eyes, blanker than washed slate, his gaze passing over him, and pokes him in the forehead.
Sorry, Sasuke. Another time.
Did you pity me even then? Did you think me weak?
(-those whom we love, Itachi breathes out hollowly-)
“Don’t call me pathetic,” he says lowly.
“I’m not lying to you, Sasuke-sama.” Sakon raises his hands placatingly. “You agreed to come with us, after all. We all want the same thing, don’t we?-you’ll become powerful more quickly than you ever could in a backwater place like Konoha.” He spits the name out like a curse.
A curse, yes, that dogs his every step and refuses to just go away, go far away-I’m almost done, he thinks, and the weariness creeps over him, I could have been done, but now his past future stretches out before him again-another departure, and another goal, and vengeance made close to the heart. There is no rest for him.
He feels like he could hate fate for turning him back to the beginning, after all the time he has spent moving away from it. He cannot move forward, he retreads the same path he did and as the Uchiha did time and time again, and what lies before him is only-
He crouches low, then pushes off against the water in Jiroubou’s direction. “Just leave!” he growls, hurtling toward the largest of the Sound Four-and sees the shimmer out of the corner of his eye, runs into-
His skin maps the structure out for him first, the pattern appearing in whiplash against his bare arms. Then, the activated Sharingan-he’d seen the net burning away under his Chidori, but not the second one which fell from above. The last notes of Tayuya’s flute linger around him.
“This is supposed to be Orochimaru-sama’s new container?” she says, flicking a stray bang out of her face. “He’s so unaware and oblivious-“
Sasuke snarls wordlessly-not true, not true, she doesn’t know me-that’s a total lie-
-but you’re a bad liar-
The electricity sizzles out of his body, fueled by sheer willpower, but… he can feel his chakra draining away slowly, his power slipping away from him-how to get out? how do I get out? out out out-
(Sasuke hates being caged by what he can see.)
The Sound Four have surrounded him now, but Kidoumaru’s smirk is what fills his vision. “My net’s weakness to electricity is easily fixed,” he tells Sasuke pointedly. “You haven’t really thought that we could be stronger than you, have you?”
In the next moment Sasuke is blinded by the force of the punch to his temple. His Sharingan spins and deactivates to a dull darkness.
“Did you think you were humoring us by coming along?” Kidoumaru hisses. “We thought you were smart enough to recognize that you would know the honor given you, something you don’t deserve-but you actually thought you had a choice? Dumbass.”
“Kidoumaru,” Jiroubou warns, “don’t rough him up too much. Orochimaru-sama wants him in decent shape.”
“He’s decent enough,” Sakon retorts. “If we’re decent, he’s decent. I know you want to let him rot too, Jiroubou, I can see it in your face. He burned you, he fried Kidoumaru-we give back what we get.”
“Stop yapping.” Tayuya slaps Sakon’s shoulder and gazes down at Sasuke. “You’re getting tired, aren’t you?” she comments.
I’m always tired, Sasuke wants to say. He can sense his chakra flickering now; stops his Chidori Nagashi. It wasn’t so bad, he thinks. I could go and kill Orochimaru later. I could go with them. I’ll have to go either way-they can take me on, and even if I do win with this chakra depletion, where would I go afterward?-easier, really, if he doesn’t choose.
Sakon grabs him by the left arm and tugs him up. “Ukon and I will take care of things,” he says gleefully. “We can control him from running.”
“Ukon?” Sasuke asks warily and resists the urge to step back. Kabuto had mentioned the name before; but in general Oto nin did not bother to speak of the dead.
But they did speak of kekkei genkai, and yes, he remembers (thinking, recalling, a moment ago) that Sakon had one, the ability to mer-
Sakon’s hand sinks into his wrist.
Sasuke reacts instinctively-he flings his arm to the side but his hand is still not there-it’s inside me, Sasuke thinks wildly, it’s inside me, to control me-
“Get the fuck out of me!” he snarls.
“Sasuke-sama,” Sakon says, his four arms restraining him-four arms? Sasuke stares-“better ninja than you have suffered this too, so don’t think it’s too special.”
“Really, don’t bother,” says the other head that is sticking out of Sakon’s back.
Don’t panic, he tells himself, don’t panic, Orochimaru pulled this on you and you beat him-but that was when he made the preemptive attack, he knows, when he was older and better trained and ready to fight. Now he is young and chakra-drained and tired and sick of all the fighting, so many years of fighting and staying on guard against Orochimaru and Itachi and Madara and Danzou’s ROOT-
“Look,” Madara tells him lazily, “you see Konoha sending its hunter nin after you; they’re closing in on you. Sasuke, you need to learn the difference between friend and enemy-“
“I have no friends,” he interrupts, and raises his chokuto to point at Madara. “I choose my enemies.”
Enemy, he thinks. The Oto nin see him shaking, speechless. Enemy.
This is why he went with them, he remembers. He needs power, strength, ability-
The seal at the base of his neck spasms to life with white-hot pain. Pain, and newly released chakra.
“Fuck me to hell and back,” Kidoumaru shrieks, before Sasuke lashes out.
Sakon starts screaming. Sasuke can’t hear himself screaming, but he must be, isn’t he? Kabuto says that if someone attacked Sakon or Ukon when merging, they would attack themselves-and he presses his right palm against the junction of his wrist and Sakon’s arm, pushing electricity in, letting the shock run through the enemy’s body, and Sakon starts pulling free of him-
-snap! Jiroubou releases his arm. Sasuke doesn’t realize at first that his hand has been crushed, until the mashed nerves start shrieking and he gasps and clenches his elbow tight, as if such a useless motion could actually stop the signals. If Karin were here-
Then he feels the tug at his senses as he stumbles away, people approaching through the trees-
-if Karin were here, she would have sensed them earlier.
Not now, he thinks, I can’t deal with them now, not them-the seal is alive now, dancing across his face uncontrollably, and Tayuya comes up from behind and twists his arms, pushing him down, and under the water he goes-he forces his head back up, coughing and trying not to scream from the pressure on his arms, near his broken hand. “Looks like Konoha’s sent company,” Tayuya speaks into his ear.
“Guests!” Kidoumaru smirks as he slings a row of arrows toward the shoreside. I need to move, Sasuke thinks, let me move! They’re mine, the words stick in his throat with a wordless scream, I am the one who has the right to deal with them-
But he falls behind, he is not strong enough, good enough-is never enough of anything, the bitter mantra which rewinds over and over as often as he breathes-so he lets his lips soundlessly shape the jutsu name instead.
You helped bring me here, he thinks. Now do what you should.
Susanoo.
-----
“Get close together!” Sakura heard Neji shout suddenly as they cleared the trees-she blinked across the watery expanse and the towering cliffs, then blinked at the projectiles coming their way-oh hell-
Neji hit the shore hard, hands coming up in the beginning motions of his Kaiten, but their traveling momentum carried them too far forward and the arrows were drawing too close too quickly-wait, those arrows! Sakura grabbed Naruto by the shoulder, her head gone abruptly dizzy and the emptiness in her chest spreading like a sickness.
Naruto turned to look at her instead of the front. “Sakura-chan!”
“Move!” she screamed, pushing him to the side, and saw the arrows coming down-like kunai to the chest, the bubbly sensation of breathing, gasping for air-
I will not die. The words echoed hollowly in her chest.
The world burst into a fury of wind around her, nearly knocking her flat. She shuddered once, the blank feeling seeping out of her, and groped along the ground, keeping her eyes closed to avoid being blinded by flying dust and dirt; her hand landed on something soft but spiky, which ran into something skull-shaped-Shikamaru’s hair?
“Shikamaru?” she asked hastily.
He turned onto his back with effort and looked upward. His eyes widened. “I can’t see the clouds,” he said.
Sakura gritted her teeth to tell him that no, this was not a time for cloud-watching, and certainly not a time for dumb responses-then glanced up as well, and froze.
It looked human. There were arms, and a helmet over what would be the head, and bony arms crossed before itself; if she looked closely, she could see the arrows embedded along the front. The front, that’s the same side as the back of the hand-ulna, that’s it. The arms and helmet seemed oddly underdeveloped, as if there wasn’t enough bone density. Some of the skeleton seemed fit together incorrectly, and it was surrounded by a strange fluid enclosed within a membrane-not like muscle tissue, that wasn’t it, but rather like amniotic fluid. Definitely not fully developed, Sakura decided.
And then awareness of the situation came flooding back to her; her heart felt like it was beating twice as fast as usual, and where was-? She searched out the area: Kiba there, Neji in the front, Lee and Chouji off to the left-
Naruto ran over to them. “I can see him!” he said furiously. “On the water!”
“That’s not specific, Naruto!” Sakura snapped. But she’d seen him too. Out on the water, three figures standing-and one figure kneeling next to the smallest of the group. Hard to recognize at this distance, but she did.
Neji confirmed it. “Big one, spider one, and-“ he blinked. The nerves of his Byakugan rippled. “One with two heads. One more next to Uchiha Sasuke, he’s the one lying down.” He paused again, then added, “It looks like he’s been fighting against them.”
“I knew it,” Naruto said simply. “I knew it.” He didn’t shout, but he spoke with the air of vindication. “Shikamaru-“
Shikamaru seemed pleasantly surprised that Naruto had remembered he was mission leader. “Lee, Chouji, stay here,” he ordered curtly. “Lee’s not steady with chakra enough to fight intensely on the water right now, especially after the surgery-Chouji’s techniques are less effective on water, it’s easier to avoid him by going under water than going under earth. Remaining five, head in-Neji, stay at the back so you can first observe their techniques with the Byakugan before heading in. We’re going to try and drive them to the shore so we can take them eight on four.”
There are seven of us here, Sakura thought. The eighth-she glanced out at the lake. He was still there.
“Also,” Shikamaru pointed up. “Can you figure it out?”
“Smells like damp fire,” Kiba said. “It’s dying out. I don’t like it.”
Neji frowned. “I think it’s from Uchiha Sasuke.”
“What the hell!” Naruto looked stunned. Sakura felt the same. “He never told us about this,” she said slowly. Then again-I feel like Sasuke-kun hasn’t been telling us a lot of things. “Are you sure? It could be one of the Oto nin’s jutsu, trying to trick us.”
“We’ll figure it out sooner or later,” Chouji said. He watched the Oto nin with narrowed eyes. “Lee and I may not work best on the water, but we can deal with it if it turns on us.”
“All right,” Shikamaru said, exchanging a look with Chouji. “I trust you’ll know what to do. Let’s head out.”
“Shikamaru,” Sakura put in quickly, “let Naruto and me deal with the one near Sasuke-kun.” We may not know him as well as we thought-but we know him the best out of all of us. You know this. Don’t pull the too-much-emotional-involvement bullshit on us.
He looked at them for a long moment, then nodded once, twice. “Sure,” he replied.
When they ran across the water, the massive skeleton moved with them. Sakura looked up at it one more time before she focused her attention on the small dark figure on the surface of the water. “Naruto,” she said out of the corner of her mouth. “They know we’re young, and genin, so let them think we’re weak.”
Naruto looked at her sharply. “Weak?” he said incredulously. “We want to beat them-“
“No!” she retorted. “Bring them to shore. Get Sasuke, and pretend we’re giving up ground as we move toward the shore. Lee and Chouji are there.”
Naruto dropped his glare. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll get Sasuke out, you take the other one. I’ll come back to help.”
“Deal.” I can be very weak, she thought. That’s something I could pull off fairly well. They don’t have to know that I can be strong, too.
And when they came closer and she saw the shock of red-pink hair, she smiled grimly. Fancy seeing you again.
-----
Naruto felt Sakura speed up beside him, then saw her spring at the Oto kunoichi who was holding Sasuke immobile against the water. They went down in a huge splash, before he saw Sakura scramble out and charge her again-
Sakura-chan can take care of herself. She promised. He knelt down; saw the dark markings along Sasuke’s neck, and winced. “Hey, teme, don’t tell me the seal’s messing around with you again-we’ve come to help you!”
Sasuke turned his face up, and Naruto sucked in his breath. “Why the hell are your eyes bleeding?” Dried blood was traced along the outline of his eye sockets-as if to prove Naruto’s point, Sasuke scowled, wiping at his eyes. It left a streak of blood across the bridge of his nose and trailing into his left temple.
“You here-but-why?” Sasuke muttered. “Why keep coming after me? Not all of you-I don’t need your help!”
“Stop talking nonsense!” Naruto pulled him up, trying to ignore the way Sasuke’s face went white with pain. “What’d they do to you?”
“My hand,” Sasuke said. “My head-goddamn it, stop making me run!”
“Making you run?” Naruto asked incredulously.
“Susanoo,” mumbled Sasuke. “It won’t come…”
Naruto glanced behind. The skeleton was wavering-it came with a crash down to its knees, the ribcage beginning to shudder apart. The stuff surrounding it began to ripple and stream down the sides. “That’s yours?” he said numbly. “When did-“
“Brother gave it to me. He said-it was our fate-“
“Fuck fate!” Naruto snapped. Sasuke was looking straight ahead, shaking slightly. It unnerved him more than Naruto would ever admit. “Let’s get away first, Sakura-chan’s waiting on us to hurry!”
This wasn’t the way Naruto expected it to go. Sasuke was supposed to get up, flash him a grimace of thanks (because of course the bastard wouldn’t smile about it, oh no, not at all), and they would turn around and help fight. Only-Sasuke had already fought, and Naruto didn’t dare tell him he shouldn’t, but the seal was over Sasuke’s face and body, and there was no way Naruto would let Sasuke use Orochimaru’s seal-
And Sasuke’s eyes were flashing between red and dark gray-the Sharingan didn’t look proper either, it looked like blades instead of the three tomoe it should be-and he was trying not to look at Naruto at all, the lame ass, and his eyes-his eyes were bleeding again.
“For god’s sake, what’s wrong with your eyes?” Naruto hissed. “Did they do something to you?”
That was when Sasuke started to laugh. He laughed hysterically, laughed like a dying man gone mad. In that moment Naruto could hear only silence, silence and the sound of Sasuke’s awful laughter, before he finally, finally spoke and the noise of the waterfall’s roaring and of ninja fighting came back into being. “I did it!” he gasped. “I didn’t mean to, but I did it-I let it happen! My eyes-my eyes weren’t strong enough. He let me think I was killing him-I didn’t see-“
“Shut up!” Naruto said harshly, slapping his hand over Sasuke’s mouth. “Shut up!”
A shower of spray hit them from the left. Naruto jerked around to see Sakura skidding across the surface of the water, pushed back by the Oto kunoichi’s wind blast. “Sakura-chan!”
“You two are so slow!” she screamed over her shoulder. “Move, you idiots! Now-“
Naruto flung himself and Sasuke out of the way of a looming shadow-out of the way of a shadow-that-once-was, the impact sending water in a wave upon them. He scrambled to his feet and saw the covered eyes and ears-what are those things? Sakura came running to them, grabbing his sleeve and motioning to the shore. “Come on!” she hissed.
“Doki doki doki,” the Oto kunoichi sang, and raised her flute.
-----
Chapter title from:
One thing we can; to be
Awhile, as men may, free;
But not by hope or pleasure the most stern
Goddess, most awful-eyed,
Sits, but on either side
Sit sorrow and the wrath of hearts that burn,
Sad faith that cannot hope or fear,
And memory grey with many a flowerless year.
-Algernon Swinburne, “To Victor Hugo”
The memory of Sasuke overhearing his father is, on one level, just another instance of memory mix-ups; Sasuke is now aware that he has different sets of memories of a past-future and the current-present, but in the confusion he’s connecting what’s happening with all of his memories. Which is, possibly, making his hang-up even worse. More importantly, though, I wanted to emphasize how Sasuke remembers his past and takes the worst from it-i.e., remembering as most essential the attacking is important without thinking over the later attack and defend to protect (!) (btw, take this as Fugaku speaking vaguely of the coup plans-what the majority of the Uchiha wanted to protect most was not Konoha, but the clan), and taking away from his interaction with Itachi bitterness at perceived weakness. And Itachi’s mention of love makes him instantly think of weakness, and thus being pathetic (return to Sakon’s comment to him in the last chapter). He’s had years to stew over this, after all.
I was reminded of this when reading Ch. 484 (“Their Team 7”): [Sasuke] “They’re all laughing! Itachi is dead so they can stand there laughing! They’re laughing because they know nothing!... Your laughter sounds like scorn and disdain to me now! I want to change that laughter to screams and moans!” …
Talk about ex post reality change. O___O
Susanoo is mainly used to surround the user (who is in the center) as far as we’ve seen in the manga, but I surmise it could be extended beyond the user’s immediate proximity, although less effective.
Doki was the term given to Tayuya’s summoned demons, reminiscent of the three wise monkeys.
HeeroTomoe at FFN was kind enough to draw fanart for the fic! It made me feel very warm and squee-ful inside (if squee-ful is a word--and if not, it ought to be ;)).
Haha. Unlike Kishi's dramatic Team 7 reunion (which admittedly I rather enjoyed, so I'm not trying to put it down :)), my Team 7 get-together consists of incoherency and misunderstandings, lol.
Sorry for the lateness. University's just... busy. :| My spring break has just begun--but! I have to work on an essay & pset, so don't expect more updates soon. /sadface
Comments are much adored. :)
next: 14 - their hate is as their loving-kindness