I don't know if I like this one, oh well.

[dayremer]

She sits on her couch in her living room. She doesn't have a reason to do so. Not having a reason to sit on the couch makes her wonder if she should be doing it. If I don't have a reason to be seated, is it a valid choice to do so? I have a reason, standing requires effort, I'm just trying to be comfortable. I want to relax. That's fine, I suppose

Comments

I like the idea a lot...

[safiersephiroth]

The first paragraph seems a bit like fluff. Most of it is just unnecessary information. It very vividly sets the scene, but at too slow a pace. I feel like more time should be spent on the second paragraph, elaborating on the night before. More details from the party, more of her thoughts, more of the rape(?). I really want to know how vulnerable she feels, how confused. Then build the tension of her parents' arrival until the readers can hear her mother's keys jingle at the front door, getting them to nearly scream at her to run, hide, put some clothes, that it'll be alright.

Then nuke 'em.

Re: I like the idea a lot...

[dayremer]

I feel like I switched stories in the middle of this. Nukes are an excellent solution in these situations.