Comments | dayremer: Something new.

dayremer

Something new.

Feb 21, 2008 01:50

Tell me what ya'll think.

Good morning, Ben.

I'm still dreaming. You know how I know? It's because my life isn't shit in here. I don't have to get out of bed, my girlfriend isn't a zombie that has neither slept nor been awake in the past three days. I don't have to go to work. That's all in this cozy little dream world though.

At the sound of ( Read more... )

Comments 7

You've caught me again... safiersephiroth February 23 2008, 07:19:58 UTC

I'm waiting for more. Really captivating introduction to a character I very much like.

The only thing that caught me on the first read was "synced up some angry hardcore." It's a little confusing. I'd guess you're talking about music, but I'm not sure. If you are, I feel like most readers wouldn't be able to grasp that.

Re: You've caught me again... dayremer February 24 2008, 02:01:41 UTC

I am talking about music. I don't know what phrase to use there. =/

Re: You've caught me again... safiersephiroth February 25 2008, 05:37:29 UTC

I would just be a little more specific, like "hardcore techno" or something, just so the average reader, non-hardcore fan could still understand what you mean.

Re: You've caught me again... mute_nation February 26 2008, 01:45:59 UTC

maybe connect the idea of the rhythmic music to a heart beat?

Thread 5

anonymous March 5 2008, 21:49:08 UTC

I liked this alot really grabbed my attention, makes me want to know more. Very creative and interesting topic, excellent start.

Anna

dayremer March 13 2008, 16:42:22 UTC

What, what.