thevignette: Change (1/2)
Title: Change
Author: thevignette
Pairings: Yoochun/Changmin, Junsu/Changmin, Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: R
Summary: One night spent in a 24/7 diner marks new beginnings for Changmin. The appearances of Yoochun, Jaejoong, Yunho and Junsu change Changmin's life of mundane normalcy as he finds himself rooted into the heart of a love triangle, and learning about what love really is.
Word count: 11 234
Disclaimer: DBSK are their own people under the management of SM Entertainment. The portrayals here are fictional and no money is being made.
Author's Note: Thank you to my beta, cmere, who is a star ♥ Being not very good with deadlines, I ended up rushing this out, but I tried my best and hope I haven't disappointed anyone :D
Prologue
Changmin sits in a 24-hour diner, half a cup of coffee in front of him, stagnant and cold.
It is nearly midnight. The roads outside are still crowded, but Changmin knows that in an hour or so, emptiness will settle in like a chilly breeze, sweeping through the streets.
Changmin is not the only customer in the diner. Two tables away, there is a young man, probably around Changmin's age, bent over his plate, shovelling food into his mouth at top speed.
Changmin stares down at his coffee and wonders if he should order something else, even though he isn't hungry at all.
Another young man occupies another corner of the restaurant - slender and pale-skinned. His collarbones stick out from his body and the black shirt he is wearing clings to his frame. He is staring intently at his cellphone, fingers moving rapidly across the keypad. His food lies half-eaten in front of him, a greasy mess of scrambled eggs and sausages.
Looking at the oily plate, Changmin promptly decides against ordering something else. He props his feet up on the seat across from him, slouching down in his seat and opening the book he has brought with him.
He is not a big lover of books. Changmin reads because time passes faster when he does, and there is no better alternative, especially when it is barely midnight, and there are many hours to have to crawl past before morning comes. He has a part-time job at the library, which also means that he has convenient access to many books, and Changmin is someone who takes advantage of whatever privileges he is offered.
Changmin is waiting for the night to pass - but it is not because Changmin has nowhere to stay for the night. He has a house to go home to. He lives by himself in a small apartment about a fifteen minute walk away, but tonight, he does not feel like going home. Sitting here in the diner, he can pretend that he is not just a common university student, leading a boring lonely life. He can pretend that he has run away from home (part of it is true, he tells himself, he is so far away from home), or he is waiting for someone (even though there is no one for him to meet). He can pretend to be so many things.
He looks up from his reading when he hears the door swing open and shut. A group of girls walks in - young girls, probably just out of high school, wearing short skirts and high heels, giggling as they look through the menu.
Youthfulness clings cloyingly to their skin like sweet perfume. They make a lot of noise, and Changmin watches them from behind his book with mild irritation. They order their drinks, and leave, silence descending over the restaurant once more.
Silence dominates the place, but once in a while, there are the little sounds - the noise of plates clanging together from the kitchen, the soft click of cutlery against ceramic as the young man two tables away gobbles his food down enthusiastically, and the whisper of paper as Changmin turns a page.
The next time Changmin looks up, it is already past twelve. The date has changed without Changmin realising. He blinks, puts his book aside and drains the rest of his coffee. Two tables away, the young man has three empty plates in front of him, and he is peering into his wallet with a mildly distressed look on his face.
At the other corner, the young man who had been furiously typing on his phone is still staring at the phone, but he is no longer typing. He looks like he is waiting for a reply. His feet under the table are tapping out an erratic rhythm as he stares at the empty air in front of him, as though he is looking at something Changmin cannot see.
Someone slides into the seat across from him. Startled, Changmin jerks his head around, wide-eyed.
The young man from two tables away. "Hi," he says with an uncomfortable smile.
Changmin stares at him blankly. He cannot recall ever seeing this young man anywhere before - he is certain that they are strangers.
"Sorry for intruding," the young man says awkwardly. "But can you possibly lend me some money?"
Changmin glances over at the other table, at the three empty plates, and then back at the young man. "Why?"
"I ordered too much," the young man answers sheepishly. "I only have enough to pay for one plate." He holds out his fist and shows Changmin the money that he is clutching, a few crumpled bills and a small hill of coins.
Changmin thinks about the request for a moment. The young man looks honest enough; in addition, he is reasonably well-dressed and there is an expectant look on his face. Grudgingly, Changmin reaches into his pocket and slides some money across the table.
"I'll definitely return this to you," the young man says firmly, taking the money from Changmin. "I promise."
"I'll be here until morning," Changmin says, cutting him off.
The young man pauses. "I'll come back here by eight in the morning and return you the money," he says politely, taking Changmin's hint. "Definitely," he adds, for good measure, before standing up and walking to the counter.
Changmin returns to his book, and by the time he looks up, the young man is gone. Other than the man with his cellphone, he is the only customer in the restaurant. The man with the cellphone is still waiting for his reply.
Eventually, Changmin does fall asleep, slumped on the table, an arm tucked under his face. When he wakes, the clock reads six in the morning.
He sits up and looks around. He is finally the only one left.
He stands up, stretches and orders another coffee.
Two refills and a plate of scrambled eggs and toast later, it is eight-forty, and the young man who owes Changmin money is nowhere to be seen. Changmin stares balefully into the bottom of his cup, glances at his watch, and then at the door.
He pours what's left in his cup onto the empty plate, watches the brown liquid drip onto the ceramic, mixing with oily grease. He sets the cup back on the table and stands up, pays for his food and walks out, feeling cheated and resigned.
The people around him, even the ones who barely know him, always end up never coming back.
ONE
The diner was the beginning - the insignificant flap of a butterfly’s wings that would eventually lead to a hurricane responsible for turning Changmin’s life upside down.
After leaving the diner, Changmin goes home, takes a shower and goes for a lecture at his university in the afternoon. He sits through lectures, only half-listening, his mind always wandering somewhere else where his body cannot follow.
In the evening, Changmin meets Yoochun.
The café that Changmin frequents for quick simple meals is uncommonly crowded, and Changmin ends up sharing a table with Yoochun. They end up chatting through the meal, and after dinner, they wander to the park and find a patch of grass to sit on. Yoochun has a way of talking that draws Changmin in, has him hanging onto every word. He also happens to be one of the rare people that Changmin actually wants to talk to, wants to open up to.
Yoochun is an aspiring song-writer who makes a living by playing the piano in various high-class restaurants and lounge bars. Yoochun carries an air of mystery around him that Changmin cannot help but be drawn to.
"Listen to this," Yoochun urges, untangling his earphones and thrusting one towards Changmin earnestly. "It's only halfway done," he says. "But I have a feeling this one is going to turn out great." There's a light in his eyes that makes Changmin want to smile along with him.
Changmin cocks his head and listens intently to the recording of Yoochun's work-in-progress. The melody is beautiful - Yoochun is undeniably talented, but the song sounds unpolished and fragmented. It lacks the professional finish that it needs for it to be able to sell. Still, there is something arresting about Yoochun's songs - it leaves something lingering in your heart. Changmin has a feeling that Yoochun will be very successful one day. And he can’t help but think he wants to be around to see that day - can’t help but think that he wants to be by Yoochun’s side, to witness the process.
"It's difficult," Yoochun says, leaning backwards and tilting his face towards the sky, where the sun is setting, leaving behind a rosy blush. "Trying to sell a song. I never thought it'd be so hard."
There is a long silence, and Changmin just keeps looking at Yoochun, completely captivated.
Suddenly, Yoochun turns around and their eyes meet. Changmin’s heart stutters like a song skipping on a broken record player, stuck on one high climatic note that keeps replaying over and over again.
"You know something?" Yoochun says, carefully looping his earphones around his music player. "I think we were meant to meet. I can feel it."
And then Yoochun smiles - his smile reminds Changmin of the bright glinting edge of a knife (cutting a clean swath through Changmin’s heart). "I want to take you somewhere," Yoochun says, and as though they have known each other all their lives, he grabs hold of Changmin’s hand and pulls him to his feet.
"I work here, on weekends," Yoochun explains, pushing the door open. The bar Yoochun has brought him to is not big or anything fancy, but it is relatively packed. Changmin loves it. It is one of those rare places where he does not feel out of place. "On weekdays, my friend sings instead. You should hear him sing, his voice is out of this world," Yoochun says, punctuating the claim with an enthusiastic thumbs-up and a grin.
Changmin raises an eyebrow. "Really?" He lets his suspicion come through in his voice.
Yoochun glances over at the small stage, where a microphone stand and a keyboard have been set up. "He’ll be out soon." He keeps a firm hold on Changmin's wrist as he weaves through the crowd, towards the bar. "Let's get drinks first," he says, and the smile on his face makes it obvious that Yoochun is a big fan of alcohol.
Changmin is ordering his drink when he hears someone playing a few chords experimentally on the keyboard. Yoochun nudges him, and Changmin spins around on the stool until he's facing the small stage, where someone starts to play the beginnings of a song he has never heard before.
He blinks several times, tilts his head to the side and tries as hard as he can to recall where he has seen this man before.
The man playing the keyboard is thin, and has big electrifying eyes. And then he starts to sing. In that moment, Changmin understands what Yoochun means.
It is magical. Changmin cannot tear his eyes away. His voice is soothing and Changmin thinks that he can fall asleep listening to this, and dream the sweetest dreams - except the question of where have I seen him before nags at him like an itch, keeping him from fully enjoying the performance.
It only hits him when the second song ends, and the man takes his cellphone out of his pocket to check for messages. The phone.
The diner.
As though the man senses Changmin's little epiphany, he looks up and across the room, right at Changmin, and his gaze slides sideways to settle on Yoochun. He slides the cellphone back into his pocket and makes his way through the crowd, stopping in front of the both of them.
"Yoochun," he says, and they exchange smiles. Before Yoochun can say anything, the man turns to Changmin and says, "I've seen you before."
His smile is as electrifying as his eyes are.
"I know," Changmin answers.
"You know him?" Yoochun asks, looking from Changmin to his friend and then back again, surprised.
"We've seen each other before, but we don't know each other," Yoochun's friend answers. He introduces himself, holding out a hand. "I'm Jaejoong," he says. "I work here, as you can tell."
"I'm Changmin." Changmin returns the favour, and shakes the offered hand. "Actually, I only just met Yoochun today - "
"Regardless," Yoochun interrupts him. "Even though we just met, I have a feeling I already know you well enough to foresee that you and Jaejoong will get along superbly."
"Yoochun and I, we've known each other for a long time," Jaejoong says.
"Not that long, actually," Yoochun adds. "Just about two years."
"Two years is a long time," Jaejoong says, in all seriousness.
Changmin doesn't quite know how to react, but suddenly he understands what Yoochun means when he said that they were meant to meet. I've been waiting for this, Changmin thinks, until now.
Somehow along the way, Jaejoong takes it upon himself to watch out for Changmin, as though Changmin has become his responsibility. Yoochun makes fun of Changmin; you bring out his maternal instincts, he says and Changmin pretends to complain about it but he has never had someone look after him like this, and it secretly delights him.
"There's someone I want you to meet," Jaejoong says one day, out of the blue. His cheeks are pink and he shifts his weight from one leg to the other, like a nervous schoolboy. "He's someone special," he says and waits for a reaction.
Changmin blinks. "Okay," he says, having no idea why Jaejoong is behaving strangely. Jaejoong brings him to a cosy Japanese restaurant that Changmin has never been to, and the entire time, Jaejoong fidgets in his chair and chatters about mindless things.
"Who is it you want me to meet?" Changmin asks curiously, after sitting through ten minutes of Jaejoong’s fidgeting.
"He's a friend," Jaejoong says, but the flush on his face tells Changmin otherwise.
Yunho is the most handsome man Changmin has ever seen. When he walks into the restaurant, he carries a presence around him that is hard not to notice. He is tall, not as tall as Changmin, but still tall enough tower over everyone else.
Jaejoong smiles so hard when Yunho sits down Changmin cannot help but wonder if the corners of his lips are going to stretch all the way to his ears.
"This is Yunho," Jaejoong tells Changmin. "Yunho, this is Changmin."
"I've heard about you," Yunho says with a warm smile.
Changmin's heart hammers in his chest and he is certain that if he met Yunho somewhere else, and not as Jaejoong's significant other, he would have fallen. Just like that.
There is a fire in Jaejoong's eyes and a glow on his face that makes Changmin want to fall in love, just to see if he wears the head-over-heels look as well as Jaejoong does.
Changmin recognizes the sour taste the wells up in the back of his throat as a mix of envy and jealousy, and swallows hard to push the feelings away.
Over lunch, the three of them make small talk.
Yunho is choreographer, and when he names a major entertainment agency he works for, Changmin's jaw drops. "You must be really good," Changmin says, impressed.
Yunho laughs in embarrassment and opens his mouth to reply, but is quickly interrupted by Jaejoong, who grabs onto his arm, eyes suddenly two times wider.
"Yunho," Jaejoong says urgently. "The tickets. You promised. Please don't tell me you forgot." Seeing the confused look on Changmin's face, Jaejoong turns to face him. "There's this amazing singer who belongs to the same company and I begged Yunho to use his connections to get tickets to his concert. He's really, really good. I've heard him sing before, and trust me, he's amazing."
Grinning, Yunho produces a pair of tickets from his pocket and Jaejoong claps his hands together gleefully in child-like manner.
"Take Changmin with you," Yunho says, surrendering the tickets to a beaming Jaejoong. “I’ll be busy.”
Changmin wants to decline. Crowded places do not agree with him, and being in a concert hall packed with screaming fans is not how Changmin wants to spend a Friday night.
"Ask Yoochun instead," Changmin suggests, but Jaejoong ignores him and announces loudly that this Friday night, he is taking Changmin out.
When Yoochun calls Changmin after lunch, and asks Changmin if he is free on Friday night to watch a movie, Jaejoong snatches the phone and informs Yoochun loudly that Changmin already has somewhere to be.
"You're not going to regret it," Jaejoong tells Changmin after hanging up on a bemused Yoochun. "I promise."
Changmin is not so certain, but Jaejoong looks so happy and excited that Changmin does not have the heart to decline, and he resigns himself to a painful Friday night.
Changmin yawns as the light floods the stage. The girl in front of him throws her hands into the air, shrieking wildly, and Changmin has to tilt his head to the side to be able to see the stage. He is sure that in five minutes, his neck is going to start aching and his eardrums will have popped.
"He's really good," Jaejoong tells Changmin earnestly, the sixth time since they sat down.
Changmin wonders what he is doing in this crowded place, packed with adoring fangirls, on a Friday night (when he could have been somewhere else - like watching a movie with Yoochun), waiting for some pretty boy to come on stage and sing. Next to him Jaejoong throws him an exasperated look.
"Stop making that miserable face," Jaejoong says.
"I'm not," Changmin says sullenly, the miserable look not budging from his face at all.
Jaejoong looks like he has a good retort ready when music starts playing. Distracted, Jaejoong looks away and promptly sucks in a breath dramatically. "Oh my God, he's here, he's here - " Jaejoong elbows Changmin hard to get his attention and points violently towards the stage.
Changmin turns back to stare at the stage and squints at the small figure walking to the centre. He gives up and glances at the large screen instead. He does a double-take, staring at the face on the bright screen.
The guy from the diner.
Who took his money, promised to come back in the morning to return it and didn't.
Changmin had given up his Friday night to watch him? He swears loudly, earning himself a disapproving look from Jaejoong.
The idiot from diner starts to sing and Changmin sits back to glare at the screen, resigned to the fact that he is stuck here for the rest of the night.
After two and half songs, Changmin is forced to admit that the idiot is actually good. His singing tugs at heartstrings, and next to him, Jaejoong has his eyes closed, swaying to the music. That idiot's pitch never falls, and Changmin thinks that this is the most beautiful thing he has heard in ages.
Still, he decides, crossing his arms, great singing does not excuse anyone from borrowing money and not returning it. The thought slips from his grasp, as that idiot hits a note that leaves Changmin breathless and when he can finally breathe normally again, Changmin realises that somehow, within that short span of time, he has lost his heart.
"You're insane," Jaejoong says, shouting after Changmin, who is determinedly walking towards the stage.
"I need to see that idiot," Changmin shouts back.
"He has a name, his name is Kim Junsu," Changmin hears Jaejoong saying, sounding exasperated. "And you're out of your mind! He's not going to see you, for heaven's sake - "
Changmin storms around, looking for some kind of door that leads backstage. He spies a door that has a notice that says STAFF ONLY, and yanks it open.
"You're not allowed in here," a member of staff tells Jaejoong as he follows Changmin through the door.
"I know," Jaejoong snarls at him. "Tell that maniac in front of me that!" Jaejoong shoves the fellow out of the way and races after Changmin. Jaejoong manages three steps and then someone grabs him and starts to haul him out of the place forcefully.
"Shim Changmin," Jaejoong shrieks.
Changmin turns around to see Jaejoong being thrown out, looking enraged, and he winces. Jaejoong is probably swearing about how he is never going to take Changmin anywhere ever again.
He taps a random staff member on the shoulder and flashes him a polite smile. "Sorry, do you know where I might find Kim Junsu?"
"Who are you?" the man says, startled, giving Changmin a wary once-over.
"Why don't you just tell me where he is?" Changmin suggests brightly, smiling even more widely.
As it turns out, the man does not need to tell Changmin anything, because two seconds later, Changmin spots Kim Junsu walking down the corridor, towelling his hair dry and laughing loudly. Changmin thinks that Kim Junsu will not be looking so happy very soon, considering the fact that Changmin is in a foul mood and wants to loop that towel around the idiot’s neck and yank.
Changmin marches up to him and feels accomplished when recognition flashes across Kim Junsu’s face.
"Hi," Changmin says, wiping any trace of a smile off his face.
"It's you!" Kim Junsu says, and breaks into a massive grin. "You came to watch me perform?"
"Yes, but only because I had nothing else to do," Changmin answers calmly.
The smile on Kim Junsu's face falters. "Right," he says after a pause.
"You didn't come back in the morning." Changmin decides to get straight to the point.
The smile vanishes completely and Kim Junsu looks guilty. "Look, I can explain," he starts. "And I'll definitely return the money to you. I can even return it now - wait -" He thrusts his hands into his pockets, and fumbles with his wallet.
"It wasn't a lot of money," Changmin says, getting angrier by the second. "I'd have forgotten about it if I didn't see you today. I'd have treated it as an act of charity - maybe you really needed the money. Maybe you were really hard up for cash. I would have forgotten about it, but today, I'm dragged here by my friend to watch some next big thing and it's you - "
"I said I can explain," Kim Junsu interrupts, visibly flustered. He pushes money into Changmin's hands - double the amount that Changmin had lent him. "I'm returning you double, okay, I'm really sorry about not going back in the morning - "
Changmin loosens his grip, lets the money flutter onto the floor. “I don't need your charity," Changmin says, his face burning with heat.
"At least take the money I owe you," Kim Junsu says, looking twice as embarrassed. "I'm really sorry."
"Tell me something," Changmin says. "Did you only recall this when I walked up to you just now?"
Kim Junsu opens and closes his mouth. He seems to be having some sort of internal battle with himself, but after a few seconds, he lowers his head guiltily in an unmistakeable nod.
"You're unbelievable," Changmin says in disgust, turns around, and walks out. He knows that he's overreacting. He knows that he is being unreasonable. People make mistakes, people forget things, and Changmin is a forgiving person. Yet, somehow, Changmin can't let this go.
He can't.
Maybe it is because it hurts. It hurts to know that Kim Junsu (who took Changmin's emotions on a roller-coaster ride, whose performance Changmin wants to watch, over and over again) found it so easy to forget about Changmin, when Changmin -
Changmin will never forget him.
TWO
Two weeks later, Changmin moves out of the small apartment he has been renting and into the apartment Yoochun and Jaejoong are sharing. He has his part-time job working at the local library, and with some financial support from his parents, it is not like he is having a hard time paying the rent for his old apartment, but splitting rent with two other people means that he will have spare cash for other things.
The apartment has three rooms. Yoochun and Jaejoong have one room each, but the third is too small to be used as a bedroom. It is mostly filled with musical equipment and various instruments.
"We can share," Yoochun had offered when they were having a discussion about where Changmin would sleep, and for some strange reason, Changmin felt as though his entire body was charged with electricity when he nodded and agreed.
The first night Changmin moves in, Yoochun kisses him.
Changmin was unfolding the blanket when he heard Yoochun sitting down next to him on the bed. Turning around, Yoochun just grabbed his chin and pushed their mouths together.
After the kiss, Yoochun says goodnight, crawls into his own bed, leaving Changmin's thoughts and feelings in one tangled mess. When he wakes up in the morning, Yoochun is still asleep, his legs tangled in his blanket, his mouth slightly open.
Changmin's heart races like a runaway horse, and he spends a good ten minutes just lying on his bed, staring at Yoochun. If he stretches out his hand, he can touch Yoochun. He can still feel the burn of Yoochun's lips on his, the heat of Yoochun's fingers on his chin, and he can't help but think is this love?
Frustrated and confused, Changmin gets out of bed and heads for the bathroom. Halfway through brushing his teeth, someone walks in.
Changmin lifts his head and meets Yoochun's eyes through the reflection in the mirror.
"Morning," Yoochun says sleepily.
Mouth full of bubbles, Changmin makes a noise in return and Yoochun laughs.
Changmin gargles and spits, his entire body tense as he is uncomfortably aware of Yoochun watching his every move.
When he is done, Yoochun nudges him sideways and takes over the sink, picking up his toothbrush. Changmin reaches for a comb and starts to brush his hair, working through the mess.
Their eyes keep meeting through the reflection.
Changmin's heart feels as though it is going barge its way out of his chest any second. When Yoochun is done with brushing his teeth, he turns around casually and shuts the door, sliding the lock into place.
The second kiss happens, slow and gentle, Yoochun's hands on either side of Changmin's face, fingers spread apart like flower petals unfurling into full bloom, holding him tight. The comb Changmin is holding drops, unfortunately, into the toilet bowl, but neither of them could care less.
Yoochun breaks the kiss and looks intently into Changmin’s eyes for several long moments. “Are you going to run away?” he asks, and Changmin shakes his head.
“Good,” Yoochun says with satisfaction, and then he shoves Changmin backwards, until his back hits a wall. When he kisses Changmin again, it is hard and urgent. He rocks against Changmin, an addictive rhythm as his hands slide to Changmin’s hips. Changmin moans out loud and Yoochun bites down on his shoulder.
Someone knocks on the door. “Whoever is in there,” Jaejoong shouts. “Get out of there now. I need to go!”
“Fuck,” Yoochun says, reluctantly drawing away, unlocking the door and then pushing his way out. Jaejoong walks in and stares at Changmin, leaning against the wall, his clothes in disarray and his hair a mess.
His gaze settles on Changmin’s kiss-swollen lips. “Good morning,” he says calmly, as though he has not noticed a thing.
“Good morning,” Changmin echoes distantly before dashing out of the bathroom, feeling as though he has walked right into a maze from which there is no exit.
Changmin goes to work at the library, feeling rattled and confused. His co-worker asks him if he is sick, and Changmin shakes his head dazedly, sitting down at the counter. The library is relatively empty and Changmin passes the time by reading a book.
Once in a while, people will approach the counter to ask for help and all Changmin has to do is answer the questions that he can. Those that he cannot answer he directs to his more experienced co-worker.
"May I help you?" Changmin says, looking up from the book he is reading as a shadow falls across the library counter. The smile on his face freezes and then fades away.
Kim Junsu's jaw drops open.
"You," Changmin says, finding his voice first. How did you find me? he wants to ask. You stalker, he thinks balefully.
"I didn't expect to see you here," Kim Junsu says faintly.
Changmin wants to ignore him, but he will probably be fired if he is caught, so he settles for a polite icy tone instead. "How may I help you?" he asks flatly.
Kim Junsu shakes his head. "I can't remember what I wanted to ask," he says. "Look." He rests his elbows on the counter and leans closer towards Changmin.
Changmin makes it a point to move backwards and away from him.
"I'm sorry about what happened the last time - let me redeem myself," Kim Junsu says quietly. "At least let me buy you a drink."
Changmin crosses his arms. Kim Junsu squeezes his eyes shut and claps his hands together in a pleading gesture. "Give me a chance," he says imploringly and against his will, Changmin makes a strangled noise in response.
Kim Junsu seems to take the strange sound as a yes, and he opens his eyes in delight, breaking into a smile as bright as the afternoon sun. "Thank you so much," he says.
"Wait," Changmin says, standing up hastily. "I get to pick the place."
"Anything you want," Kim Junsu says, still grinning.
Changmin glances at his watch. "I get off work in two hours. I'll see you back here in two hours," he says, and meets Junsu's eyes with a challenging look on his face. If you don't come back this time, he thinks, and watches embarrassment flits across Junsu's face as though he can read Changmin's mind.
"I'll be back in two hours," Junsu promises, and flashes Changmin another grin before running out the front door, coming and going like a hurricane.
Changmin thinks of Yoochun, and recalls Junsu's smile, and drops his head into his hands. I don't need this now, he decides, and calls Jaejoong to tell him he had better be at work today, because someone special will be going to watch him perform.
True to his promise, Junsu turns up two hours later.
“Let’s go,” Changmin says when he sees Junsu.
When Changmin turns up at the bar with Junsu, Jaejoong shrieks with excitement. He drags Junsu to a corner, his mouth moving nonstop and Junsu looking a little confused, but mostly amused.
“Who’s that?” Yoochun asks, inclining his head towards Junsu after coming up to Changmin and handing one of the two glasses of cocktails he is holding.
“Alcohol before dinner?” Changmin asks, taking the glass offered.
“Who cares?” Yoochun shrugs, drinking from his glass and urging Changmin to do the same. They walk over to join Junsu and Jaejoong.
“And this is?” Junsu asks, interrupting Jaejoong’s stream of talk, looking at Yoochun and smiling.
Yoochun drapes a possessive arm over Changmin’s shoulders and grins. “Changmin’s boyfriend,” he announces.
“He’s just joking,” Changmin tells Junsu, embarrassment making a blush rise to his cheeks. Yoochun laughs at his response.
While Jaejoong takes the stage, Yoochun and Junsu start a deep conversation about music that Changmin does not understand. He sits on the bar stool, sipping his cocktail and listening to Jaejoong sing instead.
Halfway through Jaejoong’s third song, Junsu stands up. “I have to go,” he says apologetically. “I have a schedule tomorrow.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Changmin says, handing his glass over to Yoochun. “I’ll just be a minute,” he tells Yoochun, who nods. As Changmin leaves, he sees a woman approach Yoochun, smiling suggestively. He wonders if there will be a day when this will not happen, and he wishes half-heartedly that Yoochun would be a little less attractive to men and women alike.
Outside, Changmin turns to Junsu. “There’s one thing you can do to redeem yourself,” he says.
Junsu raises an eyebrow.
“You know that Yoochun writes songs, right?” Changmin says, and Junsu nods. “He’s been trying to sell a song for ages. If you would recommend him, or just listen to some of his songs - ”
“I will,” Junsu interrupts and smiles. “Don’t worry about it. If he really is good, it won’t be a problem.”
Changmin smiles back. “Thank you.”
“Is he really your boyfriend?” Junsu asks curiously.
Changmin hesitates before shaking his head.
“Then can I see you again?” Junsu asks, still smiling. “Or will I be slaughtered for even suggesting it?”
“I’ll consider it,” Changmin says sagely. Junsu’s smile is contagious.
“Changmin,” someone calls, and it is Yoochun, who is holding the door open behind him. “Want to go for dinner?” Yoochun asks brightly.
“Okay,” Changmin says and when he turns back to say goodbye to Junsu, Junsu is already walking away. Changmin stares at Junsu’s retreating back for a few moments, and then turns around to face Yoochun. “Let’s go,” he says, slipping his hand into the familiar warmth of Yoochun’s.
Three days later, it is about four in the afternoon when Yoochun calls Changmin at work. The library is mostly empty, save for a handful of students and three or four other people browsing at the shelves.
"When do you get off from your date with the Dewey Decimal system?" Yoochun says the moment Changmin picks up, without even waiting for Changmin to say hello.
"I get off work at five-thirty," Changmin answers.
"I'll come by and pick you up," Yoochun says, and there's a smile in his voice. "I'm taking you out to dinner."
"You're joking," Changmin laughs, spinning around in his chair, until he sees his co-worker glance disapprovingly at him. “When do you ever pay for dinner?”
"I'm not joking," Yoochun insists. "I sold it," he says, sounding accomplished. "A song.” And then he names Junsu’s company. “And they even hinted at wanting to work with me more in the future,” he adds proudly.
“That’s great,” Changmin says. “Do I get to pick a place?”
“No,” Yoochun says, laughing. “You’ll just pick some ridiculously expensive place on purpose.”
After hanging up, Changmin returns to his book, still smiling. He wonders if that fact that he is looking forward to dinner means something about how he really feels about Yoochun.
At five o’clock, his phone rings again. It is a number that he does not recognize.
"Can we meet?" Junsu's voice.
"I'm actually busy tonight," Changmin says, holding the phone to his ear using his shoulder as he rearranges the stationery in front of him.
"I need to see you."
"What about tomorrow? Yoochun is taking me out to dinner later, your company bought his song - "
"I know," Junsu interrupts him. Changmin frowns when he hears Junsu's noisy breathing.
"Junsu? Are you okay?"
"Please," Junsu says.
"Where are you now?" Changmin says, checking his watch. "I can spare fifteen minutes."
Thankfully, Junsu is not far away from the library. Changmin requests to get off work early from his co-worker, who agrees to cover for him. He contemplates whether he should call Yoochun and tell him about what is going on but decides against it.
When he finds Junsu, he is staring blankly into space, looking as though the world has ended. Changmin sits down next to him, and waits for Junsu to start talking.
"She broke up with me," Junsu says after a few seconds of silence.
Changmin blinks. “What?”
He hadn’t been expecting this. He bites down on his lower lip and desperately tries to come up with an appropriate response, but the only thought ringing through his mind is - he likes girls, Shim Changmin, he likes girls, you idiot..
Junsu continues talking, even though Changmin has not the faintest idea what Junsu is going on about, completely preoccupied with his own wild thoughts. "I rarely get off-days, you know, and today I got some free time so I wanted to meet her. I thought she'd be happy to see me. I mean, it's been so long, but she didn't look happy at all when I surprised her at her house. She let me in, made me coffee, but it was all wrong. I knew something was wrong. I wanted to hold her, kiss her, or something, but she wouldn't let me." Junsu draws a long shuddering breath.
Changmin is only half-listening. The other half of his attention is devoted to the part of his mind saying, he likes girls, so you get your mind out of the gutter, Shim Changmin, because he will never be attracted to you the way you are to him -
"She told me, sometimes I wish I wasn't your fan when we met," Junsu says quietly. "She said, maybe then you wouldn't take me for granted. I said, I never take you for granted, but she just smiled sadly at me. I told her, I just don't have enough time. I told her I was sorry and I promise to find more time for her, but she just kept smiling sadly and shaking her head. I asked for one more chance, to fix things, but then she said - she said what hurt the most. She said, Junsu, I'm not good enough for you."
Changmin watches helplessly as Junsu starts to cry. The other part of him that had been thinking about other inappropriate things finally falls silent, leaving Changmin feeling wretched and awkward.
“Hey,” Changmin says, patting him on the back awkwardly. “It’s okay.” He presses his lips together and then tries again. “It’s okay, I’m here for you.” The moment the words leave his lips, Changmin feels his ears burn with embarrassment.
Junsu cries for a few minutes, and Changmin just sits there, not knowing what to do. Nobody ever taught him how to deal with such situations.
Finally, Junsu draws in a long, noisy breath and sits up, wiping his face on his sleeve. “You have to go off now, right?” he asks Changmin, without looking up from the floor.
“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Changmin asks cautiously.
“I’ll be okay,” Junsu says.
Changmin chews on the inside of his cheek. “I’ll call you again tonight?” he suggests.
Junsu nods, and gets to his feet. He shoves Changmin forward. “Get going,” he says thickly. “Or you’ll be late.”
Changmin makes it back to the front steps of the library half a minute before Yoochun arrives.
“Why are you sweating?” Yoochun asks, staring quizzically at the beads of perspiration on Changmin’s forehead.
“I have no idea,” Changmin says, the taste of the lie metallic and bitter in the back of his throat.
Later, when they kiss, Changmin wonders if Yoochun can taste it. He wonders what Yoochun would think. After Yoochun falls asleep, Changmin walks into the kitchen and dials Junsu’s number.
“I’m taking you with me,” Junsu says, the moment he picks up.
“What?”
“On holiday,” Junsu says, sounding perfectly normal and not the crying wreck that Changmin was preparing to deal with.
“What?” Changmin says, completely lost.
“I need a break. I’ve already asked for two days off, and it’s nothing big, not overseas or anything - I booked a room in a hotel and I just want to get away for a while,” Junsu says, sounding fifty times happier than he was in the evening. “You can come, right?”
“You’re out of your mind,” Changmin informs him seriously.
“It’s tomorrow,” Junsu adds helpfully.
“You are,” Changmin repeats. “Out of your mind.”
“Don’t be like that, it’s only two nights,” Junsu says. “We’ll just be lazing around, and having a good time… unless you have anything important on for the next few days?”
“I don’t,” Changmin admits grudgingly. “But - ”
“No buts,” Junsu declares. “Pack a bag and I’ll pick you up at eight in the morning tomorrow. Give me your address.”
Feeling cornered, Changmin obediently recites his address. Once he is done, Junsu says “goodnight, sweet dreams, see you tomorrow” all in one breath and hangs up.
Changmin tip-toes around the bedroom where Yoochun is fast asleep, groping around in the dark for clothes and toiletries, throwing them into his bag. When he leaves the next morning, Yoochun is still asleep.
Changmin leaves a note saying that an emergency has come up back at home, and he will be gone for three days.
This lie tastes worse than the previous one, but when Changmin gets into Junsu’s car, Junsu has a wide smile on his face, and he is wearing the ugliest shirt Changmin has ever seen, and just like that, the guilt disappears.
Junsu spends most of the morning and early afternoon sleeping on the hotel bed, leaving Changmin to roam around. Changmin finds the pool and the gym. He takes a long bath, and dozes off on the bed next to Junsu while watching television.
When he wakes up, it is already four. He is starving. He turns sideways and hits Junsu mercilessly until Junsu opens his eyes.
“What?” Junsu moans, rolling over and pulling the blanket over his head.
“I’m hungry. We should have a huge dinner to make up for the lunch we missed,” Changmin insists, mustering his strength and tugging the blanket off Junsu. Junsu sits up and glares at him.
“I hate you,” Junsu says sullenly.
“I hate you too,” Changmin responds, dragging Junsu out of the room.
The first night, they have dinner, and only fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning after an entire night of watching movies that Junsu rented. The next day, they laze around in the room, both of them spending an hour each in the bathtub, ordering room service, and they only leave the room in the evening to get dinner at a nearby restaurant.
Changmin has never had so much fun bickering with another person, and twice, he catches himself staring at Junsu with his heart beating in his throat, in danger of escaping out of his control.
The two of them wander the streets after dinner, arguing about everything and anything, laughing and hitting each other.
A playful fight - at least that was what it started out as. The two of them, coming back to the hotel and chasing each other around the pool in the middle of the night.
Changmin has not felt so carefree in months. He shouts Junsu's name, and Junsu turns around, the distinct sound of his laughter permeating the cool night air.
"Be quiet," Junsu hisses, still smiling. "You don't want to be caught and thrown back into our room, do you?"
Changmin reaches forward, closes his fingers around the back of Junsu's t-shirt and pulls. Junsu yelps softly, his entire weight thrown backwards into Changmin. There is a moment when the both of them struggle for balance, and Changmin catches sight of Junsu's panicked expression. Just when Changmin opens his mouth to laugh, he is in the water, sputtering and choking.
He rises up to the surface, wiping the water out of his eyes, and finds himself face to face with Junsu.
Junsu blinks as water streams down his face. His hair is plastered to his head and his cheeks are flushed.
Changmin cannot help but notice the way Junsu's now transparent shirt clings to his body, and suddenly, he isn't shivering from the cold any more. A hot flush works its way from his neck to his face, and Changmin's heart is beating so loudly that he is certain Junsu can hear it.
Desire swells inside Changmin like a balloon, and he has never wanted so much in his entire life.
Junsu is scant inches away. So close, Changmin thinks dizzily. He wants to kiss Junsu, and he has to curl his hands into tight fists to cling onto whatever self-control he still has left.
You will scare the hell out of him, Changmin tells himself sternly. Junsu doesn't like you this way. He treats you like a friend. A friend.
And then Junsu ruins everything by tilting his head slightly, shaking the water out of his ears, giving Changmin a close-up view of his jaw and the line of his throat. Changmin's stomach clenches and he wonders if his mouth is hanging open as Junsu swallows, his throat working.
"Junsu," Changmin whimpers, and it comes out in a strangled gasp. Fuck it all, Changmin thinks, I can't handle this any more. I'll come up with an excuse - I nearly drowned and the water went into my head. I swallowed too much chlorine and went crazy -
Changmin is saved the trouble of thinking up an excuse, because half a second later, Junsu is taking Changmin's face between his hands and pressing their mouths together.
Changmin kisses back, letting his hands wander to the back of Junsu's neck, his shoulders, his back.
Junsu grabs Changmin's hips underwater, and grinds against him.
Changmin's toes curl. He’s caught fire, and he has no intention of escaping.
"Changmin," Junsu says in between kisses. The sound of his name from Junsu's lips, raspy and breathless, makes Changmin moan. "Can I - please -"
Changmin nods, his mouth refusing to cooperate, completely incapable of forming words.
Their movements are sluggish in the water and Changmin sees irritation and impatience flit across Junsu's face. Junsu's grip on Changmin tightens, definitely going to leave bruises, and Changmin yelps as Junsu lifts him out of the water, onto the edge of the pool.
Junsu climbs out, dripping wet, pressing Changmin onto the ground and straddling him with ease.
The cold wind blowing across his wet skin makes Changmin break out in gooseflesh, and he is feeling so many things at once he is amazed he's still conscious - the cold from the slippery tiles beneath his back, warmth as Junsu's breath ghosts across his skin, and a fresh wave of desire as Junsu rocks against him.
"Junsu, Junsu," Changmin says, a mindless chant. His feet are dangling in the water, and he suddenly realises that they are lying beside a pool, and anyone can look out of a window and spot them.
Changmin sits up abruptly, and Junsu grabs onto Changmin, nearly falling backwards into the pool.
"What're you doing?" Junsu asks, trying to push him back down.
"Not here," Changmin says firmly.
Junsu thinks about, and gets onto his feet, pulling Changmin up with him. "Okay," Junsu agrees. "Back to the room."
Changmin trips after Junsu, who does not slow down for even a second until they are in their room. Junsu locks the door behind him.
Changmin knows that Junsu is reconsidering what they are about to do, and fear ripples up his spine - terrified that Junsu may change his mind and not want him anymore.
When Junsu finally kisses him, Changmin can taste his uncertainty. He wants to tell Junsu, it's okay, I love you, but he doesn't know how to say it without ruining the moment, so he reassures Junsu by brushing his thumbs gently across the skin under Junsu's eyes and hopes he understands.
"Junsu. Please," Changmin says. "Please," the only word that Changmin knows how to say.
Changmin has never realised how heavy and how solid Junsu is, until he is pressing Changmin into the bed, leaning forward into the curve of Changmin's back, licking the space between Changmin's spine and shoulder blade.
"God, too slow," Changmin chokes out, his hands making fists in the sheets.
Junsu's laugh is breathless. "Changmin," he says, and he sounds like he's about to cry. "Wait. Changmin. I - there's something I should - I - I like you. I like you even though I shouldn't. And I think about you all the time. And I even like it when you're being a pain, and being mean, and making fun of me. Damn it, I like your stupid adorable mismatched eyes when you’re smiling, and I - "
“Shut up,” Changmin says, and he tries his best not to cry. “Shut up, you idiot.”
Junsu draws in a long shuddering breath, burying his head into Changmin’s neck. “Can I?” he whispers.
“Yes,” Changmin whispers back. “Yes,” he repeats.
When Junsu eases into him for the first time, Changmin feels a painful stretch and starts to cry uncontrollably. It is awkward and sticky, and it hurts, but Junsu is kissing him all over, and whispering sweet, lovely, dirty things in his ears, and suddenly the pain fades into a dull throb and amazing sensations rock through Changmin’s body in time to the roll of Junsu’s hips.
It is over too fast, and Changmin has no time to gather his composure - he is sure that he looks terrible, tear tracks on his face and red-eyed. Junsu smiles at him, panting.
“Thank you,” he mouths.
On the table, his phone vibrates. Changmin crawls over, picks up his phone. It is a message from Yoochun, saying that he hopes that everything is fine, and I miss you, come home soon. Changmin starts to cry again.
Junsu rolls over and holds him. “I know you lied to me,” Junsu says, listening to Changmin cry. “About you and Yoochun.” Junsu hums in his throat soothingly, rubbing circles on Changmin’s back. “Changmin,” he says gently. “If you want, let’s just pretend tonight never happened.”
Changmin does not answer and Junsu says, “It’s my fault.”
Changmin shakes his head. “It’s not your fault,” he tells Junsu. “I’m okay,” he says, forcing a smile onto his face. “I’m tired, I’m going to sleep.” He removes Junsu’s arm from around him, pulls the blanket over his naked body and squeezes his eyes shut.
“Oh, Changmin,” he hears Junsu say. He pretends to be asleep as Junsu moves around the room, picking up clothes and going to the bathroom. When Junsu finally turns the lights off and crawls into bed, Changmin opens his eyes and stares at the darkness all around him until sleep claims him.
Part 2
Author: thevignette
Pairings: Yoochun/Changmin, Junsu/Changmin, Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: R
Summary: One night spent in a 24/7 diner marks new beginnings for Changmin. The appearances of Yoochun, Jaejoong, Yunho and Junsu change Changmin's life of mundane normalcy as he finds himself rooted into the heart of a love triangle, and learning about what love really is.
Word count: 11 234
Disclaimer: DBSK are their own people under the management of SM Entertainment. The portrayals here are fictional and no money is being made.
Author's Note: Thank you to my beta, cmere, who is a star ♥ Being not very good with deadlines, I ended up rushing this out, but I tried my best and hope I haven't disappointed anyone :D
Prologue
Changmin sits in a 24-hour diner, half a cup of coffee in front of him, stagnant and cold.
It is nearly midnight. The roads outside are still crowded, but Changmin knows that in an hour or so, emptiness will settle in like a chilly breeze, sweeping through the streets.
Changmin is not the only customer in the diner. Two tables away, there is a young man, probably around Changmin's age, bent over his plate, shovelling food into his mouth at top speed.
Changmin stares down at his coffee and wonders if he should order something else, even though he isn't hungry at all.
Another young man occupies another corner of the restaurant - slender and pale-skinned. His collarbones stick out from his body and the black shirt he is wearing clings to his frame. He is staring intently at his cellphone, fingers moving rapidly across the keypad. His food lies half-eaten in front of him, a greasy mess of scrambled eggs and sausages.
Looking at the oily plate, Changmin promptly decides against ordering something else. He props his feet up on the seat across from him, slouching down in his seat and opening the book he has brought with him.
He is not a big lover of books. Changmin reads because time passes faster when he does, and there is no better alternative, especially when it is barely midnight, and there are many hours to have to crawl past before morning comes. He has a part-time job at the library, which also means that he has convenient access to many books, and Changmin is someone who takes advantage of whatever privileges he is offered.
Changmin is waiting for the night to pass - but it is not because Changmin has nowhere to stay for the night. He has a house to go home to. He lives by himself in a small apartment about a fifteen minute walk away, but tonight, he does not feel like going home. Sitting here in the diner, he can pretend that he is not just a common university student, leading a boring lonely life. He can pretend that he has run away from home (part of it is true, he tells himself, he is so far away from home), or he is waiting for someone (even though there is no one for him to meet). He can pretend to be so many things.
He looks up from his reading when he hears the door swing open and shut. A group of girls walks in - young girls, probably just out of high school, wearing short skirts and high heels, giggling as they look through the menu.
Youthfulness clings cloyingly to their skin like sweet perfume. They make a lot of noise, and Changmin watches them from behind his book with mild irritation. They order their drinks, and leave, silence descending over the restaurant once more.
Silence dominates the place, but once in a while, there are the little sounds - the noise of plates clanging together from the kitchen, the soft click of cutlery against ceramic as the young man two tables away gobbles his food down enthusiastically, and the whisper of paper as Changmin turns a page.
The next time Changmin looks up, it is already past twelve. The date has changed without Changmin realising. He blinks, puts his book aside and drains the rest of his coffee. Two tables away, the young man has three empty plates in front of him, and he is peering into his wallet with a mildly distressed look on his face.
At the other corner, the young man who had been furiously typing on his phone is still staring at the phone, but he is no longer typing. He looks like he is waiting for a reply. His feet under the table are tapping out an erratic rhythm as he stares at the empty air in front of him, as though he is looking at something Changmin cannot see.
Someone slides into the seat across from him. Startled, Changmin jerks his head around, wide-eyed.
The young man from two tables away. "Hi," he says with an uncomfortable smile.
Changmin stares at him blankly. He cannot recall ever seeing this young man anywhere before - he is certain that they are strangers.
"Sorry for intruding," the young man says awkwardly. "But can you possibly lend me some money?"
Changmin glances over at the other table, at the three empty plates, and then back at the young man. "Why?"
"I ordered too much," the young man answers sheepishly. "I only have enough to pay for one plate." He holds out his fist and shows Changmin the money that he is clutching, a few crumpled bills and a small hill of coins.
Changmin thinks about the request for a moment. The young man looks honest enough; in addition, he is reasonably well-dressed and there is an expectant look on his face. Grudgingly, Changmin reaches into his pocket and slides some money across the table.
"I'll definitely return this to you," the young man says firmly, taking the money from Changmin. "I promise."
"I'll be here until morning," Changmin says, cutting him off.
The young man pauses. "I'll come back here by eight in the morning and return you the money," he says politely, taking Changmin's hint. "Definitely," he adds, for good measure, before standing up and walking to the counter.
Changmin returns to his book, and by the time he looks up, the young man is gone. Other than the man with his cellphone, he is the only customer in the restaurant. The man with the cellphone is still waiting for his reply.
Eventually, Changmin does fall asleep, slumped on the table, an arm tucked under his face. When he wakes, the clock reads six in the morning.
He sits up and looks around. He is finally the only one left.
He stands up, stretches and orders another coffee.
Two refills and a plate of scrambled eggs and toast later, it is eight-forty, and the young man who owes Changmin money is nowhere to be seen. Changmin stares balefully into the bottom of his cup, glances at his watch, and then at the door.
He pours what's left in his cup onto the empty plate, watches the brown liquid drip onto the ceramic, mixing with oily grease. He sets the cup back on the table and stands up, pays for his food and walks out, feeling cheated and resigned.
The people around him, even the ones who barely know him, always end up never coming back.
ONE
The diner was the beginning - the insignificant flap of a butterfly’s wings that would eventually lead to a hurricane responsible for turning Changmin’s life upside down.
After leaving the diner, Changmin goes home, takes a shower and goes for a lecture at his university in the afternoon. He sits through lectures, only half-listening, his mind always wandering somewhere else where his body cannot follow.
In the evening, Changmin meets Yoochun.
The café that Changmin frequents for quick simple meals is uncommonly crowded, and Changmin ends up sharing a table with Yoochun. They end up chatting through the meal, and after dinner, they wander to the park and find a patch of grass to sit on. Yoochun has a way of talking that draws Changmin in, has him hanging onto every word. He also happens to be one of the rare people that Changmin actually wants to talk to, wants to open up to.
Yoochun is an aspiring song-writer who makes a living by playing the piano in various high-class restaurants and lounge bars. Yoochun carries an air of mystery around him that Changmin cannot help but be drawn to.
"Listen to this," Yoochun urges, untangling his earphones and thrusting one towards Changmin earnestly. "It's only halfway done," he says. "But I have a feeling this one is going to turn out great." There's a light in his eyes that makes Changmin want to smile along with him.
Changmin cocks his head and listens intently to the recording of Yoochun's work-in-progress. The melody is beautiful - Yoochun is undeniably talented, but the song sounds unpolished and fragmented. It lacks the professional finish that it needs for it to be able to sell. Still, there is something arresting about Yoochun's songs - it leaves something lingering in your heart. Changmin has a feeling that Yoochun will be very successful one day. And he can’t help but think he wants to be around to see that day - can’t help but think that he wants to be by Yoochun’s side, to witness the process.
"It's difficult," Yoochun says, leaning backwards and tilting his face towards the sky, where the sun is setting, leaving behind a rosy blush. "Trying to sell a song. I never thought it'd be so hard."
There is a long silence, and Changmin just keeps looking at Yoochun, completely captivated.
Suddenly, Yoochun turns around and their eyes meet. Changmin’s heart stutters like a song skipping on a broken record player, stuck on one high climatic note that keeps replaying over and over again.
"You know something?" Yoochun says, carefully looping his earphones around his music player. "I think we were meant to meet. I can feel it."
And then Yoochun smiles - his smile reminds Changmin of the bright glinting edge of a knife (cutting a clean swath through Changmin’s heart). "I want to take you somewhere," Yoochun says, and as though they have known each other all their lives, he grabs hold of Changmin’s hand and pulls him to his feet.
"I work here, on weekends," Yoochun explains, pushing the door open. The bar Yoochun has brought him to is not big or anything fancy, but it is relatively packed. Changmin loves it. It is one of those rare places where he does not feel out of place. "On weekdays, my friend sings instead. You should hear him sing, his voice is out of this world," Yoochun says, punctuating the claim with an enthusiastic thumbs-up and a grin.
Changmin raises an eyebrow. "Really?" He lets his suspicion come through in his voice.
Yoochun glances over at the small stage, where a microphone stand and a keyboard have been set up. "He’ll be out soon." He keeps a firm hold on Changmin's wrist as he weaves through the crowd, towards the bar. "Let's get drinks first," he says, and the smile on his face makes it obvious that Yoochun is a big fan of alcohol.
Changmin is ordering his drink when he hears someone playing a few chords experimentally on the keyboard. Yoochun nudges him, and Changmin spins around on the stool until he's facing the small stage, where someone starts to play the beginnings of a song he has never heard before.
He blinks several times, tilts his head to the side and tries as hard as he can to recall where he has seen this man before.
The man playing the keyboard is thin, and has big electrifying eyes. And then he starts to sing. In that moment, Changmin understands what Yoochun means.
It is magical. Changmin cannot tear his eyes away. His voice is soothing and Changmin thinks that he can fall asleep listening to this, and dream the sweetest dreams - except the question of where have I seen him before nags at him like an itch, keeping him from fully enjoying the performance.
It only hits him when the second song ends, and the man takes his cellphone out of his pocket to check for messages. The phone.
The diner.
As though the man senses Changmin's little epiphany, he looks up and across the room, right at Changmin, and his gaze slides sideways to settle on Yoochun. He slides the cellphone back into his pocket and makes his way through the crowd, stopping in front of the both of them.
"Yoochun," he says, and they exchange smiles. Before Yoochun can say anything, the man turns to Changmin and says, "I've seen you before."
His smile is as electrifying as his eyes are.
"I know," Changmin answers.
"You know him?" Yoochun asks, looking from Changmin to his friend and then back again, surprised.
"We've seen each other before, but we don't know each other," Yoochun's friend answers. He introduces himself, holding out a hand. "I'm Jaejoong," he says. "I work here, as you can tell."
"I'm Changmin." Changmin returns the favour, and shakes the offered hand. "Actually, I only just met Yoochun today - "
"Regardless," Yoochun interrupts him. "Even though we just met, I have a feeling I already know you well enough to foresee that you and Jaejoong will get along superbly."
"Yoochun and I, we've known each other for a long time," Jaejoong says.
"Not that long, actually," Yoochun adds. "Just about two years."
"Two years is a long time," Jaejoong says, in all seriousness.
Changmin doesn't quite know how to react, but suddenly he understands what Yoochun means when he said that they were meant to meet. I've been waiting for this, Changmin thinks, until now.
Somehow along the way, Jaejoong takes it upon himself to watch out for Changmin, as though Changmin has become his responsibility. Yoochun makes fun of Changmin; you bring out his maternal instincts, he says and Changmin pretends to complain about it but he has never had someone look after him like this, and it secretly delights him.
"There's someone I want you to meet," Jaejoong says one day, out of the blue. His cheeks are pink and he shifts his weight from one leg to the other, like a nervous schoolboy. "He's someone special," he says and waits for a reaction.
Changmin blinks. "Okay," he says, having no idea why Jaejoong is behaving strangely. Jaejoong brings him to a cosy Japanese restaurant that Changmin has never been to, and the entire time, Jaejoong fidgets in his chair and chatters about mindless things.
"Who is it you want me to meet?" Changmin asks curiously, after sitting through ten minutes of Jaejoong’s fidgeting.
"He's a friend," Jaejoong says, but the flush on his face tells Changmin otherwise.
Yunho is the most handsome man Changmin has ever seen. When he walks into the restaurant, he carries a presence around him that is hard not to notice. He is tall, not as tall as Changmin, but still tall enough tower over everyone else.
Jaejoong smiles so hard when Yunho sits down Changmin cannot help but wonder if the corners of his lips are going to stretch all the way to his ears.
"This is Yunho," Jaejoong tells Changmin. "Yunho, this is Changmin."
"I've heard about you," Yunho says with a warm smile.
Changmin's heart hammers in his chest and he is certain that if he met Yunho somewhere else, and not as Jaejoong's significant other, he would have fallen. Just like that.
There is a fire in Jaejoong's eyes and a glow on his face that makes Changmin want to fall in love, just to see if he wears the head-over-heels look as well as Jaejoong does.
Changmin recognizes the sour taste the wells up in the back of his throat as a mix of envy and jealousy, and swallows hard to push the feelings away.
Over lunch, the three of them make small talk.
Yunho is choreographer, and when he names a major entertainment agency he works for, Changmin's jaw drops. "You must be really good," Changmin says, impressed.
Yunho laughs in embarrassment and opens his mouth to reply, but is quickly interrupted by Jaejoong, who grabs onto his arm, eyes suddenly two times wider.
"Yunho," Jaejoong says urgently. "The tickets. You promised. Please don't tell me you forgot." Seeing the confused look on Changmin's face, Jaejoong turns to face him. "There's this amazing singer who belongs to the same company and I begged Yunho to use his connections to get tickets to his concert. He's really, really good. I've heard him sing before, and trust me, he's amazing."
Grinning, Yunho produces a pair of tickets from his pocket and Jaejoong claps his hands together gleefully in child-like manner.
"Take Changmin with you," Yunho says, surrendering the tickets to a beaming Jaejoong. “I’ll be busy.”
Changmin wants to decline. Crowded places do not agree with him, and being in a concert hall packed with screaming fans is not how Changmin wants to spend a Friday night.
"Ask Yoochun instead," Changmin suggests, but Jaejoong ignores him and announces loudly that this Friday night, he is taking Changmin out.
When Yoochun calls Changmin after lunch, and asks Changmin if he is free on Friday night to watch a movie, Jaejoong snatches the phone and informs Yoochun loudly that Changmin already has somewhere to be.
"You're not going to regret it," Jaejoong tells Changmin after hanging up on a bemused Yoochun. "I promise."
Changmin is not so certain, but Jaejoong looks so happy and excited that Changmin does not have the heart to decline, and he resigns himself to a painful Friday night.
Changmin yawns as the light floods the stage. The girl in front of him throws her hands into the air, shrieking wildly, and Changmin has to tilt his head to the side to be able to see the stage. He is sure that in five minutes, his neck is going to start aching and his eardrums will have popped.
"He's really good," Jaejoong tells Changmin earnestly, the sixth time since they sat down.
Changmin wonders what he is doing in this crowded place, packed with adoring fangirls, on a Friday night (when he could have been somewhere else - like watching a movie with Yoochun), waiting for some pretty boy to come on stage and sing. Next to him Jaejoong throws him an exasperated look.
"Stop making that miserable face," Jaejoong says.
"I'm not," Changmin says sullenly, the miserable look not budging from his face at all.
Jaejoong looks like he has a good retort ready when music starts playing. Distracted, Jaejoong looks away and promptly sucks in a breath dramatically. "Oh my God, he's here, he's here - " Jaejoong elbows Changmin hard to get his attention and points violently towards the stage.
Changmin turns back to stare at the stage and squints at the small figure walking to the centre. He gives up and glances at the large screen instead. He does a double-take, staring at the face on the bright screen.
The guy from the diner.
Who took his money, promised to come back in the morning to return it and didn't.
Changmin had given up his Friday night to watch him? He swears loudly, earning himself a disapproving look from Jaejoong.
The idiot from diner starts to sing and Changmin sits back to glare at the screen, resigned to the fact that he is stuck here for the rest of the night.
After two and half songs, Changmin is forced to admit that the idiot is actually good. His singing tugs at heartstrings, and next to him, Jaejoong has his eyes closed, swaying to the music. That idiot's pitch never falls, and Changmin thinks that this is the most beautiful thing he has heard in ages.
Still, he decides, crossing his arms, great singing does not excuse anyone from borrowing money and not returning it. The thought slips from his grasp, as that idiot hits a note that leaves Changmin breathless and when he can finally breathe normally again, Changmin realises that somehow, within that short span of time, he has lost his heart.
"You're insane," Jaejoong says, shouting after Changmin, who is determinedly walking towards the stage.
"I need to see that idiot," Changmin shouts back.
"He has a name, his name is Kim Junsu," Changmin hears Jaejoong saying, sounding exasperated. "And you're out of your mind! He's not going to see you, for heaven's sake - "
Changmin storms around, looking for some kind of door that leads backstage. He spies a door that has a notice that says STAFF ONLY, and yanks it open.
"You're not allowed in here," a member of staff tells Jaejoong as he follows Changmin through the door.
"I know," Jaejoong snarls at him. "Tell that maniac in front of me that!" Jaejoong shoves the fellow out of the way and races after Changmin. Jaejoong manages three steps and then someone grabs him and starts to haul him out of the place forcefully.
"Shim Changmin," Jaejoong shrieks.
Changmin turns around to see Jaejoong being thrown out, looking enraged, and he winces. Jaejoong is probably swearing about how he is never going to take Changmin anywhere ever again.
He taps a random staff member on the shoulder and flashes him a polite smile. "Sorry, do you know where I might find Kim Junsu?"
"Who are you?" the man says, startled, giving Changmin a wary once-over.
"Why don't you just tell me where he is?" Changmin suggests brightly, smiling even more widely.
As it turns out, the man does not need to tell Changmin anything, because two seconds later, Changmin spots Kim Junsu walking down the corridor, towelling his hair dry and laughing loudly. Changmin thinks that Kim Junsu will not be looking so happy very soon, considering the fact that Changmin is in a foul mood and wants to loop that towel around the idiot’s neck and yank.
Changmin marches up to him and feels accomplished when recognition flashes across Kim Junsu’s face.
"Hi," Changmin says, wiping any trace of a smile off his face.
"It's you!" Kim Junsu says, and breaks into a massive grin. "You came to watch me perform?"
"Yes, but only because I had nothing else to do," Changmin answers calmly.
The smile on Kim Junsu's face falters. "Right," he says after a pause.
"You didn't come back in the morning." Changmin decides to get straight to the point.
The smile vanishes completely and Kim Junsu looks guilty. "Look, I can explain," he starts. "And I'll definitely return the money to you. I can even return it now - wait -" He thrusts his hands into his pockets, and fumbles with his wallet.
"It wasn't a lot of money," Changmin says, getting angrier by the second. "I'd have forgotten about it if I didn't see you today. I'd have treated it as an act of charity - maybe you really needed the money. Maybe you were really hard up for cash. I would have forgotten about it, but today, I'm dragged here by my friend to watch some next big thing and it's you - "
"I said I can explain," Kim Junsu interrupts, visibly flustered. He pushes money into Changmin's hands - double the amount that Changmin had lent him. "I'm returning you double, okay, I'm really sorry about not going back in the morning - "
Changmin loosens his grip, lets the money flutter onto the floor. “I don't need your charity," Changmin says, his face burning with heat.
"At least take the money I owe you," Kim Junsu says, looking twice as embarrassed. "I'm really sorry."
"Tell me something," Changmin says. "Did you only recall this when I walked up to you just now?"
Kim Junsu opens and closes his mouth. He seems to be having some sort of internal battle with himself, but after a few seconds, he lowers his head guiltily in an unmistakeable nod.
"You're unbelievable," Changmin says in disgust, turns around, and walks out. He knows that he's overreacting. He knows that he is being unreasonable. People make mistakes, people forget things, and Changmin is a forgiving person. Yet, somehow, Changmin can't let this go.
He can't.
Maybe it is because it hurts. It hurts to know that Kim Junsu (who took Changmin's emotions on a roller-coaster ride, whose performance Changmin wants to watch, over and over again) found it so easy to forget about Changmin, when Changmin -
Changmin will never forget him.
TWO
Two weeks later, Changmin moves out of the small apartment he has been renting and into the apartment Yoochun and Jaejoong are sharing. He has his part-time job working at the local library, and with some financial support from his parents, it is not like he is having a hard time paying the rent for his old apartment, but splitting rent with two other people means that he will have spare cash for other things.
The apartment has three rooms. Yoochun and Jaejoong have one room each, but the third is too small to be used as a bedroom. It is mostly filled with musical equipment and various instruments.
"We can share," Yoochun had offered when they were having a discussion about where Changmin would sleep, and for some strange reason, Changmin felt as though his entire body was charged with electricity when he nodded and agreed.
The first night Changmin moves in, Yoochun kisses him.
Changmin was unfolding the blanket when he heard Yoochun sitting down next to him on the bed. Turning around, Yoochun just grabbed his chin and pushed their mouths together.
After the kiss, Yoochun says goodnight, crawls into his own bed, leaving Changmin's thoughts and feelings in one tangled mess. When he wakes up in the morning, Yoochun is still asleep, his legs tangled in his blanket, his mouth slightly open.
Changmin's heart races like a runaway horse, and he spends a good ten minutes just lying on his bed, staring at Yoochun. If he stretches out his hand, he can touch Yoochun. He can still feel the burn of Yoochun's lips on his, the heat of Yoochun's fingers on his chin, and he can't help but think is this love?
Frustrated and confused, Changmin gets out of bed and heads for the bathroom. Halfway through brushing his teeth, someone walks in.
Changmin lifts his head and meets Yoochun's eyes through the reflection in the mirror.
"Morning," Yoochun says sleepily.
Mouth full of bubbles, Changmin makes a noise in return and Yoochun laughs.
Changmin gargles and spits, his entire body tense as he is uncomfortably aware of Yoochun watching his every move.
When he is done, Yoochun nudges him sideways and takes over the sink, picking up his toothbrush. Changmin reaches for a comb and starts to brush his hair, working through the mess.
Their eyes keep meeting through the reflection.
Changmin's heart feels as though it is going barge its way out of his chest any second. When Yoochun is done with brushing his teeth, he turns around casually and shuts the door, sliding the lock into place.
The second kiss happens, slow and gentle, Yoochun's hands on either side of Changmin's face, fingers spread apart like flower petals unfurling into full bloom, holding him tight. The comb Changmin is holding drops, unfortunately, into the toilet bowl, but neither of them could care less.
Yoochun breaks the kiss and looks intently into Changmin’s eyes for several long moments. “Are you going to run away?” he asks, and Changmin shakes his head.
“Good,” Yoochun says with satisfaction, and then he shoves Changmin backwards, until his back hits a wall. When he kisses Changmin again, it is hard and urgent. He rocks against Changmin, an addictive rhythm as his hands slide to Changmin’s hips. Changmin moans out loud and Yoochun bites down on his shoulder.
Someone knocks on the door. “Whoever is in there,” Jaejoong shouts. “Get out of there now. I need to go!”
“Fuck,” Yoochun says, reluctantly drawing away, unlocking the door and then pushing his way out. Jaejoong walks in and stares at Changmin, leaning against the wall, his clothes in disarray and his hair a mess.
His gaze settles on Changmin’s kiss-swollen lips. “Good morning,” he says calmly, as though he has not noticed a thing.
“Good morning,” Changmin echoes distantly before dashing out of the bathroom, feeling as though he has walked right into a maze from which there is no exit.
Changmin goes to work at the library, feeling rattled and confused. His co-worker asks him if he is sick, and Changmin shakes his head dazedly, sitting down at the counter. The library is relatively empty and Changmin passes the time by reading a book.
Once in a while, people will approach the counter to ask for help and all Changmin has to do is answer the questions that he can. Those that he cannot answer he directs to his more experienced co-worker.
"May I help you?" Changmin says, looking up from the book he is reading as a shadow falls across the library counter. The smile on his face freezes and then fades away.
Kim Junsu's jaw drops open.
"You," Changmin says, finding his voice first. How did you find me? he wants to ask. You stalker, he thinks balefully.
"I didn't expect to see you here," Kim Junsu says faintly.
Changmin wants to ignore him, but he will probably be fired if he is caught, so he settles for a polite icy tone instead. "How may I help you?" he asks flatly.
Kim Junsu shakes his head. "I can't remember what I wanted to ask," he says. "Look." He rests his elbows on the counter and leans closer towards Changmin.
Changmin makes it a point to move backwards and away from him.
"I'm sorry about what happened the last time - let me redeem myself," Kim Junsu says quietly. "At least let me buy you a drink."
Changmin crosses his arms. Kim Junsu squeezes his eyes shut and claps his hands together in a pleading gesture. "Give me a chance," he says imploringly and against his will, Changmin makes a strangled noise in response.
Kim Junsu seems to take the strange sound as a yes, and he opens his eyes in delight, breaking into a smile as bright as the afternoon sun. "Thank you so much," he says.
"Wait," Changmin says, standing up hastily. "I get to pick the place."
"Anything you want," Kim Junsu says, still grinning.
Changmin glances at his watch. "I get off work in two hours. I'll see you back here in two hours," he says, and meets Junsu's eyes with a challenging look on his face. If you don't come back this time, he thinks, and watches embarrassment flits across Junsu's face as though he can read Changmin's mind.
"I'll be back in two hours," Junsu promises, and flashes Changmin another grin before running out the front door, coming and going like a hurricane.
Changmin thinks of Yoochun, and recalls Junsu's smile, and drops his head into his hands. I don't need this now, he decides, and calls Jaejoong to tell him he had better be at work today, because someone special will be going to watch him perform.
True to his promise, Junsu turns up two hours later.
“Let’s go,” Changmin says when he sees Junsu.
When Changmin turns up at the bar with Junsu, Jaejoong shrieks with excitement. He drags Junsu to a corner, his mouth moving nonstop and Junsu looking a little confused, but mostly amused.
“Who’s that?” Yoochun asks, inclining his head towards Junsu after coming up to Changmin and handing one of the two glasses of cocktails he is holding.
“Alcohol before dinner?” Changmin asks, taking the glass offered.
“Who cares?” Yoochun shrugs, drinking from his glass and urging Changmin to do the same. They walk over to join Junsu and Jaejoong.
“And this is?” Junsu asks, interrupting Jaejoong’s stream of talk, looking at Yoochun and smiling.
Yoochun drapes a possessive arm over Changmin’s shoulders and grins. “Changmin’s boyfriend,” he announces.
“He’s just joking,” Changmin tells Junsu, embarrassment making a blush rise to his cheeks. Yoochun laughs at his response.
While Jaejoong takes the stage, Yoochun and Junsu start a deep conversation about music that Changmin does not understand. He sits on the bar stool, sipping his cocktail and listening to Jaejoong sing instead.
Halfway through Jaejoong’s third song, Junsu stands up. “I have to go,” he says apologetically. “I have a schedule tomorrow.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Changmin says, handing his glass over to Yoochun. “I’ll just be a minute,” he tells Yoochun, who nods. As Changmin leaves, he sees a woman approach Yoochun, smiling suggestively. He wonders if there will be a day when this will not happen, and he wishes half-heartedly that Yoochun would be a little less attractive to men and women alike.
Outside, Changmin turns to Junsu. “There’s one thing you can do to redeem yourself,” he says.
Junsu raises an eyebrow.
“You know that Yoochun writes songs, right?” Changmin says, and Junsu nods. “He’s been trying to sell a song for ages. If you would recommend him, or just listen to some of his songs - ”
“I will,” Junsu interrupts and smiles. “Don’t worry about it. If he really is good, it won’t be a problem.”
Changmin smiles back. “Thank you.”
“Is he really your boyfriend?” Junsu asks curiously.
Changmin hesitates before shaking his head.
“Then can I see you again?” Junsu asks, still smiling. “Or will I be slaughtered for even suggesting it?”
“I’ll consider it,” Changmin says sagely. Junsu’s smile is contagious.
“Changmin,” someone calls, and it is Yoochun, who is holding the door open behind him. “Want to go for dinner?” Yoochun asks brightly.
“Okay,” Changmin says and when he turns back to say goodbye to Junsu, Junsu is already walking away. Changmin stares at Junsu’s retreating back for a few moments, and then turns around to face Yoochun. “Let’s go,” he says, slipping his hand into the familiar warmth of Yoochun’s.
Three days later, it is about four in the afternoon when Yoochun calls Changmin at work. The library is mostly empty, save for a handful of students and three or four other people browsing at the shelves.
"When do you get off from your date with the Dewey Decimal system?" Yoochun says the moment Changmin picks up, without even waiting for Changmin to say hello.
"I get off work at five-thirty," Changmin answers.
"I'll come by and pick you up," Yoochun says, and there's a smile in his voice. "I'm taking you out to dinner."
"You're joking," Changmin laughs, spinning around in his chair, until he sees his co-worker glance disapprovingly at him. “When do you ever pay for dinner?”
"I'm not joking," Yoochun insists. "I sold it," he says, sounding accomplished. "A song.” And then he names Junsu’s company. “And they even hinted at wanting to work with me more in the future,” he adds proudly.
“That’s great,” Changmin says. “Do I get to pick a place?”
“No,” Yoochun says, laughing. “You’ll just pick some ridiculously expensive place on purpose.”
After hanging up, Changmin returns to his book, still smiling. He wonders if that fact that he is looking forward to dinner means something about how he really feels about Yoochun.
At five o’clock, his phone rings again. It is a number that he does not recognize.
"Can we meet?" Junsu's voice.
"I'm actually busy tonight," Changmin says, holding the phone to his ear using his shoulder as he rearranges the stationery in front of him.
"I need to see you."
"What about tomorrow? Yoochun is taking me out to dinner later, your company bought his song - "
"I know," Junsu interrupts him. Changmin frowns when he hears Junsu's noisy breathing.
"Junsu? Are you okay?"
"Please," Junsu says.
"Where are you now?" Changmin says, checking his watch. "I can spare fifteen minutes."
Thankfully, Junsu is not far away from the library. Changmin requests to get off work early from his co-worker, who agrees to cover for him. He contemplates whether he should call Yoochun and tell him about what is going on but decides against it.
When he finds Junsu, he is staring blankly into space, looking as though the world has ended. Changmin sits down next to him, and waits for Junsu to start talking.
"She broke up with me," Junsu says after a few seconds of silence.
Changmin blinks. “What?”
He hadn’t been expecting this. He bites down on his lower lip and desperately tries to come up with an appropriate response, but the only thought ringing through his mind is - he likes girls, Shim Changmin, he likes girls, you idiot..
Junsu continues talking, even though Changmin has not the faintest idea what Junsu is going on about, completely preoccupied with his own wild thoughts. "I rarely get off-days, you know, and today I got some free time so I wanted to meet her. I thought she'd be happy to see me. I mean, it's been so long, but she didn't look happy at all when I surprised her at her house. She let me in, made me coffee, but it was all wrong. I knew something was wrong. I wanted to hold her, kiss her, or something, but she wouldn't let me." Junsu draws a long shuddering breath.
Changmin is only half-listening. The other half of his attention is devoted to the part of his mind saying, he likes girls, so you get your mind out of the gutter, Shim Changmin, because he will never be attracted to you the way you are to him -
"She told me, sometimes I wish I wasn't your fan when we met," Junsu says quietly. "She said, maybe then you wouldn't take me for granted. I said, I never take you for granted, but she just smiled sadly at me. I told her, I just don't have enough time. I told her I was sorry and I promise to find more time for her, but she just kept smiling sadly and shaking her head. I asked for one more chance, to fix things, but then she said - she said what hurt the most. She said, Junsu, I'm not good enough for you."
Changmin watches helplessly as Junsu starts to cry. The other part of him that had been thinking about other inappropriate things finally falls silent, leaving Changmin feeling wretched and awkward.
“Hey,” Changmin says, patting him on the back awkwardly. “It’s okay.” He presses his lips together and then tries again. “It’s okay, I’m here for you.” The moment the words leave his lips, Changmin feels his ears burn with embarrassment.
Junsu cries for a few minutes, and Changmin just sits there, not knowing what to do. Nobody ever taught him how to deal with such situations.
Finally, Junsu draws in a long, noisy breath and sits up, wiping his face on his sleeve. “You have to go off now, right?” he asks Changmin, without looking up from the floor.
“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Changmin asks cautiously.
“I’ll be okay,” Junsu says.
Changmin chews on the inside of his cheek. “I’ll call you again tonight?” he suggests.
Junsu nods, and gets to his feet. He shoves Changmin forward. “Get going,” he says thickly. “Or you’ll be late.”
Changmin makes it back to the front steps of the library half a minute before Yoochun arrives.
“Why are you sweating?” Yoochun asks, staring quizzically at the beads of perspiration on Changmin’s forehead.
“I have no idea,” Changmin says, the taste of the lie metallic and bitter in the back of his throat.
Later, when they kiss, Changmin wonders if Yoochun can taste it. He wonders what Yoochun would think. After Yoochun falls asleep, Changmin walks into the kitchen and dials Junsu’s number.
“I’m taking you with me,” Junsu says, the moment he picks up.
“What?”
“On holiday,” Junsu says, sounding perfectly normal and not the crying wreck that Changmin was preparing to deal with.
“What?” Changmin says, completely lost.
“I need a break. I’ve already asked for two days off, and it’s nothing big, not overseas or anything - I booked a room in a hotel and I just want to get away for a while,” Junsu says, sounding fifty times happier than he was in the evening. “You can come, right?”
“You’re out of your mind,” Changmin informs him seriously.
“It’s tomorrow,” Junsu adds helpfully.
“You are,” Changmin repeats. “Out of your mind.”
“Don’t be like that, it’s only two nights,” Junsu says. “We’ll just be lazing around, and having a good time… unless you have anything important on for the next few days?”
“I don’t,” Changmin admits grudgingly. “But - ”
“No buts,” Junsu declares. “Pack a bag and I’ll pick you up at eight in the morning tomorrow. Give me your address.”
Feeling cornered, Changmin obediently recites his address. Once he is done, Junsu says “goodnight, sweet dreams, see you tomorrow” all in one breath and hangs up.
Changmin tip-toes around the bedroom where Yoochun is fast asleep, groping around in the dark for clothes and toiletries, throwing them into his bag. When he leaves the next morning, Yoochun is still asleep.
Changmin leaves a note saying that an emergency has come up back at home, and he will be gone for three days.
This lie tastes worse than the previous one, but when Changmin gets into Junsu’s car, Junsu has a wide smile on his face, and he is wearing the ugliest shirt Changmin has ever seen, and just like that, the guilt disappears.
Junsu spends most of the morning and early afternoon sleeping on the hotel bed, leaving Changmin to roam around. Changmin finds the pool and the gym. He takes a long bath, and dozes off on the bed next to Junsu while watching television.
When he wakes up, it is already four. He is starving. He turns sideways and hits Junsu mercilessly until Junsu opens his eyes.
“What?” Junsu moans, rolling over and pulling the blanket over his head.
“I’m hungry. We should have a huge dinner to make up for the lunch we missed,” Changmin insists, mustering his strength and tugging the blanket off Junsu. Junsu sits up and glares at him.
“I hate you,” Junsu says sullenly.
“I hate you too,” Changmin responds, dragging Junsu out of the room.
The first night, they have dinner, and only fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning after an entire night of watching movies that Junsu rented. The next day, they laze around in the room, both of them spending an hour each in the bathtub, ordering room service, and they only leave the room in the evening to get dinner at a nearby restaurant.
Changmin has never had so much fun bickering with another person, and twice, he catches himself staring at Junsu with his heart beating in his throat, in danger of escaping out of his control.
The two of them wander the streets after dinner, arguing about everything and anything, laughing and hitting each other.
A playful fight - at least that was what it started out as. The two of them, coming back to the hotel and chasing each other around the pool in the middle of the night.
Changmin has not felt so carefree in months. He shouts Junsu's name, and Junsu turns around, the distinct sound of his laughter permeating the cool night air.
"Be quiet," Junsu hisses, still smiling. "You don't want to be caught and thrown back into our room, do you?"
Changmin reaches forward, closes his fingers around the back of Junsu's t-shirt and pulls. Junsu yelps softly, his entire weight thrown backwards into Changmin. There is a moment when the both of them struggle for balance, and Changmin catches sight of Junsu's panicked expression. Just when Changmin opens his mouth to laugh, he is in the water, sputtering and choking.
He rises up to the surface, wiping the water out of his eyes, and finds himself face to face with Junsu.
Junsu blinks as water streams down his face. His hair is plastered to his head and his cheeks are flushed.
Changmin cannot help but notice the way Junsu's now transparent shirt clings to his body, and suddenly, he isn't shivering from the cold any more. A hot flush works its way from his neck to his face, and Changmin's heart is beating so loudly that he is certain Junsu can hear it.
Desire swells inside Changmin like a balloon, and he has never wanted so much in his entire life.
Junsu is scant inches away. So close, Changmin thinks dizzily. He wants to kiss Junsu, and he has to curl his hands into tight fists to cling onto whatever self-control he still has left.
You will scare the hell out of him, Changmin tells himself sternly. Junsu doesn't like you this way. He treats you like a friend. A friend.
And then Junsu ruins everything by tilting his head slightly, shaking the water out of his ears, giving Changmin a close-up view of his jaw and the line of his throat. Changmin's stomach clenches and he wonders if his mouth is hanging open as Junsu swallows, his throat working.
"Junsu," Changmin whimpers, and it comes out in a strangled gasp. Fuck it all, Changmin thinks, I can't handle this any more. I'll come up with an excuse - I nearly drowned and the water went into my head. I swallowed too much chlorine and went crazy -
Changmin is saved the trouble of thinking up an excuse, because half a second later, Junsu is taking Changmin's face between his hands and pressing their mouths together.
Changmin kisses back, letting his hands wander to the back of Junsu's neck, his shoulders, his back.
Junsu grabs Changmin's hips underwater, and grinds against him.
Changmin's toes curl. He’s caught fire, and he has no intention of escaping.
"Changmin," Junsu says in between kisses. The sound of his name from Junsu's lips, raspy and breathless, makes Changmin moan. "Can I - please -"
Changmin nods, his mouth refusing to cooperate, completely incapable of forming words.
Their movements are sluggish in the water and Changmin sees irritation and impatience flit across Junsu's face. Junsu's grip on Changmin tightens, definitely going to leave bruises, and Changmin yelps as Junsu lifts him out of the water, onto the edge of the pool.
Junsu climbs out, dripping wet, pressing Changmin onto the ground and straddling him with ease.
The cold wind blowing across his wet skin makes Changmin break out in gooseflesh, and he is feeling so many things at once he is amazed he's still conscious - the cold from the slippery tiles beneath his back, warmth as Junsu's breath ghosts across his skin, and a fresh wave of desire as Junsu rocks against him.
"Junsu, Junsu," Changmin says, a mindless chant. His feet are dangling in the water, and he suddenly realises that they are lying beside a pool, and anyone can look out of a window and spot them.
Changmin sits up abruptly, and Junsu grabs onto Changmin, nearly falling backwards into the pool.
"What're you doing?" Junsu asks, trying to push him back down.
"Not here," Changmin says firmly.
Junsu thinks about, and gets onto his feet, pulling Changmin up with him. "Okay," Junsu agrees. "Back to the room."
Changmin trips after Junsu, who does not slow down for even a second until they are in their room. Junsu locks the door behind him.
Changmin knows that Junsu is reconsidering what they are about to do, and fear ripples up his spine - terrified that Junsu may change his mind and not want him anymore.
When Junsu finally kisses him, Changmin can taste his uncertainty. He wants to tell Junsu, it's okay, I love you, but he doesn't know how to say it without ruining the moment, so he reassures Junsu by brushing his thumbs gently across the skin under Junsu's eyes and hopes he understands.
"Junsu. Please," Changmin says. "Please," the only word that Changmin knows how to say.
Changmin has never realised how heavy and how solid Junsu is, until he is pressing Changmin into the bed, leaning forward into the curve of Changmin's back, licking the space between Changmin's spine and shoulder blade.
"God, too slow," Changmin chokes out, his hands making fists in the sheets.
Junsu's laugh is breathless. "Changmin," he says, and he sounds like he's about to cry. "Wait. Changmin. I - there's something I should - I - I like you. I like you even though I shouldn't. And I think about you all the time. And I even like it when you're being a pain, and being mean, and making fun of me. Damn it, I like your stupid adorable mismatched eyes when you’re smiling, and I - "
“Shut up,” Changmin says, and he tries his best not to cry. “Shut up, you idiot.”
Junsu draws in a long shuddering breath, burying his head into Changmin’s neck. “Can I?” he whispers.
“Yes,” Changmin whispers back. “Yes,” he repeats.
When Junsu eases into him for the first time, Changmin feels a painful stretch and starts to cry uncontrollably. It is awkward and sticky, and it hurts, but Junsu is kissing him all over, and whispering sweet, lovely, dirty things in his ears, and suddenly the pain fades into a dull throb and amazing sensations rock through Changmin’s body in time to the roll of Junsu’s hips.
It is over too fast, and Changmin has no time to gather his composure - he is sure that he looks terrible, tear tracks on his face and red-eyed. Junsu smiles at him, panting.
“Thank you,” he mouths.
On the table, his phone vibrates. Changmin crawls over, picks up his phone. It is a message from Yoochun, saying that he hopes that everything is fine, and I miss you, come home soon. Changmin starts to cry again.
Junsu rolls over and holds him. “I know you lied to me,” Junsu says, listening to Changmin cry. “About you and Yoochun.” Junsu hums in his throat soothingly, rubbing circles on Changmin’s back. “Changmin,” he says gently. “If you want, let’s just pretend tonight never happened.”
Changmin does not answer and Junsu says, “It’s my fault.”
Changmin shakes his head. “It’s not your fault,” he tells Junsu. “I’m okay,” he says, forcing a smile onto his face. “I’m tired, I’m going to sleep.” He removes Junsu’s arm from around him, pulls the blanket over his naked body and squeezes his eyes shut.
“Oh, Changmin,” he hears Junsu say. He pretends to be asleep as Junsu moves around the room, picking up clothes and going to the bathroom. When Junsu finally turns the lights off and crawls into bed, Changmin opens his eyes and stares at the darkness all around him until sleep claims him.
Part 2