daynah_bo: Origami Hearts
Title: Origami Hearts
Author: daynah_bo
Pairing(s): Junsu/Yoochun | Yunho/Jaejoong | Changmin/Yoochun
Rating: PG13
Summary: All Park Yoochun wanted was to find love in the arms of his best friend, Kim Junsu, who held Yoochun's heart none-too-gently on the tips of the fingers that so carefully constructed paper cranes for girls he wooed.
Warnings: language, slight sexual content, alcohol reference
Word count: 12,235
Disclaimer: DBSK are their own people under the management of SM Entertainment. The portrayals here are fictional and no money is being made.
Author's Notes: It took a lot of time and effort, but I enjoyed writing this for the challenge. I hope everyone enjoys it and I thank all those that supported me when I said I was going to do this - especially those that listened to me change my mind every other day, never being able to write anything down before I had a new idea. Thank you - everyone, and enjoy!
Park Yoochun traced the tiny rivulets of rain water that careened down the side of his bedroom window, following their path, intertwining their way into one another, into a web of lies that - no matter how hard he tried to avoid - he could not help but to get tangled up in the mess he had made. He leaned his head against the glass, forehead touching the smooth surface, as if the water would soothe him even though there was a thin sheet of Plexiglas separating him from the outside world.
“Junsu ah,” he murmured softly, the name rolling around on his tongue - as if he was tasting it - the sugarcoated words of a fantasy he often dreamed of coming to mind, only to be taken back down to earth with the desolate feeling in his chest, where his heart should have been, but unfortunately it was captured a year before by his best friend, Kim Junsu.
He fingered the chain around his neck, a habit he adopted when he was nervous (thinking of his friend, fearing one day his secret would slip up and reveal itself), as he gazed out his window, seeing nothing but bitter darkness that reminded him of how the fairy tales he and his younger brother had loved so much back when they were children were not true. Happy endings were only read from fanciful novels that cruel authors liked to humor their readers with - to entertain them with the heroics until they had ideas in their head that they could fly, that their dreams would come true, that it was all going to be worth it one day.
But he was sixteen and he had grown up. He learned to face the facts that this story - the story of his life (and, oh, how boring it would be, he thought distastefully) - was never going to end with love and laughter.
The one he wanted was out of reach - a distant star leading him in a mad search for something that was never there to begin with, a mirage, a petty little dream created in the mind of a five year old that knew nothing of society and that not everyone belonged in the world in which he lived in. And he knew for a fact that the one he wanted would never be interested in him.
Kim Junsu liked girls. Pretty girls with long hair and wide eyes, the ones that smiled bright and you would be so dazzled by the intensity of it all that you could not help but to stutter like an idiot and make a fool of yourself. But Junsu was not like that. Junsu was calm, cool, collected. He had girls giggling over him everywhere he went. Bathroom stalls, atop desks - name carved in the wooden surface with little hearts and Yoochun blanched visibly every time he saw it - and the place that Yoochun hated the most in the world. Kim Junsu had his name wrapped around Yoochun’s heart, so tight (oh, so tight) that he found himself unable to breathe without thinking about his younger friend.
Dreams were haunted with flashes of skin, groans of pleasure, salty liquid dripping onto his lips. And Yoochun would cry in the shower as he touched himself shakily, letting his lips part shyly with naughty gasps.
“Yoochun ah, it’s time to go to bed! You have school tomorrow.” The sweet sound of his mother’s voice floating through his closed door snapped him out of his reverie, the little turmoil inside his sixteen year old head dimming down, saving itself for another day. Yoochun still had to go to school and see the object of his desires, and the acting was getting worse and more painful, but to say it and lose his friend - he knew - would hurt him so much more.
* * *
“Chun ah, did you do last night’s homework?” Junsu asked casually the next day, swinging one arm around the smaller figure beside him as they walked to class.
Yoochun shook his head no, fingers tightened around the straps of his messenger bag, all of a sudden feeling that the bag was weighing a lot more and that the air was crushing down on him.
“I… um, got distracted?”
Junsu gave him a knowing grin, and Yoochun found that that expression was rather odd because there was no way Junsu knew what was going through his older friend’s head. His hand resting on Yoochun’s shoulder squeezed tight and Junsu nodded in greeting to his classmates. It was times like these that Yoochun - awkward, glasses wearing Yoochun - wondered why he and Junsu - popular, gorgeous Junsu - were friends.
The wavy haired boy shifted his glasses, the irritating black frames lopsided due to Junsu’s affectionate hold. He sighed and glanced at the slightly taller boy out of the corner of his eyes. Junsu was grinning, pearly whites stretched into perfect rows that could rival the sun if they wanted to, and Yoochun frowned at the fact that his heart beat faster just by that alone.
“Why did you not finish the homework?” Yoochun queried, clutching his books tighter to his chest, feeling the sharp edges dig into his abdomen, but it could not be helped being so small in such a crowded hallway.
Junsu bumped into a few soccer teammates, chatted a bit, jerking Yoochun along as if he was a plaything (as if his heart was Junsu’s favorite toy), and he felt so left out of their conversation - not welcome in the eyes of beautiful girls and playboys. He tried to break free from his friend’s vice-like grip but that proved futile, he was never the strongest amongst his peers. He sighed and stood in the tiny circle, enjoying the comforting little brushes of Junsu’s fingers against the starchy material of his school uniform and for once the itchy fabric felt nice pressed down by the heat of Junsu’s body.
“Anyway, what were you saying?” Junsu asked later, finally dismissing himself from the crowded hallway once the warning bell rang.
Yoochun sighed and kicked a few bags out of his way, ignoring the heated whispering and moans echoing from the couple making out against the dark colored lockers. “Why did you skip homework last night?”
The younger teen’s eyes lit up at that, turning into their classroom and leading them to the little corner in the back of the room where they sat side by side. “Well,” he began, loosening his grip and taking his seat behind a pretty girl that always wore her hair in pig tails. “I was up last night learning how to fold paper cranes!”
Yoochun cocked a brow. The art of origami never seemed to go hand in hand with Junsu. “Paper cranes? What for?”
If anything the smile on Junsu’s face expanded, making it so that it looked painful just to see it and Yoochun’s heart clenched because he knew that smile was not for him… but the beautiful girl in the front of the room - Hong Hee-sun. Yoochun glowered at his friend who remained oblivious, his eyes only on the girl with tumbling raven locks and the longest legs that Yoochun immediately grew sick of seeing (jealous, so very jealous), and he wished he could leave the room rather than sit and watch Junsu fawn over her.
Then he noticed a little blue bird sitting upon the surface of his desk, located conveniently by the little scribble of his best friend’s name embedded into the surface (sometimes Yoochun wondered as to who really carved that name in the desk, blurring lines and days filled with tears… why God hated him so). He picked it up carefully; hesitant in touching it and seeing out of the corners of his eyes the hopeful expression on Junsu’s face.
“What the hell is this? It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen,” Yoochun sneered irritably, and he enjoyed the crestfallen gaze that quickly flickered in light brown orbs. “Its wing is lopsided, Su ah, and I cannot tell the backside from the front. Which end is the beak on and where the hell is the damn thing’s tail?”
“Chun ah,” Junsu whined cutely, snatching back the light colored animal, clutching it to his chest as if it was offended by Yoochun’s unnecessary insult. “You know I’m not talented like you are! Why do you have to be so mean?”
“If it looked better, Su ah, you wouldn’t have to worry about me being mean to it or you,” the older of the two commented simply, shrugging his shoulders and finishing up the work he probably should have done the night before. “Do you really think she’ll like it?”
Junsu bit his bottom lip, glaring at his little and disfigured creation (as if he was sizing it up, Yoochun mused with a small smile), then he sighed and began to crumble up the tiny bird. Yoochun blinked, surprised, and watched the poor thing - which was not really all that ugly, Yoochun just had a tendency to be negative when Junsu pursued another female - become jumbled between the two hands that created it. Father shutting the light on their child, letting it wallow in its own misery, and Yoochun gulped, sympathetic eyes on the blue wad Junsu tossed behind him.
“Su ah…” the darker haired brunette called out softly, but Junsu was no longer attentive, pencil twirling in slender fingers and eyes locked with the female at the front of the classroom. Yoochun blinked back tears upon seeing that look in Junsu’s eyes.
The look that Junsu gave him in his dreams, the one filled with love and want. The one that had him weak in the knees, but it was never directed at him, and he needed someone to support him, to catch him while he fell head over heels in love with his best friend… No one was there to save him though, and he fell hard and he had to reassemble the pieces of himself without a helping hand, while Junsu was too busy driving girls into headboards to care that his friend was the one who really loved him.
“Yoochun ah, please pay attention,” the teacher called from the front of the classroom, snapping his attention back to the board and her easygoing smile. “I know that Mr. Kim is a gorgeous boy, but I would like to think that my lessons are important to you as well.”
The blushing boy sunk lower in his seat, classmates laughing and staring. He did not even want to turn to his right and see the look on Junsu’s face (smug smile, mischievous eyes, and a teasing remark on his tongue - waiting for Yoochun to walk into his trap). Yoochun shook his head, fighting back tears of humiliation and frustration, and scratched down notes quickly, unaware of the fact he was really just writing Kim Junsu over and over (over and over) on the papers scattered across the mutilated surface of his desk. So intent on avoiding his best friend, he barely registered the loud tone of the bell resounding across the school building until Junsu shook him from his thoughts.
“Hey, it’s second period. I’ll see you at lunch, okay? And don’t worry about what Miss Cho said. We all know you’re interested in girls… lucky with them, well, that’s another thing entirely,” Junsu joked, poking his friend’s too tiny sides, feeling the rough bumps of ribs across his knuckles and frowned slightly. “Are you eating alright?”
“I’m fine, Su ah. Really, I am. Stop worrying and get to class,” the boy with longer hair said, twisting one dark ringlet around his finger, shifting his eyes away from the concern in light brown orbs that threatened to drown (control, suffocate, overpower) him.
Junsu nodded, shrugging on his bag, still casting those same soft eyes toward his best friend. “Okay, Chun ah, I’ll see you then.”
Yoochun watched him go, the other’s back to him, missing the hurt in the older boy’s eyes. When he heard the click of the door closing shut, the eldest Park bent over slightly to retrieve the wadded ball of paper on the floor, carefully undoing as much damage as he could. The wrinkles in the blue paper remained and Yoochun swore that the crane was crying, too, because of Junsu’s lack of love (maybe it was unworthy of Junsu’s affection just as Yoochun was…). Yoochun bit back a sob as he realized, a bitter laugh escaping his lips along with his strangled cries, that Junsu would do the same to his heart one day.
Just another ugly paper crane in the way of Junsu’s quest to woo the girl of his dreams, torn into pieces and scattered at his feet…
* * *
“Yoochun hyung!”
The said teen turned around when his name was called to see a friend of his, Shim Changmin, run up to him before lunch. Changmin grinned widely, his lips chapped due to the chilly weather and it looked painful. Yoochun returned the smile and greeting, stepping over the bags that he had kicked earlier that day - the couple nowhere in sight, but he was pretty sure that the sounds from inside the janitor’s closet were clues enough.
“Hello, Min ah. How are you?” Yoochun asked politely, blinking up at the much taller boy with the mismatched eyes.
Changmin grabbed Yoochun’s books for himself, ignoring the older teen’s protests as he answered warmly, “I am doing great. Tae hyung said he’d bring me lots of food for lunch because I missed out on breakfast this morning and… Chun hyung?”
Yoochun’s eyes were distant, gazing at the opposite end of the hall where he saw a new couple, chatting at the girl’s locker, with a large group looking on as well from the other side of where the couple stood. He recognized the messenger bag and all the pins that were attached to it for decoration and what the owner called “individuality.”
“Yoochun hyung…?” Changmin called once more, but all in vain, as Yoochun was backing away from their intended destination. “What’s wrong…?”
Yoochun gnawed at his bottom lip, shoulders slumping in defeat, eyes frantically searching the hallway. Maybe this was just a Junsu look-alike flirting with Hee-sun, threading his fingers through her long hair that waved at the ends, her right hand pushing him softly as he teased her… and then he saw it.
A red paper crane in her hands - bigger and better - and he dropped the wrinkled origami art in his hands letting it float softly to the ground (like a feather, like a rose petal, like his heart crumbling). And he could not bear to watch any longer, spinning on his heel and tumbling through the mass of students - hungry and tired, blocking out Changmin’s calls, uncaring as to the fact he was skipping school and the staff was sure to call his mother.
But all that mattered at the moment was getting as far as he possibly could from Junsu and Hee-sun… Get away from the love of his life and the fact that it was never meant to be…
* * *
“Chunnie ah!”
He heard the pitchy voice call out softly, the sound reverberating around the tiny bathroom’s cold, stone walls. He hunched himself closer into the corner, trying to become one with the wall and just escape for a while, but he knew that was impossible. Junsu always found a way to draw him back in.
“Yoochun ah, please come out,” Junsu said tiredly, his breathing coming in pants and Yoochun realized that Junsu had just run the length of the whole school just to find him, no doubt it being Changmin’s doing. “Chun ah, what’s wrong? Why are you hiding?”
The wavy haired boy wiped his eyes, the salty tears dampening the grey jacket of his school uniform, the material scratching his face and he knew it was leaving red irritated lines across his face. He kept his eyes down when he felt the other kneel before him.
“Chun ah, why are you hiding from everyone? I was so worried,” Junsu cooed softly, coaxing his best friend’s dark gaze up to him by tilting the other’s chin up.
Yoochun sniffled, hating being so emotional, especially in front of the handsome teen before him. “I’m sorry, Su ah. I wasn’t feeling well.”
The older teen saw his friend’s eyebrows come together, furrowed at the middle, not buying Yoochun’s excuse at all. “Chun ah… you know you can tell me.”
“That is the thing though!” Yoochun cried out, frustrated, his hands gripping his hair as he sat on the dirty tiles of the boy’s restroom. “I can’t tell you - and it hurts so much.”
Junsu opened his mouth to speak, but Yoochun shook his head adamantly. It was now or never.
“Su ah, I like you… a lot. I do,” Yoochun whispered brokenly, his brown eyes wide and filled with tears, but even though he feared the imminent rejection he needed to get this off his chest. “It hurt not to tell you, and now that I have successfully ruined our friendship, I’d like for you to -”
He was cut off when he was pulled into a tight embrace by the younger boy. Shocked, Yoochun could only let his mouth drop open and his arms remained limp at his sides. What the hell was going on? The other pushed away softly, looking into his older friend’s eyes as he placed his forehead against the other's.
“Su ah…? What are you - ?”
Junsu smiled toothily, fingers lacing with the other male’s as they remained seated on the cold floor of the men’s room, thankful that no classmates came in at the moment.
“I’m willing to try with you, if you’d like, Chunnie ah,” Junsu murmured, nose pressing against the other’s ear, soft ringlets brushing against his cheeks as he leaned into Yoochun’s body.
It was the tearful boy’s time to narrow his eyes in suspicion. “Junsu ah, what are you talking about?” He pushed Junsu away, not liking the contact, puzzled by his young friend’s actions. “What do you mean? Why are you doing this? ‘Try?’”
“Chun ah,” Junsu called, successfully shutting his friend up again. When he had Yoochun’s full attention he began again. “I… think that I like you, too. Would you like to try this with me?”
It was a lot to take in and Yoochun was sure that this had to be a dream, but then Junsu dipped his head down once more… and the kiss they shared was nothing like that of his dreams…
It was better.
* * *
They had ended up missing lunch due to their restroom rendezvous, Junsu kissing his best friend senseless in the dark corner in a public bathroom. They managed to quickly sneak to class before anyone noticed the lack of their presence, holding hands through empty hallways, skittering passed the deserted lockers, and skidding to a halt outside the door to their next class.
Junsu smiled softly, loosening his grip on the others hand, and even though no one was around to see them, Yoochun knew they had to do this… for both their sakes. Junsu had a reputation to live up to and Yoochun rather liked being out of the social scandals and gossips.
It was hard the first few days, sneaking into empty bathrooms during lunch and during Yoochun’s free period - Junsu was willing to skip class, he would do it anyway, now he had a reason - the sounds of shuffling clothes and heated kisses the only ones present as they made out against the wall. Despite all the sneaking around and fear of getting caught, Yoochun had to admit it was fun overall, thrilling, and an added excitement in his rather dull high school life.
“Su ah, are you coming over tonight?” Yoochun asked his boyfriend of over a month quietly during their first class.
“Hmm?” Junsu queried, his eyes somewhere else and not paying attention to his rather left out (secret, Yoochun reminded himself continuously) boyfriend. “I’m sorry, Chunnie ah, what were you saying?”
Yoochun frowned. “Are you coming over tonight? To do homework together like we always do.”
Junsu bit his bottom lip thoughtfully, and Yoochun’s frown deepened. Then he turned to his boyfriend and laced fingers with him underneath the table they shared. The older boy bit his tongue to keep from snapping at his secret lover, narrowing his eyes on the girl that still held Junsu’s attention.
“I’m sorry, Chun ah, I promise next time. I have a party to go to. Those are important to my image - got to make appearances. You know how it is.”
The sixteen year old, glasses wearing Park Yoochun did not know how it was. He was an outcast, at the bottom tier of the social class, and he was not invited to parties where everyone got drunk and had sex on floors littered with paper cups. Those were the places Junsu fit in, and Yoochun was not welcome in that world, nor did he want to be there.
“That’s alright, Susu ah. Next time,” the older male echoed, his eyes back on his notes that were slowly blurring, his vision swimming with tears, especially when his hand that had been held not too long ago was dropped by the other boy, numb by his side.
Yoochun did not meet Junsu in the bathroom that afternoon. He went to lunch with Changmin and the younger boy’s ‘Tae hyung’ instead.
* * *
“When were you going to tell us about you and Junsu hyung?” Changmin asked later that night, sprawled across Yoochun’s bedroom floor with his books in messy piles beside him.
Yoochun ignored the question, flipping through his notes and queried, “Jae hyung, will you hand me that book on my desktop?”
Jaejoong cocked a brow at his friend’s avoidance of the subject, dangling the book that Yoochun needed before him as he - himself - inquired about two of his friends’ relationship with each other. “Chun ah, really, what’s going on with the two of you? We never see you at lunch anymore.”
“Except today,” Yunho cut in wisely from his spot against the window seat, school jacket undone revealing a band t-shirt. “Did you two fight?”
Yoochun grumbled, snatching away the book he so desperately wanted, and snapped, “Fine, damn it! We’re together - secretly. What more do you want to know?”
“How long has this been going on?” Jaejoong questioned curiously, attitude brightened and Yunho rolled his eyes at his very own best friend.
Yoochun’s brows shot up across his forehead, practically disappearing into his hairline, as he gazed blankly at his friend. Kim Jaejoong was more like Junsu - popular, beautiful, and smart. He had the whole school’s population at his feet; swooning every time he made eye contact with them. They all knew he enjoyed the attention, too. Jung Yunho was handsome, talkative, and generally friendly - nominated class favorite for the third time in a row; having his own special powers at getting the other students to bow down at his feet, practically kissing the ground he walked upon.
Then there was nerdy Changmin, wire-framed glasses perched across the bridge of his nose, mismatched eyes glowing happily and a wide grin spread across his face. Yoochun loved him, he really did, being his only friend during times where Junsu was busy enjoying the good life, Jaejoong was off at the restaurant he worked at as head chef, and when Yunho was saving the world - one tree at a time (Yoochun still laughed at the picture Junsu drew of Yunho as a super hero, somewhere buried beneath compositions in his nightstand).
“A month now,” the wavy haired boy murmured, his eyes downcast, not wanting to see the looks on his friends’ faces.
Changmin cleared his throat, awkward at the now tense atmosphere, as he stated, “I’m going to go to the bathroom.”
When the door clicked shut behind him, Yoochun slumped against his head board, all the books that had been sitting in his lap skittering to the hardwood floor. Yunho’s brows scrunched together, contemplating the situation, and Jaejoong just smiled sweetly, like a mother to a child that still believed in magic and fairies and goodness in the world they lived in.
“Are you happy?”
Yoochun shrugged, simply replying, “I’m happy enough,” and giving his worried friends a tiny smile.
“You wear your hair curled now,” Yunho pointed out, startling both boys sitting upon light blue sheets, the one he spoke to touching his hair self-consciously, twisting a ringlet around his slim index finger. “Junsu said he liked your hair curled.”
“He did,” Jaejoong echoed with a sly grin, wrapping his arms around Yoochun’s tiny frame, chuckling softly into the younger man’s ear. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“I’m sixteen,” the owner of the room answered monotonously, to shield (to run away from) his emotions, “I don’t know what love is. Do you?”
Yunho flushed scarlet and Jaejoong bowed his head, short locks of raven colored hair covering his face. That was when Yoochun decided that those two were hiding something themselves. But they had had enough of secret sharing today, now was not the time to pester the eldest boys about what was going on with them.
Jaejoong then startled them out of the thickening atmosphere, asking a very Jae-like question. “Is he any good?”
“I don’t kiss and tell,” Yoochun giggled out, finally laughing for real for the first time in days.
Jaejoong and Yunho joined in on the laughter, their voices blending nicely and when Changmin came back from the restroom, not knowing what was going on but smiling anyway, Yoochun felt complete. He had missed his friends, but even still… someone was not here and he missed him the most. Kim Junsu; and the name alone clenched at Yoochun’s aching heart.
* * *
Junsu was late for class the next day, coming in right before the tardy bell rang, jacket rumpled and his eyes slightly unfocused. Yoochun decided he was nursing a fairly nasty hangover as he watched his friend stagger into the seat beside him. He had seen his friend like this before, but he knew that Junsu only did it for the appearance (Junsu hated alcohol; he would puke his insides out every time he took a tiny sip).
“Have a good time last night?” the older man queried softly, unzipping his backpack and taking out the homework assignment he had worked hard to finish. He felt eyes on the side of his face, his own warm brown orbs gazing at his secret lover. “What is it, Susu ah?”
Junsu’s eyes traveled down to the neat stack of papers cradled in his best friend’s hands, and Yoochun understood. He had forgotten to do the assignment. Yoochun bit his inner cheek, taking out his pencil and erasing his name from the top piece. Then in perfect handwriting he scribbled his boyfriend’s name down before handing it to the boy he liked.
“Chunnie ah, why did - ?”
Yoochun let a sad smile grace his lips as the teacher walked toward them, stacks of essays and other work in her hand. Ms. Cho took one look at the two friends at the desk, one sheepish and the other confused.
“Mr. Park, where is your assignment?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t do it,” the said boy mumbled, trying to avoid the stinging behind his eyes and the looks of his classmates, and much too embarrassed to look at Junsu who still peered at him intensely.
The woman frowned, frustrated lines marking her forehead, as she stated, “I hate to do this, but I am afraid I will have to call your mother. This was a very important essay, Yoochun ah, I am disappointed in you.” Then she turned on her heel, the clicking of the shoes fading, and Yoochun finally let a tear slide down the side of his face.
(when you care for someone more than yourself… you are in love…)
* * *
“Damn it, Chun ah, why did you do that?” Junsu demanded, pressing his best friend into the corner of the deserted bathroom.
The older boy winced at the tone, traces of dried tears evident on his cheeks after having to tell his mother (so disappointed, looking at him as if he was no longer her son) that he had not done the assignment that would determine part of his final grade. He struggled to get out of Junsu’s hold, he would rather not talk about it, but it proved to be a waste. Junsu was much stronger than he was and Yoochun could do nothing but stand there while his boyfriend shoved him harder into the wall.
“I didn’t want you to get into trouble,” he whispered finally, breaking down in the other’s grasp because it hurt - to know his mother was so very disappointed and that Junsu probably did not care that much about him.
Junsu’s glare softened, his grip growing slack as he pulled his emotional boyfriend into a comforting embrace. “I’m right here, Chunnie ah, let me in. Talk to me, please.”
Yoochun knotted his fingers in the other boy’s short brown hair, pulling his head down so they were closer, because he needed this intimacy - even if it was all fake, just a game. Junsu took the opportunity to nuzzle his face against the junction between Yoochun’s neck and shoulder, placing little kisses onto the pale flesh.
The elder of the two stepped forward, trying to stretch his aching back, and tiptoed a bit to capture the other’s lips with his own. Junsu - getting rid of the initial shock - deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into the other boy’s mouth and tasting strawberries and peaches - remnants of the little snack Jaejoong had brought for him to try.
“You… taste nice,” the younger teen voiced incoherently, caught up in the kisses he was sharing with his secret boyfriend. “Like… a big… fruit cake.”
“But, Su ah,” Yoochun moaned into the kiss, Junsu’s hand dipping into the waistband of his grey slacks, feeling the soft white skin of the boy’s right hip, “… I don’t… like fruit cake.”
Junsu chuckled, the sound filling Yoochun’s own mouth, causing him to groan again, and then Kim spoke hoarsely, “But I like… it, so… Chunnie ah is… my very…” - He licked Yoochun’s lips - “yummy” - Yoochun had the decency to blush - “fruitcake.”
Then he pulled away, his hands slipping out from under his blushing boyfriend’s pants, causing the older one to pout. Junsu laughed softly, pecking the shorter one on his reddened lips, and went back to his bag.
“I made you something, Chun ah,” he said happily, digging through the messy backpack. Then he pulled out a light red piece of paper and slipped it into Yoochun’s hands. “It’s my heart - don’t break it, Chun ah.”
The more emotional of the two gingerly held the paper heart in his hands, eyes welling with more salty tears and he probably looked like a big baby in front of his best friend. He placed it against his own heart (feeling very much like a girl) as he smiled widely, despite the tears distorting his vision, and thanked Junsu softly, his voice not coming to him due to the lump in his throat.
“So, tell me why you did that today.”
“Because,” (I love you), “you’re my best friend, Susu ah.”
* * *
Later that night Junsu had come over under the pretense of helping Yoochun - who had been grounded for not doing his work - but did little to nothing in regards of the boy’s schoolwork.
They lay in a mass of tangled limbs and sky blue bed sheets, Junsu leaning over his boyfriend, wiping dampened locks out of his lover’s eyes, and with a question on his tongue. They had been together for a month now, and Yoochun knew what Junsu wanted to do. It was not that he was not ready - Yoochun was definitely willing to give himself to his best friend - but it was the fact that he was unsure if he could ever meet Junsu’s standards. Yoochun wanted more than a one night stand.
“Chunnie ah,” Junsu whispered against the boy beneath him, his lips brushing over the searing skin of Yoochun’s bare chest.
It was raining outside, pounding against his window and creating tiny patterns that all Yoochun wanted to do was trace (find the meaning of his life, whether Junsu loved him, if it was worth it) as if the rainwater could tell him all the secrets of the world around his small being.
“Susu ah, I’m scared,” Yoochun voiced truthfully, eyes belying that powerful lust he held for the boy above him, the one that had his hands trailing all over his reacting body. “I want this, but…”
“Shh, Yoochun ah, there is nothing to be scared of.” He leaned forward and planted his lips over his boyfriend’s, shutting up his fears and taking them upon himself. “Do you trust me, Chun ah?”
Yoochun could only nod, the rain blocking out all other sounds but their heavy panting, the rustling of clothes as they undressed each other, and then the pain and the pleasure mixed perfectly into their strangled cries.
The older boy liked the feel of his friend’s body around him, calloused hands gripping his hips to steady him as they rocked to their own slow pace - insecurities and nervousness present all around them, weighing down their world as they tried to break free from reality… just for a little while longer. Yoochun tried to extend it, will it to go on forever, this music they had been playing for such a long time now. They mapped out each other’s bodies in Yoochun’s bed, trying to keep quiet because his mother was only two doors down and Yoohwan was across the hall, sleeping soundly in his own bed.
Yoochun had cried at the loss of his innocence, fingernails digging into the tanned skin of his favorite soccer player, murmuring about it hurting over and over again. Junsu had kissed him as they fell into a rhythm, trying to be gentler, to go lighter (to not hurt his friend more than he already had - figuratively, literally, physically, emotionally). Then when it was over, laying spent in a bed of sin and sweat (and something remotely akin to love), Junsu had pulled Yoochun tight against his body, whispering in his ear (just a little more time, let me lay down with you for a bit longer…). Yoochun ran his hand through chestnut colored hair; the other’s breathing even as it fanned across his naked skin - sending tingles down Yoochun’s spine, and mumbled back his answer (forever).
* * *
Ever since that one day in the bathroom, Junsu had been more than nice to his lover, holding his hand as he walked him to class - discreet so as to not draw attention, he still had his reputation to think about - and kissing him when no one was looking. But the thing Junsu did every day during their secret meetings - in the bathroom at the end of the hall on the second floor - was give Yoochun a colorful origami heart and instruct him to be careful with it (not to break it, not to hurt him).
“Are you sure you know what you are doing?” Changmin asked out of the blue one day as they walked together down the halls. “What happens when he hurts you?”
Yoochun and Junsu had been an item for three months; it being the longest time Junsu had ever had a serious relationship, and it made Yoochun giddy inside to think that he was the one Junsu was doing this for. They were often inseparable when they were not in front of judging eyes, tending to only let their affection for one another show when they were with their mutual friends.
“I know what I am doing, Min ah,” Yoochun replied calmly, eyes ahead as he pushed his way through the crowd.
He felt Changmin stop, stiffen himself behind him, and Yoochun turned around, concern evident on his face. He was about to ask what was wrong with his friend, not used to seeing a look of fear on the younger boy’s face. Changmin was what he was not; brave, strong, willing to stand up and fight.
“Min ah, what’s wrong?” Yoochun called once more as he snapped Changmin out of his stupor.
Changmin blinked once - twice, before saying, “Why don’t we take another route? We haven’t gotten to see each other much lately.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Yoochun cried exasperatedly, shrugging the taller teen’s hand off his arm. “Really, Changmin ah, I’m going to be late. We’ll talk later, okay.”
Without waiting for confirmation from his friend - and ignoring the shrieking protests of the studious boy - Yoochun spun on his heel and parted the crowd which had only begun to intensify while he had been standing there. Then he realized what Changmin had been trying to do. He had been trying to protect him from seeing his boyfriend shoved against lockers, lips pressed against those of Hee-sun, as she circled her arms around his neck and ground her center into (what looked to be) his own excited one.
Yoochun swallowed harshly, feeling his insides knot into a bow that was so intricate he knew he would never be able to untangle it. He felt the urge to cry, to scream, to run away, to vomit, to slap the hell out of Junsu… but all he could do was stand there pitifully in the middle of the hallway and watch wide-eyed as the two against the lockers deepened their lip lock.
“Chun hyung, come on, I’ll take you home,” Changmin whispered into his ear, not afraid of the watchful gazes around them as he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s fragile frame (he was slowly crumbling away and Changmin wished to pick up the pieces and glue them back together again).
Yoochun nodded numbly as Changmin pulled him away… he just wished that Changmin could take him away forever.
* * *
“Jaejoong’s calling again,” Changmin mumbled softly to the tired boy in his arms, one foot stuck out to rock them on the swinging bench and the other tucked up underneath him, Yoochun laying his head against the other’s heart, curled into a ball.
“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” Yoochun spoke up, his eyes still glistening with tears in the dim streetlights nearby the park.
Changmin sighed, his head falling back to lean against the seat, looking up at the dark sky. “It’s going to rain again,” he remarked, shifting a little to pull Yoochun closer to him in the chilly night.
“I like the rain,” the wavy haired teen commented weakly, tilting his head a bit to gaze up at Changmin, seeing him for the first time (in the way he wished someone would see him - the way he wished for Junsu to see him). “Min ah…?”
“Hmm?” came his studious friend’s reply, signaling for Yoochun to continue.
Yoochun scrambled up quickly, surprising his younger friend, and the teen surged forward, pressing his lips against the other boy’s. Changmin - shocked - stayed still for a moment until he shoved the older man away from him gently. He palmed Yoochun’s face, thumbing away the freefalling tears that leaked from his beautiful eyes, and placed another sweet kiss to the (secret) love of his life’s lips.
“Chun hyung, you don’t want this.” He silenced Yoochun’s complaints with another kiss, gauging the other’s reactions. “Do you feel anything when I touch you?”
Yoochun, confused, shook his head no, watching a sad smile crawl across Changmin’s chapped lips (Junsu’s were soft and plump, they heated his skin wherever they touched his body). Changmin rubbed the other’s cheekbones lightly, teasing little traces that made Yoochun feel warm, but not in the way that Junsu could heat up his otherwise cold frame.
“I love you, hyung, I really do,” Changmin whispered brokenly (and Yoochun wanted to cry for him, too, because what Junsu did to him, he did to his own friend unknowingly). “But we’re not meant to be. You love Junsu hyung, don’t you? I see it in the way you smile only for him, or hear it in the way you say his name.”
Changmin laughed bitterly then and Yoochun’s mask broke and he crumpled down into a heap against his friend’s chest. Letting his own tears fall (puzzled, angry, fat tears that rolled down his tanned skin and just would not stop), Changmin buried his face in the other’s curly locks, threading his fingers through the silken curls.
“I love you, but you have to decide for yourself what you want,” Changmin said solemnly, pulling away from the emotional wreck he had caused within the other. “Either you keep loving him or you move on. But if you decide you want to love him forever, hyung, you have to fight your very hardest for him and don’t let anyone stand in your way.”
Yoochun nodded, not quite willing to take his eyes off Changmin. He had never seen this side of his friend before - he wished he could have known it sooner.
“But…” and Changmin’s eyes twinkled by this point, resting his forehead against his friend’s larger one, “if you do decide to give up on him, who knows, maybe one day you and I can be us.”
Yoochun smiled brightly, even though his tears kept falling, as he called back quietly, “I would like that very much. Best friends forever?”
He stuck out his pinky, waiting for Changmin to loop his through it, as the other echoed back just as soft, “Best friends forever.”
* * *
Pressed against the wall of the bathroom they had frequented for months now, Yoochun breathed raggedly, his jacket undone, bunched at the bends of his shoulder, leaving him in his cotton short sleeved t-shirt. Junsu was on his knees before him, slowly undoing the belt that kept his pants from sliding down off his waist, ready to blow his boyfriend away, literally.
“Junsu ah,” Yoochun croaked out, knowing it was time to stop this. “Stop, I need to talk to you.”
“Can’t it wait?” Junsu questioned cheekily, fingers swiftly unzipping Yoochun’s pants, trying to tug them down but Yoochun gripped the material tightly. “God, Yoochun ah, I’ve seen it before. And don’t worry, no one is anywhere nearby. I promise to be quick.”
Yoochun shook his head forcefully; shoving his boyfriend back a few steps, buttoning and zipping his pants back up. Junsu blinked, confused, but just grinned again, knowing his lover was shy and this would take some prodding.
“C’mon, Chun ah. You’ll like it, I swear,” the younger sixteen year old called from his spot on the floor, trying to pry his secret lover’s fingers out of the way of what he desired the most.
“I kissed Changmin!”
The outburst startled them both, and Yoochun was happy that it got Junsu to stop advancing on him. Their eyes locked, both sets of brown orbs hurt (for entirely different reasons), and Junsu tried to find words to say. Yoochun beat him to it.
“I kissed Changmin after I saw Hee-sun kissing you yesterday.”
Junsu coughed, looking down, his posture slumping, a defeated look across his face that Yoochun never wanted to see again. “We’re even then.”
“I don’t want to be even,” the elder croaked out finally, his voice cracking under the intense atmosphere, the pressure overbearing and all he wanted to do was rewind and wish he had never met Junsu and received his stupid origami hearts. “I want to break up.”
Junsu laughed dryly, weakly, trying to believe that his boyfriend of three months was just playing a trick on him, and choked out, “C’mon, Chunnie ah, that’s not funny. Stop playing around.”
“I’m sorry, Junsu ah,” Yoochun spoke monotonously, keeping himself in check, making sure his resolve did not crumble anymore than it already had.
The younger man stepped back, stumbling a bit as he kept shaking his head no continuously. “Quit lying, Chun ah. Stop saying such bullshit.”
“I’m sorry, Junsu ah,” Yoochun repeated, clenching his eyes shut, knowing that if he looked at his ex-lover now he would break down and pull him back.
Junsu scoffed, chuckling bitterly (coldly, too coldly to belong to his sweet cheerful Junsu), and sneered, “So you mean these three months meant nothing to you? Damn it, what do you want from me, Chun ah?”
“I don’t know!” Yoochun cried out finally, snapping and letting his barriers break. “Let’s just… end this as friends, please, Su ah.”
Junsu did not even give Yoochun an answer; he was already stalking out the door with tears in his eyes and his body shaky. Then Yoochun fell, defeated, against the wall and tried to breathe but found that it was harder without Junsu’s presence.
He missed him already.
Part 2
Author: daynah_bo
Pairing(s): Junsu/Yoochun | Yunho/Jaejoong | Changmin/Yoochun
Rating: PG13
Summary: All Park Yoochun wanted was to find love in the arms of his best friend, Kim Junsu, who held Yoochun's heart none-too-gently on the tips of the fingers that so carefully constructed paper cranes for girls he wooed.
Warnings: language, slight sexual content, alcohol reference
Word count: 12,235
Disclaimer: DBSK are their own people under the management of SM Entertainment. The portrayals here are fictional and no money is being made.
Author's Notes: It took a lot of time and effort, but I enjoyed writing this for the challenge. I hope everyone enjoys it and I thank all those that supported me when I said I was going to do this - especially those that listened to me change my mind every other day, never being able to write anything down before I had a new idea. Thank you - everyone, and enjoy!
Park Yoochun traced the tiny rivulets of rain water that careened down the side of his bedroom window, following their path, intertwining their way into one another, into a web of lies that - no matter how hard he tried to avoid - he could not help but to get tangled up in the mess he had made. He leaned his head against the glass, forehead touching the smooth surface, as if the water would soothe him even though there was a thin sheet of Plexiglas separating him from the outside world.
“Junsu ah,” he murmured softly, the name rolling around on his tongue - as if he was tasting it - the sugarcoated words of a fantasy he often dreamed of coming to mind, only to be taken back down to earth with the desolate feeling in his chest, where his heart should have been, but unfortunately it was captured a year before by his best friend, Kim Junsu.
He fingered the chain around his neck, a habit he adopted when he was nervous (thinking of his friend, fearing one day his secret would slip up and reveal itself), as he gazed out his window, seeing nothing but bitter darkness that reminded him of how the fairy tales he and his younger brother had loved so much back when they were children were not true. Happy endings were only read from fanciful novels that cruel authors liked to humor their readers with - to entertain them with the heroics until they had ideas in their head that they could fly, that their dreams would come true, that it was all going to be worth it one day.
But he was sixteen and he had grown up. He learned to face the facts that this story - the story of his life (and, oh, how boring it would be, he thought distastefully) - was never going to end with love and laughter.
The one he wanted was out of reach - a distant star leading him in a mad search for something that was never there to begin with, a mirage, a petty little dream created in the mind of a five year old that knew nothing of society and that not everyone belonged in the world in which he lived in. And he knew for a fact that the one he wanted would never be interested in him.
Kim Junsu liked girls. Pretty girls with long hair and wide eyes, the ones that smiled bright and you would be so dazzled by the intensity of it all that you could not help but to stutter like an idiot and make a fool of yourself. But Junsu was not like that. Junsu was calm, cool, collected. He had girls giggling over him everywhere he went. Bathroom stalls, atop desks - name carved in the wooden surface with little hearts and Yoochun blanched visibly every time he saw it - and the place that Yoochun hated the most in the world. Kim Junsu had his name wrapped around Yoochun’s heart, so tight (oh, so tight) that he found himself unable to breathe without thinking about his younger friend.
Dreams were haunted with flashes of skin, groans of pleasure, salty liquid dripping onto his lips. And Yoochun would cry in the shower as he touched himself shakily, letting his lips part shyly with naughty gasps.
“Yoochun ah, it’s time to go to bed! You have school tomorrow.” The sweet sound of his mother’s voice floating through his closed door snapped him out of his reverie, the little turmoil inside his sixteen year old head dimming down, saving itself for another day. Yoochun still had to go to school and see the object of his desires, and the acting was getting worse and more painful, but to say it and lose his friend - he knew - would hurt him so much more.
* * *
“Chun ah, did you do last night’s homework?” Junsu asked casually the next day, swinging one arm around the smaller figure beside him as they walked to class.
Yoochun shook his head no, fingers tightened around the straps of his messenger bag, all of a sudden feeling that the bag was weighing a lot more and that the air was crushing down on him.
“I… um, got distracted?”
Junsu gave him a knowing grin, and Yoochun found that that expression was rather odd because there was no way Junsu knew what was going through his older friend’s head. His hand resting on Yoochun’s shoulder squeezed tight and Junsu nodded in greeting to his classmates. It was times like these that Yoochun - awkward, glasses wearing Yoochun - wondered why he and Junsu - popular, gorgeous Junsu - were friends.
The wavy haired boy shifted his glasses, the irritating black frames lopsided due to Junsu’s affectionate hold. He sighed and glanced at the slightly taller boy out of the corner of his eyes. Junsu was grinning, pearly whites stretched into perfect rows that could rival the sun if they wanted to, and Yoochun frowned at the fact that his heart beat faster just by that alone.
“Why did you not finish the homework?” Yoochun queried, clutching his books tighter to his chest, feeling the sharp edges dig into his abdomen, but it could not be helped being so small in such a crowded hallway.
Junsu bumped into a few soccer teammates, chatted a bit, jerking Yoochun along as if he was a plaything (as if his heart was Junsu’s favorite toy), and he felt so left out of their conversation - not welcome in the eyes of beautiful girls and playboys. He tried to break free from his friend’s vice-like grip but that proved futile, he was never the strongest amongst his peers. He sighed and stood in the tiny circle, enjoying the comforting little brushes of Junsu’s fingers against the starchy material of his school uniform and for once the itchy fabric felt nice pressed down by the heat of Junsu’s body.
“Anyway, what were you saying?” Junsu asked later, finally dismissing himself from the crowded hallway once the warning bell rang.
Yoochun sighed and kicked a few bags out of his way, ignoring the heated whispering and moans echoing from the couple making out against the dark colored lockers. “Why did you skip homework last night?”
The younger teen’s eyes lit up at that, turning into their classroom and leading them to the little corner in the back of the room where they sat side by side. “Well,” he began, loosening his grip and taking his seat behind a pretty girl that always wore her hair in pig tails. “I was up last night learning how to fold paper cranes!”
Yoochun cocked a brow. The art of origami never seemed to go hand in hand with Junsu. “Paper cranes? What for?”
If anything the smile on Junsu’s face expanded, making it so that it looked painful just to see it and Yoochun’s heart clenched because he knew that smile was not for him… but the beautiful girl in the front of the room - Hong Hee-sun. Yoochun glowered at his friend who remained oblivious, his eyes only on the girl with tumbling raven locks and the longest legs that Yoochun immediately grew sick of seeing (jealous, so very jealous), and he wished he could leave the room rather than sit and watch Junsu fawn over her.
Then he noticed a little blue bird sitting upon the surface of his desk, located conveniently by the little scribble of his best friend’s name embedded into the surface (sometimes Yoochun wondered as to who really carved that name in the desk, blurring lines and days filled with tears… why God hated him so). He picked it up carefully; hesitant in touching it and seeing out of the corners of his eyes the hopeful expression on Junsu’s face.
“What the hell is this? It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen,” Yoochun sneered irritably, and he enjoyed the crestfallen gaze that quickly flickered in light brown orbs. “Its wing is lopsided, Su ah, and I cannot tell the backside from the front. Which end is the beak on and where the hell is the damn thing’s tail?”
“Chun ah,” Junsu whined cutely, snatching back the light colored animal, clutching it to his chest as if it was offended by Yoochun’s unnecessary insult. “You know I’m not talented like you are! Why do you have to be so mean?”
“If it looked better, Su ah, you wouldn’t have to worry about me being mean to it or you,” the older of the two commented simply, shrugging his shoulders and finishing up the work he probably should have done the night before. “Do you really think she’ll like it?”
Junsu bit his bottom lip, glaring at his little and disfigured creation (as if he was sizing it up, Yoochun mused with a small smile), then he sighed and began to crumble up the tiny bird. Yoochun blinked, surprised, and watched the poor thing - which was not really all that ugly, Yoochun just had a tendency to be negative when Junsu pursued another female - become jumbled between the two hands that created it. Father shutting the light on their child, letting it wallow in its own misery, and Yoochun gulped, sympathetic eyes on the blue wad Junsu tossed behind him.
“Su ah…” the darker haired brunette called out softly, but Junsu was no longer attentive, pencil twirling in slender fingers and eyes locked with the female at the front of the classroom. Yoochun blinked back tears upon seeing that look in Junsu’s eyes.
The look that Junsu gave him in his dreams, the one filled with love and want. The one that had him weak in the knees, but it was never directed at him, and he needed someone to support him, to catch him while he fell head over heels in love with his best friend… No one was there to save him though, and he fell hard and he had to reassemble the pieces of himself without a helping hand, while Junsu was too busy driving girls into headboards to care that his friend was the one who really loved him.
“Yoochun ah, please pay attention,” the teacher called from the front of the classroom, snapping his attention back to the board and her easygoing smile. “I know that Mr. Kim is a gorgeous boy, but I would like to think that my lessons are important to you as well.”
The blushing boy sunk lower in his seat, classmates laughing and staring. He did not even want to turn to his right and see the look on Junsu’s face (smug smile, mischievous eyes, and a teasing remark on his tongue - waiting for Yoochun to walk into his trap). Yoochun shook his head, fighting back tears of humiliation and frustration, and scratched down notes quickly, unaware of the fact he was really just writing Kim Junsu over and over (over and over) on the papers scattered across the mutilated surface of his desk. So intent on avoiding his best friend, he barely registered the loud tone of the bell resounding across the school building until Junsu shook him from his thoughts.
“Hey, it’s second period. I’ll see you at lunch, okay? And don’t worry about what Miss Cho said. We all know you’re interested in girls… lucky with them, well, that’s another thing entirely,” Junsu joked, poking his friend’s too tiny sides, feeling the rough bumps of ribs across his knuckles and frowned slightly. “Are you eating alright?”
“I’m fine, Su ah. Really, I am. Stop worrying and get to class,” the boy with longer hair said, twisting one dark ringlet around his finger, shifting his eyes away from the concern in light brown orbs that threatened to drown (control, suffocate, overpower) him.
Junsu nodded, shrugging on his bag, still casting those same soft eyes toward his best friend. “Okay, Chun ah, I’ll see you then.”
Yoochun watched him go, the other’s back to him, missing the hurt in the older boy’s eyes. When he heard the click of the door closing shut, the eldest Park bent over slightly to retrieve the wadded ball of paper on the floor, carefully undoing as much damage as he could. The wrinkles in the blue paper remained and Yoochun swore that the crane was crying, too, because of Junsu’s lack of love (maybe it was unworthy of Junsu’s affection just as Yoochun was…). Yoochun bit back a sob as he realized, a bitter laugh escaping his lips along with his strangled cries, that Junsu would do the same to his heart one day.
Just another ugly paper crane in the way of Junsu’s quest to woo the girl of his dreams, torn into pieces and scattered at his feet…
* * *
“Yoochun hyung!”
The said teen turned around when his name was called to see a friend of his, Shim Changmin, run up to him before lunch. Changmin grinned widely, his lips chapped due to the chilly weather and it looked painful. Yoochun returned the smile and greeting, stepping over the bags that he had kicked earlier that day - the couple nowhere in sight, but he was pretty sure that the sounds from inside the janitor’s closet were clues enough.
“Hello, Min ah. How are you?” Yoochun asked politely, blinking up at the much taller boy with the mismatched eyes.
Changmin grabbed Yoochun’s books for himself, ignoring the older teen’s protests as he answered warmly, “I am doing great. Tae hyung said he’d bring me lots of food for lunch because I missed out on breakfast this morning and… Chun hyung?”
Yoochun’s eyes were distant, gazing at the opposite end of the hall where he saw a new couple, chatting at the girl’s locker, with a large group looking on as well from the other side of where the couple stood. He recognized the messenger bag and all the pins that were attached to it for decoration and what the owner called “individuality.”
“Yoochun hyung…?” Changmin called once more, but all in vain, as Yoochun was backing away from their intended destination. “What’s wrong…?”
Yoochun gnawed at his bottom lip, shoulders slumping in defeat, eyes frantically searching the hallway. Maybe this was just a Junsu look-alike flirting with Hee-sun, threading his fingers through her long hair that waved at the ends, her right hand pushing him softly as he teased her… and then he saw it.
A red paper crane in her hands - bigger and better - and he dropped the wrinkled origami art in his hands letting it float softly to the ground (like a feather, like a rose petal, like his heart crumbling). And he could not bear to watch any longer, spinning on his heel and tumbling through the mass of students - hungry and tired, blocking out Changmin’s calls, uncaring as to the fact he was skipping school and the staff was sure to call his mother.
But all that mattered at the moment was getting as far as he possibly could from Junsu and Hee-sun… Get away from the love of his life and the fact that it was never meant to be…
* * *
“Chunnie ah!”
He heard the pitchy voice call out softly, the sound reverberating around the tiny bathroom’s cold, stone walls. He hunched himself closer into the corner, trying to become one with the wall and just escape for a while, but he knew that was impossible. Junsu always found a way to draw him back in.
“Yoochun ah, please come out,” Junsu said tiredly, his breathing coming in pants and Yoochun realized that Junsu had just run the length of the whole school just to find him, no doubt it being Changmin’s doing. “Chun ah, what’s wrong? Why are you hiding?”
The wavy haired boy wiped his eyes, the salty tears dampening the grey jacket of his school uniform, the material scratching his face and he knew it was leaving red irritated lines across his face. He kept his eyes down when he felt the other kneel before him.
“Chun ah, why are you hiding from everyone? I was so worried,” Junsu cooed softly, coaxing his best friend’s dark gaze up to him by tilting the other’s chin up.
Yoochun sniffled, hating being so emotional, especially in front of the handsome teen before him. “I’m sorry, Su ah. I wasn’t feeling well.”
The older teen saw his friend’s eyebrows come together, furrowed at the middle, not buying Yoochun’s excuse at all. “Chun ah… you know you can tell me.”
“That is the thing though!” Yoochun cried out, frustrated, his hands gripping his hair as he sat on the dirty tiles of the boy’s restroom. “I can’t tell you - and it hurts so much.”
Junsu opened his mouth to speak, but Yoochun shook his head adamantly. It was now or never.
“Su ah, I like you… a lot. I do,” Yoochun whispered brokenly, his brown eyes wide and filled with tears, but even though he feared the imminent rejection he needed to get this off his chest. “It hurt not to tell you, and now that I have successfully ruined our friendship, I’d like for you to -”
He was cut off when he was pulled into a tight embrace by the younger boy. Shocked, Yoochun could only let his mouth drop open and his arms remained limp at his sides. What the hell was going on? The other pushed away softly, looking into his older friend’s eyes as he placed his forehead against the other's.
“Su ah…? What are you - ?”
Junsu smiled toothily, fingers lacing with the other male’s as they remained seated on the cold floor of the men’s room, thankful that no classmates came in at the moment.
“I’m willing to try with you, if you’d like, Chunnie ah,” Junsu murmured, nose pressing against the other’s ear, soft ringlets brushing against his cheeks as he leaned into Yoochun’s body.
It was the tearful boy’s time to narrow his eyes in suspicion. “Junsu ah, what are you talking about?” He pushed Junsu away, not liking the contact, puzzled by his young friend’s actions. “What do you mean? Why are you doing this? ‘Try?’”
“Chun ah,” Junsu called, successfully shutting his friend up again. When he had Yoochun’s full attention he began again. “I… think that I like you, too. Would you like to try this with me?”
It was a lot to take in and Yoochun was sure that this had to be a dream, but then Junsu dipped his head down once more… and the kiss they shared was nothing like that of his dreams…
It was better.
* * *
They had ended up missing lunch due to their restroom rendezvous, Junsu kissing his best friend senseless in the dark corner in a public bathroom. They managed to quickly sneak to class before anyone noticed the lack of their presence, holding hands through empty hallways, skittering passed the deserted lockers, and skidding to a halt outside the door to their next class.
Junsu smiled softly, loosening his grip on the others hand, and even though no one was around to see them, Yoochun knew they had to do this… for both their sakes. Junsu had a reputation to live up to and Yoochun rather liked being out of the social scandals and gossips.
It was hard the first few days, sneaking into empty bathrooms during lunch and during Yoochun’s free period - Junsu was willing to skip class, he would do it anyway, now he had a reason - the sounds of shuffling clothes and heated kisses the only ones present as they made out against the wall. Despite all the sneaking around and fear of getting caught, Yoochun had to admit it was fun overall, thrilling, and an added excitement in his rather dull high school life.
“Su ah, are you coming over tonight?” Yoochun asked his boyfriend of over a month quietly during their first class.
“Hmm?” Junsu queried, his eyes somewhere else and not paying attention to his rather left out (secret, Yoochun reminded himself continuously) boyfriend. “I’m sorry, Chunnie ah, what were you saying?”
Yoochun frowned. “Are you coming over tonight? To do homework together like we always do.”
Junsu bit his bottom lip thoughtfully, and Yoochun’s frown deepened. Then he turned to his boyfriend and laced fingers with him underneath the table they shared. The older boy bit his tongue to keep from snapping at his secret lover, narrowing his eyes on the girl that still held Junsu’s attention.
“I’m sorry, Chun ah, I promise next time. I have a party to go to. Those are important to my image - got to make appearances. You know how it is.”
The sixteen year old, glasses wearing Park Yoochun did not know how it was. He was an outcast, at the bottom tier of the social class, and he was not invited to parties where everyone got drunk and had sex on floors littered with paper cups. Those were the places Junsu fit in, and Yoochun was not welcome in that world, nor did he want to be there.
“That’s alright, Susu ah. Next time,” the older male echoed, his eyes back on his notes that were slowly blurring, his vision swimming with tears, especially when his hand that had been held not too long ago was dropped by the other boy, numb by his side.
Yoochun did not meet Junsu in the bathroom that afternoon. He went to lunch with Changmin and the younger boy’s ‘Tae hyung’ instead.
* * *
“When were you going to tell us about you and Junsu hyung?” Changmin asked later that night, sprawled across Yoochun’s bedroom floor with his books in messy piles beside him.
Yoochun ignored the question, flipping through his notes and queried, “Jae hyung, will you hand me that book on my desktop?”
Jaejoong cocked a brow at his friend’s avoidance of the subject, dangling the book that Yoochun needed before him as he - himself - inquired about two of his friends’ relationship with each other. “Chun ah, really, what’s going on with the two of you? We never see you at lunch anymore.”
“Except today,” Yunho cut in wisely from his spot against the window seat, school jacket undone revealing a band t-shirt. “Did you two fight?”
Yoochun grumbled, snatching away the book he so desperately wanted, and snapped, “Fine, damn it! We’re together - secretly. What more do you want to know?”
“How long has this been going on?” Jaejoong questioned curiously, attitude brightened and Yunho rolled his eyes at his very own best friend.
Yoochun’s brows shot up across his forehead, practically disappearing into his hairline, as he gazed blankly at his friend. Kim Jaejoong was more like Junsu - popular, beautiful, and smart. He had the whole school’s population at his feet; swooning every time he made eye contact with them. They all knew he enjoyed the attention, too. Jung Yunho was handsome, talkative, and generally friendly - nominated class favorite for the third time in a row; having his own special powers at getting the other students to bow down at his feet, practically kissing the ground he walked upon.
Then there was nerdy Changmin, wire-framed glasses perched across the bridge of his nose, mismatched eyes glowing happily and a wide grin spread across his face. Yoochun loved him, he really did, being his only friend during times where Junsu was busy enjoying the good life, Jaejoong was off at the restaurant he worked at as head chef, and when Yunho was saving the world - one tree at a time (Yoochun still laughed at the picture Junsu drew of Yunho as a super hero, somewhere buried beneath compositions in his nightstand).
“A month now,” the wavy haired boy murmured, his eyes downcast, not wanting to see the looks on his friends’ faces.
Changmin cleared his throat, awkward at the now tense atmosphere, as he stated, “I’m going to go to the bathroom.”
When the door clicked shut behind him, Yoochun slumped against his head board, all the books that had been sitting in his lap skittering to the hardwood floor. Yunho’s brows scrunched together, contemplating the situation, and Jaejoong just smiled sweetly, like a mother to a child that still believed in magic and fairies and goodness in the world they lived in.
“Are you happy?”
Yoochun shrugged, simply replying, “I’m happy enough,” and giving his worried friends a tiny smile.
“You wear your hair curled now,” Yunho pointed out, startling both boys sitting upon light blue sheets, the one he spoke to touching his hair self-consciously, twisting a ringlet around his slim index finger. “Junsu said he liked your hair curled.”
“He did,” Jaejoong echoed with a sly grin, wrapping his arms around Yoochun’s tiny frame, chuckling softly into the younger man’s ear. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“I’m sixteen,” the owner of the room answered monotonously, to shield (to run away from) his emotions, “I don’t know what love is. Do you?”
Yunho flushed scarlet and Jaejoong bowed his head, short locks of raven colored hair covering his face. That was when Yoochun decided that those two were hiding something themselves. But they had had enough of secret sharing today, now was not the time to pester the eldest boys about what was going on with them.
Jaejoong then startled them out of the thickening atmosphere, asking a very Jae-like question. “Is he any good?”
“I don’t kiss and tell,” Yoochun giggled out, finally laughing for real for the first time in days.
Jaejoong and Yunho joined in on the laughter, their voices blending nicely and when Changmin came back from the restroom, not knowing what was going on but smiling anyway, Yoochun felt complete. He had missed his friends, but even still… someone was not here and he missed him the most. Kim Junsu; and the name alone clenched at Yoochun’s aching heart.
* * *
Junsu was late for class the next day, coming in right before the tardy bell rang, jacket rumpled and his eyes slightly unfocused. Yoochun decided he was nursing a fairly nasty hangover as he watched his friend stagger into the seat beside him. He had seen his friend like this before, but he knew that Junsu only did it for the appearance (Junsu hated alcohol; he would puke his insides out every time he took a tiny sip).
“Have a good time last night?” the older man queried softly, unzipping his backpack and taking out the homework assignment he had worked hard to finish. He felt eyes on the side of his face, his own warm brown orbs gazing at his secret lover. “What is it, Susu ah?”
Junsu’s eyes traveled down to the neat stack of papers cradled in his best friend’s hands, and Yoochun understood. He had forgotten to do the assignment. Yoochun bit his inner cheek, taking out his pencil and erasing his name from the top piece. Then in perfect handwriting he scribbled his boyfriend’s name down before handing it to the boy he liked.
“Chunnie ah, why did - ?”
Yoochun let a sad smile grace his lips as the teacher walked toward them, stacks of essays and other work in her hand. Ms. Cho took one look at the two friends at the desk, one sheepish and the other confused.
“Mr. Park, where is your assignment?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t do it,” the said boy mumbled, trying to avoid the stinging behind his eyes and the looks of his classmates, and much too embarrassed to look at Junsu who still peered at him intensely.
The woman frowned, frustrated lines marking her forehead, as she stated, “I hate to do this, but I am afraid I will have to call your mother. This was a very important essay, Yoochun ah, I am disappointed in you.” Then she turned on her heel, the clicking of the shoes fading, and Yoochun finally let a tear slide down the side of his face.
(when you care for someone more than yourself… you are in love…)
* * *
“Damn it, Chun ah, why did you do that?” Junsu demanded, pressing his best friend into the corner of the deserted bathroom.
The older boy winced at the tone, traces of dried tears evident on his cheeks after having to tell his mother (so disappointed, looking at him as if he was no longer her son) that he had not done the assignment that would determine part of his final grade. He struggled to get out of Junsu’s hold, he would rather not talk about it, but it proved to be a waste. Junsu was much stronger than he was and Yoochun could do nothing but stand there while his boyfriend shoved him harder into the wall.
“I didn’t want you to get into trouble,” he whispered finally, breaking down in the other’s grasp because it hurt - to know his mother was so very disappointed and that Junsu probably did not care that much about him.
Junsu’s glare softened, his grip growing slack as he pulled his emotional boyfriend into a comforting embrace. “I’m right here, Chunnie ah, let me in. Talk to me, please.”
Yoochun knotted his fingers in the other boy’s short brown hair, pulling his head down so they were closer, because he needed this intimacy - even if it was all fake, just a game. Junsu took the opportunity to nuzzle his face against the junction between Yoochun’s neck and shoulder, placing little kisses onto the pale flesh.
The elder of the two stepped forward, trying to stretch his aching back, and tiptoed a bit to capture the other’s lips with his own. Junsu - getting rid of the initial shock - deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into the other boy’s mouth and tasting strawberries and peaches - remnants of the little snack Jaejoong had brought for him to try.
“You… taste nice,” the younger teen voiced incoherently, caught up in the kisses he was sharing with his secret boyfriend. “Like… a big… fruit cake.”
“But, Su ah,” Yoochun moaned into the kiss, Junsu’s hand dipping into the waistband of his grey slacks, feeling the soft white skin of the boy’s right hip, “… I don’t… like fruit cake.”
Junsu chuckled, the sound filling Yoochun’s own mouth, causing him to groan again, and then Kim spoke hoarsely, “But I like… it, so… Chunnie ah is… my very…” - He licked Yoochun’s lips - “yummy” - Yoochun had the decency to blush - “fruitcake.”
Then he pulled away, his hands slipping out from under his blushing boyfriend’s pants, causing the older one to pout. Junsu laughed softly, pecking the shorter one on his reddened lips, and went back to his bag.
“I made you something, Chun ah,” he said happily, digging through the messy backpack. Then he pulled out a light red piece of paper and slipped it into Yoochun’s hands. “It’s my heart - don’t break it, Chun ah.”
The more emotional of the two gingerly held the paper heart in his hands, eyes welling with more salty tears and he probably looked like a big baby in front of his best friend. He placed it against his own heart (feeling very much like a girl) as he smiled widely, despite the tears distorting his vision, and thanked Junsu softly, his voice not coming to him due to the lump in his throat.
“So, tell me why you did that today.”
“Because,” (I love you), “you’re my best friend, Susu ah.”
* * *
Later that night Junsu had come over under the pretense of helping Yoochun - who had been grounded for not doing his work - but did little to nothing in regards of the boy’s schoolwork.
They lay in a mass of tangled limbs and sky blue bed sheets, Junsu leaning over his boyfriend, wiping dampened locks out of his lover’s eyes, and with a question on his tongue. They had been together for a month now, and Yoochun knew what Junsu wanted to do. It was not that he was not ready - Yoochun was definitely willing to give himself to his best friend - but it was the fact that he was unsure if he could ever meet Junsu’s standards. Yoochun wanted more than a one night stand.
“Chunnie ah,” Junsu whispered against the boy beneath him, his lips brushing over the searing skin of Yoochun’s bare chest.
It was raining outside, pounding against his window and creating tiny patterns that all Yoochun wanted to do was trace (find the meaning of his life, whether Junsu loved him, if it was worth it) as if the rainwater could tell him all the secrets of the world around his small being.
“Susu ah, I’m scared,” Yoochun voiced truthfully, eyes belying that powerful lust he held for the boy above him, the one that had his hands trailing all over his reacting body. “I want this, but…”
“Shh, Yoochun ah, there is nothing to be scared of.” He leaned forward and planted his lips over his boyfriend’s, shutting up his fears and taking them upon himself. “Do you trust me, Chun ah?”
Yoochun could only nod, the rain blocking out all other sounds but their heavy panting, the rustling of clothes as they undressed each other, and then the pain and the pleasure mixed perfectly into their strangled cries.
The older boy liked the feel of his friend’s body around him, calloused hands gripping his hips to steady him as they rocked to their own slow pace - insecurities and nervousness present all around them, weighing down their world as they tried to break free from reality… just for a little while longer. Yoochun tried to extend it, will it to go on forever, this music they had been playing for such a long time now. They mapped out each other’s bodies in Yoochun’s bed, trying to keep quiet because his mother was only two doors down and Yoohwan was across the hall, sleeping soundly in his own bed.
Yoochun had cried at the loss of his innocence, fingernails digging into the tanned skin of his favorite soccer player, murmuring about it hurting over and over again. Junsu had kissed him as they fell into a rhythm, trying to be gentler, to go lighter (to not hurt his friend more than he already had - figuratively, literally, physically, emotionally). Then when it was over, laying spent in a bed of sin and sweat (and something remotely akin to love), Junsu had pulled Yoochun tight against his body, whispering in his ear (just a little more time, let me lay down with you for a bit longer…). Yoochun ran his hand through chestnut colored hair; the other’s breathing even as it fanned across his naked skin - sending tingles down Yoochun’s spine, and mumbled back his answer (forever).
* * *
Ever since that one day in the bathroom, Junsu had been more than nice to his lover, holding his hand as he walked him to class - discreet so as to not draw attention, he still had his reputation to think about - and kissing him when no one was looking. But the thing Junsu did every day during their secret meetings - in the bathroom at the end of the hall on the second floor - was give Yoochun a colorful origami heart and instruct him to be careful with it (not to break it, not to hurt him).
“Are you sure you know what you are doing?” Changmin asked out of the blue one day as they walked together down the halls. “What happens when he hurts you?”
Yoochun and Junsu had been an item for three months; it being the longest time Junsu had ever had a serious relationship, and it made Yoochun giddy inside to think that he was the one Junsu was doing this for. They were often inseparable when they were not in front of judging eyes, tending to only let their affection for one another show when they were with their mutual friends.
“I know what I am doing, Min ah,” Yoochun replied calmly, eyes ahead as he pushed his way through the crowd.
He felt Changmin stop, stiffen himself behind him, and Yoochun turned around, concern evident on his face. He was about to ask what was wrong with his friend, not used to seeing a look of fear on the younger boy’s face. Changmin was what he was not; brave, strong, willing to stand up and fight.
“Min ah, what’s wrong?” Yoochun called once more as he snapped Changmin out of his stupor.
Changmin blinked once - twice, before saying, “Why don’t we take another route? We haven’t gotten to see each other much lately.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Yoochun cried exasperatedly, shrugging the taller teen’s hand off his arm. “Really, Changmin ah, I’m going to be late. We’ll talk later, okay.”
Without waiting for confirmation from his friend - and ignoring the shrieking protests of the studious boy - Yoochun spun on his heel and parted the crowd which had only begun to intensify while he had been standing there. Then he realized what Changmin had been trying to do. He had been trying to protect him from seeing his boyfriend shoved against lockers, lips pressed against those of Hee-sun, as she circled her arms around his neck and ground her center into (what looked to be) his own excited one.
Yoochun swallowed harshly, feeling his insides knot into a bow that was so intricate he knew he would never be able to untangle it. He felt the urge to cry, to scream, to run away, to vomit, to slap the hell out of Junsu… but all he could do was stand there pitifully in the middle of the hallway and watch wide-eyed as the two against the lockers deepened their lip lock.
“Chun hyung, come on, I’ll take you home,” Changmin whispered into his ear, not afraid of the watchful gazes around them as he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s fragile frame (he was slowly crumbling away and Changmin wished to pick up the pieces and glue them back together again).
Yoochun nodded numbly as Changmin pulled him away… he just wished that Changmin could take him away forever.
* * *
“Jaejoong’s calling again,” Changmin mumbled softly to the tired boy in his arms, one foot stuck out to rock them on the swinging bench and the other tucked up underneath him, Yoochun laying his head against the other’s heart, curled into a ball.
“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” Yoochun spoke up, his eyes still glistening with tears in the dim streetlights nearby the park.
Changmin sighed, his head falling back to lean against the seat, looking up at the dark sky. “It’s going to rain again,” he remarked, shifting a little to pull Yoochun closer to him in the chilly night.
“I like the rain,” the wavy haired teen commented weakly, tilting his head a bit to gaze up at Changmin, seeing him for the first time (in the way he wished someone would see him - the way he wished for Junsu to see him). “Min ah…?”
“Hmm?” came his studious friend’s reply, signaling for Yoochun to continue.
Yoochun scrambled up quickly, surprising his younger friend, and the teen surged forward, pressing his lips against the other boy’s. Changmin - shocked - stayed still for a moment until he shoved the older man away from him gently. He palmed Yoochun’s face, thumbing away the freefalling tears that leaked from his beautiful eyes, and placed another sweet kiss to the (secret) love of his life’s lips.
“Chun hyung, you don’t want this.” He silenced Yoochun’s complaints with another kiss, gauging the other’s reactions. “Do you feel anything when I touch you?”
Yoochun, confused, shook his head no, watching a sad smile crawl across Changmin’s chapped lips (Junsu’s were soft and plump, they heated his skin wherever they touched his body). Changmin rubbed the other’s cheekbones lightly, teasing little traces that made Yoochun feel warm, but not in the way that Junsu could heat up his otherwise cold frame.
“I love you, hyung, I really do,” Changmin whispered brokenly (and Yoochun wanted to cry for him, too, because what Junsu did to him, he did to his own friend unknowingly). “But we’re not meant to be. You love Junsu hyung, don’t you? I see it in the way you smile only for him, or hear it in the way you say his name.”
Changmin laughed bitterly then and Yoochun’s mask broke and he crumpled down into a heap against his friend’s chest. Letting his own tears fall (puzzled, angry, fat tears that rolled down his tanned skin and just would not stop), Changmin buried his face in the other’s curly locks, threading his fingers through the silken curls.
“I love you, but you have to decide for yourself what you want,” Changmin said solemnly, pulling away from the emotional wreck he had caused within the other. “Either you keep loving him or you move on. But if you decide you want to love him forever, hyung, you have to fight your very hardest for him and don’t let anyone stand in your way.”
Yoochun nodded, not quite willing to take his eyes off Changmin. He had never seen this side of his friend before - he wished he could have known it sooner.
“But…” and Changmin’s eyes twinkled by this point, resting his forehead against his friend’s larger one, “if you do decide to give up on him, who knows, maybe one day you and I can be us.”
Yoochun smiled brightly, even though his tears kept falling, as he called back quietly, “I would like that very much. Best friends forever?”
He stuck out his pinky, waiting for Changmin to loop his through it, as the other echoed back just as soft, “Best friends forever.”
* * *
Pressed against the wall of the bathroom they had frequented for months now, Yoochun breathed raggedly, his jacket undone, bunched at the bends of his shoulder, leaving him in his cotton short sleeved t-shirt. Junsu was on his knees before him, slowly undoing the belt that kept his pants from sliding down off his waist, ready to blow his boyfriend away, literally.
“Junsu ah,” Yoochun croaked out, knowing it was time to stop this. “Stop, I need to talk to you.”
“Can’t it wait?” Junsu questioned cheekily, fingers swiftly unzipping Yoochun’s pants, trying to tug them down but Yoochun gripped the material tightly. “God, Yoochun ah, I’ve seen it before. And don’t worry, no one is anywhere nearby. I promise to be quick.”
Yoochun shook his head forcefully; shoving his boyfriend back a few steps, buttoning and zipping his pants back up. Junsu blinked, confused, but just grinned again, knowing his lover was shy and this would take some prodding.
“C’mon, Chun ah. You’ll like it, I swear,” the younger sixteen year old called from his spot on the floor, trying to pry his secret lover’s fingers out of the way of what he desired the most.
“I kissed Changmin!”
The outburst startled them both, and Yoochun was happy that it got Junsu to stop advancing on him. Their eyes locked, both sets of brown orbs hurt (for entirely different reasons), and Junsu tried to find words to say. Yoochun beat him to it.
“I kissed Changmin after I saw Hee-sun kissing you yesterday.”
Junsu coughed, looking down, his posture slumping, a defeated look across his face that Yoochun never wanted to see again. “We’re even then.”
“I don’t want to be even,” the elder croaked out finally, his voice cracking under the intense atmosphere, the pressure overbearing and all he wanted to do was rewind and wish he had never met Junsu and received his stupid origami hearts. “I want to break up.”
Junsu laughed dryly, weakly, trying to believe that his boyfriend of three months was just playing a trick on him, and choked out, “C’mon, Chunnie ah, that’s not funny. Stop playing around.”
“I’m sorry, Junsu ah,” Yoochun spoke monotonously, keeping himself in check, making sure his resolve did not crumble anymore than it already had.
The younger man stepped back, stumbling a bit as he kept shaking his head no continuously. “Quit lying, Chun ah. Stop saying such bullshit.”
“I’m sorry, Junsu ah,” Yoochun repeated, clenching his eyes shut, knowing that if he looked at his ex-lover now he would break down and pull him back.
Junsu scoffed, chuckling bitterly (coldly, too coldly to belong to his sweet cheerful Junsu), and sneered, “So you mean these three months meant nothing to you? Damn it, what do you want from me, Chun ah?”
“I don’t know!” Yoochun cried out finally, snapping and letting his barriers break. “Let’s just… end this as friends, please, Su ah.”
Junsu did not even give Yoochun an answer; he was already stalking out the door with tears in his eyes and his body shaky. Then Yoochun fell, defeated, against the wall and tried to breathe but found that it was harder without Junsu’s presence.
He missed him already.
Part 2