(no subject)
i promised some stories and here's the first.
we got to the hospital at 6am, the inducement scheduled for 7. we meet our nursing team, and mel says 'sara?' one of the nurses says 'melanie?' turns out, mel and the nurse graduated together. after some friendly catchup and 'whadaya know, small world's, sara inserted the catheter into her old high school chum.
i enjoyed a five hour panic attack, and mel gradually started to not enjoy her contractions. by the time they were bad, the epidural was on the way. afterwards, sara would alert melanie that she was having a contraction, and mel would say 'hmm, i do feel a tingle in my bottom.'
when the actual labor started, i got a zen buzz of calm.
i got to wrap my arm under mel's leg, pull it towards her head, and count to 10. she couldnt stop pushing until i reached ten, so i always found myself counting faster and faster. the nurses said she was a good pusher, and when we asked how they knew, they said they could see the head when she pushed. this went on for about half an hour.
then our doc came in, and mel pushed for another 15 minutes. i was not at the business end of the delivery, satisfied with staying near mel's head, but even i could see something going on down there. the doc said the head was out and asked if i wanted to come around front for the rest of the show. i declined. i had explained to mel earlier that i had fond memories of that area and wanted to keep those memories intact.
the baby came out with one more push, doc said 'you're done!' and mel looked at me incredulously. 'that's it?'' i said yep, you did it. the doctor rubbed the baby's chin and said 'who's related to kirk douglas?'
the cord was cut, and i saw it spiral wildly like a loose fire hose. something warm and wet smacked against my hair, ear, and neck. i kept quiet about it. it seemed that there were more important things going on, and then was not the time to say 'ewwwww! hold up, everybody! i got stuff on me!'
they carted the baby to a lil tray behind me. we watched bill cosby: himself recently, and its still all awesome, and all true. see it if you havent. anyway, my reaction was an exact duplicate of dr. cosby's.
the child was purple, swollen. covered in viscera, and had a head like an egyptian bust. i turned back to melanie and said 'she looks like edward g robinson.' the doc said 'all white babies look like edward g robinson'. i looked back about three minutes later, and she'd gotten a lil cuter, a lil pinker.
i asked for a towel, and wiped bright red of of my neck and ear. behind me, on the cabinets a few feet taller was the rest of the blood splash that had attacked me. i got some on my shirt, too. i didnt wash the shirt, just rolled it up in my office later. gross? weird? normal?
a few hours later, after clean up and bonding, etc, we let the family in. everyone whipped out their cameras and started pummeling my newborn with a paparazzi barrage of light. she didnt like it. she would flinch every time a flash would go off, and scream. call it my first fatherly instinct, but i suddenly got very protective. it felt like a scene from the elephant man or frankenstein, alex swinging her arms, screaming 'leave me alone! camera bad!.
2:27 pm, January 2nd 2009, or as i like to call it, Year One, After Alex.