I think its time i "Tell My story" and open My self up !!!! :-(
People Think Im this "Happy" Out-Going Girl ...That Has Everything going for Her..
But The Truth Is ..Im Not Happy ,Im Sad..I Have a Broken Heart..Im Gloom Inside ...
I used to Be a Happy Girl ..But Everything Took A Turn For the Worst When I Turned 8 Years Old ..." My Farther Had a Affair" I Didnt Really Know what was going on .. I noticed that He wasnt Home Much .. and That He was always saying ..Im Going fishing this weekend .. And when I Asked to Go He would Say " Not this Time Baby" Which upset me ..Daddy Always let me Go with Him Fishing ..Mom Was also starting to wounder What The Hell Is Going On with My Daddy..People That Knew My Dad Would Call The House .And say " We saw David With Janie Dulaney" ..Then People Started calling My Grandma " Moms Mother" And Saying Crap Like that to Her...When Dad Found out about this He Got " MAD" I Had Never seen My Farther soooo Upset In All My Life..He got on the Phone called up this Person that was calling my Mom and Nana.. and said " I dont want you ever to call my Wife or my Mother-Law Again ..If you do ...I will Sue you ..Yadda-Yadda....I was sittin In the floor crying ..Daddy came over and Hugged me and said everythings OK ..
And walked off..It Got Much worse after that ..Dad was gone for Long Peroids Of time ..not telling us where he was ..I Kept thinking My Daddy Could Be in A ditch God Knows Where DEAD !!!I would Cry Myself to sleep at night ..I would Pray For god to Bring My Daddy Home safe.. and when he did come home ...it was for a short peroid of Time .. One Summer When I turned 11 years Old .. HE Took me To " Lake James Campground" Where My Aunt and uncle had a camper ..and I saw Janie with Her two Kids
"Jenna & Travis" We All had a Great Time .. And Then That Night Dad Decsided to Tell me what was going on between Him and janie ..I Was in Shock .. I was Sworn Never to tell my Mother ..I cried ..I thought I was Losing my Daddy ... Then it got Much much Worse ...One afternoon Dad came home from Work and mom was in the Basement Doing Laudury and I Heard Her Yell And shout At My Father From Up In My room.. I ran Like Hell down those steps to see my mom in tears ..and My Father with this odd look on his face...HE told me to get into his truck .. I did soo.. mom Kept yelling saying "Ashley your Farther is leaving you ...See how much he loves you Ashley , He is leaving you ..Dad Turned around and said Shut Up Carolyn you dont know what in the hell your talking about ...and me and my farther Drove to Blockbusters to return somemovies ..
After I Did that ..we sat in the Truck and dad Talked and he told me this and ill never ever Forget these words " Ashley , Your my Daughter , My only Child, My Flesh and My blood and my pride and joy..I will Always Love you ..Nomatter what your Mom or Your family May say about me I Will Love you ..But I Have to Go away For Awhile buy ill come Back ...:He Didnt come Back: Its been Six Years going on Seven and He's Not coming Home : I went Behind my Moms back up to janies House to see my Father..Sometimes Me and Her kids didnt really see Eye 2 Eye ..But I Loved them None the less and still do to this day...One day Ill Never forget ...Dad and Janie Had gone to work and I got sick soo i Was gonna call my dad to come home and get me and take me back to my house ..i had just got done dailing the number and travis comes up to the phone and Cuts it off...Dad Had One missed call on his Cell Phone ..so he knew it was me ...He called back And I was going to go answer the phone and Travis Comes and Takes the Phone outta my hand and Takes the battiery outta of it and runs Dad came on to the answering mechine ..Ashley Pick Up the phone ...Come On Pick Up the Phone ...I was shouting at the answering mechine ..Daddy ...Daddy... Even though It didnt do Hella Of any good ...He kept trying to call and kept coming onto the answering mechine ..I kept screaming Come Home .. Please....still didnt do abit of good..
I ran after Travis Me Being Really skinny and not much weight ...It was usless to Wrestle him for the phone..Then Jenna Whom is a pretty Hefty Girl Lays On the phone..
"Im pretty Ticked off" Im Sick.I want my dad..And I have two Little Brats trying to Kill me ..LOL..IT Felt Like it ,,Jenna was wrestling me for the phone and All Of sudden Travis Jumps ontp my back and bangs my head againest the Bed Rail of jennas Bed..and busted my lip...I was thinking Great ..How am i gonna expalin this to mom..
and then I got Fed Up and walked outside .. To My Luck those little Brats locked me out of the house and I had to climb through this itty Bitty Window...I was like Give me the phone.. There Like NO.. so I was like ok Wanna play hard ball ehh.. I was in tears my lip was bleeding .. My Head had a knot on it the size of texas..and I was in pain and sick.. so I had to do what i had to do ..so i walked next door and asked to use there phone after I cleaned my self up abit ...and called dad and explain what happend He was Mad ..He came home along with janie and janie Grounded them.. and I wasnt aloud back up there for 3 monthes ..I didnt care..LOL..I told mom that I had Fallen down on the pavement and busted my lip and hit my head...Lots more happend between me and the kids but it would take several paragraphs of hurt and pain to tell it all...I Love them and I feel sorry that they have to live up there with a Whore for a mother ...Its True janie is a Whore ..She Has slept with numbers of men in Burke County and she cheated on my dad... Dad Got Fed Up with Her Drinking and smoking and her bitchy ass ways and leaving him to pay her bills..Ummm I dont think soo...
I got Mad when i found out the reason i wasnt getting childsupport from my farther Janie was Drinking Up all of his money ...Dad was Basicly Janies Slave.. He started to see this other lady ..and long after that he dumped janie and married Jo..My step mother ..Whom is kind and caring and is a very Christ loving woman ...Her kids are Grown But My Nicece and Nephew are sorta around my age ...Whom I Love to piceces ...
But Why Dad was still living up at janies ..I was suffering in school..Failing ..
getting teased ..called names ..and Worsted Beaten ...I remember one time .. it was in the seventh grade in sic class we had to copy terms off the over head ..and I was sitting beside this boy ( Whoms name Will Not be Mention) and he kept calling me a bitch over and over .. I got fed up and Slumg My desk aside and walked over to him and said I dare you to say it one more time .. he looks right into my eyes and says BITCH...I Slapped the Fire outta Him he got up and slung his desk aside and took my wirst and Sprung It and through me down to the ground and Started Kicking my Side over and over ..The teacher Didnt Do shit ... I ran To the office and I got oss( outta School supsend) He got Iss ( In school supsend) I spent three days in the hospital takeing care of my grandma whom was in there at the time .. Mom knew that it wasnt my fault and that I didnt start it ... After that Trama I Didnt Go Back To Public School..cause It wasnt the Frist Time I gotten Harrassed or Beaten ...so I Quit ..Then I went to a SDA School..Pirvate..Exspenive School..and You couldnt eat Meat there..They didnt Believe in eatting meat ...Werid Huh..But it didnt brother me much cause I dont eat Much meat anyway ...LOL..I only went there half the year.. I didnt really Get along with my teachers they didnt understand what my problem as or did they wanna help me either . .I Got Fed up and Left at the last 5 weeks of school ..Now im Homeschooled.. Yeah Its Boring and Lonely ..but its better than Getting Harrassed and Beaten and Im Not scared to be alone at all ...I Happy staying at home ...I can work at my own Pace and not have to worry about stupid crap...But enough about stupid School crap...Thats Not The Only thing that has made my life Hell..My Grandma Had to be put into a nursing home .. She was unable to care for herself..so we put her into grace heights ..I feel in love with the People there .. the staff and the residents where super Nice...I feel in love with alot of the resdients ..Like Hope..Hope was a Resident There ...And I feel in lovewith her.. I could tell her anything and she wouldnt tell a soul and She would help me solve alot of my problems she became Not only my friend But Much More ...I went and sat with her a Night and just talk to her.. she even got me Presents for hoildays and Birthday .. I Still have um and i cherish them dearly ... she had Problems with fluid filling up into her lungs and she would have to go the the hospital and have it drianed out ....Well One Day it got bad and they wheeled her out to the hospital i didnt think nothing of it and thought she'll be back in a couple hours.. she never came back .. I got emotional i asked around they said that she had gotten Really bad off and now she is having troubles with her Heart..:-( ...I began to cry ..I Had my aunt Drive Me down the hill to the Hospital to see her..her family Was in the room the Greeted me with a Hug and Julia Her Daughter Took me aside and said Ashley I dont think Mamas Gonna Make it much Longer...I Felt sick...I grabbed a Chair and Sat beside Hope bedside ...and Held Her Hand..she looked at me and i saw a smirk on her face ...I began to get teary eyed..I knew this might be the last time i would see my Hopie alive ....The Next moring i went to grace heights to find Hope back she was smileing she was sorta back to her old self ,,I was sooo Happy I ran into her room with this Big Smile on My face and Hugged Her and kissed Her Forehead... I sat with her for Hours ..and even Colored her a picture and hung it up..I loved her..When i Had to leave i gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her I Loved her and said see you tommorrow..Not Know that Was the Last Night I would see My Hope Alive ...she told me she loved me and She would see me tomm..she took a turn for the worst that Night and Died around 3 in the morining ...My Family Tried to hide it from me But I made them tell me what was going on ...I fell down To the Ground I lost Control And Let it all Out .. I cried for 2 hours...I couldnt Believe my Hope was gone ..But she is in a better Place that we Have to Remember....Then 1 year lata my Grandma Died ....I lost it then...I thought I had nothing to live for ...everyone around me that i cared for seemed to be leaving me and IT Killed me inside... I didnt want to lose anyone else I just wanted to die....Now Im Dating Matthew Whom is a U.S Army soldier ..And We Are Deep in Love and I love that boy ..He Has to go Off to the middle east In April and I will Miss him dearly ...<3 ....if it wasnt for my Friends and Family I wouldnt Be here right now... Thanks for all your support I know this is very very Long I couldnt fit everything but most of it is in this entry , I Hope you read it and get a better understanding of me <3 Ashley <3