oh yeah, it's an ed update. haha::
blahhh. so today was pretty boring. i finally handed in my application to cumby's. i need a job like REEEEAALLLLYYY fucking badly. saturday's my deadline or else my dad's selling frankie. :(. i'm the worst procrastinater ever, it sucks. i thought i'd have more motivation in real life situations but i don't. haha. oh well, i'll learn some day...the hard way. like in a couple days probly. haha.
so i went to see ed today. i think i'm gonna stop going soon. i feel so stable right now, it's freaking awesome. i have for a while. but i don't know, i guess the only thing i'm afraid of is another disaster. but then again i've covered pretty much every disaster area in my life. haha. so i guess i'm pretty set. it's just nice having someplace to go sort shit out even if it's stoopid shit i could do on my own like getting a job and the band and stuff. haha. i guess the only subject i could see myself not being able to handle on my own in the future is if like drugs and all that. but they have more specific counseling for that shit. and i don't see it becoming a problem because i am fully aware or my addictive personality. so yeah, i'm just unsure how to go about ending it. probly just tell the rents i'm done. yeah.
okay soooo HUGE DILEMA!! i don't know if i should take the job interning at YAG this summer and not go on tour/shorten the tour. or look for another job, probly lose my car, and go on tour and have the time of my life. cause i reeally wanna work at YAG this summer with mike and have things be like we planned on in the fall. that'd just be awesome. but tour man...it's fucking TOUR. i wish i could do both. i mean, i could do YAG and either do a one week tour or take the last week or YAG off and do two weeks. and the truth is everyday we don't start booking it i become more and more skeptical that we won't even go. and at this point i have very little confidence that we will. and i'd hate to tell mary i can't intern cause i have to go on tour then not go on tour. so i really don't know what to do cause i have to decide soon so i can tell mary plus if i do decide to work that counts as a job and i get to keep frankie. so it just makes it an even bigger decision. aaaand yeah, i don't really know what to do. tomorrow we're gonna hopefully start booking the tour. so i guess i'll get a better idea of the probability of us actually going. but to be honest at this point i'm leaning towards going to YAG and no tour. it's not even like we're gonna be a band after school starts in the fall.