Hello.
If you're reading this you've either a) scrolled back a looooong way, or b) you're not on my friends list. If you'd like to be leave a message. Thanks.
Those bastards at Commtel called me, again, and hung up, A - fucking - GAIN. Every night they call at 5:01 and hang up on me. So, once again it was time for Jack to get to action and call them back. This one may be the best one, EVER. I am so proud.
Woman: Hello?
Jack: Hello.
Woman: Hello how may I -
Jack: How ya doin?
Woman: I'm fine how may I help you?
Jack: Can I ask you a personal question?
Woman: Pardon me?
Jack: You ever served in an infantry unit?
Woman: This is a telemarketing center.
Jack: Ever served in a forward area?
Woman: Sir who would you like to speak to?
Jack: Ever put your life in another man's hands, and asked him to put his life in yours?
Woman: Sir who would you like to speak to? Can I help you?
Jack: Get me the president on the phone.
Woman: Hello? Sir?
Jack: Get me the president on the phone.
(I couldn't hear what she said, I was trying so damned hard not to laugh)
Jack: I'd appreciate it if you'd address me as colonel or sir. I believe I've earned it.
(again, I couldn't hear what she said)
Jack: I beg your pardon?
Woman: We are an outbound telemarketing center sir, who would you like to speak with?
Jack: Carol the waitress.
Woman: I am sorry I cannot hear you.
Jack: Colonel Nathan R Jessop, commanding officer, US marine ground forces, Guantanoma Bay, Cuba. How ya doin?
Woman: We are a telemarketing center.
Jack: That's right.
Woman: Pardon me sir? Who do you want to talk to?
Jack: R.P. McMurphy.
(silence)
Jack: Why aren't you at work?
Woman: You have called Commtel Promotions we are a telemarketing call center.
Jack: What is your point?
Woman: Pardon me?
Jack: This is ridiculous.
Woman: Sir I think you have the wrong number now -
Jack: You want answers?!?
*click*
I guess she couldn't handle the truth 'cause she hung up before Jack could deliver the finishing blow. I was just waiting for her to give me the chance to use the "I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me" line, but the opportunity never arose. In case anyone is wondering how I remember all this nonsense, I always have a piece of paper on my desk that I can quickly jot down a quick note, like "c/w" means "Carol the waitress" or "CNR" is short for the "Colonel Nathan R. Jessop" spiel. It's pretty easy to figure out what the notes mean right after the call ends. Most the time these damned telemarketers just repeat the same damned thing so it's pretty easy to fill in the gaps. I highly suggest everyone check out: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jackn.html and if you have the chance, use the power of the Jack Nicholson (or the power of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Dr. Phil, whoever suits ya).
Those bastards at Commtel called me, again, and hung up, A - fucking - GAIN. Every night they call at 5:01 and hang up on me. So, once again it was time for Jack to get to action and call them back. This one may be the best one, EVER. I am so proud.
Woman: Hello?
Jack: Hello.
Woman: Hello how may I -
Jack: How ya doin?
Woman: I'm fine how may I help you?
Jack: Can I ask you a personal question?
Woman: Pardon me?
Jack: You ever served in an infantry unit?
Woman: This is a telemarketing center.
Jack: Ever served in a forward area?
Woman: Sir who would you like to speak to?
Jack: Ever put your life in another man's hands, and asked him to put his life in yours?
Woman: Sir who would you like to speak to? Can I help you?
Jack: Get me the president on the phone.
Woman: Hello? Sir?
Jack: Get me the president on the phone.
(I couldn't hear what she said, I was trying so damned hard not to laugh)
Jack: I'd appreciate it if you'd address me as colonel or sir. I believe I've earned it.
(again, I couldn't hear what she said)
Jack: I beg your pardon?
Woman: We are an outbound telemarketing center sir, who would you like to speak with?
Jack: Carol the waitress.
Woman: I am sorry I cannot hear you.
Jack: Colonel Nathan R Jessop, commanding officer, US marine ground forces, Guantanoma Bay, Cuba. How ya doin?
Woman: We are a telemarketing center.
Jack: That's right.
Woman: Pardon me sir? Who do you want to talk to?
Jack: R.P. McMurphy.
(silence)
Jack: Why aren't you at work?
Woman: You have called Commtel Promotions we are a telemarketing call center.
Jack: What is your point?
Woman: Pardon me?
Jack: This is ridiculous.
Woman: Sir I think you have the wrong number now -
Jack: You want answers?!?
*click*
I guess she couldn't handle the truth 'cause she hung up before Jack could deliver the finishing blow. I was just waiting for her to give me the chance to use the "I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me" line, but the opportunity never arose. In case anyone is wondering how I remember all this nonsense, I always have a piece of paper on my desk that I can quickly jot down a quick note, like "c/w" means "Carol the waitress" or "CNR" is short for the "Colonel Nathan R. Jessop" spiel. It's pretty easy to figure out what the notes mean right after the call ends. Most the time these damned telemarketers just repeat the same damned thing so it's pretty easy to fill in the gaps. I highly suggest everyone check out: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jackn.html and if you have the chance, use the power of the Jack Nicholson (or the power of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Dr. Phil, whoever suits ya).