I am hereby dedicating the song Lithium by Nirvana to my best friend, Michelle Kim.

I like it - I'm not gonna crack
I miss you - I'm not gonna crack
I love you - I'm not gonna crack
I killed you - I'm not gonna crack

I'm so happy 'cause today
I've found my friends ...
They're in my head

I just can't live like this. And you wonder why the fuck I didn't come home when I felt like shit. Maybe I didn't come home, because being at home makes everything so much worse.

And oh god, it is easy to fuck myself up here, because I want to. This place just makes me want to die.

1. Get my singing voice back (I miss it...but was I good to begin with?)
2. Write my novel
3. Take up painting
4. Get a job / Save money
5. Finish Prose Composition and Cultural Foundations from the Spring semester
6. Make new friends
7. Get stabalized (with or without medication)

Being home makes me question how much my family really loves me. I thought that coming home would ameliorate my relationship with my mother, but it hasn't. We're just both too stressed out and caught up in our own shit, but I don't like that at all ( Read more... )

Well I'm back in AZ for now, and being here is surreal as hell.

Oh yeah, and my iPod randomly started working again. WTF? I'll be glad when this fucker is off in the mail back to Apple. I want my new one! This one clearly has a temper.

I'm in JFK airport waiting for my flight to board. This is it. The end. My last glimpses of the city for several months will be seen from the plane in a very short while. It hasn't fully hit me yet. My mind can't accept that my life at Goddard is over. No more Michelle. No more Tommy, Graham, Liz, Laura, Audrey ( Read more... )

Sometimes I hate people. What a way to end my last night. We'll see if it gets better, but shit it's 6 AM, the sun is up, and I have to move today.

It's just too soon to say goodbye.

I'm officially leaving in 14-15 hours. How sad is that?

And 7 became 5.
And 5 became 3.
And tomorrow 3 will become Zero.

The emptiness in my heart is echoed in the walls these days.

Boring, lazy day. One of many, but one of my last in Goddard.