VS considers Polymorphing Dron so that he can come along on our Astral Plane adventure.
...into an aphid.
...to be put between her breasts.
"That's extremely stable. He won't be crushed."
There's a faint light in the distance surrounded by even fainter lights orbiting it. There's a floating island.
Zorn is shitting bricks because he's afraid of heights. This is the worst thing ever for someone afraid of dying. But he's looking forward to the arcane knowledge he can gain on the journey.
Quinn says to her Drake, hello. My name is Quinn. That was very rude, what you just did, I didn't do anything to you. I hope we can be friends.
The Drake responds with a look of dog-like warm indifference and incomprehension.
Yex and his lizard get on the back of their lizard.
Hal gets on his Drake - Wenceslas chirps.
Quinn hops on and motions to K - K says yeah, why not, I can fly, but this is easier, I'm going to perch on this guy's head.
Zorn crawls on top of his Drake's back and using Mage Hand, ties himself to the Drake.
Pythia Prestidigitates various colour schemes onto the Drake, considering different paint jobs. A racing stripe? Matte blue? A deep green. She also matches colours.
VS announces that her crab familiar's name is...Crabplay? And promptly dismisses it.
Z13 is disappointed with the spider and its hair, and leaves it behind. He tries to tie the head onto the Drake as well, but it's extremely unsettled and doesn't want to do that. He puts it in his backpack instead.
Everybody seems to be doing just fine with their Drakes. Quinn's Drake is just Not Having It. Yex is a little cooler, because he speaks Draconic.
Quinn's Drake is looping the loop and spinning around doing whatever it wants. It's a little more stressful for her.
Quinn falls off the Drake and starts slowly drifting down. This damn animal.
Hal doesn't notice at all, but Yex angles down to try to catch her.
...and she just misses the catch for Yex's Drake's tail.
Screw it, she Misty Steps to Yex's Drake.
"Try to hold on tighter this time." "This damn animal."
"I'm very disappointed in you," she Messages the happily frolicking Drake. "Just follow. Can you do that?"
It's like telling a golden retriever not to chase a ball.
15 minutes into the flight: the image resolves slightly into a lot of orbiting bright things. A city?
There's a cloud that resolves around us, with shooting lightning.
VS, Z13, and Quinn get struck by purple lightning. VS is stunned for an hour, Z13 gets stunned for three, and Quinn gets stunned for four.
This is terrible.
The Polymorph wears off immediately: Dron pops into being and force damages VS. The reemergence of Dron also throws her off the Drake and now she's floating.
Hal yells at VS about her magic carpet; VS is speaking in a very strange dialect that nobody understands.
No, turns out she's just yelling.
Quinn is slumped over on Yex.
Hal swoops in and retrieves VS: Dron floats off into the abyss. VS tries to shout to go grab Dron, but nobody can make it out.
Out of prudence, Hal turns on Bluetooth.
Dron is not stunned. He's just screaming off into the void.
We can't figure out where the cloud ends.
Z13 is glad that he tied himself to the Drake.
Hal yells: can anybody Dispel this Magic? Pythia: I can restore our stunned comrades - all you cripples come here!
Hal frowns at the word "cripple."
Kaboom! Pythia Dispels Magic on our stunned people.
With his tiny weasel paws, Wenceslas tries to slap VS awake.
Pythia frowns, having had to use a reserve to wake up VS and Quinn.
VS awakes and says, aren't you cute, and nuzzles Wenceslas all over his furry face.
Wow, I regret this, actually, Pythia responds.
The iguana is wedged between Yex and Quinn, and spends an eternity staring into Quinn's face with lizard-like indifference.
Z13 is still down. He tries to yell "try to find a hiding spot!" but Dispel Magic means Quinn's Comprehend Languages is off.
She passes her Intelligence check and knows it's language.
We move forward and leave the fog. Hal tries to Arcana figure out what the fog is.
Pythia knocks it out of the park with her Arcana: that was the Chaotic energy of an Astral Storm. It does this weird thing where it zaps ancient languages into victim, but not wisdom.
Out of the cloud we hear a Behir screaming: Wenceslas comforts a sobbing VS.
Good Night Dron.
Quinn brings up Comprehend Languages: Z13 is still terrified that he's paralysed and can't do anything. He wants to hide in one of the natural caves we see.
Yex has decided he's in charge and waves us into the big cave in the middle.
"Untie me from this beeeeeeast"
Quinn perceives that there's nothing in the cave.
Yex unties a ragdoll Z13, who falls face-up.
"Why'd you cut my rooooope you could have just untieeeeed me"
Quinn: "Hey, hey, focus. We have Mending."
Hal checks in with a sad Drake and nuzzles it. Pythia boops every Drake.
"Make camp around my bodyyyyyyy"
VS positions Z13 in multiple funny positions and laughs. Such as one where he looks like he's masturbating.
Hal asks if this is some arcane ritual. No it is not.
Z13 commands the head to kick her in the shins.
Pythia: You're probably wondering why I saved her instead of you.
Yes!
I'd like to say...I don't know either. My bad.
The head kicks a recalcitrant VS in the shin.
The cave is just a floating dead rock. It's totally empty.
We're waiting out the Astral Storm.
Eyes on the horizon, captain! Pythia shouts, in case there's more Astral Storms coming.
Someone tell me a story, Z13 asks.
Once upon a time there was a dragon, Pythia begins...
No! Next! Not that!
Once upon a time, Yex says, there was a lizard boy...who had sleep paralysis and thought he was being haunted by a ghost. The end.
Were you the lizardboy?
...no, it was just...I thought it was funny because you were...never mind.
Hal asks Yex to tell us about himself. My family...does non-blacksmithing things.
Is it a froooont? Z13 asks?
Well everything in Daggershead is a front, so...
Quinn shrugs. It's true!
What's your front if you don't mind me asking.
I smuggle...blacksmith...goods.
Like cursed swords? Are you funding a revolution? Are you trying to overthrow a government?!
Well I'm pretty low down on the hierarchy, Pythia...
A small group of revolutionaries?
..yeah.
COOL!
Do you have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? VS asks, intrusively.
I'm not in lizardman rutting season yet, so...
It's okay, we have no social hangups about that.
Me neither! VS responds brightly.
Yex stares at the tiefling's scaly boobs. It's the...wrong scales, though, so he's totally turned off.
There's no sight of Dron. But, flying through the volume not far from us, about 200 feet...Quinn sees some translucent whale-like creatures slowly floating through the abyss.
There's ELF coming off them. It's very soothing.
Pythia starfishes next to the fire: K agrees, it's a cool mellow vibe.
Hal tries to ask about Pythia.
My goodness you've definitely saved us quite a bit of times, my lady.
Thanks for noticing!
Tell me about your temple?
Of course! Eldaath is - Pythia begins her pitch - here's the holy symbol, a waterfall in a circle, druidic origin, the quiet one, the peacekeeper, the smaller non-violent sects, which is why you don't see her attacking things, her aunt got her into it.
Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?
Quinn facepalms.
What's the sex like? Pythia responds, quiet!
It's not clear whether it's a description or a command.
Z13 comes out of his stunned state.
Hal has a lot of respect for Eldaath, who is probably a buddy of Lathander.
Tell me about you!
Hal describes being a Vengeance paladin of Lathander, that's why he gets a little vow-y...Lathander has been good to me, my entire family are dairy farmers...
Very flashy, very cool!
Yex is a little turned off by the dairy farmers - it's a mammal thing.
Quinn over here - Hal says
- is the worst, VS says.
What do you mean by the worst, Pythia asks. Do you make it a hobby to be sacrificed to time shenanigans?
It's more of a curse than anything, not really a hobby.
But it happens a lot?
More than I would like.
Hal asks Quinn to tell us about the party before they all joined, while Z13 discreetly tries to put on his Mantle, that he forgot to put on.
MEANWHILE
Kelfin is collared and enslaved among other slaves, mixed in with some thralls as well. It's a farming area in a large city. He doesn't know where they are, since he was kept blindfolded. But it's a large city.
A quarantined farming area? He's farming Astral Beets. He's really fricking good at it. He's really impressing his Gith overlords.
They're definitely keeping him on, they tell him, and not using him for feed. All this in Common.
There's another Gith who's also...a slave? Seems like a she. She's working beside Kelfin on the Astral Beets. Could you teach me your farming ways? she asks. I haven't figured it out yet.
Kelfin is earnest and says it's great that you're curious about this, curiosity is really great...can you tell me about where I am?
It's Turroth...it's where the Githyanki live, a whole city built on...they say on the remains of a dead god, but who knows, it's just a big rock to me. Unfortunately I'm kind of...I didn't have the strength or skill to prove my worth in this world, so here I am, enslaved. Where are you from?
I'm not from this...region. I'm unfamiliar with many of these things, it's been a very...tumultuous three days. For example I've been around and seen many interesting things but this...Gith business, I've never seen them before. Can you tell me anything about your people?
We used to be enslaved by the Mindflayers, my ancestors...
Yeah they're bad dudes.
You've seen them before?
Yeah we killed some, I think.
She's awed by this story. Over the millenia they were intensely magically experimented upon to be bred into a warrior slave race that rose up and almost completely eradicated the Illithid race. They established this city, and still seeks vengeance against the MFs.
We're generally a very violent...and proud...people.
Yeah, I...hadn't noticed.
It's nice to meet a more meek temperament.
Time to assemble, the overseer yells. They all line up, and he points to a few, who are led away.
Kelfin wants to try something, but recognises that he will super die. She glances back and smiles and is gone.
Quinn is suddenly on the spot to recollect everything in this party. Pythia pulls up a s'more, and Z13 stares into a corner like an uninterested cat.
Hal thinks, Z13 has seen some fucked up shit. He also hands over the Lucky Strike to Yex.
...did you kill a lot of Hawkmen for no reason? Pythia asks.
I didn't.
Who did?
The witches.
Oh. Pythia says, conflicted. Maybe they were hungry, Yex says.
And then we picked up Steeltus, here.
Yeah, Steeltus says.
HOLY SHIT A TALKING SWORD, Pythia shouts.
Steeltus is glad to be in the spotlight. He thinks he isn't all that special really.
Pythia counsels him that he's pretty fancy actually, he's a talking sword! After this we should go on a quest to find his mommy sword and daddy sword.
Steeltus can't wait until we're all gone and it's just him and Yex.
Yex strokes the pommel fondly.
Hal asks if Quinn is going to stay in drag now that the target is off her back.
IN DRAG?! Pythia asks. I thought you were pretty but I didn't know whether it would be racist.
That's just what I would have expected from the insensitive humans!
Yeah but it was true, wasn't it!
Yeah, I was...hiding from people...
...and they found you anyway? So your tactic super didn't work?
...no.
Is Quinn your real name? Do you wear dresses? Is it a gender thing?
I would prefer not to say. And...black.
that's a good colour.
Z13 asks for a Mending on his rope.
Quinn eyeballs the Drake and says alright, one more time...this time, okay? Help me to help you...help me.
He seems to have tired himself out, and is more amenable now. Quinn digs out another meat ration and feeds it to the Drake.
Pythia Prestidigitates the Drake black, with a shoulder patch matching Quinn's pauldron.
Yex: if you fall off again, you can ride with me.
Thanks, Yex.
Z13 says come on guys, there's much to learn in the Astral Plane!
Sometimes he gets peppy when he's faced with his own mortality.
It's airships and dragons galore berthing at the city. The ports of entry are filled with tenders going back and forth.
Hal asks after the token of vengeance of Z13's, the decapitated Zorn head. We got some scary slavers out there, we should make ourselves look a little tougher, more scary...
Z13 sticks the head on Hal's glaive without asking. Righteous vengeance flows through Hal.
The Drakes are getting a little antsy in the presence of all these Dragons.
What if, VS says, I charmed a Dragon?
It worked so well last time, Yex says.
It was just one time it didn't work. I feel like we don't try seducing people enough.
LYING, Quinn yells across from her Drake.
We need more information, Z13 says, it sounds like. I agree, Hal says. So here's what we should do, Z13 continues, let's take over a ship, torture everybody on it until they tell us what we want to know, it's not really torture, it's just water, I could do it.
Pythia is onboard with half of this place.
Hal asks, Quinn, you've got the weirdest things here, what do you have?
I'm kind of...in agreement with Zorn over there. Except without the torture bit.
I take back the torture bit! Z13 yells.
Yex: let's have someone dress up like a Gith, and pull up and be like, hey guys, I have a flat Drake, can you help me out?
Quinn realises she doesn't know what a Gith looks like; she puts Disguise Self into the Ring of Spell Saving and passes it to Z13.
Z13 doesn't understand the Gith language. That's a problem.
We want to have the interception somewhere further away from the city. A small force should be kept either hidden or in reserve.
Quinn wants us to be negotiating from a position of strength, or at least in a way that we can quickly and easily extract ourselves.
VS gets bored and flies off to get closer to one of the ships while we discuss this.
...you get used to it, Quinn tells Pythia. Uh, no, Pythia responds.
What is your business, a Gith atop a Dragon bellows at her in Gith.
She responds in Draconic to the Dragon. Hallo there, stranger, how is it that you came to be the steed to some Gith?
Both the rider and the steed clearly understand what you're saying. Why are you speaking to my dragon this way?
I'm sorry, the dragon says, you're a beautiful specimen but this...is an alliance that goes back millenia. I'm kinda at work here.
When do you get off?
The dragon hangs its head.
The Gith snaps in Common, what are you doing here? You're making me nervous on your Drake, you have about three seconds before I destroy you instantly.
I'm sick of this tiefling scum infesting the city. You're not worth the time, I can smell your weakness.
VS tries to convince the Gith that she's going to grab her tiefling family from inside the city and get them out.
Hmm...taking the tieflings out of my city...
He's thoroughly convinced. It's in my self-interest to have fewer horns walking around my city.
VS is very hurt inside. It's extra painful because she's an orphan and doesn't have any family.
We're welcome to enter the Merchant District, but that's it. Anywhere else, you'll be killed on sight.
He also sees the others in the background and demands, what's with the strangers. More tiefling scum? I feel like I'm going to vomit where I stand.
No no no, they're just some friends who are accompanying me, they don't have to come in.
Fine they can stay outside!
We see her flying off into the city, as she Messages us describing what just happened.
So, Hal says, VS seems to have split off from us.
Quinn muses, huh...she removed herself...I never even thought of getting rid of her that way.
Yex looks for a merchant ship leaving the city to find a trade route that we can camp out on to intercept an arriving ship.
We follow a vaguely insectoid ship. No dice, though.
Far off we can see another ship on its way into the city. It's bright purple and pink and it's full of ornate gems all over the side, there's no mast, just a giant floating raft. It's a very strange ship, with a hemispheric hut in the centre with a giant gem on it, on a perfectly square platform. It's an upside-down pyramid.
It's gems studded everywhere on the deck.
Quinn says, K, give me a flyby, tell me what you see on the deck.
K swoops over and sees...wow, holy shit, it's an entire ship of djinn! They're crafting different things, covered in gems, they see the owl and they're totally not bothered by this.
Meanwhile, VS arrives in the Merchant District, putting on her sexy outfit. It's like a Middle Eastern city, with rounded minaret roofs out of obsidian, there's weird creatures all over the place, there's things on sale, lots of things like that.
She wants to go to a bar. DM can't think of a bar name, but VS can't read anyway. She's never seen anything like the sign: there's a tiefling bartender who she tries to entice into letting her do a pyrophone performance. She has Draconic magic that can make it sexier...?
You think that makes you special? You're a dime a dozen here, the tiefling bartender replies.
How many have these though?
The bartender is similarly stacked.
Sure, sure, you can have the corner over there, but don't make too much of a spectacle about it.
VS heads into the corner and immediately puts on a spectacle.
Anyways, here's Wonderwall.
Many people are impressed, even the insect people, who are creepily excited by this. Gith are impressed. She's tossed some coin; the currency is small black marbles. Some accidentally hit her, in a bad way, but she's into it.
There's no handsome people in the audience. Some bug people? VS may or may not be into this. There's a blue one. VS is extremely into a new way o have sex.
Dear lord we are fading to black.
Pythia sees the genies and says, oh shit, she's very carefully changing the look of the dragon into a retro disco aesthetic, in a gogo dress and feather boa, puts a little flower behind Z13's ear. Z13 also gets a matching flower crown and a faint bass beat following her around. There's no plan, just this.
Quinn flies alongside the ship and with her Minor Illusion, asks if they may come aboard.
The tip of the pyramid starts glowing. The genies wave.
Z13 asks "is that thing going to hurt us?" Pythia calls up a Minor Illusion of a giant peace sign.
"Sorry, we're on a trading trip, what...do you want?"
We'd like to trade! Can we come aboard?
What have you got to trade?
Some magic items?
Oh, magic...we do like that. Yeah, come aboard! The gem powers down.
Pythia knows that they're from another city in the Astral Plane, and they can veil themselves in illusion to change into different creatures, the most powerful can grant wishes to mortals, they're generally kind of neutral and can't be bothered with that stuff. They looooove magical items.
The vessel stops: a bouncer genie with an immense moustache comes up to Z13 and introduces himself as Hasan, as Z13 unties himself.
Oh, 13, how interesting, you don't usually hear numbers in people's names.
I'm actually the 13th clone, I've got two years to live, I heard you guys have wishes you can grant, and I've got a bunch of magic things and skills...?
You had to go and make this awkward. Every time a human sees us they say I need this thing, I need this power, can you grant me a wish, no I cannot grant you a wish, you have to go to our city and file an appeal for a wish, you have to bring us something really good.
How about this comb?
What even is this comb, w have never heard of such a thing.
Quinn wordlessly holds out her forelock and slices it off, as it instantly grows back.
They're fascinated by this. You'll have to talk to our king about this, he's certainly into his personal upkeep.
I have this staff of the war mage...?
Nah, those are a dime a dozen.
What are you working on? We break down magical items, and make new enchantments.
Do you have anything for sale?
Do you, Hasan asks, trade in Ethereum...? It's the formal name for Githcoin.
We don't, but perhaps in kind?
What do you have? We're very into that comb, by the way.
What about this Plane of Water Pearl?
It's...super evil. We don't trade in evil items. You should probably get rid of that. It's very valuable, don't get me wrong, just...very evil.
Do you, Yex asks, know anybody who hypothetically would buy evil items?
Who are you, lizard man?
Just, you know, I have some friends, who...through entirely normal experiences, encounter evil items, and they...yeah.
The Kreen would, they have no values whatsoever, no respect for magical items, shady lizard man. Tell your friends not to associate with them. There's other races in the region.
Hal nods vigorously.
An archmage's spell book, Z13 asks?
Hasan scoffs. Kid shit. Mortal magic? This is what you offer me?
Hasan wants to bring us back with them.
How does one legitimately enter this city, Quinn asks.
Well, they know the genies, we're soft, so we let anybody catch a ride with us, it would make life harder for us if they knew you were riding in with us.
There's usually demonborn, Kreen, Gith...lots of that.