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Here is a first draft of something that might be in my book. Please please please comment, this is not finished and I would love input. Do not be afraid to constructively criticize! I will not get better without help, and I want to do this book justice. You can e-mail me as well: alexisdeisanti @ yahoo.com
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Comments 1
there is lots of music in this passage, which i love. it's very textured and rolls on the tongue/brain. it made me feel glamorous just reading it.
the event itself is beautiful and i'd love to read the previous & following passages. i dont know if there is more description of the two getting sick off the sequins but i'd like to read that in direct contrast to the beautiful events which produced the sickness.
there is so much imagery & description here, so much color & texture. the only thing i'd be wary of is making it too dense, description wise (to be honest, i love dense and thick imagery but some are turned off but it.)
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