Comments | deadlieststrike: Vampire Empire: The Rift Walker Ch.1

deadlieststrike

Vampire Empire: The Rift Walker Ch.1

Jun 12, 2013 22:58

I've decided to continue with this series in hopes of it improving. The first book had me almost gouging my eyes and overall I felt it was lost potential. While there was an interesting world set-up, the writing style detached me from the story and I found myself not caring about the characters. Here is my read through of the very first chapter of ( Read more... )

chapter scraps

Comments 4

ladyknight1512 June 13 2013, 04:07:19 UTC

LOL. I was reading this on my phone on the train into work this morning and it was so hard to laugh out loud. I had to be content with a little snicker to avoid getting weird looks from my fellow commuters. I was going to leave a comment but for some reason it said, "Link not found" when I clicked the comment button from my phone ( ... )

deadlieststrike June 13 2013, 08:55:12 UTC

I'm glad this gave you some entertainment while waiting for your stop. c:

This is the second installment on the series. I just realised how confusing the introductory paragraph is. It sounds like I'm reviewing the first chapter of the first book. I'll have to fix that!

Oh yes, if this was handled better it probably would have ended up being one of my favorite books. As it stands....it's an 'okay' read but quite forgettable. Me thinks there would be great improvement if this went through a round of work-shopping. I know an editor isn't meant to 'change' the author's voice but...eh...come on, SALTY TEARS. I MEAN REALLY. AND TALL. LOTS AND LOTS OF TALL MOTHATRUCKERS AROUND HERE.

=3= Ehhh, only the first chapter. This will be a long and painful road, I fear.

ladyknight1512 June 13 2013, 22:49:21 UTC

Replying from my phone again. Please excuse typos.

The salty tears thing isn't changing the authors voice, just removing redundancy. That's one of the things an editor is supposed to do. That "The man named Voker" or wht his name is? Obviously it's out of context here but that reads like a stylistic thing that an editor wouldn't change, no matter how stupid it sounds to you. Lol.

I can't imagine what a book would look like if you were its editor, JJ. Lots of red through it probably. And maybe angry face emoticons. Lol

deadlieststrike June 16 2013, 02:59:59 UTC

I agree that, "The man named [dklsfjskl]" is a stylistic choice. My gripe with it is that it kind of reads like "Yo! Reader! I know you're as dumb as a post so here's a friendly reminder!"

I'd understand putting that in if we haven't see / heard of the person in quite a while. But between meeting him and seeing him again, it's only a few pages. ACTUALLY! You know what it also reads like? Like BSing in an essay! Adding more words than needed for the sake of word count. xD

What's the difference between "The man named Volker" and just writing "Volker"?
Answer: THREE WORDS.

HAHAHA - lots and lots of angry red emote faces drawn on side margins. This is why I shouldn't be an editor. I'm waaaaaaaaay too much of a perfectionist. I want everything to be of a certain quality, even if it infriges on the author's writing style. Basically, I'd be a SHITLORD EDITOR.