Help!!! I need feedback!!

[deadlittlebunny]

My essays for Art Center. EDITED TO ADD: Thanks Greg for all your help! Its much appreciated.

Who do you believe to be the three major artist and designers who are shaping the discipline you are interested in pursuing or who have influenced you? These should be individuals who have brought relevance to the world or to you in some social,

Comments

I split them up due to character restrictions on comments

[korshka]

You did a good job. The content is quite nice. I have some suggestions, though. Some are grammatical; some are what I feel would be better wording. If you have any questions, I can let you know why I made my suggestions. The second one, I feel, you wrote bit too conversational. I tried to keep what you were saying, but make it touch more formal. I hope I didn't get too carried away. When I do things like this, my mom, the teacher, comes out in me. I hope this helps. Feel free to totally ignore any of my suggestions. In the end, this is meant to represent you.

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Who do you believe to be the three major artist and designers who are shaping the discipline you are interested in pursuing or who have influenced you? These should be individuals who have brought relevance to the world or to you in some social, political, emotional, economic, or other meaningful context. Explain why you feel they are important. In what ways do you want your own work to contribute to or make a difference in the

Re: I split them up due to character restrictions on comments

[korshka]

School has always been a source of debate for me.

As a youth, I was quiet and lost in any one of the novels I was able to gain access to. My passion for reading was fueled by all the imagery and ideas that came into being in my head with the urging of the text before me. It became a problem in regard to school because as the years passed I’d repeatedly be reprimanded for reading in class and not paying attention to the instructor. The problem for me was that I did pay attention to what I needed to in order to understand what was being taught to me, and after that I felt that I should be left to quietly focus on other things. I wound up feeling like they wanted me to learn at a slower pace and not really focus on my own pursuit for knowledge. [Which is what the system of school is really all about. At least in the realm of early education through high school. ] (These are both fragments consider: In the realm of early education through high school, this is what I felt the school system is really all about)I hated school. I didn’t fit

Re: I split them up due to character restrictions on comments

[deadlittlebunny]

Thanks for your suggestions!

I totally agree with the ending sounding abrupt. I'm just so sick phsically and mentally over this whole thing that I just can't think anymore. I'll give it another shot later. I gotta fax this in tomorrow. Its three weeks late.