rambly post of jealousy
I am not by any means a jealous person. Goodness, no no no, I am not.
I went to a concert last night.
with my best friend; Serena.
Now, do not get me wrong here--my best friend is awesome c: and I luff her.
But at the same time, I am jealous of her. This is recent and out of nowhere jealousy. I'm really trying here to figure out where it's coming from and I....uggh. okay. we went to the concert, had a blast, we talked to the drummer of the band for like two hours--but it wasn't really...I mean, I think he was more focused on her.
Then, we got his number. Now, he's older (like 33 lulz) and abso-lute-ly nothing will come out of this. But, he was texting us...and stuff...
Okay yes. I'm being freaking vain here. He called her "gorgeous and hilarious." Cute right? Oh yes. I was all "aww! eep! that's awesome!" but on the inside, the freaking green eyed monster showed up like a total douche. I'm not even INTO the drummer guy! JDFKLDSJF WTF!!!!!!
I'm on youtube, okay? And I bust my ass when it comes to making videos. I seriously think about them and try to put out the best I can. Why? Because. I'm not gorgeous. However, I think I'm quite hilarious. And I think some of this jealousy is coming from fear (ssooo fucking stupid, i know) that my best friend is going to like...steal my thunder on youtube or something. It's a long story.
Let's face it. Beautiful people get more views. Wanna know my first youtube comment? "u r ugly but funny." At the time, I LOL'd and was like "omg troll." and don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm unattractive, per se, but I am not a head-turner like my best friend. I don't let that get me down or anything; I just keep doing what I want 'cause I like to do it.
I feel like, I'm the person who guys are going to go through to get to her. And...that just makes me feel...weird...and used...and I dunno. It's like "talk to the hot chick's bestfriend if you wanna get to the hotchick" type of formula. Yeah?
I know that confidence is sexy and it comes from within and shit. I am confident. (confident-ish) I dunno. I dunno. I'm not going to like bring this up to my friend, Serena, or anything. There is no point. *head desk* Since, I think that this random jealous will just like go away. And if it doesn't? Then I will address it. It might not even be jealousy?
The feeling I have in my gut right now is like a twisting-anxious "something terrible is gonna happen" type of feeling and it is DISTRACTING ME FROM WRITING ELEVEN/AMY! WTF! so it's either...weird nerves...or jealousy. I dunno.
I am not shy, I'm not, but I do have trouble talking to people because I come off as very...eccentric. So, I'd rather shut up and not make a fool of myself. :/
I guess I feel sorta better for writing this... but....not entirely. Maybe I will play a video game or something. I'm hoping it'll get better when I see my Dad. When I see my dad, things straighten out in my head, most of the time.
dfjlksfjslfjsfl....
I went to a concert last night.
with my best friend; Serena.
Now, do not get me wrong here--my best friend is awesome c: and I luff her.
But at the same time, I am jealous of her. This is recent and out of nowhere jealousy. I'm really trying here to figure out where it's coming from and I....uggh. okay. we went to the concert, had a blast, we talked to the drummer of the band for like two hours--but it wasn't really...I mean, I think he was more focused on her.
Then, we got his number. Now, he's older (like 33 lulz) and abso-lute-ly nothing will come out of this. But, he was texting us...and stuff...
Okay yes. I'm being freaking vain here. He called her "gorgeous and hilarious." Cute right? Oh yes. I was all "aww! eep! that's awesome!" but on the inside, the freaking green eyed monster showed up like a total douche. I'm not even INTO the drummer guy! JDFKLDSJF WTF!!!!!!
I'm on youtube, okay? And I bust my ass when it comes to making videos. I seriously think about them and try to put out the best I can. Why? Because. I'm not gorgeous. However, I think I'm quite hilarious. And I think some of this jealousy is coming from fear (ssooo fucking stupid, i know) that my best friend is going to like...steal my thunder on youtube or something. It's a long story.
Let's face it. Beautiful people get more views. Wanna know my first youtube comment? "u r ugly but funny." At the time, I LOL'd and was like "omg troll." and don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm unattractive, per se, but I am not a head-turner like my best friend. I don't let that get me down or anything; I just keep doing what I want 'cause I like to do it.
I feel like, I'm the person who guys are going to go through to get to her. And...that just makes me feel...weird...and used...and I dunno. It's like "talk to the hot chick's bestfriend if you wanna get to the hotchick" type of formula. Yeah?
I know that confidence is sexy and it comes from within and shit. I am confident. (confident-ish) I dunno. I dunno. I'm not going to like bring this up to my friend, Serena, or anything. There is no point. *head desk* Since, I think that this random jealous will just like go away. And if it doesn't? Then I will address it. It might not even be jealousy?
The feeling I have in my gut right now is like a twisting-anxious "something terrible is gonna happen" type of feeling and it is DISTRACTING ME FROM WRITING ELEVEN/AMY! WTF! so it's either...weird nerves...or jealousy. I dunno.
I am not shy, I'm not, but I do have trouble talking to people because I come off as very...eccentric. So, I'd rather shut up and not make a fool of myself. :/
I guess I feel sorta better for writing this... but....not entirely. Maybe I will play a video game or something. I'm hoping it'll get better when I see my Dad. When I see my dad, things straighten out in my head, most of the time.
dfjlksfjslfjsfl....