Chapter Twenty-Five Shell Cottage
In which nothing much happens Remus is spectactularly stupid and the cottage is a TARDIS and I spend most of it obsessing about who and how many are in each bedroom.
But first... Description!
Bill and Fleur's cottage stood alone on a cliff overlooking the sea, its walls embedded with shells and whitewashed.
This is not a sentence that makes me want to read on, Jo. What's overlooking the sea? The cliff? And why would you whitewash the cliff and embed it with shells?
It was a lonely
That's because it’s alone on a cliff, perhaps?
and beautiful place. Wherever Harry went inside the tiny cottage or its garden, he could hear the constant ebb and flow of the sea, like the breathing of some great, slumbering creature.
That's because it’s alone on a cliff. Perhaps. We get it.
He spent much of the next few days making excuses to escape the crowded cottage, craving the cliff-top view of open sky and wide, empty sea,
Yeah, yeah.
And incidentally how DID Ron manage to tell Harry where this place is? Bill's the Secret Keeper, not Ron.
and the feel of cold, salty wind on his face. The enormity of his decision not to race Voldemort to the wand still scared Harry. He could not remember, ever before, choosing not to act.
I can, boys and girls, can you? Not doing his homework for one. Not finding the Egg's secret. Two. Not getting the memory from Slughorn. Three. Not washing his underpants. Four. Shall I go on?
He was full of doubts, doubts that Ron could not help voicing whenever they were together.
Er. Ron's Legilimensing now? or is Harry taking up ventriloquism? Is Ron... Chucky? It would explain a lot.
"What if Dumbledore wanted us to work out the symbol in time to get the wand?" "What if working out what the symbol meant made you 'worthy' to get the Hallows?" "Harry, if that really is the Elder Wand, how the hell are we supposed to finish off You-KnowWho?" Harry had no answers:
Well that's not surprising, as Dumbledore has given clues worthy the most convoluted Brains Trust Game.
SNIP! for Harry trying to rationalise his reasons for not beating VM to the Elder Wand. Harry then does what Harry always does and turns all the blame onto someone else.
From time to time, anger at Dumbledore crashed over him again, powerful as the waves slamming themselves against the cliff beneath the cottage, anger that Dumbledore had not explained before he died.
Ron then shows that he really hasn't been paying attention.
"But is he dead?"
I suppose the ancient age, the withered arm, the ring's curse, the cut wrist, the deadly cave potion, the Avada Kedavra, the fall from the Astromony Tower and the funeral didn't convince you, Ron? Although I know what he means. I was living in fear that he'd be BACK.
Ron shows some real fandomy tendenancies and lists the clues that the Big Double Dee might not have croaked. Harry's not listening, (as usual) but staring into space
"The silver doe. The sword. The eye Harry saw in the mirror --"
SNIP! while they argue it out. Harry (strangely) thinks that Bumblebore has gone on.
What d'you mean, 'gone on'?" asked Ron,
Oh come on, Ron. You know! 'E's passed on! This headmaster is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the tomb 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the broom! 'E's kicked the cauldron, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-HEADMASTER!!***
But seriously, I do find it strange that Nearly Headless Nick said that a ghost would only hang around if he thought he hadn't done everything in this life - under no circumstances do I think that Doubledore had finished everything he had to do, so WHY would Harry think he'd gone on? (and he was wrong about this, incidentally, as he was wrong about a great... many... things....) /Emperor voice
SNIP! for Fleur coming out and being annoyingly stereotyped.
Her dislike of the goblin sending her to deliver messages was clear; she looked irritable as she walked back around the house.
Ouch. Either "her dislike of the goblin was clear," or "her dislike of being sent to deliver messages by the goblin was clear." And how was it clear? She's walking away and Harry can't see her expression!
Griphook was waiting for them, as Fleur had said, in the tiniest of the cottage's three bedrooms, in which Hermione and Luna slept by night.
Can I say woo hoo for the girlies sharing a bed? But note this. He's in a tiny room apparently hotbedding with the girls. And Jo - sentence structure please - Fleur didn't say this in the tiny bedroom.
He had drawn the red cotton curtains against the bright, cloudy sky, which gave the room a fiery glow at odds with the rest of the airy, light cottage
Look - you've just been telling us how tiny and crowded it is. A seaside cottage ain't light and airy. This is a typical clifftop cottage. Small windows against the sea.
SNIP! for Griphook agreeing to help
His black eyes glittered; there were no whites to his eyes.
Could that be because they were black?
Griphook says he wants the sword, and then quantifies that by saying which particular sword he wants, because, Harry (as we all know) ain't the sharpest pencil in the case and he might get confused and start looking for Excalibur or something./irony
Harry shows as a dodgy mind set about the ownership of things as did Bella in Chapter One.
"We're Gryffindors, and it was Godric Gryffindor's --"
Riiiight. So - the diadem belongs to the Ravenclaws and the cup belongs to all the Hufflepuffs. I wouldn't wanna be around YOU, when you have to tell the Puffs you've destroyed their cup. And I'm a writer so all JKR's money belongs to ME! Harry - you're stoopid.
Griphook says the sword was stolen by the great and good *cough* Godric and that's the deal or no deal. The boys say they need to think and then magically appear in the downstairs sitting room without any explanation of how they got there.
For a "tiny" cottage, it's certainly got a good few rooms. Harry uses his portable brain (Hermione) and asks if the sword was stolen. She doesn't know!!!! Bloody hell. Ron and Hermione have a heated discussion about Goblin Rebellions which amazed me as I wasn't aware that Ron had ever listened to a word in class, he'd said as much to his mother after his OWLS. ( but he seems very knowledgable now. Ron then calls Goblins "underhanded." I can only assume he's repeating what his parents have said because he's had no dealings with Goblins that we know of.
There was a pause while they tried to think of a way around the problem.
Which meant that Harry looked out of the window at Dobby's grave. and waited for someone else to have an idea. Ron does (!!) but Hermione talks him out of it because she says (rightly) it's a double cross.
SNIP! for another bickering fest between Ron and Hermione while Harry angsts about Godric who might have stolen the sword. Strangely he never considers that it might have been won in combat which - considering what's about to come, is a bit stupid of him, but not at all surprising. He decides to doublecross Griphook anyway, showing true Gryffindor spirit. It's for the Greater Good, after all Harry. Well done!
They hoodwink Griphook which surprised me because I would have thought that he'd have wanted it in writing, but he decides on a handshake which Mr Stupid participates in because he's learned nothing in 6 years.
They settled to work in the smallest bedroom, which was kept, according to Griphook's preference, in semidarkness.
And not the fiery red glow mentioned earlier, then.
They remained shut in the cupboardlike room for hours at a time. Slowly the days stretched into weeks. There was problem after problem to overcome, not least of which was that their store of Polyjuice Potion was greatly depleted.
Shame there aren't any wizards around, or any people who are good at potions. Shame they don't have weeks to brew it. Shame they don't know anyone who worked at Hogwarts, or even worked at the Ministry. Shame they don't have a house-elf who can apparate anywhere! If they ONLY knew someone like that, then they could make them some more. CURSES! *shakes fist at unfair world*
Just as an aside, I can't see when Griphook sleeps. He is supposed to share the room with Hermione and Luna but I assumed that Griphook was nocturnal and they hotbedded - but if they are plotting all day - where and when is he sleeping?
SNIP! as Fleur has a snit and says she's not going to continue giving Griphook trays in his room, and Harry WANGSTing that it's all his fault. Why yes, Harry, it is. Fleur says it's OK, as he saved her sister's life and Harry does a typical bloody Harry.
This was not, strictly speaking, true, but Harry decided against reminding her that Gabrielle had never been in real danger.
*headdesk* Modesty is NOT Mr Potter's middle name.
"Anyway," Fleur went on, pointing her want at a pot of sauce on the stove, which began to bubble at once, "Mr. Ollivander leaves for Muriel's zis evening. Zat will make zings easier. Ze goblin," she scowled a little at the mention of him, "can move downstairs, and you, Ron, and Dean can take zat room."
That's kind of her. A "cupboardlike room" which was crowded with two girls who had to share a bed, is now having to squeeze three large teenagers into it. However, there's a bonus - three boys in a bed!
"We don't mind sleeping in the living room,"
Another room! How big IS this cottage? Has anyone tried to work out where everyone's sleeping? I can't work it out.
Luna chats to Dean, Hermione is patronising. Ollivander comes downstairs.
The wandmaker still looked exceptionally frail, and he clung to Bill's arm as the latter supported him, carrying a large suitcase.
Someone needs to know when to use "the latter" and when it's OK to repeat Bill's name. In this sentence it literally says that Bill's arm was supporting him and Bill's arm was carrying a large suitcase. Both true statements but ugh so clumsy.
The the Demon King! Remus arrives, and shouts in such a stupid way I spat my soup over the book.
For I am a Pirate king! And it is, it is, a glorious thing, to be a Pirate King!
"It is I, Remus John Lupin!" called a voice over the howling wind. Harry experienced a thrill of fear; what had happened? "I am a werewolf, married to Nymphadora Tonks, and you, the Secret-Keeper of Shell Cottage, told me the address and bade me come in an emergency!"
If there had been anywhere around (and it's made clear that the Baddies know the location of these places even if they can't find them exactly) then they would have a lot of information in that one bellowed sentence. Plus, if his bellowing that information was supposed to prove who he was - it didn't. He didn't say anything that anyone in the wizarding world would have known.
And Pantomine Villain voice aside, when did Remus get teh Stoopid?
"Lupin," muttered Bill,
Because obviously "It is I, Remus John Lupin" wasn't clear enough, or perhaps the readers are supposed to be thick or something.
SNIP! for Remus announcing Tonk's baby and Ron and Harry regress to 1950's schoolboys and say "Blimey" a lot. No-one (except possibly me) says Blimey. Certainly not 17 year old teenagers in 1998. Everyone celebrates except Griphook who
slunk back to the bedroom he now occupied alone.
Huh? I thought the boys were there in there. Now I'm really confuzzled.
Harry ...saw Bill's eyes following the goblin up the stairs.
Yuk. What a horrible image. They will get all dusty.
Remus goes off and Bill takes Harry to one side and says:
"Harry, you're planning something with Griphook."
They've only been closeted together for WEEKS - and only coming out for meals. Bill Weasley = Razor Mind.
Bill attempts to explain to Harry what we'd all realised, that reneging on a goblin promise would be a Very Bad Thing and Harry has a moment of guilt
Harry felt a slight squirm of discomfort, as though a small snake had stirred inside him.
But perhaps it was only a partially digested Chest Monster. *burp*
I do find the Goblins' notion of ownership intriguing, though. Considering that Goblins are undoubtedly an older creature than humans or wizards who's to say that they aren't right. Why should wizard's laws take precedence over their own? It certainly gives an insight into the Goblin rebellions.
Then Harry goes back to being Harry. Reckless, stupid and negligent.
As he followed Bill back to the others a wry thought came to him, born no doubt of the wine he had drunk. He seemed set on course to become just as reckless a godfather to Teddy Lupin as Sirius Black had been to him.
Again, proving (if any proof were needed) that Harry never learns anything.
***with apologies to Monty Python
But first... Description!
Bill and Fleur's cottage stood alone on a cliff overlooking the sea, its walls embedded with shells and whitewashed.
This is not a sentence that makes me want to read on, Jo. What's overlooking the sea? The cliff? And why would you whitewash the cliff and embed it with shells?
It was a lonely
That's because it’s alone on a cliff, perhaps?
and beautiful place. Wherever Harry went inside the tiny cottage or its garden, he could hear the constant ebb and flow of the sea, like the breathing of some great, slumbering creature.
That's because it’s alone on a cliff. Perhaps. We get it.
He spent much of the next few days making excuses to escape the crowded cottage, craving the cliff-top view of open sky and wide, empty sea,
Yeah, yeah.
And incidentally how DID Ron manage to tell Harry where this place is? Bill's the Secret Keeper, not Ron.
and the feel of cold, salty wind on his face. The enormity of his decision not to race Voldemort to the wand still scared Harry. He could not remember, ever before, choosing not to act.
I can, boys and girls, can you? Not doing his homework for one. Not finding the Egg's secret. Two. Not getting the memory from Slughorn. Three. Not washing his underpants. Four. Shall I go on?
He was full of doubts, doubts that Ron could not help voicing whenever they were together.
Er. Ron's Legilimensing now? or is Harry taking up ventriloquism? Is Ron... Chucky? It would explain a lot.
"What if Dumbledore wanted us to work out the symbol in time to get the wand?" "What if working out what the symbol meant made you 'worthy' to get the Hallows?" "Harry, if that really is the Elder Wand, how the hell are we supposed to finish off You-KnowWho?" Harry had no answers:
Well that's not surprising, as Dumbledore has given clues worthy the most convoluted Brains Trust Game.
SNIP! for Harry trying to rationalise his reasons for not beating VM to the Elder Wand. Harry then does what Harry always does and turns all the blame onto someone else.
From time to time, anger at Dumbledore crashed over him again, powerful as the waves slamming themselves against the cliff beneath the cottage, anger that Dumbledore had not explained before he died.
Ron then shows that he really hasn't been paying attention.
"But is he dead?"
I suppose the ancient age, the withered arm, the ring's curse, the cut wrist, the deadly cave potion, the Avada Kedavra, the fall from the Astromony Tower and the funeral didn't convince you, Ron? Although I know what he means. I was living in fear that he'd be BACK.
Ron shows some real fandomy tendenancies and lists the clues that the Big Double Dee might not have croaked. Harry's not listening, (as usual) but staring into space
"The silver doe. The sword. The eye Harry saw in the mirror --"
SNIP! while they argue it out. Harry (strangely) thinks that Bumblebore has gone on.
What d'you mean, 'gone on'?" asked Ron,
Oh come on, Ron. You know! 'E's passed on! This headmaster is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the tomb 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the broom! 'E's kicked the cauldron, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-HEADMASTER!!***
But seriously, I do find it strange that Nearly Headless Nick said that a ghost would only hang around if he thought he hadn't done everything in this life - under no circumstances do I think that Doubledore had finished everything he had to do, so WHY would Harry think he'd gone on? (and he was wrong about this, incidentally, as he was wrong about a great... many... things....) /Emperor voice
SNIP! for Fleur coming out and being annoyingly stereotyped.
Her dislike of the goblin sending her to deliver messages was clear; she looked irritable as she walked back around the house.
Ouch. Either "her dislike of the goblin was clear," or "her dislike of being sent to deliver messages by the goblin was clear." And how was it clear? She's walking away and Harry can't see her expression!
Griphook was waiting for them, as Fleur had said, in the tiniest of the cottage's three bedrooms, in which Hermione and Luna slept by night.
Can I say woo hoo for the girlies sharing a bed? But note this. He's in a tiny room apparently hotbedding with the girls. And Jo - sentence structure please - Fleur didn't say this in the tiny bedroom.
He had drawn the red cotton curtains against the bright, cloudy sky, which gave the room a fiery glow at odds with the rest of the airy, light cottage
Look - you've just been telling us how tiny and crowded it is. A seaside cottage ain't light and airy. This is a typical clifftop cottage. Small windows against the sea.
SNIP! for Griphook agreeing to help
His black eyes glittered; there were no whites to his eyes.
Could that be because they were black?
Griphook says he wants the sword, and then quantifies that by saying which particular sword he wants, because, Harry (as we all know) ain't the sharpest pencil in the case and he might get confused and start looking for Excalibur or something./irony
Harry shows as a dodgy mind set about the ownership of things as did Bella in Chapter One.
"We're Gryffindors, and it was Godric Gryffindor's --"
Riiiight. So - the diadem belongs to the Ravenclaws and the cup belongs to all the Hufflepuffs. I wouldn't wanna be around YOU, when you have to tell the Puffs you've destroyed their cup. And I'm a writer so all JKR's money belongs to ME! Harry - you're stoopid.
Griphook says the sword was stolen by the great and good *cough* Godric and that's the deal or no deal. The boys say they need to think and then magically appear in the downstairs sitting room without any explanation of how they got there.
For a "tiny" cottage, it's certainly got a good few rooms. Harry uses his portable brain (Hermione) and asks if the sword was stolen. She doesn't know!!!! Bloody hell. Ron and Hermione have a heated discussion about Goblin Rebellions which amazed me as I wasn't aware that Ron had ever listened to a word in class, he'd said as much to his mother after his OWLS. ( but he seems very knowledgable now. Ron then calls Goblins "underhanded." I can only assume he's repeating what his parents have said because he's had no dealings with Goblins that we know of.
There was a pause while they tried to think of a way around the problem.
Which meant that Harry looked out of the window at Dobby's grave. and waited for someone else to have an idea. Ron does (!!) but Hermione talks him out of it because she says (rightly) it's a double cross.
SNIP! for another bickering fest between Ron and Hermione while Harry angsts about Godric who might have stolen the sword. Strangely he never considers that it might have been won in combat which - considering what's about to come, is a bit stupid of him, but not at all surprising. He decides to doublecross Griphook anyway, showing true Gryffindor spirit. It's for the Greater Good, after all Harry. Well done!
They hoodwink Griphook which surprised me because I would have thought that he'd have wanted it in writing, but he decides on a handshake which Mr Stupid participates in because he's learned nothing in 6 years.
They settled to work in the smallest bedroom, which was kept, according to Griphook's preference, in semidarkness.
And not the fiery red glow mentioned earlier, then.
They remained shut in the cupboardlike room for hours at a time. Slowly the days stretched into weeks. There was problem after problem to overcome, not least of which was that their store of Polyjuice Potion was greatly depleted.
Shame there aren't any wizards around, or any people who are good at potions. Shame they don't have weeks to brew it. Shame they don't know anyone who worked at Hogwarts, or even worked at the Ministry. Shame they don't have a house-elf who can apparate anywhere! If they ONLY knew someone like that, then they could make them some more. CURSES! *shakes fist at unfair world*
Just as an aside, I can't see when Griphook sleeps. He is supposed to share the room with Hermione and Luna but I assumed that Griphook was nocturnal and they hotbedded - but if they are plotting all day - where and when is he sleeping?
SNIP! as Fleur has a snit and says she's not going to continue giving Griphook trays in his room, and Harry WANGSTing that it's all his fault. Why yes, Harry, it is. Fleur says it's OK, as he saved her sister's life and Harry does a typical bloody Harry.
This was not, strictly speaking, true, but Harry decided against reminding her that Gabrielle had never been in real danger.
*headdesk* Modesty is NOT Mr Potter's middle name.
"Anyway," Fleur went on, pointing her want at a pot of sauce on the stove, which began to bubble at once, "Mr. Ollivander leaves for Muriel's zis evening. Zat will make zings easier. Ze goblin," she scowled a little at the mention of him, "can move downstairs, and you, Ron, and Dean can take zat room."
That's kind of her. A "cupboardlike room" which was crowded with two girls who had to share a bed, is now having to squeeze three large teenagers into it. However, there's a bonus - three boys in a bed!
"We don't mind sleeping in the living room,"
Another room! How big IS this cottage? Has anyone tried to work out where everyone's sleeping? I can't work it out.
Luna chats to Dean, Hermione is patronising. Ollivander comes downstairs.
The wandmaker still looked exceptionally frail, and he clung to Bill's arm as the latter supported him, carrying a large suitcase.
Someone needs to know when to use "the latter" and when it's OK to repeat Bill's name. In this sentence it literally says that Bill's arm was supporting him and Bill's arm was carrying a large suitcase. Both true statements but ugh so clumsy.
The the Demon King! Remus arrives, and shouts in such a stupid way I spat my soup over the book.
For I am a Pirate king! And it is, it is, a glorious thing, to be a Pirate King!
"It is I, Remus John Lupin!" called a voice over the howling wind. Harry experienced a thrill of fear; what had happened? "I am a werewolf, married to Nymphadora Tonks, and you, the Secret-Keeper of Shell Cottage, told me the address and bade me come in an emergency!"
If there had been anywhere around (and it's made clear that the Baddies know the location of these places even if they can't find them exactly) then they would have a lot of information in that one bellowed sentence. Plus, if his bellowing that information was supposed to prove who he was - it didn't. He didn't say anything that anyone in the wizarding world would have known.
And Pantomine Villain voice aside, when did Remus get teh Stoopid?
"Lupin," muttered Bill,
Because obviously "It is I, Remus John Lupin" wasn't clear enough, or perhaps the readers are supposed to be thick or something.
SNIP! for Remus announcing Tonk's baby and Ron and Harry regress to 1950's schoolboys and say "Blimey" a lot. No-one (except possibly me) says Blimey. Certainly not 17 year old teenagers in 1998. Everyone celebrates except Griphook who
slunk back to the bedroom he now occupied alone.
Huh? I thought the boys were there in there. Now I'm really confuzzled.
Harry ...saw Bill's eyes following the goblin up the stairs.
Yuk. What a horrible image. They will get all dusty.
Remus goes off and Bill takes Harry to one side and says:
"Harry, you're planning something with Griphook."
They've only been closeted together for WEEKS - and only coming out for meals. Bill Weasley = Razor Mind.
Bill attempts to explain to Harry what we'd all realised, that reneging on a goblin promise would be a Very Bad Thing and Harry has a moment of guilt
Harry felt a slight squirm of discomfort, as though a small snake had stirred inside him.
But perhaps it was only a partially digested Chest Monster. *burp*
I do find the Goblins' notion of ownership intriguing, though. Considering that Goblins are undoubtedly an older creature than humans or wizards who's to say that they aren't right. Why should wizard's laws take precedence over their own? It certainly gives an insight into the Goblin rebellions.
Then Harry goes back to being Harry. Reckless, stupid and negligent.
As he followed Bill back to the others a wry thought came to him, born no doubt of the wine he had drunk. He seemed set on course to become just as reckless a godfather to Teddy Lupin as Sirius Black had been to him.
Again, proving (if any proof were needed) that Harry never learns anything.
***with apologies to Monty Python