Chapter Twenty-Seven - The Final Hiding Place
In which JKR proves that she can even make dragon riding dull, Voldemort kills more than the messenger and Harry makes (yet) another stupid decision
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The Final Hiding Place
Please welcome the Dragon Riders of Yawn....
So the Trio are clinging desperately to the dragon as they take off. I'm sure that this has been mentioned in the previous spork, but I have to say that it's bloody charming to have a sentient creature chained up all its life in the dark so it goes blind, and the only time it gets any attention from other life forms is when they torture it. What a LOVELY universe this is!!
If I'd been that dragon I would have turned in the air and had a quick Trio snack before flying on. Just sayin'.
Plus - it's been stated in chapter 26 that the dragon had had a "long confinement" so I think an explanation of how it has the muscles to fly, (particularly as it covers about 500 miles in one flight) would be in order, please. But as has been said before in this sporkage - "it's magic." So of course that explains everything.
And anyway that would make sense, (and most of this chapter doesn't), and as needs to escape, we can't have sense.
There was no means of steering; the dragon could not see where it was going,
Don't know why not, its described as partially blind.
and Harry knew that if it turned sharply or rolled in midair they would find it impossible to cling onto its broad back.
Note this. "broad back"
Nevertheless, as they climbed higher and higher, London unfurling below them like a gray-and-green map, Harry's overwhelming feeling was of gratitude for an escape that had seemed impossible.
It IS impossible, Harry. Being in the air doesn't make you safe from Death Eaters, especially breaking out of a very public place like a BANK - I'm sure you'll be chased any… moment… now…
*waits patiently for Death Eaters on brooms*
Crouching low over the beast's neck, he clung tight to the metallic scales,
There are things to cling onto? But I thought there wasn't any place to cling?
and the cool breeze was soothing on his burned and blistered skin, the dragon's wings beating the air like the sails of a windmill.
*sings* The wings on the dragon go round and round, round and round, round and round!
Behind him, whether from delight or fear he could not tell. Ron kept swearing at the top of his voice, and Hermione seemed to be sobbing.
Why? Why why why? Oh silly me for asking you, Harry, it's not like you care.
After five minutes or so, Harry lost some of his immediate dread that the dragon was going to throw them off, for it seemed intent on nothing but getting as far away from its underground prison as possible; but the question of how and when they were to dismount remained rather frightening.
And the pursuit? *peers hopefully backwards*
He had no idea how long dragons could fly without landing,
Basically because you didn't pay attention at school, you git, never opened a book or studied anything that didn't interest you. That's when you weren't cheating.
nor how this particular dragon, which could barely see,
Oh - NOW it's partially blind again.
would locate a good place to put down.
Now I have to interrupt here with a bit of basic dragon lore. Not JKR's dragon lore, but general well-know by Muggles dragon lore. They are generally known to be sentient, dangerous and intelligent, charming and tricksy, imbued with human speech and with a love of riddles.
Granted JKR's dragons aren't like that, but surely to Glod it's worth a shot? No-one thinks of talking to the poor beast, and yet they didn't bat an eyelid that Buckbeak could understand speech.
He glanced around constantly, imagining that he could feel his scar prickling.
Even when it's NOT hurting he imagines it is. I'm sick of you, Emo!Boy. Be a man will ya?
Then he recalls the events of last chapter in case we'd skipped it, and realises that Voldie would now realise they were hunting Horcruxes.
Well, it *is* Horcrux season. Be wery wery qwiet, we're huntin' Horcruxes!
The dragon seemed to crave cooler and fresher air. It climbed steadily until they were flying through wisps of chilly cloud, and Harry could no longer make out the little colored dots which were cars pouring in and out of the capital.
Later I prove the beast is travelling at a very slow 50 miles an hour. As the crow flies from the centre of London, after 5-10 minutes they'd have cleared the city. London isn't THAT big, you know. Harry seems to know they are flying north which is very intelligent of him, I don't remember him ever doing any orienteering or geography. And does he have a compass?
Jo repeats herself.
His hands were numb with cold…. And then one sentence later… he was cold and numb
Harry gets desperately hungry and thirsty and he starts to empathize - with the dragon, not his friends!
When, he wondered, had the beast itself last eaten? Surely it would need sustenance before long?
Sustenance? Yes, you are a wizard, Harry. You are even beginning to think like a pretentious twat. Wait till you start thinking of yourself in the third person.
AND GO ON, EAT THE KIDS, DRAGON!
And what if, at that point, it realized it had three highly edible humans sitting on its back?
YES!
The sun slipped lower in the sky, which was turning indigo; and still the dragon flew, cities and towns gliding out of sight beneath them, its enormous shadow sliding over the earth like a giant dark cloud.
I am quite sure that JKR has been in a plane, if you are up in the clouds in a plane, (smaller than a dragon) the plane's shadow is not enormous.
And please. WHY HAS NO-ONE SPOTTED THE BIG DRAGON?
From Chamber of Secrets:
You were seen (Snape) hissed … ‘ “Two Muggles in London, convinced they saw an old flying car over the Post Office tower… at noon
in Norfolk, Mrs Hetty Bayliss, while hanging out her washing … Mr Angus Fleet, of Peebles, reported to police”’ … six or seven Muggles in all.
And why is no-one chasing them? Surely to goodness the Goblins would have screamed blue murder at the robbery (particularly seeing as whose vault was broken into) Death Eaters would arrive (I'm rather surprised that there aren't some on the premises) and the Goblins would point "they went thataway! On a big blind dragon!"
Every part of Harry ached with the effort of holding on to the dragon's back.
We get it. Even if he is only clinging to a scale with his hands
"Is it my imagination," shouted Ron after a considerable stretch of silence, "or are we losing height?"
As no-one has spoken for 500 miles, (I'm assuming the distance due to the appearance of mountains, although with the mention of several lakes, it could be Cumbria) and that it must have taken at least 8 hours, as it's nearly sunset - "after a considerable silence" seems a little redundant.
Harry looked down and saw deep green mountains and lakes, coppery in the sunset. the landscape seemed to grow larger and more detailed as he squinted over the side of the dragon,
that's the dragon with the very broad back, remember.
and he wondered whether it had divined the presence of fresh water by the flashes of reflected sunlight.
Considering that sight is all about bouncing light off things, I have to wonder how YOUR eyes work, Harry? By Magic? However as the poor thing is practically blind, I'd say he can smell it.
And may I just add, "You thicko." to make me feel better.
Lower and lower the dragon flew, in great spiraling circles, honing in, it seemed, upon one of the smaller lakes. "I say we jump when it gets low enough!" Harry called back to the others. "Straight into the water before it realizes we're here!"
And then they jump off a moving dragon into the water. Not something I'd want to do, it's pretty risky. It's a matter of physics called Terminal Velocity.
As the terminal velocity of a human is around 120 miles an hour, and we know that the dragon flew around 500 miles…..
We know it's about 7pm as it's sunset, and they left London early morning, about 9ish or 10ish, so the dragon flies at approximately 50 miles an hour
OK. Not terminal velocity perhaps but still pretty damned fast to jump off.
But pretty damned SLOW to be escaping.
I know that Maths has never been JKR's strong point (to put it mildly) but this took me about 3 minutes to work out. At that pathetic speed, there's no WAY they couldn't have been caught, unless VM is criminally incompet…
Oh, never mind.
So they jump off and amazingly no-one is hurt, and the dragon doesn't gobble them up out of the water like crunchy goldfish. Hurrah for them. Boo for us.
Harry could have happily lain down and slept,
Why? HE didn't fly. Lightweight
he staggered to his feet, drew out his wand, and started casting the usual protective spells around them.
May I return you to chapter 11?
"They've got the power to perform brutal spells without fear of identification or arrest. They managed to penetrate every defensive spell we'd cast against them"
Humph.
SNIP! While Hermione does Mummy and feeds and changes the baby boys. The baby boys reiterate what they did in the last chapter in case anyone started the book at this point.
"Well, on the upside," said Ron finally, who was sitting watching the skin on his hands regrow, "we got the Horcrux. On the downside-"
"-- no sword," said Harry through gritted teeth, as he dripped dittany through the singed hole in his jeans onto the angry burn beneath.
"No sword," repeated Ron. "That double-crossing little scab..."
No what? I didn't quite understand you, boys. No sword you say? How did that happen?
And double crossing? That's rich coming from the people who intended to double cross the Goblin in the first place.
SNIP! While Jo fills half a page with them all laughing and reiterating again what's already been said. (We've been to Gringotts we've stolen a Horcrux, OMG WON'T HE NOTICE????) yawn yawn yawn.
Then something very unusual happens (it's difficult to imbue typing with a heavy sense of irony) and Harry scar starts to hurt. What can this mean? What CAN THIS MEAN???
Oh... It's a vision. Gosh. I wasn't expecting that. /irony. And it's the worst vision yet. And when I mean worst, I mean worst written. Ever.
SNIP! as Harry becomes Voldemort, torturer of Goblins and slayer of his minions!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Way to go, Voldie. That's really going to help the recruitment drive.
And may I say, why the Gordon Ramsay did it take Voldemort about 9-10 hours to find out about this? I reiterate. A bleeping great big dragon breaks a bleeping big hole out of one of the bleeping biggest buildings in Diagon Alley and flies off and it takes all this time for bleeping Voldemort to be summonsed? NO - I don't agree with the Trio's suggestion that Gringotts would have tried to cover it up, either.
Voldemort AK's the room. Hey. Tough Crowd.
I had to smile as my Lucius (and Bella)
threw others behind them in their race for the door
Looks like there is a way to avoid an AK, Moody/Barty - use other people's bodies! Harry will remember this in the battle and use this very ruse.
But just as I think that Voldemort actually deserves to be king of the world for out-manoeuvering the idiot Ministry he goes and does sumpin' stoopid like killing the messenger. (And everyone else)
Then he does something more stupid. He knows, right, that Harry has a mental connection to him? So what does he do? He mentally lists his Horcruxes. Because that's what you WOULD do if you had the slightest inkling that your nemesis could peer into your mind at any time, wouldn't you? No? You wouldn't?
Me either. *headdesk headdesk headdesk*
Look, I'm not saying that it's not something that An Evil Overlord wouldn't do - they have a reputation for idiocy in general, but there have been times in the series when I actually applauded Voldemort for his intelligence.
This is not one of them. But then otherwise, how could Idiot Harry find out what he needs to find out? The boy needs all the help he can get.
I suppose that we should be grateful that it's this way and nice and quick rather than creating another plot arc for 10 more chapters. I'm grateful for small mercies.
Loath as I am to quote from this horribly written vision, I really must share the sheer over-the-toppedness of it.
Alone amongst the dead he stomped up and down, and they passed before him in vision: his treasures, his safeguards, his anchors to immortality - the diary was destroyed and the cup was stolen. What if, what if, the boy knew about the others? Could he know, had he already acted, had he traced more of them? Was Dumbledore at the root of this? Dumbledore, who had always suspected him; Dumbledore, dead on his orders; Dumbledore, whose wand was his now, yet who reached out from the ignominy of death through the boy, the boy But surely if the boy had destroyed any of his Horcruxes, he, Lord Voldemort, would have known, would have felt it? He, the greatest wizard of them all; he, the most powerful; he, the killer of Dumbledore
*raises hand* I don't want to be another messenger bringing you bad news, Voldie old matey, but you DIDN'T actually kill Dumbledore.
The Volderant continues, changing from first person to regarding himself in third person. It's weird and creepy, Moldyshorts. Stop it now.
How could Lord Voldemort not have known, if he, himself, most important and precious, had been attacked, mutilated?
SNIP! As Voldemort lists the Horcruxes in excrutiating detail (except the detail of the one Harry needs to know about of course)
True, he had not felt it when the diary had been destroyed, but he had thought that was because he had no body to fell, being less than ghost... No, surely, the rest were safe... The other Horcruxes must be intact...
Now this is interesting. Obviously he doesn't feel it when a Horcrux is destroyed, seeing as Dumbleone destroyed the ring. Aren't there charms which at least alert the wizard if someone touches their belongings? Some sort of wizarding burglar alarm? Why yes, I believe there are.
SNIP! As Voldie bores us all...JKR really can't write a monologue to save her life.
An old unease flickered inside him. Dumbledore had known his middle name... Dumbledore might have made the connection with the Gaunts... Their abandoned home was, perhaps, the least secure of his hiding places, it was there that he would go first... The lake, surely impossible...
Do you mean the cave? And sheesh, you nincompoop, more than Dumbledore would have known your middle name. They do have registration forms in most schools. It was one of the earliest plot holes that I found it impossible to believe when Dumbledore said something like "I was one of the few people who knew that Tom Riddle and Lord Voldemort were one and the same" - Personally I think this is criminally negligent of DD - but my ranting about that fact does not belong here.
...though was there a slight possibility that Dumbledore might have known some of his past misdeeds, through the orphanage.
More than slight, you moron. Anyone could have investigated you. It's only the collective stupidity of Dumb-one and the wizarding world in general that your name was hidden away and there wasn't a file a mile thick on your past. I bet my last Knut that Voldie has collated a big fat file on Undesirable Number 2.
And Hogwarts... but he knew the his Horcrux there was safe; it would be impossible for Potter to enter Hogsmeade without detection, let alone the school. Nevertheless, it would be prudent to alert Snape to the fact that the boy might try to reenter the castle. ... To tell Snape why the boy might return would be foolish, of course;
Because it's not like Voldemort knows that Snape has been Dumb-dumbs confidante for years...
And we are back to Harry, which is almost a relief.
Harry's eyes flew open as he wrenched himself back to the present.
Why? Where was he? In the past? In the future? Eeek! Don't tell me he's the next Time Lord?
SNIP! because I can't even be arsed to go through the leaden reiteration of what Harry tells Ron and Hermione. And YET AGAIN, JKR shows that she's determined never to tell when showing is unnecesary - and when it is perfectly acceptable to use this device. "Harry shakily shared his vision with his friends" is all that was needed here. Instead of which we get the whole thing rehashed ad yawn-dom.
"Wait, wait!" cried Hermione as Ron caught up to the Horcrux
Which was obviously running around on the grass, trying to get dry
"We can't just go, we haven't got a plan, we need to -"
Sensible Hermione. Again.
"We need to get going," said Harry firmly...... We'll go to Hogsmeade,"
Oh yes. That sounds very sensible. A pure wizarding village, bound to be full of Death Eaters because they don't have to try and blend in. This is beyond stupid.
Hogwarts is a big place, and I can't believe that it only has one entrance - in fact we know it doesn't. I always wondered about the other entrances that had been "blocked up" in previous books. Aren't there spells that could be used to unblock them?
Isn't there some way onto the grounds from the forest? Oh yes, you know, I believe there is. Aren't there any creatures likely to help you in the forest? Oh yes, you know, I believe there are.
But no. None of that even occurs to Harry-no-brain, and he crowds the others under the cloak. Hermione says that the cloak doesn't fit (aren't there expanding spells? Shrinking spells?) but Harry doesn't care
"It'll be dark, no one's going to notice our feet."
Right, Harry. No-one will notice three pairs of disembodied feet walking along on their own.
Harry pulled the Cloak down as far as it would go, and together they turned on the spot into the crushing darkness.
Why were they turning on the spot? I don't remember that in their Apparating lessons. Oh never mind. I really don't care at this point. I hope they splinch themselves. I hope they get caught.
I hope they all. DIE. They've made me want to, often enough
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The Final Hiding Place
Please welcome the Dragon Riders of Yawn....
So the Trio are clinging desperately to the dragon as they take off. I'm sure that this has been mentioned in the previous spork, but I have to say that it's bloody charming to have a sentient creature chained up all its life in the dark so it goes blind, and the only time it gets any attention from other life forms is when they torture it. What a LOVELY universe this is!!
If I'd been that dragon I would have turned in the air and had a quick Trio snack before flying on. Just sayin'.
Plus - it's been stated in chapter 26 that the dragon had had a "long confinement" so I think an explanation of how it has the muscles to fly, (particularly as it covers about 500 miles in one flight) would be in order, please. But as has been said before in this sporkage - "it's magic." So of course that explains everything.
And anyway that would make sense, (and most of this chapter doesn't), and as needs to escape, we can't have sense.
There was no means of steering; the dragon could not see where it was going,
Don't know why not, its described as partially blind.
and Harry knew that if it turned sharply or rolled in midair they would find it impossible to cling onto its broad back.
Note this. "broad back"
Nevertheless, as they climbed higher and higher, London unfurling below them like a gray-and-green map, Harry's overwhelming feeling was of gratitude for an escape that had seemed impossible.
It IS impossible, Harry. Being in the air doesn't make you safe from Death Eaters, especially breaking out of a very public place like a BANK - I'm sure you'll be chased any… moment… now…
*waits patiently for Death Eaters on brooms*
Crouching low over the beast's neck, he clung tight to the metallic scales,
There are things to cling onto? But I thought there wasn't any place to cling?
and the cool breeze was soothing on his burned and blistered skin, the dragon's wings beating the air like the sails of a windmill.
*sings* The wings on the dragon go round and round, round and round, round and round!
Behind him, whether from delight or fear he could not tell. Ron kept swearing at the top of his voice, and Hermione seemed to be sobbing.
Why? Why why why? Oh silly me for asking you, Harry, it's not like you care.
After five minutes or so, Harry lost some of his immediate dread that the dragon was going to throw them off, for it seemed intent on nothing but getting as far away from its underground prison as possible; but the question of how and when they were to dismount remained rather frightening.
And the pursuit? *peers hopefully backwards*
He had no idea how long dragons could fly without landing,
Basically because you didn't pay attention at school, you git, never opened a book or studied anything that didn't interest you. That's when you weren't cheating.
nor how this particular dragon, which could barely see,
Oh - NOW it's partially blind again.
would locate a good place to put down.
Now I have to interrupt here with a bit of basic dragon lore. Not JKR's dragon lore, but general well-know by Muggles dragon lore. They are generally known to be sentient, dangerous and intelligent, charming and tricksy, imbued with human speech and with a love of riddles.
Granted JKR's dragons aren't like that, but surely to Glod it's worth a shot? No-one thinks of talking to the poor beast, and yet they didn't bat an eyelid that Buckbeak could understand speech.
He glanced around constantly, imagining that he could feel his scar prickling.
Even when it's NOT hurting he imagines it is. I'm sick of you, Emo!Boy. Be a man will ya?
Then he recalls the events of last chapter in case we'd skipped it, and realises that Voldie would now realise they were hunting Horcruxes.
Well, it *is* Horcrux season. Be wery wery qwiet, we're huntin' Horcruxes!
The dragon seemed to crave cooler and fresher air. It climbed steadily until they were flying through wisps of chilly cloud, and Harry could no longer make out the little colored dots which were cars pouring in and out of the capital.
Later I prove the beast is travelling at a very slow 50 miles an hour. As the crow flies from the centre of London, after 5-10 minutes they'd have cleared the city. London isn't THAT big, you know. Harry seems to know they are flying north which is very intelligent of him, I don't remember him ever doing any orienteering or geography. And does he have a compass?
Jo repeats herself.
His hands were numb with cold…. And then one sentence later… he was cold and numb
Harry gets desperately hungry and thirsty and he starts to empathize - with the dragon, not his friends!
When, he wondered, had the beast itself last eaten? Surely it would need sustenance before long?
Sustenance? Yes, you are a wizard, Harry. You are even beginning to think like a pretentious twat. Wait till you start thinking of yourself in the third person.
AND GO ON, EAT THE KIDS, DRAGON!
And what if, at that point, it realized it had three highly edible humans sitting on its back?
YES!
The sun slipped lower in the sky, which was turning indigo; and still the dragon flew, cities and towns gliding out of sight beneath them, its enormous shadow sliding over the earth like a giant dark cloud.
I am quite sure that JKR has been in a plane, if you are up in the clouds in a plane, (smaller than a dragon) the plane's shadow is not enormous.
And please. WHY HAS NO-ONE SPOTTED THE BIG DRAGON?
From Chamber of Secrets:
You were seen (Snape) hissed … ‘ “Two Muggles in London, convinced they saw an old flying car over the Post Office tower… at noon
in Norfolk, Mrs Hetty Bayliss, while hanging out her washing … Mr Angus Fleet, of Peebles, reported to police”’ … six or seven Muggles in all.
And why is no-one chasing them? Surely to goodness the Goblins would have screamed blue murder at the robbery (particularly seeing as whose vault was broken into) Death Eaters would arrive (I'm rather surprised that there aren't some on the premises) and the Goblins would point "they went thataway! On a big blind dragon!"
Every part of Harry ached with the effort of holding on to the dragon's back.
We get it. Even if he is only clinging to a scale with his hands
"Is it my imagination," shouted Ron after a considerable stretch of silence, "or are we losing height?"
As no-one has spoken for 500 miles, (I'm assuming the distance due to the appearance of mountains, although with the mention of several lakes, it could be Cumbria) and that it must have taken at least 8 hours, as it's nearly sunset - "after a considerable silence" seems a little redundant.
Harry looked down and saw deep green mountains and lakes, coppery in the sunset. the landscape seemed to grow larger and more detailed as he squinted over the side of the dragon,
that's the dragon with the very broad back, remember.
and he wondered whether it had divined the presence of fresh water by the flashes of reflected sunlight.
Considering that sight is all about bouncing light off things, I have to wonder how YOUR eyes work, Harry? By Magic? However as the poor thing is practically blind, I'd say he can smell it.
And may I just add, "You thicko." to make me feel better.
Lower and lower the dragon flew, in great spiraling circles, honing in, it seemed, upon one of the smaller lakes. "I say we jump when it gets low enough!" Harry called back to the others. "Straight into the water before it realizes we're here!"
And then they jump off a moving dragon into the water. Not something I'd want to do, it's pretty risky. It's a matter of physics called Terminal Velocity.
As the terminal velocity of a human is around 120 miles an hour, and we know that the dragon flew around 500 miles…..
We know it's about 7pm as it's sunset, and they left London early morning, about 9ish or 10ish, so the dragon flies at approximately 50 miles an hour
OK. Not terminal velocity perhaps but still pretty damned fast to jump off.
But pretty damned SLOW to be escaping.
I know that Maths has never been JKR's strong point (to put it mildly) but this took me about 3 minutes to work out. At that pathetic speed, there's no WAY they couldn't have been caught, unless VM is criminally incompet…
Oh, never mind.
So they jump off and amazingly no-one is hurt, and the dragon doesn't gobble them up out of the water like crunchy goldfish. Hurrah for them. Boo for us.
Harry could have happily lain down and slept,
Why? HE didn't fly. Lightweight
he staggered to his feet, drew out his wand, and started casting the usual protective spells around them.
May I return you to chapter 11?
"They've got the power to perform brutal spells without fear of identification or arrest. They managed to penetrate every defensive spell we'd cast against them"
Humph.
SNIP! While Hermione does Mummy and feeds and changes the baby boys. The baby boys reiterate what they did in the last chapter in case anyone started the book at this point.
"Well, on the upside," said Ron finally, who was sitting watching the skin on his hands regrow, "we got the Horcrux. On the downside-"
"-- no sword," said Harry through gritted teeth, as he dripped dittany through the singed hole in his jeans onto the angry burn beneath.
"No sword," repeated Ron. "That double-crossing little scab..."
No what? I didn't quite understand you, boys. No sword you say? How did that happen?
And double crossing? That's rich coming from the people who intended to double cross the Goblin in the first place.
SNIP! While Jo fills half a page with them all laughing and reiterating again what's already been said. (We've been to Gringotts we've stolen a Horcrux, OMG WON'T HE NOTICE????) yawn yawn yawn.
Then something very unusual happens (it's difficult to imbue typing with a heavy sense of irony) and Harry scar starts to hurt. What can this mean? What CAN THIS MEAN???
Oh... It's a vision. Gosh. I wasn't expecting that. /irony. And it's the worst vision yet. And when I mean worst, I mean worst written. Ever.
SNIP! as Harry becomes Voldemort, torturer of Goblins and slayer of his minions!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Way to go, Voldie. That's really going to help the recruitment drive.
And may I say, why the Gordon Ramsay did it take Voldemort about 9-10 hours to find out about this? I reiterate. A bleeping great big dragon breaks a bleeping big hole out of one of the bleeping biggest buildings in Diagon Alley and flies off and it takes all this time for bleeping Voldemort to be summonsed? NO - I don't agree with the Trio's suggestion that Gringotts would have tried to cover it up, either.
Voldemort AK's the room. Hey. Tough Crowd.
I had to smile as my Lucius (and Bella)
threw others behind them in their race for the door
Looks like there is a way to avoid an AK, Moody/Barty - use other people's bodies! Harry will remember this in the battle and use this very ruse.
But just as I think that Voldemort actually deserves to be king of the world for out-manoeuvering the idiot Ministry he goes and does sumpin' stoopid like killing the messenger. (And everyone else)
Then he does something more stupid. He knows, right, that Harry has a mental connection to him? So what does he do? He mentally lists his Horcruxes. Because that's what you WOULD do if you had the slightest inkling that your nemesis could peer into your mind at any time, wouldn't you? No? You wouldn't?
Me either. *headdesk headdesk headdesk*
Look, I'm not saying that it's not something that An Evil Overlord wouldn't do - they have a reputation for idiocy in general, but there have been times in the series when I actually applauded Voldemort for his intelligence.
This is not one of them. But then otherwise, how could Idiot Harry find out what he needs to find out? The boy needs all the help he can get.
I suppose that we should be grateful that it's this way and nice and quick rather than creating another plot arc for 10 more chapters. I'm grateful for small mercies.
Loath as I am to quote from this horribly written vision, I really must share the sheer over-the-toppedness of it.
Alone amongst the dead he stomped up and down, and they passed before him in vision: his treasures, his safeguards, his anchors to immortality - the diary was destroyed and the cup was stolen. What if, what if, the boy knew about the others? Could he know, had he already acted, had he traced more of them? Was Dumbledore at the root of this? Dumbledore, who had always suspected him; Dumbledore, dead on his orders; Dumbledore, whose wand was his now, yet who reached out from the ignominy of death through the boy, the boy But surely if the boy had destroyed any of his Horcruxes, he, Lord Voldemort, would have known, would have felt it? He, the greatest wizard of them all; he, the most powerful; he, the killer of Dumbledore
*raises hand* I don't want to be another messenger bringing you bad news, Voldie old matey, but you DIDN'T actually kill Dumbledore.
The Volderant continues, changing from first person to regarding himself in third person. It's weird and creepy, Moldyshorts. Stop it now.
How could Lord Voldemort not have known, if he, himself, most important and precious, had been attacked, mutilated?
SNIP! As Voldemort lists the Horcruxes in excrutiating detail (except the detail of the one Harry needs to know about of course)
True, he had not felt it when the diary had been destroyed, but he had thought that was because he had no body to fell, being less than ghost... No, surely, the rest were safe... The other Horcruxes must be intact...
Now this is interesting. Obviously he doesn't feel it when a Horcrux is destroyed, seeing as Dumbleone destroyed the ring. Aren't there charms which at least alert the wizard if someone touches their belongings? Some sort of wizarding burglar alarm? Why yes, I believe there are.
SNIP! As Voldie bores us all...JKR really can't write a monologue to save her life.
An old unease flickered inside him. Dumbledore had known his middle name... Dumbledore might have made the connection with the Gaunts... Their abandoned home was, perhaps, the least secure of his hiding places, it was there that he would go first... The lake, surely impossible...
Do you mean the cave? And sheesh, you nincompoop, more than Dumbledore would have known your middle name. They do have registration forms in most schools. It was one of the earliest plot holes that I found it impossible to believe when Dumbledore said something like "I was one of the few people who knew that Tom Riddle and Lord Voldemort were one and the same" - Personally I think this is criminally negligent of DD - but my ranting about that fact does not belong here.
...though was there a slight possibility that Dumbledore might have known some of his past misdeeds, through the orphanage.
More than slight, you moron. Anyone could have investigated you. It's only the collective stupidity of Dumb-one and the wizarding world in general that your name was hidden away and there wasn't a file a mile thick on your past. I bet my last Knut that Voldie has collated a big fat file on Undesirable Number 2.
And Hogwarts... but he knew the his Horcrux there was safe; it would be impossible for Potter to enter Hogsmeade without detection, let alone the school. Nevertheless, it would be prudent to alert Snape to the fact that the boy might try to reenter the castle. ... To tell Snape why the boy might return would be foolish, of course;
Because it's not like Voldemort knows that Snape has been Dumb-dumbs confidante for years...
And we are back to Harry, which is almost a relief.
Harry's eyes flew open as he wrenched himself back to the present.
Why? Where was he? In the past? In the future? Eeek! Don't tell me he's the next Time Lord?
SNIP! because I can't even be arsed to go through the leaden reiteration of what Harry tells Ron and Hermione. And YET AGAIN, JKR shows that she's determined never to tell when showing is unnecesary - and when it is perfectly acceptable to use this device. "Harry shakily shared his vision with his friends" is all that was needed here. Instead of which we get the whole thing rehashed ad yawn-dom.
"Wait, wait!" cried Hermione as Ron caught up to the Horcrux
Which was obviously running around on the grass, trying to get dry
"We can't just go, we haven't got a plan, we need to -"
Sensible Hermione. Again.
"We need to get going," said Harry firmly...... We'll go to Hogsmeade,"
Oh yes. That sounds very sensible. A pure wizarding village, bound to be full of Death Eaters because they don't have to try and blend in. This is beyond stupid.
Hogwarts is a big place, and I can't believe that it only has one entrance - in fact we know it doesn't. I always wondered about the other entrances that had been "blocked up" in previous books. Aren't there spells that could be used to unblock them?
Isn't there some way onto the grounds from the forest? Oh yes, you know, I believe there is. Aren't there any creatures likely to help you in the forest? Oh yes, you know, I believe there are.
But no. None of that even occurs to Harry-no-brain, and he crowds the others under the cloak. Hermione says that the cloak doesn't fit (aren't there expanding spells? Shrinking spells?) but Harry doesn't care
"It'll be dark, no one's going to notice our feet."
Right, Harry. No-one will notice three pairs of disembodied feet walking along on their own.
Harry pulled the Cloak down as far as it would go, and together they turned on the spot into the crushing darkness.
Why were they turning on the spot? I don't remember that in their Apparating lessons. Oh never mind. I really don't care at this point. I hope they splinch themselves. I hope they get caught.
I hope they all. DIE. They've made me want to, often enough