that i have spent more time at hospitals than i have at home over the past week or two... at this rate i'm going to contract a nosocomial infection without even having been admitted...

father's heart is unstable without meds...constant increases of heperin and nitro..along with a lot of morphine. im home for a few hours... gotta study, have 7 ( Read more... )

im still so deeply in love with him... i've grown past the loss part of it for the most part, the heart broken feeling, and moved into just a calm, dull, sadness that sweeps across my back, and enters my stomach when im around him, especially when we part ways ( Read more... )

had dinner with my father last night, it was very difficult.he had to put three nitro patches on, and use continuous oxygen just to leave the house. doc says because he's working, he anticipates him to live longer than most in his case, although he's talking about having nothing to live for anymore, and just wanting to give up to stop tha pain and ( Read more... )

 so i almost blacked out again...not awesome. talked to pcp today about getting a psychiatric referal, should be able to see one hopefully next week, i don't want to be medicated :/

anyone want/have room/etc. for a kittie? i need a good home for a little furball. she's kinda stupid, but very very loving.

i forgot to post this earlier.... vnv nation, july 1st, showbox @ the market... day previous in pdx...

 father back in hospital today...they've given up on other meds and just give him high doses of morphine to lessen the pain enough so he can relax... this is not a good sign.

it's fucking with me pretty badly, i kinda don't want to be alone tonight :/

 i might have some of the worst luck on the planet, but regardless of the random bad shit, i am one of the most blessed people on the planet. i have inFUCKINGcredible people in my life. from my roomate, to my bestfriend, to the people who i got to see tonight who live far far away, to my last kiss goodnight, to the people who make thing possible, ( Read more... )

 i know some of the most amazing people on the planet.

see you at seaf! *rushes to closet*

and now im not able to go to seaf tonight. the world is conspiring against me now :(