BABY! PLEASE LOOK AT ME - 2/2 (Part 2)
Continued from...
You scoop my frail body into your strong arms and carry me all the way to your apartment. I cling on to you desperately; holding onto every bit of warmth that seeps through your shirt - basking in it.
When we reach your apartment, you run a warm bath for me and bathe me by yourself. I have no energy to protest about my nudity or being touched all over. I didn’t want to protest anyway as it’s Aoi who’s doing this for me. Why would I protest?
After you make sure that I’m clean and tidy, you towel me dry and lift me back into your arms like I’m one of those distressed princesses and carry me out of the bathroom. Before putting me to sleep though, you force me to eat a full nutritious meal. I protest and whine, not wanting to as my appetite had disappeared a long time back. But you wouldn’t hear of it and I have no other option but to obey.
Polishing the plate off the very last morsel of food, my eyes start feeling heavy and I’m unable to remain seated any longer.
You gently put me to bed, covering the warm duvet up to my chin and tucking the sides snugly so that I wouldn’t feel cold. You turn out the bedside lamp and start leaving me behind; making it obvious that you weren’t planning to remain in the same bedroom as me.
Reflexively, I reach forward and grab your hand.
“Aoi, sleep with me please.” I plead with pathetic, watery eyes; wanting nothing but to be encased within your endearing warmth. I fear rejection but instead you give me one of those heart-warming smiles; proving once again that my fears were pointless and climb into the bed with me. I pull you close to me, wrapping my hands and legs possessively around your lithe body.
It didn’t matter if you hated or loved me. It didn’t matter that I had been in love with someone else. All that matters now is that you were with me tonight as my guardian angel and that’s all the reason I need to press my lips against the patch of skin on your chest in thank you; whilst you stroke my blond tresses. You smile at me one more time before placing a gentle peck on my forehead and urge me into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
What am I doing? This... this feeling. It’s so wrong. I shouldn’t be letting this happen.
You dutifully take such good care of me; babying me; pampering me; making my heart twist in pain as I watch each and every day how loyal and devoted you are whenever it concerned me. I almost feel like I would fall for you one more time all over again. However, I simply cannot. I most definitely can’t allow this to happen.
It’s him... Yoshida-san whom I love. That kind man who erased my loneliness with his presence even during his dying days. My love for him is supposed to be eternal and must remain as long as life fuelled my body. I must not betray him. I’m so sorry, Aoi but this is how it has to be. I love and will love Yoshida-san forever.
The upcoming days I take it up as a duty to have my conversations filled with memories of Yoshida-san. How nice he was, how kind he was, how he always used to be there for me even though I never deserved someone as wonderful as him. I loyally stick up to talking only about Yoshida-san, not bothering to heed any form of hindrances that might crop up.
I can clearly see that for some reason, your entire demeanour changes when Yoshida-san name pops up. Your beautiful features start morphing and darkening menacingly and it makes my blood turn cold. But that didn’t achieve in stopping the constant blabbering about my now dead beloved. Forgive me, but this is the only way of ensuring that I don’t betray my love for Yoshida-san. This is my last resort to make sure that I don’t fall for you once again, Aoi.
Of all the things that I could possibly expect to happen, I never anticipated this even in the wildest of my dreams. How could this possibly... ?
Like always, I follow my daily ritual of mourning and ranting my head off about Yoshida-san. And like always your face turns frightening. But when I assume that you would simply continue scowling until I’m done with my rambling; instead you push me down to the floor. Like a predator you crawl on top of my body; your obsidian orbs reflecting my petrified face. My body starts to violently tremble, visible shudders racking through the frail profile. But that pathetic sight doesn’t help in stopping you as you only firmly press your body against mine.
“Why is it always him?!” You yell, making tears automatically materialize at the contours of my eyes. “Let me tell you something, Uru, that man is a lying bastard. Who the hell drops dead in a matter of three-sixty-five days? I bet my ass that he’s hidden the secret about his illness to you. He was just using you.”
No sooner do the words escape your lips, the sickening sound of my palm connecting with your cheek reverberates through the air. I stare at you stunned; an effect of my own brash action. How could you, Aoi? How could you so mirthlessly insult the one I’ve loved so much; the one whom I remained throughout his last days. How dare you insult Yoshida-san?
“I hate you.” I cry, desperately trying to push you away. “Now get off me.” I demand.
But my demand only seems to provoke you further. Instead of listening to me and getting off like you should have; you kiss me. I swear I’ve never been kissed like that before. You kiss me so sensually; forcibly parting my lips and slipping in your wet tongue; the wet organ exploring every nook and cranny of my mouth. Even though your actions were all forced, there’s this hint of gentleness which almost makes my eyes flutter close.
I had this dream once where you would take my flushed cheeks between your warm palms and kiss me. Kiss me so passionately; yet sweetly that my legs go limp. It was such a beautiful dream. But that dream is dead. I’ve already ripped it and destroyed the remainings with every method possible. I don’t want this, Aoi. Please. But my whimpers and pleadings only fall onto deaf ears. You are not listening.
Nothing seems to stop as you viciously tear my shirt open and start kissing my bare chest; leaving your burning mark all over my pale skin. A moan slips my mouth, when your tongue touches my sensitive nipples. This tiny moan is enough to fuel your actions and proceed to continue ravishing me. But even while doing such degrading things you are so gentle that I couldn’t even scream for help like I’m supposed to.
I scream when you take my member into your mouth. The wet warmth encasing my erection feels so revolting. Then again, my body betrays me due to its sheer enjoyment of the pleasure it’s being given; pleasure further accelerating when you start deep throating me. I can feel my orgasm approaching due to the delicious sensations that wrack through me like electricity. Even though this has always been a part of my wildest fantasies, I don’t want it. Stop it, Aoi, please.
“Aoi.” I scream out loud as I finally cum hard, directly shooting my release into your awaiting mouth.
I start bawling my eyes out. My chest feels heavy as rivulets of tears stain my cheeks; leaking down to my hair. I shiver in shame; awaiting rape while wanting nothing but to decompose into thin air.
I’m proved wrong once again when gentle hands help me up from the cold, hard floor. I look at you with with watery eyes; vision blurring due to the continuous flood of tears. You extend an arm towards me, which results in my flinching and I immediately shy away backwards. The man whom I had loved to the ends of the world looked to me nothing but a fiend. If I had known that this is what you would do to me eventually, then I wish I had never laid these eyes upon you. I hate you Aoi, I really do.
I jump in fear when you suddenly embrace my naked body to your chest. I want to punch you; slap you; bite at you; push you away. I don’t want to feel any more filthy than I do already. But I do nothing of that sort; allowing you to embrace my stone-still self.
“Uruha, I love you.” You breathe into my ear. “Ever since the day I first laid my eyes upon you, ever since you offered to help me carry my bags. I have been so madly in love with you. For once please look at me, baby.”
As if it was possible I go even more immobile, every part of my body refusing to work as those words that escaped your lips pierce through my very being. Oh! Wasn’t this what I had always wanted? Ever since our first meeting, I’ve wanted you so bad to the point of my killing myself. I loved you as well, Aoi. I loved you so damn much. I just wanted to scream those words at you.
However, it’s too late. I’ve already erased those feelings I harboured towards you, a long time back. It’s Yoshida-san whom I love now. He was with me when you weren't. I want him, not you. I’m so sorry, Aoi but this is how it has to be. You can’t have me in this life as I’ve already given it away to someone else. I’m sorry.
“Let me go, Aoi.” I finally whimper, mustering up enough courage to mouth the words which I would never have sprouted before the arrival of Yoshida-san into my life. “I don’t need anyone. Especially not you, after what you did to me.”
The hands that held me prisoner against your chest drop down.
Shakily, I get up to my feet and dress in the remnants of my mutilated clothing. Without a backward glance, I finally storm out of the apartment, slamming the door behind me. I hadn’t even taken a few steps away from the door before I break down, tears flooding down my cheeks as my heart explodes in agony. “Goodbye, my beloved Aoi.”
I barricade myself within my apartment like I had done after Yoshida-san’s death. Only this this time, I had a conscience and a brain with which I had to constantly battle.
I keep thinking again and again about your confession. When I was done with that, it would be the imprudent act you had inflicted upon me. And when that happens, my memories wander on its own accord to the time when I had been head over heels in love with you; that beautiful man who had always looked so shy whenever he came over to see me. Stop it, Aoi. Don’t dominate my thoughts with your being. Just stop it.
A knock at my door interrupts my thoughts. Aoi? It has to be you for I have no other potential visitors. Snorting to myself, I stubbornly sit back on the couch; refusing to budge an inch. But the unwanted visitor wouldn’t give up either; the knocks getting louder followed by the ceaseless ringing of the door bell. Releasing an annoyed shriek, I finally kick my legs off the couch and rush to the door; almost ripping the handle, prepared to give you a piece of my mind.
My mouth slacks into a gaping hole when my eyes meet with the visitor on the other side. He isn’t you, but your best friend Kai. Of course I recognize him immediately as he had been someone who often visited even when I was around.
I stare at Kai with my eyes wide open even though it was really rude. I wonder the reason for this unexpected visit, as Kai and I hadn’t known each other that well except for the exchange of pleasantries. As I contemplate over the various possibilities, my visitor on the other hand starts squirming uneasily under my incessant stare. Remembering my manners, I finally invite my guest inside.
Before I could ask as to what was Kai’s business with me; he beats me there by questioning about the exchange which had happened between you and me. Hatred floods my emotions as I remember the unpleasantness that had happened back at your apartment. I start to wonder if you had sent Kai over to make me see sense or something like that, which only further aggravates my irritation. So I retort back, telling Kai that this is none of his business and if this is what he was here for then he might as well leave.
“Uruha.” Kai yells, training a look of utter disbelief at me. “Aoi... he attempted suicide.”
My eyes fly open in shock; my heart pounding erratically, too loud even for my own ears. Aoi, why? Of all the things you could have done... suicide...? Why did you try to take your life? How could you try and destroy something which I had treasured with every living breath of mine? No...
Kai proceeds to relate that you had slit your wrists in your bathtub. Luckily Kai had chosen to visit you and had broken the door open, worried that you had fainted. He had immediately rushed your unconscious body to the hospital and had miraculously saved you in the nick of time.
I listen to all this transfixed; not bothering to open my mouth. I drown in shame knowing that this was all my fault to begin with. I shouldn’t have said such cruel things to you.
Kai places a bulky envelope in front of me on the center table. He urges me to open it, firmly not willing to hear any kind of excuses. With trembling fingers, I pick the brown cover and empty the contents on the polished wood.
A loud gasp escapes my mouth. The contents were pictures; not just any pictures, they were all of me. I’m surprised. I don’t remember any of them being taken. The occupant of each frame is filled with pulchritude; making me wonder if that was even me.
“Aoi took them all from day one of meeting you.” Kai explains as I examine the photographs with tear-filled eyes. “He loves you, Uruha. Loves you more that anyone can ever possibly think of doing. I felt that you at least needed to know.” he says as his brown eyes start leaking tears.
Kai gets up; ready to leave. Before stepping out of the door, he turns around and promises that he’ll make sure that you will never see me again ever. The door slams announcing that my visitor had finally left.
As I remain on the couch; staring at the various photographs of myself, a deep self-hatred courses through every single cell of my body. I clearly remember Yoshida-san telling me that you were straight for sure and you were going out with some girl. Wasn’t that the reason why I gave up on you and went out with Yoshida-san instead? But then you tell me that you’ve loved me ever since the first day of our meeting and these pictures were proof enough... you weren’t lying to me.
What went wrong? What happened? Who am I to believe? I’m so confused.
Tearing at my blond hair, I scream at the top of voice before turning deranged; breaking every single object I owned. Cupboards pushed to the floor; plates and utensils smashed against the walls; chairs thrown all over the place; glasses crushed to fragments. Nothing I broke or destroyed would satisfy nor stop the mad rampage I was indulging myself in.
My path of destruction lead me to the bedroom I used to share with Yoshida-san. As my eyes continue to see nothing but red; I tear the sheets off the bed and pull the curtains off the hook. Again I break everything that my hands reach; not sparing a look at what I’ve been reduced into.
I only stop to catch my breath after finally managing to knock the huge closet down. I stumble and fall to the floor, holding my face between my knees; my energy all drained. My eyes travel to the destruction I had caused, stopping where the wooden closet lay on the floor.
A brown leather bag is the only object that catches my eyes amidst the mass of destruction. I immediately recognize it to be one of Yoshida-san’s possessions which he had brought along with him when he had first moved into my place. Of course I knew that bag the best out of all his other possessions as that was the only object which he had forbidden me to touch. My memories flew back to how Yoshida-san had freaked when I had once almost managed to unzip it.
Well he’s no more now, so the bag is technically mine. Besides my inquisitiveness gets the better of me and the next instant I find myself crawling in the direction of the bag. Crouching in front of it, I slowly unzip it, an immense fear taking over me as my instinct screams that something bad is most definitely going to happen... which I tell myself is absolutely stupid. What harm could a bag cause me?
The bag didn’t explode which almost makes me laugh with relief. The bag didn’t hold anything suspicious or precious only a bunch of files which littered the floor when I upturn it. Disappointment is the only result. Still, I open the files wondering why Yoshida-san would want to hide this from me.
Medical reports stating that Yoshida-san had been diagnosed with brain tumour was what those files encompass. A tingle of surprise and doubt rushes through my thoughts as I flip through the reports. If I remember it right, this wasn’t the hospital I had taken Yoshida-san too. Also the hospital address stated that its location was in some other prefecture. Even more surprising is the fact that these reports were three years old... a time during which I had no idea about Yoshida-san’s existence.
Wasn’t I the one who had repeatedly begged and pleaded with Yoshida-san to go to the hospital? Wasn’t I the first person to whom news about Yoshida-san having brain tumour had been informed? That’s what I had always thought. But these reports; they state otherwise.
Does this mean you were right, Aoi? Was Yoshida-san really lying to me about his illness?
Confusion again and my head is starting to pound. What am I to believe? What am I supposed to believe, I have no clue. Ugh... what’s been happening around me? Why is that I’m the only one who’s unaware of everything?
As I remain huddled against the wall, my mind again wanders off to all the moments I had shared with Yoshida-san. The things he had done for me when I had been all alone and dying inside due to my loneliness. The last of his living days when he had suffered that horrendous illness. I just couldn’t help but trust him all over again. I can’t suspect him. It feels like I’m humiliating his kindness, his love and soul.
In the end, I just stuff all the files back into the bag where I had found them, along with whatever I had discovered today. I believe you, Yoshida-san.
A month has elapsed since then.
Not wanting to have anymore of those nagging doubts, I go back to the bookstore which had been my refuge ever since I had been kicked out of my parents’ place. My boss surprisingly welcomes me back with open arms even though I hadn’t worked there since Yoshida-san’s death, for which I’m really grateful.
I start forgetting slowly but surely about everything; especially the incidents that had happened at your apartment. I start pushing everything to the back of my mind forcefully. But that only results in me becoming a body devoid of emotions and feelings. I live merely as someone who had nothing to do except live. I don’t regret it either as my life had already been deemed over.
One day, as I walk back to my apartment after a hard day from work. Like always, I have no plans except to fall asleep on my bed. So I walk as sluggishly as possible in the direction of home. But my languid movement comes to a halt suddenly when my eyes fall upon you.
You were walking on the other side of the road with your best friend Kai. Like me, you stop all of a sudden as well; waiting outside a shop when Kai enters by himself. My presence seems to have gone unnoticed by you. But it didn’t matter for I’m already torn due to the image my eyes gather; the very first emotion I experience ever since the day I learnt of your suicide attempt, the day I had shut everything out of my life, Aoi.
From where I stood I could see you have become dreadfully thin, your beautiful face sunken in; making the facial bones stand out prominently. The plump flesh in your baby-soft cheeks had disappeared like it had never even existed in the first place and your eyes, those beautiful warm, yet alluring obsidian orbs seemed to have lost all the light it had once held. Your entire appearance is that of one those undead they show on television. That killed me, Aoi, that really did. Especially when my eyes take in the thick bandages that litter your frail wrists; I could feel death ready to wrap its arms around me.
I can’t bear standing there anymore, so I run away as fast my tired legs can carry me. Everything comes rushing back to me. Pain equal to anvils crashing onto my skull. I want to be unable to think of anything. NOTHING. “God if you exist. Please, do something.”
The familiar building of the bar; where I was a regular customer materializes in front of me. Without waiting to think twice, I run headlong almost colliding at the door. The jingle of the bell makes everyone turn around and look; further adding to my discomfort. So I pull my hood up and cover my burning face.
The waitress places a tankard of the clear liquid along with a bottle at the table where I’ve occupied - the last table of the bar. I stare at the alcohol; looking like I’m fascinated by it’s golden brown texture and the tiny bubbles that dance within it. But my staring doesn’t last long when I suddenly pounce at the tankard and chug the contents in one go; coughing and spluttering as the burning liquid went up my nose. I don’t wait for it to stop before starting to drink again, working my way towards the frying of my brain to disable any form of thinking.
The bell rings once again, followed by raucous laughter and the loud clatter of several boots making contact with the floor. The new entries to the bar occupy the empty table behind mine to my displeasure, but I had my back to them and the hood was in place to veil my face so I didn’t bother with changing seats. The men make loud orders; not bothering themselves with keeping their voices down and as the alcohol started mingling with their systems, they start turning bloder; which only provokes my irritation. Maybe it’s a good to idea to change my seat after all.
“That Yoshida Tatsuya... lucky bastard. I envy him so fucking much.” One of them yells out loud, catching my attention immediately as my ears prick in recognition.
Impossible. Why is a man that I don’t even know talking about Yoshida-san? Then again, I tell myself that Yoshida-san’s name is a common Japanese name. Anyone could be called Yoshida Tatsuya. But another voice crops up, asking if their friend was talking about the Yoshida Tatsuya who succumbed to brain tumour recently for which he’s given the affirmative.
Am I hallucinating? This can’t be true. Maybe they are talking about another Yoshida Tatsuya who had brain tumour as well. It can’t be my Yoshida-san. I’m just wasting my time listening to some babbles about some other Yoshida Tatsuya. But curiosity gets the cat and so I continue holding on to every word of the conversation happening behind my back.
The man starts to relate how Yoshida Tatsuya had been a obnoxious playboy when he had been alive; sleeping shamelessly with many women as well as men behind his wife’s back. His wife soon discovered about his illegal activities and warned him. But he paid no heed to her warnings.
Three years ago, the doctors confirmed that Yoshida Tatsuya had brain tumour. His wife on hearing about her husband’s condition didn’t hesitate to kick him out. She didn’t want to take care of nor spend money on a man who had been disloyal to her; indulging himself in all those adulterous activities which she assumed had resulted in him contracting such a disease in the first place.
“That’s where this boy Uruha came in.” the man laughs as he continues with his hot piece of gossip.
I wait with my breath held, my heart pounding out loud in my ears as I listen to hear the rest of it. I feel like vomitting all the contents in my stomach. This wasn’t the Yoshida-san I had known. He had never even told me that he had been married. I wouldn’t have believed this at first, but how could I not when my own name was being brought up by a stranger whom I have never met before?
The man explains how Yoshida-san had first met me in a gay bar. He had gone ahead with asking one of the regular customers about me who in return had happily gone ahead to disclose all the juicy details about my entire life. From then on he had always observed and stalked me, looking into all my activities so that he could find out if I really was like what the customer had informed.
“Uruha at that time had been hanging around with some boy called Aoi. Yoshida knew that Uruha was in love with him and the sad part was...” he snorts unpleasantly, as if trying to contain his laughter as he explains the story crudely. “The sad part was Yoshida knew that Aoi loved Uruha too.”
The sound of a splash makes me aware of the tears that were streaming incessantly down my cheeks as I continue to listen to the horrendous truth of how I’ve been duped into believing that I could never have you in my life, Aoi. That vile bastard had planted the seeds of doubt; destroying my entire life. Why had I been such a fool? I believed him so loyally and now...
“I don’t blame Yoshida, though.” Even more raucous laughter follows those cruel words that interrupt my thoughts. “He needed someone to take care of him during his dying days and of course he hit a jackpot with a beauty like Uruha. You unlucky bastards haven’t seen Uruha, right? Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind developing brain tumour to get that fine piece of ass.”
Rage flares through me. I don’t even give time for him to laugh over all that he had just finished narrating without any form of sympathy. I collect my drink from the table and empty all the contents directly onto the speaker’s head; ruining the expensive shirt he had adorned himself with.
He stutters in shock and disbelief but when his line of vision trains towards my face, he goes dead silent. Grabbing the front of his shirt, I yank him up and throw a solid punch on the side of his jaw. I don’t stop there. I continue punching him until his shirt is next drenched with his own blood.
The bar is now filled with his howls and shrieks. The bones in my fingers feel broken as well. But that never stops me as I continue pounding every bit of skin I could reach. I won’t stop until I kill him with my own bare hands. I shriek out loud when hands grab me from behind, trying to rip me away from my punching bag. I desperately try to shake them all off. But in the end I’m overpowered and unceremoniously thrown out of the bar into the streets.
It starts to rain as I walk wretched on the roads of Tokyo.
“My life isn’t worth living anymore.” I think as I walk through the wetness and sludge. First, my parents who had disposed me away when the secret about my sexuality was no longer a secret. My friends who had turned on me; bullied me and treated me like shit. Yoshida-san to whom I had placed my ultimate trust and love, had turned out to be nothing but a common slimeball. Everyone seemed to be only bent on betraying me. If this is how it was going to be the rest of my life, then why don’t I just follow your example, my beloved. Dying seems to be the only solution for all the misery to come to an end.
I’m sorry, Aoi. I’m so sorry for doubting you. You were so loyal to me; loved me but I... I only ended up ruining you and even made you try to take your own life. I don’t deserve you, baby, I don’t deserve you at all.
Will I at least have you in the afterlife, my precious Aoi?
I’m left flabbergasted when I find myself standing in front of your apartment door. I remember walking in the direction of my own apartment to drink the bottle of pesticide which I always hoarded in the cleaning closet. How I ended up here, I don’t know.
Hesitantly, I extend an arm towards the doorbell. It would be nice after all, if I get to see your beautiful face one last time before I leave this world. It’s your face I want to have etched in the essence of my memories. Maybe then, I would have a happy death. But I’m afraid. A coward who doesn’t even have the courage to do something as simple as ringing the doorbell. Maybe it’s not a good idea after all. Defeated, I accept the fact that I’m not allowed to have this small happiness, when suddenly the door opens.
Your sleepy face appears at the entrance, causing me to feel rooted to the spot where I had been standing ever since I had first appeared at your apartment door.
“Uruha...” You release an anguished whisper, your obsidian eyes turning watery while shame clouds your features. As you stand there wondering what to do, my eyes wander to those ugly bandages that encased your wrists. Before I could stop myself, I throw myself against your body that had turned so fragile and break down completely. I cry, weep and scream as I hold onto you desperately, trying to burrow my way into your endearing warmth.
“Uruha... oh no, Uru what’s wrong?” You ask in panic. You drag me inside, not wanting to attract unnecessary attention and close the door behind you. “Please don’t cry. What happened? Did someone hurt you?” You rock my body close to your own, trying to soothe me with your very being. But your kindness only adds to my agony, making me wail even harder.
I start beating at your chest; demanding why you never made me aware of your feelings towards me - the immense love you harboured secretly. Why didn’t you tell me even once? If only you had done so, my life wouldn’t have turned out so miserable. I wouldn’t have ruined it due to my one gullibility. I could have smiled, I could have laughed, I could have realized the meaning of true love. “Why didn’t you tell me, Aoi?” I scream out loud in agony.
“I-I’m... s-sorry.” A timid voice breaks through my hysterical sobbing, making me look up at you. What my eyes meet with only makes me sob even harder. You stand there crying as well, tears leaking down your pale face, seeing the damage both our insecurities had caused; the result being so much pain that death nearly won over the two of us.
“I don’t want your sorry.” I blubber, staring directly into your obsidian orbs; my tear-stained face determined. You stand there speechless as I cry that your sorry, a stupid meaningless word which is of no use isn’t going to help me in anyway. It’s not your apology I want. I’ve never wanted it, Aoi and I don’t want it now either.
“Take my pain away.” I demand grabbing the front of your clothes. “It’s all your fault for keeping your mouth shut about loving me. So take responsibilty.”
You look at me with your cherry-red lips slightly parted, wondering what I was talking about... wondering what I wanted from you. But I don’t have to wait any longer, as the answer seems to have dawned upon you already, when you suddenly grab my face between your warm palms and kiss me; passionately. I close my eyes at the beautiful sensation, kissing you back furiously without any form of holding back while wanting nothing but to forget everything as I delve into your sweet scent.
It seems to happen like out of a script; everything falling into place so naturally as I find myself pushed to the soft mattress of your bedroom, with my blond hair fanning out on the feather-soft pillow. You take my clothes off one by one, slowly discarding them to the floor along with your own until finally my naked body displayed to your dark eyes. I’m not embarrassed of the way your obsidian orbs study me or of the way your calloused hands run free on my flushed skin, as what I am is yours.
The day marks our coupling as our hands entwine and we make love on your bed. Every touch, every kiss, every caress leads me to touch the line of insanity. The room is filled with soft moans of my name being called out repeatedly followed by the never ceasing ‘I love you’ s. I tear at the sheets as you worship every inch of my skin, like I’m someone who equals a celestial being. Never have I felt such gentleness before. This is where I belong, where I’ve always belonged.
The walls echo with my loud moans as my body is overly sensitive to the smallest of things like the hair sticking to my scalp, every inch of my feverish skin covered with beads of sweat. My loud heartbeat that only increases in volume every time your hot mouth makes contact with my body, and above all our bodies tangled together in a mess of limbs; everything - it is aware of. I get impatient wanting to see everything with my own eyes; the way you ravish my body so lovingly. But at that exact moment you take me into you mouth; making my body jerk violently and my head thrashes from side to side. Never once have I felt like this in my life, I swear.
I embrace you tightly, my legs wrapping around your lithe waist when you finally enter me. Tears appear at the contours of my already red aureate eyes, not due to the pain of being invaded, but that of sheer joy I feel due to our bodies finally becoming one. Your thrusting becomes faster as the two of us near our climax. My keening scream that follows, echoes throughout the room as our body fluids intermingle together.
As I slowly come down from my high, I languidly turn my face towards you, wanting to see your sweating face. I expect to see you mirroring my happiness; euphoric for your wait is over and I’ve finally been made yours today. But instead my heart breaks when I’m met with tears streaming down your face with fresh vigour, the hot wetness splashing against my own visage. Again you whisper numerous ‘sorry’s as you apologize over and over for ruining my life even though none of it was your fault; making my own tears flow. But I wipe them away immediately because I don’t have to cry anymore, nor ever again for I’ve finally found my true happiness. And now I regret nothing. I reach forward to wipe your tears away before bringing you close to my body so that I may kiss you and hold you to my slowly falling chest.
“Don’t cry Aoi, for it is you that I will look at for the rest of my life.”
A/N: Hey everyone. Sorry this update took so long. I'm well aware that the previous chapter was posted on July and I'm like posting the next one nearly six months later. But like I said before Chapter 1 was written when I was under extreme depression and I needed that depression back. Anyway I don't want to talk about how I got the depression back but it was a great source for me to write this down. Hope you guys like what I've written. Do comment to tell me your opinion （*´▽｀*）