Oh god here it comes!!!!
Inside are some thoughts I had today... ok so i have been mulling them over for the last few days kinda got a little long so read on if you want.
The painful bottom of the valley where self examination dwells. I have been doing some serious thinking about recent events and what they mean. I have been confronted with the possibility that someone who i thought was a really good friend has not considered me to be the same or even a friend for some time. This has hurt me deeply... deeper than i thought i could be hurt. I mean what does this say about me? How flawed is my thinking and view of my surroundings. I mean I cant think of anything I wouldnt do for this person even as far as taking a bullet for them and they seem to think nothing of me. I was told that apperently whatever i say they believe that there is some underlying meaning that I am not willing to ask so instead i ask other questions to try to feel out an answer to what I really want to know. Apparently I have allways just annoyed this person and they just never told me. But this leads me to question if any of the people i think of as friends think of me as the same. Or are they just tollerating me because i happen to be around. I mean I know i am not someone that anybody really wants to hang out with or at least not someone that is thought of as a first idea. It usually is "I was going to hang out with these people but there not around and I cant get a hold of them so i guess I can hang out with you. I dont know why I am even thinking about this or why the apparent loss of friendship from someone I considered to be a close friend is bothering me. I was told by this person that they are constantly infurriated by me and that they cant work one on one with me followed by the fact that they are done with me. I dont know sometimes i just wonder if anybody would give me a second thought about me if I werent around anymore. I know people have to live there own lives and that people move on..... so maybe i will just move on and find somewhere else to hang since i dont seem to hang with anybody here anymore. And just for all you cynical people who read this no I am not trying to get attention I just felt like using my live journal to get my real thoughts out of my head.
The painful bottom of the valley where self examination dwells. I have been doing some serious thinking about recent events and what they mean. I have been confronted with the possibility that someone who i thought was a really good friend has not considered me to be the same or even a friend for some time. This has hurt me deeply... deeper than i thought i could be hurt. I mean what does this say about me? How flawed is my thinking and view of my surroundings. I mean I cant think of anything I wouldnt do for this person even as far as taking a bullet for them and they seem to think nothing of me. I was told that apperently whatever i say they believe that there is some underlying meaning that I am not willing to ask so instead i ask other questions to try to feel out an answer to what I really want to know. Apparently I have allways just annoyed this person and they just never told me. But this leads me to question if any of the people i think of as friends think of me as the same. Or are they just tollerating me because i happen to be around. I mean I know i am not someone that anybody really wants to hang out with or at least not someone that is thought of as a first idea. It usually is "I was going to hang out with these people but there not around and I cant get a hold of them so i guess I can hang out with you. I dont know why I am even thinking about this or why the apparent loss of friendship from someone I considered to be a close friend is bothering me. I was told by this person that they are constantly infurriated by me and that they cant work one on one with me followed by the fact that they are done with me. I dont know sometimes i just wonder if anybody would give me a second thought about me if I werent around anymore. I know people have to live there own lives and that people move on..... so maybe i will just move on and find somewhere else to hang since i dont seem to hang with anybody here anymore. And just for all you cynical people who read this no I am not trying to get attention I just felt like using my live journal to get my real thoughts out of my head.