"By a Thread" - section 4 `Jesiah`

[deafield]

He had asked for everything to disappear. To put it simply, that hadn`t been his best moment. But something about watching Mary frightened him. The absent look on her face when she told him the body in the cell was her husband, the poisoning of her child, the loss of even her own name. She had chained herself to her misery with memory. Looking at

Comments

[ladybows_fs]

I think it may be because I've only read it through once, but there is a lot going on here, somewhat hard to grasp all at once. You probably had intended on that effect. It's a very intriguing situation, and creepy location, and the characters themselves seem surreal, enough that even though Jesiah explains a dream, the whole thing seems like a dream. Smoke is so agreeable and chill that he comes across like an imaginary friend of his, which he may either have to keep himself occupied or because he has already gone crazy without knowing it. The whole taking away his name thing, and vehicles coming to scoop up orphan children eerily reminds me of the Holocaust, and I like the detail that he journals to save his memories, and is afraid to sleep. He probably feels that he's fighting for time to journal everything he doesn't want to forget, before he forgets it. I get a sense that he's slowly languished and is desensitized to how far his life has gone downhill, and that does sound realistic, but I wonder what it was like for him when he

Thanks for the comment. ^ ^

[deafield]

It is a lot to grasp at once. I haven`t filled in all the pieces yet. Technically once you`ve read all the pieces I have up, it would be like looking at half a puzzle put together. It`s how this story seems to like being written.lol I`m glad the effect of the whole story is dreamlike though. It`s all supposed to be a bit unclear on reality vs. dream. Though I never imagined Smoke like that. I do promise he is real. haha

Re: Thanks for the comment. ^ ^

[ladybows_fs]

"I sometimes feel like this whole story is a little to beyond me in some ways to write, but over time I think I`ll be able to reign it in." That's exactly how I feel about all of my longer projects. The key is just to be patient with yourself and leave time and room to figure it out. "Getting to know characters" is a great way to put it, instead of to say that you are designing them. Sometimes an epiphany will just come, somewhere down the line, and it will help a lot of other things fall together.

Re: Thanks for the comment. ^ ^

[deafield]

Glad I`m not alone. haha And I always found it weird when authors seemed detached from their characters in that way.(and sometimes I think it does show in the writing if anything from a general perspective view of that character)