The wrong kind of joke. Wrong kind of party. Someone decided it would fun to tie me up and scare me to death. And fuck me. I found a place in myself, then. A place for myself. I want to find it again.
You get the wrong person, a year could be longer than you think.
First, do you know what you're looking for? You want a Master, you want to find a shape for the nothing you think you've become, you say you'll do anything, that you can spend a year looking for yourself in the ways others can dispose of you.... It's beautiful, a gorgeous sentiment, and I understand it better than I'll usually admit.
But you won't do anything - there are things you won't do, and you need to be sure of that, and of what those things are. And if you're nothing, then there's nothing there to shape - you're not nothing, no one is, and you need to remember that, even if you don't believe it. And others can dispose of you in a variety of ways, some of them very unpleasant. Many of them will leave you worse than they found you, especially if you're not sure of what you won't do, and of the fact that you are not nothing
( ... )
Believe me or not, I'm trembling here. Because I'm scared now, yes, but I want, too. And you are right, I should try and define this wanting... Not a boring old realist, no. Someone honest.
And if what I feel, no matter how twisted and fuddled, is gorgeous, I want to know that. I need to know that I can be gorgeous in that way.
Comments 12
So what had happened?
And be careful, son. You get the wrong person, a year could be longer than you think.
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The wrong kind of joke. Wrong kind of party.
Someone decided it would fun to tie me up and scare me to death.
And fuck me.
I found a place in myself, then.
A place for myself.
I want to find it again.
You get the wrong person, a year could be longer than you think.
So help me.
I won't know until I try.
Reply
But you won't do anything - there are things you won't do, and you need to be sure of that, and of what those things are. And if you're nothing, then there's nothing there to shape - you're not nothing, no one is, and you need to remember that, even if you don't believe it. And others can dispose of you in a variety of ways, some of them very unpleasant. Many of them will leave you worse than they found you, especially if you're not sure of what you won't do, and of the fact that you are not nothing ( ... )
Reply
Believe me or not, I'm trembling here.
Because I'm scared now, yes, but I want, too.
And you are right, I should try and define this wanting...
Not a boring old realist, no. Someone honest.
And if what I feel, no matter how twisted and fuddled, is gorgeous, I want to know that.
I need to know that I can be gorgeous in that way.
Talk to me. Please.
Reply
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