"It's a Wonderful Life" - Hunter and Hunted 'verse
Authors: art_of_mayhem and candygramme
Rated: NC-17 for hot boysex.
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Alex Krycek
Spoilers: Vague for the X-Files “Existence”
Warning: Slash.
Disclaimer: Dean and his family belong to Eric Kripke and Supernatural, and Alex belongs to Chris Carter and the X-Files. We own nothing. We are doing this for love and not money.
Author’s notes: We love Dean and Alex, and felt that Hunter and Hunted needed one more little piece. We hated leaving Dean so sad, so here we go…
The quoted song is “Wonderful Life,” by Black.
The beautiful icon is by art_of_mayhem.
Word Count: 7,310
Look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
Dean walked along the path down to the bridge and paused next to the railing, looking and feeling more lost than he ever had in his life. Sam was gone. Vanished. Sam had left him, and now he was alone out there. Dean felt as if he had failed his father in his promise to keep an eye upon his little brother. Now he stood at the cold railing, snow falling around him, and gazed into the water that ran below. In the low light of the night, the water was dark and murky, but the snow glistened under the moon.
"I'm sorry, Dad," Dean whispered. "I'm sorry I failed you." He sighed, blinking for a long time as if to stave off the tears that showed when at last he opened his eyes. He looked up, his bottom lip trembling. "You're probably wishing about now I was never born. Hell, I wish I was never born myself. I've done nothing but cause heartache. I've failed you; failed Sammy; failed everything in my life."
He looked down over the edge of the bridge into the water again, "How easy it would be..." he breathed.
~~~~~~~oo(O)oo~~~~~~~
"See? There he is now." The blonde angel in the slinky white satin dress pointed one pale graceful finger to indicate the young man in the battered brown leather jacket and then turned to survey her companion. "He's never been so miserable, and he's desperately needed in the battle to come. It's up to you to get him over this period of doubt and uncertainty and get him back on track. Do you think you're up to it?"
She didn't give him time to reply. Instead, she spread her white, fluffy wings. "I don't know. I don't think you should be trusted with something this delicate. That young man down there is in dire straits. Maybe we ought to let someone with a little more experience handle things. It's not as if you come from particularly angelic stock, is it?"
"Shut up!" The blonde angel's companion was dark, with dangerous green eyes and a menacing air about him. "It's my one chance to get my wings, and besides..." He looked at the young man gazing morosely into the water, and a faint smile crept across his features. "I have a vested interest in this case."
"Oh, very well; I'll leave you to it," she huffed. "But you'll be watched every step of the way. He's far too precious for you to fail."
"Good." The apprentice angel made a gesture that was very close to being insolent and turned to go to the young man, slowly morphing into being behind him and stepping forward to lay a hand on his shoulder. "Hello, Dean."
Dean jumped, spinning around quickly and drawing his gun. What he saw had him stumbling back then tripping, falling back in the snow. "Alex?" He furrowed his brow, and then suddenly trained his gun more accurately at the newcomer. "You... you're dead! What the hell are you doing here?" He scurried back across the newly fallen snow. "I swear, you come to haunt me, and..."
"Tsk, tsk... would I do that?" Alex Krycek put his hands on his hips and surveyed Dean, his lips pursed. "I'm not gonna haunt you, precisely. I've been sent to help you, kiddo; this is your lucky break! I'm your guardian angel." He reached forward to offer his hand to Dean, making a show of helping him up and dusting the snow off him, especially off his butt, which was tightly encased in faded denim, as usual. "And I gotta tell you, you've improved with age. Look at you!"
Dean just stared at Alex with his mouth open, letting him dust him off, letting him appear to feel him up. "Help me? My guardian angel?" He rolled his eyes and pushed his gun back in his pants, pulling his jacket around him once more. "I've also gotten more... cynical. What does Sam call it? Out of control. Reckless. I'm tailspinning? Your friends up there tell you about that?" He glared at Alex suddenly as if remembering to be angry and snapped, "Leave me alone. I don't need a guardian angel. Nobody needs me." Then he turned, shoved his hands deep into his pockets and started to walk away.
"Hey, come on back here!" Alex reached, his very real left hand gripped Dean's shoulder and tugged him gently round and into Alex's embrace. "You don't know how wrong you are. You have no idea just how many people would have lost their way if it hadn't been for you, baby." Alex bent to nuzzle Dean's ear. "But don't take my word for it, love. Come with me and let me show you exactly what I mean."
Dean had stopped at the powerful tug to his shoulder, but then it eased into a gentle turn, and then he was in his one-time lover's arms once again - a lover who had died, and who Dean believed that he had laid to rest. His eyes closed as Alex nuzzled his ear. "Yeah, you would be alive right now." Dean whispered the admission.
Alex released Dean for a moment and grabbed hold of his hand instead. "You'll have to trust me for a few minutes, but I can prove to you that the world is a much better place for you having been in it." He laced his fingers into Dean's and then gave him an encouraging smile and snapped his finger and thumb.
For a moment, it seemed as though the snow ceased to fall, halting in mid air. Then the air around them darkened, and the flakes began whirling around them with redoubled intensity.
Dean gave a little sigh as Alex pulled away from him and started leading him. "What is this? A Christmas Carol?" He stopped, looking about as the snow redoubled in intensity, and he was blinded for a moment. "Xander?"
"Like I said, Dean, you've got to trust me. I'm gonna prove to you just how much of a difference you've made in the world." Alex squeezed Dean's hand and tugged him forward. "And you can forget any guilt about my death, babe. It wasn't your fault that the Assistant Director at the FBI decided that he'd take justice into his own hands. You couldn't have done anything to prevent it." Alex laughed. "In a way, things aren't so bad in the afterlife. The powers that be are attempting to rehabilitate me, and actually it's not too unpleasant going round redressing wrongs. If I can help you, I get my wings and go to join the choir invisible." He made a face as he was speaking. "I'm hoping to at least get to jam with Hendrix, or I'm gonna complain."
Alex urged Dean forward, and together they stepped off the bridge into a world that was thickly white with snow. "Recognize this place?" he asked Dean.
Dean blinked. The snow lay thick, the way it had in winters gone by when he was a kid. He looked about himself and then stopped, "Lawrence. That... that is my house. When I was..." Dean swallowed. Dean looked to Alex, "Why did you bring me here? How the hell did we get here? Don't do this, Alex."
Dean started to back up. "Sam dragged me here last year. I didn't want to come then, and I sure don't want to be here now."
"It's okay, baby. I keep on telling you; you have to trust me." Alex took hold of Dean's hand and tugged him forward, and through into the yard behind the house that Dean recognized as belonging to Missouri. "All right, love, here's the first person you need to consider." Missouri had a long porch at the rear of her house, and it had been glassed in. As Alex led Dean through the snow and up onto the porch, they could both see a wheelchair, and in it, a man, wrapped up against the cold, sagging against the straps that prevented him from falling out of the chair. "See anyone you know?" asked Alex, slipping his arm around Dean.
Dean had been looking everywhere but the house. Missouri could always see right through him. She'd pegged him like no one else could. And she knew how to boss him around, although, secretly, she'd filled that mother need in him in much the same way Ellen did. Missouri was very much like Ellen in fact, but with a harder edge.
When finally his eyes fell upon the man in the chair, Dean’s knees nearly gave. It was his father. "Dad?" He wanted to go inside but all he did was press his hand to the glass. "Why is he in a wheel chair? What happened to him? Wait... my father is dead. He gave his life... for me." Dean looked at Alex.
"Not here, love." Alex smiled at his companion. "In this timeline, you died in the fire that killed your mother, when you were just four years old, and you weren't around to do what you needed to do when the time came." Alex shook his head. "Your dad had to do what he could for your baby brother without your help, and as you can see, that didn't turn out too well."
Alex led Dean up to where his father seemed to doze. "He's still in there, mentally, but he broke his neck in a battle with the demon; since then he's kinda given in. The battle is over for John Winchester, I'm afraid." He looked at Dean and squeezed his hand. "It's perfectly okay. They can't see you or I. We don't belong to this timeline, so you can't affect anything that happens here."
Dean pulled away from Alex, going up to his father. "He seems so... old. Tired." He made as if to reach out and touch him. "No, this is not my dad. He's a fighter. I didn't die in the fire. I had to carry Sammy out. Dad gave him over to me." He looked up at Alex and then turned his head back to his father. "The demon did this to him?"
"You could say that," nodded Alex, his face unreadable as he placed a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder.
Together, the two of them stood looking at the abandoned hulk of humanity that was John Winchester. As they watched, a tear collected in the corner of John's eye and rolled down the seamed cheek, losing itself in the dirty white of his beard. "You weren't there for him, Dean. You couldn't help him when the time came."
Alex turned. "Come on. We don't have much time, and there's a lot to show you." He gripped Dean's hand again and tugged him along as they left the yard behind. As they rounded the corner, there was a vacant lot beside Missouri's house and standing there, a sagging, rusted heap, the snow collecting on it helping to make it less of an eyestore, stood a '67 Impala that had once been black. It was rusted through in places. Many of the parts had been taken - it stood on blocks because the wheels were gone, and it had obviously been used for target practice by kids, because the windshield was broken. "Once John didn't need it any more, it was allowed to fall into disrepair."
"No, this is not happening," Dean pulled his hand away and backed up. "This... Dad would never let this car fall into this... this condition. He would have given it to Sammy. This car..." Dean walked around it, his face full of sadness. "This is a bunch of bunk," Dean looked over the car at his one time lover.
"Alas, it's all too true, love," murmured Alex, following him. "But you mention your brother. We'll go look in on him shortly, but first, there's someone else I want you to see." Alex checked his watch and reached for Dean's hand again. "If we leave right now, we should get there right on time."
The snow swirled about them as Alex tugged Dean along after him, and when it cleared, the two of them were standing in a dirty back alleyway in a grey and faceless neighborhood. "This is Omaha," said Alex, softly. There was no snow here, but the cold was fierce and biting. As the two men stood looking on, a drunk appeared, clutching a bottle in a brown paper bag. "Ah, here he is," Alex announced. "Recognize him?"
Dean watched the scene unfold before him, and he shook his head, "That's not possible, Pastor Jim doesn't drink. What does this have to do with me not being around? This some kind of sick, ‘Wonderful Life,’ shit? This is all bull. He was devoted to his faith and... and... I didn't do anything to keep him with it. He was a damn fine hunter. And even if he hadn't gotten involved with our family, how would that change him into this?" Dean jerked away from Alex, deeply distressed.
"That's easy." Alex leant against the graphitized wall and folded his arms. "You see, way back, when Dean Winchester was just a little boy, he lost his momma, and one of the really terrible things about how he lost her was that he saw what happened to her. For almost a year, he didn't speak to anyone - nobody - not his dad, not anyone. His Dad at that time was really in a bad place, and he'd gone to stay with his old buddy from Nam. Now Jim was a preacher, but he'd suffered a severe loss of faith after his stint in Viet Nam. Still he set to and began to try and salvage the little boy that was so locked in from the shock of his mommy's death, and he started to understand his true calling through that little guy. When little Dean asked him how he could even begin to believe in anything good, knowing that such bad things could happen, it caused him to search his soul, and he rediscovered his faith." Alex raised his eyebrows at Dean. "Too bad there was no sad little Dean here for him, isn't it."
Dean shook his head, "No, I don't believe it. Why don't you just leave me alone?" Dean looked around and felt the urge to run, or pull his gun and start shooting. Screaming. His features set in anger. His jaw tight. "Take me back! None of this is true, because nobody gave a damn what I wanted! What I needed! What I cared about!"
"I did," whispered Alex. "I still do." He reached for Dean and pulled him in close. "You haven't seen everything yet, love. There's one more person we didn't check out." He kissed Dean's forehead and ran his hand over his back, caressing and soothing. "Believe it or not, Dean Winchester, your life has meant so much to so many others that it's just incredible that you don't believe it." He smiled. "I'd show you Cassie, but she's dead. You weren't there to save her, and she was hit by a big, black truck one evening as she was on her way home."
Dean suddenly didn't have the energy to fight Alex off. It was as if it had all drained from him, and his body sagged in Alex's arms. "Then why did they treat me the way they did? Why didn't they show it? Just tell me." He swallowed down tears, blinked them back as he pushed away from Alex. "I gave up everything. I did everything that was asked of me. Didn't make a difference."
"Sweetheart, there's one person that's out looking for you now. He's starting to panic, because he thinks that you've gone and left him for good now." Alex cupped Dean's chin and turned his face to his own, pressing a kiss to the soft mouth. "Don't you want to see what happened to your little brother, when he had to grow up without your love?"
Dean looked down, "Didn't bother him so much when he left me. Just up and left. Didn't leave a note. Just walked off, for a third time." Dean pulled back from Alex. It was as if he was saying he didn't deserve to be held or kissed like that, even if he wanted it.
"After he found out what Dad had told me... I felt tired. Didn't feel like going on. And not just because of Dad." Dean gave a pained laugh. "Dad," He looked up at the sky and stood there as snow landed gently upon his face and lashes. "You know not once did he ever call me son. And then he gave up his life for me as if it would make it all better. Hell, he probably did it all for Sam. Everything was always about Sam. Then Dad left that... that weight and responsibility on me... When I told Sam... Poof! He left in the middle of the night. So you are gonna stand there and tell me he's all worried about his big brother, because every fucking thing in my life has always - ALWAYS - been about him. Every damn thing I did. Every night I held him when he was scared. Bandaged him up. Fixed him dinner. Hell, Alex, you were the only one who even gave a damn. You were the only one who even thought about me, Dean Winchester, and now you’re gone. So what is there to live for?"
"I'm not gone, baby," whispered Alex, reaching out and drawing Dean close again as he watched snowflakes settle against his hair. "I'm here, and I'll always be with you. You were the most meaningful thing in my life, and I want to see you succeed. I want to see you beat the bad guys." He gave a sigh and smiled at Dean, reaching to brush a flake from his cheek. "Your dad loved you enough that he couldn't bear to see you die before your time, Dean, and maybe he was wrong in what he did, but he loved you. As for your brother, I know how much he loves you. I love you too, but that probably doesn't mean as much to you."
"I'm tired," Dean whispered. "I'm tired of this weight." He’d kept his eyes cast down at the chest before him, but now Dean slowly lifted his eyes. "It does, Alex. Because you are the only person that's... that ever put me first, alive or dead."
For a long time, Alex didn't speak, but merely continued to hold Dean, offering him whatever comfort he could. "Believe me, if I could come back and be with you, I would do that. You meant more to me than anyone, ever." He sighed softly and pressed his cheek against Dean's. "But don't discount your brother, love. He had growing up to do, and I think that you'll find he's changed a lot in the last year or so."
"I know he has, and in some ways, he hasn't changed," Dean sighed, leaning heavily into Alex. "I... I miss my dad. I'm not taking it very well, Alex. I'm tail spinning. I don't know... I don't know what to do any more. I mean... I know how to do my job but..." He finally lifted his arms and wrapped them around Alex.
"You've had a lot to carry, love." Alex held him tighter, if that were possible. "And you do it incredibly well, but even you can't do it all alone. Trust your brother; that's the best advice I can possibly give you. He loves you more than anything, and he's just about finished coming to terms with who he is." For a few moments more, Alex held Dean in silence, and then he bent his head and kissed his distressed charge, softly at first, lips brushing, tongue sneaking between to taste. "Sam's realized that he can't ever be your average Joe, and now that he's on the same page as you, he'll stick like glue."
Dean turned his head, taking the soft touch of lips, feeling his fingers tighten in the clothing Alex wore. He studied him, "I think it was much better when he was an average Joe." He suddenly surged in and kissed Alex more deeply, pressing their bodies together so tightly. "I miss you so much."
"You've got to know that I'm here, watching over everything that you do from now on, and I won't let anything bad happen to you." Alex smiled gently and leant forward to accept the kisses Dean was offering. "As you can tell, I'm not your average angel," he murmured and closed his eyes as he pressed his mouth hard against Dean's, his tongue stealing into Dean's mouth to curl against silken tissue. "You'll be safe, as long as you can keep fighting. Don't give up; that's all I need."
Dean ran his hands over Alex's back, pressing them closer, "I won't, if you don't give up on me." He buried his face in Alex's neck, "Will you help me find my brother? Since the lame-ass bolted on me."
"Yeah, I'll do that. You'll see him again pretty soon, sweetheart," said Alex, without moving his lips away from Dean's. "It's not going to take too much longer, before you and Sam will be able to overcome your challenges and start to relax again." He stared into Dean's eyes, trying to see if his words were helping. Dean looked desolate, and Alex's heart clenched. He closed his eyes, kissed the possibility of his angelic future goodbye and decided that an eternity in limbo would be worth it, if he could make this unhappy young man smile. Slipping his hand up under Dean's T-shirt, he began to roll a nipple between his finger and thumb as he captured the man's lush mouth in a kiss that was as deep and passionate as he could make it.
Dean felt close to tears. He didn't like to show emotions, but here, with Alex, he felt almost as if the weight placed upon him by his father had been lifted for just a moment. He felt like he was able to breathe at last. His chest didn't feel as tight. He had lifted his green eyes to gaze at Alex, but now they drifted closed as that passionate kiss was bestowed on him. Dean didn't get gifts very often.
He suddenly pulled back, pulling Alex's hand away from him, "No, Alex, we can't. I..." Dean held Alex's hand, "I want you to get your wings. You deserve happiness as much as anyone. You, you were good to me. You gave me something I felt I never had from my own family - love." He moved back in. "I want you to watch over me. I want to know someone will be watching out for me for a change." He sighed softly, "I miss you so much. If I knew when your birthday was, I'd... light a candle for you at your grave. The bastards didn't mark your grave, but I did." He gave a little half smile as he remembered.
"Course we can! Hey, dude, I'm an angel. I get to make executive decisions, you know, and I've decided that I'm always gonna be here, watching over you. Doesn't matter if I get the wings and the harp and whatever the other shit they dish out or not, because I'm always gonna be at your shoulder, taking care of you." Alex smiled a very watery smile and laced his fingers through Dean's. ""Now come on; I've been saving the best 'til last. Don't you want to see what became of your sweet Sammy, when he grew up without you?"
Dean frowned, "Not really. He is probably happier. At least he didn't wash his hair in Nair." He sighed then gave a nod. "Okay." Dean had a feeling inside him that if everything else had been bad, this was gonna be a whole lot worse.
"Come on, sweetheart." Alex towed Dean back into the swirling curtain of snow and brought them out again at a location that Dean recognized almost immediately as the Roadhouse. The building had been pretty ramshackle in Dean's timeline, but here it looked derelict. Windows were boarded up, and there were holes in the wall that had been patched over with plywood. "He's inside," murmured Alex, and was about to cross the parking lot to go in, when there was a rustle beside them and a party of men, looking serious, guns shouldered and stern expressions on their faces, became apparent. It seemed as if they were hunting something as they stole up to the dilapidated building, and Alex nodded. "Yeah, I think we got here in time to see your brother's last stand. The hunters have been looking for him for a long time."
Dean jumped when he heard the noise from the brush, and he darted his eyes toward the roadhouse. "NO! That's my brother!" He started to rush forward. "You can't let them do this. Not to Sammy." He started toward the Roadhouse. "SAMMY!"
"Hold on, Dean." Alex grabbed Dean's shoulder and pulled him back. "He can't hear you, and that's a good thing in this case." He pulled Dean around to face him. "This isn't your Sammy, love. This isn't anyone you want to get to know. When you died in the fire, John was a little slow to get your brother out, and he was burned. He grew up lonely and ugly, and when he was in his early twenties, the Demon came to call on him." Alex caressed Dean's cheek and paused, compassion written on his features. "This Sam is a willing vehicle for the demon. He's nothing you could possibly love, and all because his big brother wasn't there to give him the love you gave your brother."
Dean shook his head and looked back, "No..." he whispered out, helpless to do anything to save his brother. He looked back, "He's still MY brother. He's still Sammy to me. Even now I... I can't watch him die. I can't."
"There's nothing you can do, love. We aren't really there - we're just observing from the sidelines." At that moment, there was a roar, and a huge, misshapen creature raced out of the building. As the hunters began to fire their guns, Alex grabbed hold of Dean and pulled him back in behind the curtain of swirling snow. "Do you believe now that you've had an effect? Can you see now how much you've accomplished already? All of those people are far better off for knowing you. Just think how much they still need you, and reconsider, please."
Dean swallowed hard and nodded. "But... but why, Alex? Why did they have to treat me like they did? A little thanks from Dad would have been nice. Him to at least call me son. For Sam to just... stop being so selfish. Why do I have to bear all the weight?"
"I don't know the answer to that, baby," murmured Alex, once again pulling Dean against him. "All I know is that you will get the things you want most, if you can hang in for a little while longer, and that I won't stop making sure that you're safe, because I love you and it makes me happy to see you happy." He kissed the tip of Dean's nose. "And I am so going to hell for the things I'm thinking, so you might as well put out and make it worth my while."
"I want my dad back. Do you think that will ever happen?" Dean asked with a blink of tear-ridden eyes. He shook his head, "I don't want you to go to hell, how are you gonna watch over me if you do?" he asked. "Is there someone I can ask for you?"
"Told you, love; I'm not going to leave you. A guardian angel takes his job really seriously, and I'm yours. You're stuck with me, I'm afraid." Frowning, Alex considered. "I don't quite know how we could get your dad back, but I'll talk to the powers that be." He kissed Dean again, tongue licking into his mouth as he allowed his eyes to fall closed. "You deserve a reward or two."
Dean parted his lips, gripping Alex tighter. "So do you," he breathed. "Alex," Dean ran his hand through Alex’s hair, his eyes catching sight of the ring Alex had given him. "Xander…?" He rested his forehead against Alex’s. "You think we can... you know...? God, I miss you." He closed his eyes, trembling.
The answer Alex gave him was without words, but quite unmistakable. One hand cupped the back of Dean's head to pull him into a long, tender kiss, and the other slid down between them to cup his groin and squeeze gently. "I want you so badly at the moment, love, you have no idea." He fumbled at the button and zipper that held Dean's jeans together, and once they were parted he slipped his hand inside to find and hold Dean's firm cock. "So just try and stop me, and see what happens."
Dean moaned into the kiss, and, if anything, he gripped Alex tighter. He wrapped his arms around the apprentice angel more tightly. "I won't stop you," Dean managed to mumble. He slipped his hands down to cup Alex's ass, giving it a squeeze as he surrendered himself to his lover's mouth and felt a whimper leave him as his hips bucked into that waiting, wanting hand.
"Just goes to show you that true love does last beyond the grave," mumbled Alex, between kisses. He lowered Dean onto his back, and the snow seemed to take on the warmth and softness of feathers as Alex slid down his body to take the juicy, leaking erection between his lips. He began to suck it, eyes never leaving Dean's face as he drew it in and out of his mouth. "We'll be together, love, some day, because you and I were created to be that way, and one way or another I'll always find you."
Dean felt like he was in some kind of dream. He’d been standing, but suddenly he was looking up at the snow that was falling as if in slow motion, and what he’d thought ought to be cold under him felt like warm soft feathers. He lifted his head to gaze down into another set of green eyes. He moaned then gasped as Alex took him in.
The snow seemed to fall all around them but not on them. Alex fumbled with his own clothing as he sucked at Dean, pulling his pants open and pushing down his denims until they reached his knees, leaving his mid-section bare. "You want a piece of my heavenly ass?" he said, grinning. "It's been a while, but I think I still remember how to do it."
Dean shook his head, swallowing hard. "No, I want you, in me. I want to remember how you feel." He pulled Alex up to him, kissing him, his own legs parting to wrap around Alex's waist. "I want to feel your heavenly body over me and in me. Please, Alex," Dean rarely begged, but he was begging now, because he was already broken and shattered. This man, this angel, was going to put him back together again with his love and warmth and help him to go on.
"I can do that," said Alex, his expression at once solemn and loving. "And the benefit of being dead is that I won't give you any diseases." Alex slid along Dean's body once more, rising up until he could capture Dean's beautiful mouth and ravage it, sucking on his tongue and moaning softly at the taste and feel. He scrabbled at Dean's pants, pushing them down out of the way and ran his fingers down the crevice between his lover's ass cheeks, smiling against the lush lips as he found and rimmed Dean with his finger.
Dean groaned deeply, his body writhing under Alex's. He gave as good as he got, sucking in return and drinking his flavor down. He had a wild fantasy that Alex almost tasted like cookies - the home baked cookies mom had made when she was alive, and which Dean missed and adored. With some help, he got his pants down, his boot taken off and one leg out. Forget the other, he wanted - needed this. He arched his back with a hiss as Alex started to rim him. "Ahhh, Christ, that is... I missed you." He bit at Alex’s neck, burying his face there.
Alex moved a little so that he could gain a better angle on the little pucker he was stroking. "Oh, jeez, you look as though you're lost, Dean. Your face… you're beautiful." Making his decision, Alex grabbed Dean's knee and lifted it over his shoulder and then moved so that he could cover him and get into the right position. "You're such a perfect fit," he whispered, pushing into Dean a little deeper and a little harder with each flex of his hips, his eyes riveted to Dean's face. "Perfect, just like you, sweetheart..." His eyes didn't leave Dean's face, because despite his confident appearance, he was half expecting to be banished into purgatory for the next millennium. "There was never anyone else for me, after I found you."
"I am..." Dean shivered as his knee was lifted up over Alex's shoulder, opening him up even more. "Lost without you. Lost without Dad. Lost without Sammy." Dean let out a little cry as he was stretched and breached. His fingers dug into Alex's arms, trembling as he was being spread further open.
Locking his eyes with Alex, Dean found his own glistening with tears. "I... I love you, Xander." He reached up to pull him down to him to kiss, opening his mouth to Alex, drinking in the lover he missed so much.
There was no need for further words between them. Mouth locked to mouth, Alex pressed inside Dean, holding him so tightly that he feared that there would be bruises on his lover's hips afterwards. The sweet sensations he remembered from when he was human returned to Alex for the first time since his death. He moaned against Dean's tongue, feeling his balls press against Dean's ass as he finally sank in as far as he could go. Dean was tight and sweet, and Alex could feel the clinging suction each time he moved inside him. "I wish we could have this forever," he murmured at last. "I wouldn't want anything else except to love you like this."
Alex was deep and tight within Dean. He could feel every movement of Alex within him and it was stealing his breath away. "So do I," Dean admitted. He could feel his legs trembling against Alex's body. Alex had always known just how to work him. He bit his bottom lip at the corner, and his eyes fluttered from one hard thrust, but really all he could think about was that he hoped they would forgive his lover, and understand, and know that this was truly helping Dean to go on. To keep going with his mission even though he felt more than just lost.
Every thrust, every sweet slide home inside Dean sent more bliss through Alex. He couldn't take his eyes from his lover's face, couldn't stop fucking him, loving him and mumbling words that he would later reflect were probably bad things for an angel to say. "God, you feel so good! Jesus, fuck, yes!"
He moved slowly, every flex of his hips controlled, calculated to give Dean the most pleasure possible, and in turn he received it, feeling the clasp of Dean's ass to his slick skin in shivery delight. He gazed, delighted, into Dean's eyes, the pupils wide and blackened with desire now, and had to kiss his lush, kiss-swollen mouth. "Always, Dean," he murmured softly. "Live for me, and we'll see about being together for always."
Dean nodded, "For... for you. I'll live. As long as you love me, I will." Dean groaned and leaned up, kissing him again as he tried to lock his legs behind his lover. Alex's cock filled him so perfectly. He didn't want this moment to end. He didn't want to go back where he wasn't wanted. But he knew he had to. For Sammy, for Alex.
The snow swirled around them, never touching them. Alex rode the love he felt for Dean as he sank deep inside him, wanting to give him the strength to carry on, to get past the dreadful obstacles he faced. Their bodies merged, pleasure feeding off pleasure until he thought that this was the most important thing he could ever give.
It had to end, and he knew he couldn't keep them there in limbo forever, and almost with regret he began to speed up, to reach for Dean's cock and stroke it, and to ready them both for coming.
Dean let out a whimper at the faster speed and another at the touch to his cock. Fingers gripped tighter to Alex's arms, and he squeezed Alex's cock in him as if that would slow him down, although it only seemed to add to deeper pleasure. Dean could feel the air rushing from him with each stroke. Alex was moving faster and stronger, his thrusts working with the hand around his cock. Dean bucked, letting out grunts and moans, letting Alex know how much he liked this. Loved him. And almost before he knew it, he tensed and felt his release drive through him with incredible force.
The sight of Dean coming apart, giving it up for him, made Alex shiver. He bit his lip, desperately trying to keep it together, but after a couple more minutes he felt himself losing control, and in another second or two he gave in and allowed the hot tide of pleasure to take him and send him spinning, whimpering until he finally collapsed on Dean's chest. "Jesus!" he whispered fervently. "Although I don't suppose that I am really allowed to say that." He laid his head down on Dean's shoulder. "But I love you; love that."
Dean clung to Alex tightly, his eyes glistening with tears. "I love you too, Alex. I don't feel as alone when I'm with you." He leaned in and kissed him softly. "This will be over soon, won't it? Will I remember it?"
"I hope so, love," smirked Alex. "I'd hate to think that my technique was that bad." Dean's woebegone face gave him a pang, but he knew that the only way to help his unhappy lover was to end this and send him back in the real world. "I'm going to be with you from now on. You may not see me very often, but you'll know I'm there when you need me." Alex pressed a final kiss onto his lover's lips and sat up, holding out his hand to help Dean get up and dressed again.
Dean dressed slowly. He was zipping his pants up when he looked up under his lashes at Alex. "Alex, will you also... help me look after my brother?"
"I'll do what it takes to get the job done, love. As long as I've got your back, you'll have exactly what you need." Alex gave Dean an encouraging smile and cupped his cheek, his thumb stroking over Dean's lush lower lip. "And your brother is safe. He'll come back to you soon. He's scared for you, which is why he's gone alone to do what he's doing."
Dean sighed softly, relieved to hear Sam was okay. "I'm more scared for him." Dean was able to admit things to Alex that he just couldn't to Sam. "What dad said about him... the way that demon comes after him. I can't lose him. He's all I have left, Alex."
""You won't lose him, love, but he's gone to find some of the other children like him, and he knows that you're vulnerable to them, so he wanted to keep you out of the way until he gets more of an idea about what they can do." Alex laced his fingers through Dean's again, and the two of them began to walk. "Right now, the Demon is planning. He won't come for Sam or the others 'til he's ready, so you have time to regroup. You need to rest, because I'm not gonna fool you; once he's ready, it's gonna get hairy."
Dean nodded, "I'm supposed to protect him, not the other way around," Dean mumbled as he walked. But in a way he understood and just hoped he would be able to find Sam once he returned. "When he is ready, we'll be ready."
"Yeah, you will, love - and you'll win; I know you will, because you're you, and the two of you are the best there ever will be at what you do." Alex winked at Dean. "Now brace yourself, because I have to take you back. It's cold, so button up."
Dean nodded because he was ready. He had already decided, he was going to hunt Sam down. What he would do to him once he found him he hadn't decided, but he was going to do something. Let Sam know he couldn't just leave him like that again. "Alex," He paused a moment then grabbed him and kissed him deeply. "You do know I love you. I always will."
"And you know that I love you too." Alex said, cupping Dean's cheek and bending forward to kiss him one last time. The snow was swirling again as they moved forward, and Alex reluctantly stepped through into the world Dean had left a little earlier, leading his lover, knowing that this was their last moment together. "Stay strong, love," he whispered. "You're going to get what you need to go on; I'll make sure of that."
Dean felt warm, loved, and as he walked with Alex beside him, he felt Alex's hand fade from his. He raised his hand, finding it empty except for the ring Alex had given him that he never took off. He looked up, "Thank you, Alex love. I hope you do get your wings. You deserve them." He glanced back over the bridge, and then headed for his car. It was time to track down Sam.
Alex remained in the vicinity, watching Dean, a fond smile on his face. Sam would be calling him any moment, he knew, and Dean would go on. He'd succeeded in saving his love, and he could relax.
"That was a little unorthodox, don't you think?" His superior stepped out of the swirling snow to stand at Alex's shoulder and watch with him as the subject of their discussion hurried back to the warmth and comfort of his motel room. Effortlessly the two of them followed him as Alex turned to give John Winchester a slight smile.
"It worked, didn't it?" he asked, shaking his head. "I love him. You know that."
"Yeah. That's why I sent you after him. I don't think that I could have saved him, because I couldn't have done what you did for him." John smiled as they watched Dean answering the phone and saw his face light up. "You've got your wings, okay? Just take care of him for both of us, yes?"
"You got it, sir," nodded Alex and as he turned back to his newly appointed duty, he felt the tingling at his back as his wings finally began to unfurl.
Rated: NC-17 for hot boysex.
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Alex Krycek
Spoilers: Vague for the X-Files “Existence”
Warning: Slash.
Disclaimer: Dean and his family belong to Eric Kripke and Supernatural, and Alex belongs to Chris Carter and the X-Files. We own nothing. We are doing this for love and not money.
Author’s notes: We love Dean and Alex, and felt that Hunter and Hunted needed one more little piece. We hated leaving Dean so sad, so here we go…
The quoted song is “Wonderful Life,” by Black.
The beautiful icon is by art_of_mayhem.
Word Count: 7,310
Look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
Dean walked along the path down to the bridge and paused next to the railing, looking and feeling more lost than he ever had in his life. Sam was gone. Vanished. Sam had left him, and now he was alone out there. Dean felt as if he had failed his father in his promise to keep an eye upon his little brother. Now he stood at the cold railing, snow falling around him, and gazed into the water that ran below. In the low light of the night, the water was dark and murky, but the snow glistened under the moon.
"I'm sorry, Dad," Dean whispered. "I'm sorry I failed you." He sighed, blinking for a long time as if to stave off the tears that showed when at last he opened his eyes. He looked up, his bottom lip trembling. "You're probably wishing about now I was never born. Hell, I wish I was never born myself. I've done nothing but cause heartache. I've failed you; failed Sammy; failed everything in my life."
He looked down over the edge of the bridge into the water again, "How easy it would be..." he breathed.
~~~~~~~oo(O)oo~~~~~~~
"See? There he is now." The blonde angel in the slinky white satin dress pointed one pale graceful finger to indicate the young man in the battered brown leather jacket and then turned to survey her companion. "He's never been so miserable, and he's desperately needed in the battle to come. It's up to you to get him over this period of doubt and uncertainty and get him back on track. Do you think you're up to it?"
She didn't give him time to reply. Instead, she spread her white, fluffy wings. "I don't know. I don't think you should be trusted with something this delicate. That young man down there is in dire straits. Maybe we ought to let someone with a little more experience handle things. It's not as if you come from particularly angelic stock, is it?"
"Shut up!" The blonde angel's companion was dark, with dangerous green eyes and a menacing air about him. "It's my one chance to get my wings, and besides..." He looked at the young man gazing morosely into the water, and a faint smile crept across his features. "I have a vested interest in this case."
"Oh, very well; I'll leave you to it," she huffed. "But you'll be watched every step of the way. He's far too precious for you to fail."
"Good." The apprentice angel made a gesture that was very close to being insolent and turned to go to the young man, slowly morphing into being behind him and stepping forward to lay a hand on his shoulder. "Hello, Dean."
Dean jumped, spinning around quickly and drawing his gun. What he saw had him stumbling back then tripping, falling back in the snow. "Alex?" He furrowed his brow, and then suddenly trained his gun more accurately at the newcomer. "You... you're dead! What the hell are you doing here?" He scurried back across the newly fallen snow. "I swear, you come to haunt me, and..."
"Tsk, tsk... would I do that?" Alex Krycek put his hands on his hips and surveyed Dean, his lips pursed. "I'm not gonna haunt you, precisely. I've been sent to help you, kiddo; this is your lucky break! I'm your guardian angel." He reached forward to offer his hand to Dean, making a show of helping him up and dusting the snow off him, especially off his butt, which was tightly encased in faded denim, as usual. "And I gotta tell you, you've improved with age. Look at you!"
Dean just stared at Alex with his mouth open, letting him dust him off, letting him appear to feel him up. "Help me? My guardian angel?" He rolled his eyes and pushed his gun back in his pants, pulling his jacket around him once more. "I've also gotten more... cynical. What does Sam call it? Out of control. Reckless. I'm tailspinning? Your friends up there tell you about that?" He glared at Alex suddenly as if remembering to be angry and snapped, "Leave me alone. I don't need a guardian angel. Nobody needs me." Then he turned, shoved his hands deep into his pockets and started to walk away.
"Hey, come on back here!" Alex reached, his very real left hand gripped Dean's shoulder and tugged him gently round and into Alex's embrace. "You don't know how wrong you are. You have no idea just how many people would have lost their way if it hadn't been for you, baby." Alex bent to nuzzle Dean's ear. "But don't take my word for it, love. Come with me and let me show you exactly what I mean."
Dean had stopped at the powerful tug to his shoulder, but then it eased into a gentle turn, and then he was in his one-time lover's arms once again - a lover who had died, and who Dean believed that he had laid to rest. His eyes closed as Alex nuzzled his ear. "Yeah, you would be alive right now." Dean whispered the admission.
Alex released Dean for a moment and grabbed hold of his hand instead. "You'll have to trust me for a few minutes, but I can prove to you that the world is a much better place for you having been in it." He laced his fingers into Dean's and then gave him an encouraging smile and snapped his finger and thumb.
For a moment, it seemed as though the snow ceased to fall, halting in mid air. Then the air around them darkened, and the flakes began whirling around them with redoubled intensity.
Dean gave a little sigh as Alex pulled away from him and started leading him. "What is this? A Christmas Carol?" He stopped, looking about as the snow redoubled in intensity, and he was blinded for a moment. "Xander?"
"Like I said, Dean, you've got to trust me. I'm gonna prove to you just how much of a difference you've made in the world." Alex squeezed Dean's hand and tugged him forward. "And you can forget any guilt about my death, babe. It wasn't your fault that the Assistant Director at the FBI decided that he'd take justice into his own hands. You couldn't have done anything to prevent it." Alex laughed. "In a way, things aren't so bad in the afterlife. The powers that be are attempting to rehabilitate me, and actually it's not too unpleasant going round redressing wrongs. If I can help you, I get my wings and go to join the choir invisible." He made a face as he was speaking. "I'm hoping to at least get to jam with Hendrix, or I'm gonna complain."
Alex urged Dean forward, and together they stepped off the bridge into a world that was thickly white with snow. "Recognize this place?" he asked Dean.
Dean blinked. The snow lay thick, the way it had in winters gone by when he was a kid. He looked about himself and then stopped, "Lawrence. That... that is my house. When I was..." Dean swallowed. Dean looked to Alex, "Why did you bring me here? How the hell did we get here? Don't do this, Alex."
Dean started to back up. "Sam dragged me here last year. I didn't want to come then, and I sure don't want to be here now."
"It's okay, baby. I keep on telling you; you have to trust me." Alex took hold of Dean's hand and tugged him forward, and through into the yard behind the house that Dean recognized as belonging to Missouri. "All right, love, here's the first person you need to consider." Missouri had a long porch at the rear of her house, and it had been glassed in. As Alex led Dean through the snow and up onto the porch, they could both see a wheelchair, and in it, a man, wrapped up against the cold, sagging against the straps that prevented him from falling out of the chair. "See anyone you know?" asked Alex, slipping his arm around Dean.
Dean had been looking everywhere but the house. Missouri could always see right through him. She'd pegged him like no one else could. And she knew how to boss him around, although, secretly, she'd filled that mother need in him in much the same way Ellen did. Missouri was very much like Ellen in fact, but with a harder edge.
When finally his eyes fell upon the man in the chair, Dean’s knees nearly gave. It was his father. "Dad?" He wanted to go inside but all he did was press his hand to the glass. "Why is he in a wheel chair? What happened to him? Wait... my father is dead. He gave his life... for me." Dean looked at Alex.
"Not here, love." Alex smiled at his companion. "In this timeline, you died in the fire that killed your mother, when you were just four years old, and you weren't around to do what you needed to do when the time came." Alex shook his head. "Your dad had to do what he could for your baby brother without your help, and as you can see, that didn't turn out too well."
Alex led Dean up to where his father seemed to doze. "He's still in there, mentally, but he broke his neck in a battle with the demon; since then he's kinda given in. The battle is over for John Winchester, I'm afraid." He looked at Dean and squeezed his hand. "It's perfectly okay. They can't see you or I. We don't belong to this timeline, so you can't affect anything that happens here."
Dean pulled away from Alex, going up to his father. "He seems so... old. Tired." He made as if to reach out and touch him. "No, this is not my dad. He's a fighter. I didn't die in the fire. I had to carry Sammy out. Dad gave him over to me." He looked up at Alex and then turned his head back to his father. "The demon did this to him?"
"You could say that," nodded Alex, his face unreadable as he placed a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder.
Together, the two of them stood looking at the abandoned hulk of humanity that was John Winchester. As they watched, a tear collected in the corner of John's eye and rolled down the seamed cheek, losing itself in the dirty white of his beard. "You weren't there for him, Dean. You couldn't help him when the time came."
Alex turned. "Come on. We don't have much time, and there's a lot to show you." He gripped Dean's hand again and tugged him along as they left the yard behind. As they rounded the corner, there was a vacant lot beside Missouri's house and standing there, a sagging, rusted heap, the snow collecting on it helping to make it less of an eyestore, stood a '67 Impala that had once been black. It was rusted through in places. Many of the parts had been taken - it stood on blocks because the wheels were gone, and it had obviously been used for target practice by kids, because the windshield was broken. "Once John didn't need it any more, it was allowed to fall into disrepair."
"No, this is not happening," Dean pulled his hand away and backed up. "This... Dad would never let this car fall into this... this condition. He would have given it to Sammy. This car..." Dean walked around it, his face full of sadness. "This is a bunch of bunk," Dean looked over the car at his one time lover.
"Alas, it's all too true, love," murmured Alex, following him. "But you mention your brother. We'll go look in on him shortly, but first, there's someone else I want you to see." Alex checked his watch and reached for Dean's hand again. "If we leave right now, we should get there right on time."
The snow swirled about them as Alex tugged Dean along after him, and when it cleared, the two of them were standing in a dirty back alleyway in a grey and faceless neighborhood. "This is Omaha," said Alex, softly. There was no snow here, but the cold was fierce and biting. As the two men stood looking on, a drunk appeared, clutching a bottle in a brown paper bag. "Ah, here he is," Alex announced. "Recognize him?"
Dean watched the scene unfold before him, and he shook his head, "That's not possible, Pastor Jim doesn't drink. What does this have to do with me not being around? This some kind of sick, ‘Wonderful Life,’ shit? This is all bull. He was devoted to his faith and... and... I didn't do anything to keep him with it. He was a damn fine hunter. And even if he hadn't gotten involved with our family, how would that change him into this?" Dean jerked away from Alex, deeply distressed.
"That's easy." Alex leant against the graphitized wall and folded his arms. "You see, way back, when Dean Winchester was just a little boy, he lost his momma, and one of the really terrible things about how he lost her was that he saw what happened to her. For almost a year, he didn't speak to anyone - nobody - not his dad, not anyone. His Dad at that time was really in a bad place, and he'd gone to stay with his old buddy from Nam. Now Jim was a preacher, but he'd suffered a severe loss of faith after his stint in Viet Nam. Still he set to and began to try and salvage the little boy that was so locked in from the shock of his mommy's death, and he started to understand his true calling through that little guy. When little Dean asked him how he could even begin to believe in anything good, knowing that such bad things could happen, it caused him to search his soul, and he rediscovered his faith." Alex raised his eyebrows at Dean. "Too bad there was no sad little Dean here for him, isn't it."
Dean shook his head, "No, I don't believe it. Why don't you just leave me alone?" Dean looked around and felt the urge to run, or pull his gun and start shooting. Screaming. His features set in anger. His jaw tight. "Take me back! None of this is true, because nobody gave a damn what I wanted! What I needed! What I cared about!"
"I did," whispered Alex. "I still do." He reached for Dean and pulled him in close. "You haven't seen everything yet, love. There's one more person we didn't check out." He kissed Dean's forehead and ran his hand over his back, caressing and soothing. "Believe it or not, Dean Winchester, your life has meant so much to so many others that it's just incredible that you don't believe it." He smiled. "I'd show you Cassie, but she's dead. You weren't there to save her, and she was hit by a big, black truck one evening as she was on her way home."
Dean suddenly didn't have the energy to fight Alex off. It was as if it had all drained from him, and his body sagged in Alex's arms. "Then why did they treat me the way they did? Why didn't they show it? Just tell me." He swallowed down tears, blinked them back as he pushed away from Alex. "I gave up everything. I did everything that was asked of me. Didn't make a difference."
"Sweetheart, there's one person that's out looking for you now. He's starting to panic, because he thinks that you've gone and left him for good now." Alex cupped Dean's chin and turned his face to his own, pressing a kiss to the soft mouth. "Don't you want to see what happened to your little brother, when he had to grow up without your love?"
Dean looked down, "Didn't bother him so much when he left me. Just up and left. Didn't leave a note. Just walked off, for a third time." Dean pulled back from Alex. It was as if he was saying he didn't deserve to be held or kissed like that, even if he wanted it.
"After he found out what Dad had told me... I felt tired. Didn't feel like going on. And not just because of Dad." Dean gave a pained laugh. "Dad," He looked up at the sky and stood there as snow landed gently upon his face and lashes. "You know not once did he ever call me son. And then he gave up his life for me as if it would make it all better. Hell, he probably did it all for Sam. Everything was always about Sam. Then Dad left that... that weight and responsibility on me... When I told Sam... Poof! He left in the middle of the night. So you are gonna stand there and tell me he's all worried about his big brother, because every fucking thing in my life has always - ALWAYS - been about him. Every damn thing I did. Every night I held him when he was scared. Bandaged him up. Fixed him dinner. Hell, Alex, you were the only one who even gave a damn. You were the only one who even thought about me, Dean Winchester, and now you’re gone. So what is there to live for?"
"I'm not gone, baby," whispered Alex, reaching out and drawing Dean close again as he watched snowflakes settle against his hair. "I'm here, and I'll always be with you. You were the most meaningful thing in my life, and I want to see you succeed. I want to see you beat the bad guys." He gave a sigh and smiled at Dean, reaching to brush a flake from his cheek. "Your dad loved you enough that he couldn't bear to see you die before your time, Dean, and maybe he was wrong in what he did, but he loved you. As for your brother, I know how much he loves you. I love you too, but that probably doesn't mean as much to you."
"I'm tired," Dean whispered. "I'm tired of this weight." He’d kept his eyes cast down at the chest before him, but now Dean slowly lifted his eyes. "It does, Alex. Because you are the only person that's... that ever put me first, alive or dead."
For a long time, Alex didn't speak, but merely continued to hold Dean, offering him whatever comfort he could. "Believe me, if I could come back and be with you, I would do that. You meant more to me than anyone, ever." He sighed softly and pressed his cheek against Dean's. "But don't discount your brother, love. He had growing up to do, and I think that you'll find he's changed a lot in the last year or so."
"I know he has, and in some ways, he hasn't changed," Dean sighed, leaning heavily into Alex. "I... I miss my dad. I'm not taking it very well, Alex. I'm tail spinning. I don't know... I don't know what to do any more. I mean... I know how to do my job but..." He finally lifted his arms and wrapped them around Alex.
"You've had a lot to carry, love." Alex held him tighter, if that were possible. "And you do it incredibly well, but even you can't do it all alone. Trust your brother; that's the best advice I can possibly give you. He loves you more than anything, and he's just about finished coming to terms with who he is." For a few moments more, Alex held Dean in silence, and then he bent his head and kissed his distressed charge, softly at first, lips brushing, tongue sneaking between to taste. "Sam's realized that he can't ever be your average Joe, and now that he's on the same page as you, he'll stick like glue."
Dean turned his head, taking the soft touch of lips, feeling his fingers tighten in the clothing Alex wore. He studied him, "I think it was much better when he was an average Joe." He suddenly surged in and kissed Alex more deeply, pressing their bodies together so tightly. "I miss you so much."
"You've got to know that I'm here, watching over everything that you do from now on, and I won't let anything bad happen to you." Alex smiled gently and leant forward to accept the kisses Dean was offering. "As you can tell, I'm not your average angel," he murmured and closed his eyes as he pressed his mouth hard against Dean's, his tongue stealing into Dean's mouth to curl against silken tissue. "You'll be safe, as long as you can keep fighting. Don't give up; that's all I need."
Dean ran his hands over Alex's back, pressing them closer, "I won't, if you don't give up on me." He buried his face in Alex's neck, "Will you help me find my brother? Since the lame-ass bolted on me."
"Yeah, I'll do that. You'll see him again pretty soon, sweetheart," said Alex, without moving his lips away from Dean's. "It's not going to take too much longer, before you and Sam will be able to overcome your challenges and start to relax again." He stared into Dean's eyes, trying to see if his words were helping. Dean looked desolate, and Alex's heart clenched. He closed his eyes, kissed the possibility of his angelic future goodbye and decided that an eternity in limbo would be worth it, if he could make this unhappy young man smile. Slipping his hand up under Dean's T-shirt, he began to roll a nipple between his finger and thumb as he captured the man's lush mouth in a kiss that was as deep and passionate as he could make it.
Dean felt close to tears. He didn't like to show emotions, but here, with Alex, he felt almost as if the weight placed upon him by his father had been lifted for just a moment. He felt like he was able to breathe at last. His chest didn't feel as tight. He had lifted his green eyes to gaze at Alex, but now they drifted closed as that passionate kiss was bestowed on him. Dean didn't get gifts very often.
He suddenly pulled back, pulling Alex's hand away from him, "No, Alex, we can't. I..." Dean held Alex's hand, "I want you to get your wings. You deserve happiness as much as anyone. You, you were good to me. You gave me something I felt I never had from my own family - love." He moved back in. "I want you to watch over me. I want to know someone will be watching out for me for a change." He sighed softly, "I miss you so much. If I knew when your birthday was, I'd... light a candle for you at your grave. The bastards didn't mark your grave, but I did." He gave a little half smile as he remembered.
"Course we can! Hey, dude, I'm an angel. I get to make executive decisions, you know, and I've decided that I'm always gonna be here, watching over you. Doesn't matter if I get the wings and the harp and whatever the other shit they dish out or not, because I'm always gonna be at your shoulder, taking care of you." Alex smiled a very watery smile and laced his fingers through Dean's. ""Now come on; I've been saving the best 'til last. Don't you want to see what became of your sweet Sammy, when he grew up without you?"
Dean frowned, "Not really. He is probably happier. At least he didn't wash his hair in Nair." He sighed then gave a nod. "Okay." Dean had a feeling inside him that if everything else had been bad, this was gonna be a whole lot worse.
"Come on, sweetheart." Alex towed Dean back into the swirling curtain of snow and brought them out again at a location that Dean recognized almost immediately as the Roadhouse. The building had been pretty ramshackle in Dean's timeline, but here it looked derelict. Windows were boarded up, and there were holes in the wall that had been patched over with plywood. "He's inside," murmured Alex, and was about to cross the parking lot to go in, when there was a rustle beside them and a party of men, looking serious, guns shouldered and stern expressions on their faces, became apparent. It seemed as if they were hunting something as they stole up to the dilapidated building, and Alex nodded. "Yeah, I think we got here in time to see your brother's last stand. The hunters have been looking for him for a long time."
Dean jumped when he heard the noise from the brush, and he darted his eyes toward the roadhouse. "NO! That's my brother!" He started to rush forward. "You can't let them do this. Not to Sammy." He started toward the Roadhouse. "SAMMY!"
"Hold on, Dean." Alex grabbed Dean's shoulder and pulled him back. "He can't hear you, and that's a good thing in this case." He pulled Dean around to face him. "This isn't your Sammy, love. This isn't anyone you want to get to know. When you died in the fire, John was a little slow to get your brother out, and he was burned. He grew up lonely and ugly, and when he was in his early twenties, the Demon came to call on him." Alex caressed Dean's cheek and paused, compassion written on his features. "This Sam is a willing vehicle for the demon. He's nothing you could possibly love, and all because his big brother wasn't there to give him the love you gave your brother."
Dean shook his head and looked back, "No..." he whispered out, helpless to do anything to save his brother. He looked back, "He's still MY brother. He's still Sammy to me. Even now I... I can't watch him die. I can't."
"There's nothing you can do, love. We aren't really there - we're just observing from the sidelines." At that moment, there was a roar, and a huge, misshapen creature raced out of the building. As the hunters began to fire their guns, Alex grabbed hold of Dean and pulled him back in behind the curtain of swirling snow. "Do you believe now that you've had an effect? Can you see now how much you've accomplished already? All of those people are far better off for knowing you. Just think how much they still need you, and reconsider, please."
Dean swallowed hard and nodded. "But... but why, Alex? Why did they have to treat me like they did? A little thanks from Dad would have been nice. Him to at least call me son. For Sam to just... stop being so selfish. Why do I have to bear all the weight?"
"I don't know the answer to that, baby," murmured Alex, once again pulling Dean against him. "All I know is that you will get the things you want most, if you can hang in for a little while longer, and that I won't stop making sure that you're safe, because I love you and it makes me happy to see you happy." He kissed the tip of Dean's nose. "And I am so going to hell for the things I'm thinking, so you might as well put out and make it worth my while."
"I want my dad back. Do you think that will ever happen?" Dean asked with a blink of tear-ridden eyes. He shook his head, "I don't want you to go to hell, how are you gonna watch over me if you do?" he asked. "Is there someone I can ask for you?"
"Told you, love; I'm not going to leave you. A guardian angel takes his job really seriously, and I'm yours. You're stuck with me, I'm afraid." Frowning, Alex considered. "I don't quite know how we could get your dad back, but I'll talk to the powers that be." He kissed Dean again, tongue licking into his mouth as he allowed his eyes to fall closed. "You deserve a reward or two."
Dean parted his lips, gripping Alex tighter. "So do you," he breathed. "Alex," Dean ran his hand through Alex’s hair, his eyes catching sight of the ring Alex had given him. "Xander…?" He rested his forehead against Alex’s. "You think we can... you know...? God, I miss you." He closed his eyes, trembling.
The answer Alex gave him was without words, but quite unmistakable. One hand cupped the back of Dean's head to pull him into a long, tender kiss, and the other slid down between them to cup his groin and squeeze gently. "I want you so badly at the moment, love, you have no idea." He fumbled at the button and zipper that held Dean's jeans together, and once they were parted he slipped his hand inside to find and hold Dean's firm cock. "So just try and stop me, and see what happens."
Dean moaned into the kiss, and, if anything, he gripped Alex tighter. He wrapped his arms around the apprentice angel more tightly. "I won't stop you," Dean managed to mumble. He slipped his hands down to cup Alex's ass, giving it a squeeze as he surrendered himself to his lover's mouth and felt a whimper leave him as his hips bucked into that waiting, wanting hand.
"Just goes to show you that true love does last beyond the grave," mumbled Alex, between kisses. He lowered Dean onto his back, and the snow seemed to take on the warmth and softness of feathers as Alex slid down his body to take the juicy, leaking erection between his lips. He began to suck it, eyes never leaving Dean's face as he drew it in and out of his mouth. "We'll be together, love, some day, because you and I were created to be that way, and one way or another I'll always find you."
Dean felt like he was in some kind of dream. He’d been standing, but suddenly he was looking up at the snow that was falling as if in slow motion, and what he’d thought ought to be cold under him felt like warm soft feathers. He lifted his head to gaze down into another set of green eyes. He moaned then gasped as Alex took him in.
The snow seemed to fall all around them but not on them. Alex fumbled with his own clothing as he sucked at Dean, pulling his pants open and pushing down his denims until they reached his knees, leaving his mid-section bare. "You want a piece of my heavenly ass?" he said, grinning. "It's been a while, but I think I still remember how to do it."
Dean shook his head, swallowing hard. "No, I want you, in me. I want to remember how you feel." He pulled Alex up to him, kissing him, his own legs parting to wrap around Alex's waist. "I want to feel your heavenly body over me and in me. Please, Alex," Dean rarely begged, but he was begging now, because he was already broken and shattered. This man, this angel, was going to put him back together again with his love and warmth and help him to go on.
"I can do that," said Alex, his expression at once solemn and loving. "And the benefit of being dead is that I won't give you any diseases." Alex slid along Dean's body once more, rising up until he could capture Dean's beautiful mouth and ravage it, sucking on his tongue and moaning softly at the taste and feel. He scrabbled at Dean's pants, pushing them down out of the way and ran his fingers down the crevice between his lover's ass cheeks, smiling against the lush lips as he found and rimmed Dean with his finger.
Dean groaned deeply, his body writhing under Alex's. He gave as good as he got, sucking in return and drinking his flavor down. He had a wild fantasy that Alex almost tasted like cookies - the home baked cookies mom had made when she was alive, and which Dean missed and adored. With some help, he got his pants down, his boot taken off and one leg out. Forget the other, he wanted - needed this. He arched his back with a hiss as Alex started to rim him. "Ahhh, Christ, that is... I missed you." He bit at Alex’s neck, burying his face there.
Alex moved a little so that he could gain a better angle on the little pucker he was stroking. "Oh, jeez, you look as though you're lost, Dean. Your face… you're beautiful." Making his decision, Alex grabbed Dean's knee and lifted it over his shoulder and then moved so that he could cover him and get into the right position. "You're such a perfect fit," he whispered, pushing into Dean a little deeper and a little harder with each flex of his hips, his eyes riveted to Dean's face. "Perfect, just like you, sweetheart..." His eyes didn't leave Dean's face, because despite his confident appearance, he was half expecting to be banished into purgatory for the next millennium. "There was never anyone else for me, after I found you."
"I am..." Dean shivered as his knee was lifted up over Alex's shoulder, opening him up even more. "Lost without you. Lost without Dad. Lost without Sammy." Dean let out a little cry as he was stretched and breached. His fingers dug into Alex's arms, trembling as he was being spread further open.
Locking his eyes with Alex, Dean found his own glistening with tears. "I... I love you, Xander." He reached up to pull him down to him to kiss, opening his mouth to Alex, drinking in the lover he missed so much.
There was no need for further words between them. Mouth locked to mouth, Alex pressed inside Dean, holding him so tightly that he feared that there would be bruises on his lover's hips afterwards. The sweet sensations he remembered from when he was human returned to Alex for the first time since his death. He moaned against Dean's tongue, feeling his balls press against Dean's ass as he finally sank in as far as he could go. Dean was tight and sweet, and Alex could feel the clinging suction each time he moved inside him. "I wish we could have this forever," he murmured at last. "I wouldn't want anything else except to love you like this."
Alex was deep and tight within Dean. He could feel every movement of Alex within him and it was stealing his breath away. "So do I," Dean admitted. He could feel his legs trembling against Alex's body. Alex had always known just how to work him. He bit his bottom lip at the corner, and his eyes fluttered from one hard thrust, but really all he could think about was that he hoped they would forgive his lover, and understand, and know that this was truly helping Dean to go on. To keep going with his mission even though he felt more than just lost.
Every thrust, every sweet slide home inside Dean sent more bliss through Alex. He couldn't take his eyes from his lover's face, couldn't stop fucking him, loving him and mumbling words that he would later reflect were probably bad things for an angel to say. "God, you feel so good! Jesus, fuck, yes!"
He moved slowly, every flex of his hips controlled, calculated to give Dean the most pleasure possible, and in turn he received it, feeling the clasp of Dean's ass to his slick skin in shivery delight. He gazed, delighted, into Dean's eyes, the pupils wide and blackened with desire now, and had to kiss his lush, kiss-swollen mouth. "Always, Dean," he murmured softly. "Live for me, and we'll see about being together for always."
Dean nodded, "For... for you. I'll live. As long as you love me, I will." Dean groaned and leaned up, kissing him again as he tried to lock his legs behind his lover. Alex's cock filled him so perfectly. He didn't want this moment to end. He didn't want to go back where he wasn't wanted. But he knew he had to. For Sammy, for Alex.
The snow swirled around them, never touching them. Alex rode the love he felt for Dean as he sank deep inside him, wanting to give him the strength to carry on, to get past the dreadful obstacles he faced. Their bodies merged, pleasure feeding off pleasure until he thought that this was the most important thing he could ever give.
It had to end, and he knew he couldn't keep them there in limbo forever, and almost with regret he began to speed up, to reach for Dean's cock and stroke it, and to ready them both for coming.
Dean let out a whimper at the faster speed and another at the touch to his cock. Fingers gripped tighter to Alex's arms, and he squeezed Alex's cock in him as if that would slow him down, although it only seemed to add to deeper pleasure. Dean could feel the air rushing from him with each stroke. Alex was moving faster and stronger, his thrusts working with the hand around his cock. Dean bucked, letting out grunts and moans, letting Alex know how much he liked this. Loved him. And almost before he knew it, he tensed and felt his release drive through him with incredible force.
The sight of Dean coming apart, giving it up for him, made Alex shiver. He bit his lip, desperately trying to keep it together, but after a couple more minutes he felt himself losing control, and in another second or two he gave in and allowed the hot tide of pleasure to take him and send him spinning, whimpering until he finally collapsed on Dean's chest. "Jesus!" he whispered fervently. "Although I don't suppose that I am really allowed to say that." He laid his head down on Dean's shoulder. "But I love you; love that."
Dean clung to Alex tightly, his eyes glistening with tears. "I love you too, Alex. I don't feel as alone when I'm with you." He leaned in and kissed him softly. "This will be over soon, won't it? Will I remember it?"
"I hope so, love," smirked Alex. "I'd hate to think that my technique was that bad." Dean's woebegone face gave him a pang, but he knew that the only way to help his unhappy lover was to end this and send him back in the real world. "I'm going to be with you from now on. You may not see me very often, but you'll know I'm there when you need me." Alex pressed a final kiss onto his lover's lips and sat up, holding out his hand to help Dean get up and dressed again.
Dean dressed slowly. He was zipping his pants up when he looked up under his lashes at Alex. "Alex, will you also... help me look after my brother?"
"I'll do what it takes to get the job done, love. As long as I've got your back, you'll have exactly what you need." Alex gave Dean an encouraging smile and cupped his cheek, his thumb stroking over Dean's lush lower lip. "And your brother is safe. He'll come back to you soon. He's scared for you, which is why he's gone alone to do what he's doing."
Dean sighed softly, relieved to hear Sam was okay. "I'm more scared for him." Dean was able to admit things to Alex that he just couldn't to Sam. "What dad said about him... the way that demon comes after him. I can't lose him. He's all I have left, Alex."
""You won't lose him, love, but he's gone to find some of the other children like him, and he knows that you're vulnerable to them, so he wanted to keep you out of the way until he gets more of an idea about what they can do." Alex laced his fingers through Dean's again, and the two of them began to walk. "Right now, the Demon is planning. He won't come for Sam or the others 'til he's ready, so you have time to regroup. You need to rest, because I'm not gonna fool you; once he's ready, it's gonna get hairy."
Dean nodded, "I'm supposed to protect him, not the other way around," Dean mumbled as he walked. But in a way he understood and just hoped he would be able to find Sam once he returned. "When he is ready, we'll be ready."
"Yeah, you will, love - and you'll win; I know you will, because you're you, and the two of you are the best there ever will be at what you do." Alex winked at Dean. "Now brace yourself, because I have to take you back. It's cold, so button up."
Dean nodded because he was ready. He had already decided, he was going to hunt Sam down. What he would do to him once he found him he hadn't decided, but he was going to do something. Let Sam know he couldn't just leave him like that again. "Alex," He paused a moment then grabbed him and kissed him deeply. "You do know I love you. I always will."
"And you know that I love you too." Alex said, cupping Dean's cheek and bending forward to kiss him one last time. The snow was swirling again as they moved forward, and Alex reluctantly stepped through into the world Dean had left a little earlier, leading his lover, knowing that this was their last moment together. "Stay strong, love," he whispered. "You're going to get what you need to go on; I'll make sure of that."
Dean felt warm, loved, and as he walked with Alex beside him, he felt Alex's hand fade from his. He raised his hand, finding it empty except for the ring Alex had given him that he never took off. He looked up, "Thank you, Alex love. I hope you do get your wings. You deserve them." He glanced back over the bridge, and then headed for his car. It was time to track down Sam.
Alex remained in the vicinity, watching Dean, a fond smile on his face. Sam would be calling him any moment, he knew, and Dean would go on. He'd succeeded in saving his love, and he could relax.
"That was a little unorthodox, don't you think?" His superior stepped out of the swirling snow to stand at Alex's shoulder and watch with him as the subject of their discussion hurried back to the warmth and comfort of his motel room. Effortlessly the two of them followed him as Alex turned to give John Winchester a slight smile.
"It worked, didn't it?" he asked, shaking his head. "I love him. You know that."
"Yeah. That's why I sent you after him. I don't think that I could have saved him, because I couldn't have done what you did for him." John smiled as they watched Dean answering the phone and saw his face light up. "You've got your wings, okay? Just take care of him for both of us, yes?"
"You got it, sir," nodded Alex and as he turned back to his newly appointed duty, he felt the tingling at his back as his wings finally began to unfurl.