Forbidden Love
Title: Forbidden Love
Author: dean_itoh
Pairing/Subject: Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: You know that the boys aren't mine~
Summary: Sometimes love is just to let go
Because windy-0809 wants me to tag her (or him?), and I hope this is the right way
The drops of the cold water reached his skin, drenched him, but he couldn’t feel anything. He’s numb. He stood there and didn’t move, under the drops of the cold water in the bathroom. His mind was blank. He couldn’t think anything.
“Let’s end this.”
The words mingled in his head on and on and he couldn’t erase them. His heart ached. It ripped into pieces and he couldn’t put them together again.
“Ryosuke, what are you doing?”
Chinen pulled him from the shower and almost dragged him out of the bathroom. Yuto came with a thick blanket and wrap him before dragged him to the couch.
“What happened?”
Yamada didn’t say anything. He just shook his head, but his stare was blank.
Chinen sighed heavily and took a seat beside him. “You don’t need to hide it anymore, Ryosuke. I know how hurt it is when you should pretend to be okay while you are not okay at all.”
Yamada looked at Chinen and chuckled lightly. “I’m not pretending. I don’t hide anything.”
“We knew it.”
Yamada turned to Yuto and stunned when the taller stared at him intently. His smile lost slowly and he gulped.
“What ..., do you know?”
Chinen smiled and looked at Yuto before turned again to Yamada.
“About you and Yuya.”
Yamada could feel the world had collapsed around him. He could hear the crash around him. He could feel his body was suddenly too light until he couldn’t feel it.
“One day they will know that I’m not playing with my words. One day they will know that you are serious with your words.”
Takaki’s words suddenly rang in his head. Yamada ducked and closed his eyes. He didn’t even try to deny. He knew how smart Chinen was, so it’s useless if he tried to deny it. He kept silent for a moment and didn’t move.
Both Chinen and Yuto didn’t say anything for a while. They just looked at each other, discussed with their eyes what to do next.
Yuto caressed Yamada’s back gently, tried to sooth him. He knew words wouldn’t help him but he needed to say something before his friends thought something fool.
“I don’t mind at all with your relationship.”
Yamada opened his eyes for the words.
“As long as you are happy, I don’t mind you’re dating Yuya.”
Yamada lifted his head and looked at Yuto, and found honesty in his eyes.
“I don’t care even if the world will against me. I will be your shelter forever.”
Chinen took Yamada’s hand and gripped it, made Yamada turned to him. He smiled widely and nodded. “Me too. I’m on your side whatever way you choose.”
The tears suddenly dropped on his cheeks again. “It’s useless now.”
Both Yuto and Chinen looked at each other.
“What do you mean?”
“He gave up.”
Yamada closed his face with his palms and started to sob. Yuto reached for him and embraced him tightly.
“He wants to end everything. He can’t take it anymore. He can’t keep the secret anymore.”
“It’s okay. Perhaps it’s just because he couldn’t think anything. You know, ..., it’s kind of ..., hard ..., for living with a secret, and you have no one to be told. Perhaps Yuya just ..., you know ..., he will be back to you and say sorry.”
Yamada shook his head weakly.
“He never jokes in a serious conversation. He told me many times that we shouldn’t fall for each other, and he asked to end everything now.”
Yuto and Chinen lost their words. They didn’t know what to say. They just sat there, beside Yamada, and kept silent. They looked at each other but couldn’t find any word.
There was a suffocated silent time for a while before Yuto led Yamada to lay on his lap and caressed his head.
“When this started?”
Chinen suddenly turned to Yuto and stared at him intently, silently scolded him for asking the question.
Yamada breathed heavily and closed his eyes. “It’s been years.” He stopped. For a while he just kept silent and didn’t say anything. Once again the tears dropped, but he wiped quickly. “We don’t know how, or when it started. We’ve found the comfort and it’s just flowing like a river. He was there for me, even in his worst time in his life, he was trying hard to be there for me. I just ...” another tear dropped, “I’m too addicted to him. I don’t know what will happen to me if he run away from me. I don’t know what to do if I don’t hear his voice even for one day. I don’t think I can ...”
The sob came back and the other two couldn’t do anything.
Chinen looked away to the large glass window of his apartment and saw the rain was falling down heavily. He suddenly remembered Takaki and a slight of bad thought flashed in his mind.
I wish Inoo-Chan is still with him. I wish he didn’t leave Yuya alone. I wish they reached his home and Inoo stays there to accompany him. I don’t want him to be alone this night.
Chinen closed his eyes.
Oh my God. Keep him safe.
Chinen gulped hard and once again took a glance to the window, silently wished that the rain would stop soon.
Chinen almost jolted, and forced to wake up from the train of his thought when suddenly Yamada got up and smiled sheepishly. He scratched his head.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to force yourselves to accept me. Us. Yuya and I. We do realize that we are crossing the line. We’re disgusting, aren’t we?”
A light slap on his cheek stopped Yamada so sudden. He looked up to see Chinen was staring at him sternly.
“Who do you think I am? Who do you think we are? Didn’t we say that we’re okay with whatever way you chose? Didn’t we say that we will be your shelter even the world go against you? Do you really consider us as your best friends?”
Yamada suddenly lost his words. He gulped hard and looked down again.
“I don’t mean it. I mean ..., I ...”
Yuto hugged him and patted his back. “If I’m disgusted, I won’t do this.”
Once again tears dropped uncontrollably as he muttered thank you many times. Suddenly he saw a little light far away but it was enough for him to ease his feeling. The fear of being rejected by his best friends that lately became the most horrified thought suddenly changed into hope. A hope that would help him to keep Takaki on his side. The hope that they still had a chance to win their love. The hope that they would be happy, just like other couples in the world.
“See? I prefer to see you smile than crying.”
Yamada turned to Yuto who was smiling widely.
“There’s still a hope, isn’t there? Don’t give up.”
Yamada stood up and gathered his things. “Yeah, I hope so.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going home.”
Chinen gripped his wrist and stared at him sharply. “I won’t let you go home tonight. Not until you calm yourself. Stay here until you can manage your head. Your home won’t run away even you don’t go home for years. Stay here and let’s us baby you until you can stand on your own again.”
“I’m fine. I’m okay now. Thank you guys. For everything.”
Yuto reached for Yamada’s cheek and made Yamada turned to him.
“I clearly can see that you are not okay.” Yuto said the words slowly with the tone that Yamada couldn’t resist. “In this condition, you will stop somewhere, and crying again, and no one will help you to reach your home, so stay here. We will be here even you chase us away. We’re here.”
Yamada gulped lightly. Never once in his life he saw Yuto this stern. His face didn’t change. He didn’t even see the anger in his expression, but the tone. His tone made him suddenly nodded and couldn’t say no.
Author: dean_itoh
Pairing/Subject: Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: You know that the boys aren't mine~
Summary: Sometimes love is just to let go
Because windy-0809 wants me to tag her (or him?), and I hope this is the right way
The drops of the cold water reached his skin, drenched him, but he couldn’t feel anything. He’s numb. He stood there and didn’t move, under the drops of the cold water in the bathroom. His mind was blank. He couldn’t think anything.
“Let’s end this.”
The words mingled in his head on and on and he couldn’t erase them. His heart ached. It ripped into pieces and he couldn’t put them together again.
“Ryosuke, what are you doing?”
Chinen pulled him from the shower and almost dragged him out of the bathroom. Yuto came with a thick blanket and wrap him before dragged him to the couch.
“What happened?”
Yamada didn’t say anything. He just shook his head, but his stare was blank.
Chinen sighed heavily and took a seat beside him. “You don’t need to hide it anymore, Ryosuke. I know how hurt it is when you should pretend to be okay while you are not okay at all.”
Yamada looked at Chinen and chuckled lightly. “I’m not pretending. I don’t hide anything.”
“We knew it.”
Yamada turned to Yuto and stunned when the taller stared at him intently. His smile lost slowly and he gulped.
“What ..., do you know?”
Chinen smiled and looked at Yuto before turned again to Yamada.
“About you and Yuya.”
Yamada could feel the world had collapsed around him. He could hear the crash around him. He could feel his body was suddenly too light until he couldn’t feel it.
“One day they will know that I’m not playing with my words. One day they will know that you are serious with your words.”
Takaki’s words suddenly rang in his head. Yamada ducked and closed his eyes. He didn’t even try to deny. He knew how smart Chinen was, so it’s useless if he tried to deny it. He kept silent for a moment and didn’t move.
Both Chinen and Yuto didn’t say anything for a while. They just looked at each other, discussed with their eyes what to do next.
Yuto caressed Yamada’s back gently, tried to sooth him. He knew words wouldn’t help him but he needed to say something before his friends thought something fool.
“I don’t mind at all with your relationship.”
Yamada opened his eyes for the words.
“As long as you are happy, I don’t mind you’re dating Yuya.”
Yamada lifted his head and looked at Yuto, and found honesty in his eyes.
“I don’t care even if the world will against me. I will be your shelter forever.”
Chinen took Yamada’s hand and gripped it, made Yamada turned to him. He smiled widely and nodded. “Me too. I’m on your side whatever way you choose.”
The tears suddenly dropped on his cheeks again. “It’s useless now.”
Both Yuto and Chinen looked at each other.
“What do you mean?”
“He gave up.”
Yamada closed his face with his palms and started to sob. Yuto reached for him and embraced him tightly.
“He wants to end everything. He can’t take it anymore. He can’t keep the secret anymore.”
“It’s okay. Perhaps it’s just because he couldn’t think anything. You know, ..., it’s kind of ..., hard ..., for living with a secret, and you have no one to be told. Perhaps Yuya just ..., you know ..., he will be back to you and say sorry.”
Yamada shook his head weakly.
“He never jokes in a serious conversation. He told me many times that we shouldn’t fall for each other, and he asked to end everything now.”
Yuto and Chinen lost their words. They didn’t know what to say. They just sat there, beside Yamada, and kept silent. They looked at each other but couldn’t find any word.
There was a suffocated silent time for a while before Yuto led Yamada to lay on his lap and caressed his head.
“When this started?”
Chinen suddenly turned to Yuto and stared at him intently, silently scolded him for asking the question.
Yamada breathed heavily and closed his eyes. “It’s been years.” He stopped. For a while he just kept silent and didn’t say anything. Once again the tears dropped, but he wiped quickly. “We don’t know how, or when it started. We’ve found the comfort and it’s just flowing like a river. He was there for me, even in his worst time in his life, he was trying hard to be there for me. I just ...” another tear dropped, “I’m too addicted to him. I don’t know what will happen to me if he run away from me. I don’t know what to do if I don’t hear his voice even for one day. I don’t think I can ...”
The sob came back and the other two couldn’t do anything.
Chinen looked away to the large glass window of his apartment and saw the rain was falling down heavily. He suddenly remembered Takaki and a slight of bad thought flashed in his mind.
I wish Inoo-Chan is still with him. I wish he didn’t leave Yuya alone. I wish they reached his home and Inoo stays there to accompany him. I don’t want him to be alone this night.
Chinen closed his eyes.
Oh my God. Keep him safe.
Chinen gulped hard and once again took a glance to the window, silently wished that the rain would stop soon.
Chinen almost jolted, and forced to wake up from the train of his thought when suddenly Yamada got up and smiled sheepishly. He scratched his head.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to force yourselves to accept me. Us. Yuya and I. We do realize that we are crossing the line. We’re disgusting, aren’t we?”
A light slap on his cheek stopped Yamada so sudden. He looked up to see Chinen was staring at him sternly.
“Who do you think I am? Who do you think we are? Didn’t we say that we’re okay with whatever way you chose? Didn’t we say that we will be your shelter even the world go against you? Do you really consider us as your best friends?”
Yamada suddenly lost his words. He gulped hard and looked down again.
“I don’t mean it. I mean ..., I ...”
Yuto hugged him and patted his back. “If I’m disgusted, I won’t do this.”
Once again tears dropped uncontrollably as he muttered thank you many times. Suddenly he saw a little light far away but it was enough for him to ease his feeling. The fear of being rejected by his best friends that lately became the most horrified thought suddenly changed into hope. A hope that would help him to keep Takaki on his side. The hope that they still had a chance to win their love. The hope that they would be happy, just like other couples in the world.
“See? I prefer to see you smile than crying.”
Yamada turned to Yuto who was smiling widely.
“There’s still a hope, isn’t there? Don’t give up.”
Yamada stood up and gathered his things. “Yeah, I hope so.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going home.”
Chinen gripped his wrist and stared at him sharply. “I won’t let you go home tonight. Not until you calm yourself. Stay here until you can manage your head. Your home won’t run away even you don’t go home for years. Stay here and let’s us baby you until you can stand on your own again.”
“I’m fine. I’m okay now. Thank you guys. For everything.”
Yuto reached for Yamada’s cheek and made Yamada turned to him.
“I clearly can see that you are not okay.” Yuto said the words slowly with the tone that Yamada couldn’t resist. “In this condition, you will stop somewhere, and crying again, and no one will help you to reach your home, so stay here. We will be here even you chase us away. We’re here.”
Yamada gulped lightly. Never once in his life he saw Yuto this stern. His face didn’t change. He didn’t even see the anger in his expression, but the tone. His tone made him suddenly nodded and couldn’t say no.