Forbidden Love Chapter 18
Title: Forbidden Love
Author: dean_itoh
Pairing/Subject: Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: You know that the boys aren't mine~
Summary: Sometimes love is just to let go
“And he skips today’s rehearsal.”
Yabu sighed heavily while shaking his head.
“He was weird yesterday.” Daiki threw his towel to the floor. “He was too silent. He didn’t even answer when I called him. He was like ..., he was thinking about something. Very serious thing. I don’t know.”
Hikaru and Yabu looked at each other in silent.
Bleary, Inoo looked at the entrance, still wishing that Takaki would appear even the rehearsal had ended some times ago.
Please stay. Don’t leave. We need you. I need you.
A feeling of tightness filled his chest. He gulped several times while trying hard to hold back his tears so they wouldn’t fall.
When finally I found someone who understand me, he left. Do I have to be alone forever? I can no longer hold everything in this world alone. Maybe I’d better go too. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of all those limelight. They’re all around me but I feel all alone. I’m tired of doing anything out of my will. I’m tired of having all shiny. I’m tired to always pretend that we’re fine. I’m tired of everything. I want to stop.
“Inoo-Chan, are you okay?”
He turned to meet with the attentive gaze of Yabu, who decided to walk toward him.
“Anything’s wrong? Are you sick?”
Inoo shook his head weakly. He smiled, but his tears betrayed him. They fell on his cheeks like unstoppable rain. Daiki ran over to him and patted his back gently, trying to calm Inoo.
Yabu led Inoo to sit on the floor, then forced Inoo to look at him.
“Tell me what it is.”
Inoo sobbed softly. “Takaki ..., he plans to leave.”
Yabu, Hikaru, and Daiki were suddenly speechless. They looked at each other in silent, didn’t understand of what Inoo was talking about.
“What do you mean?” Hikaru frowned.
“Yesterday evening, when you dropped me on the beach, to accompany him, he told me that. He’s sure that it’s better for him to leave. I didn’t understand what he was talking about at that time but he looked very tired. He looked helpless.”
Daiki took his phone and dialed several numbers. He tried many times by pressing the same number but finally shook his head.
“His phone’s off.’
Hikaru stood up and walked out.
“Hikaru, where are you going?”
“To that fool’s place, and tell him that he shouldn’t go because he doesn’t need to do it. To tell him that he still has us. To tell him that he is not alone. To tell him that Yamada will go crazy if he stubbornly still wants to leave. To tell him that if he really loves Yamada, he should stay.”
Daiki stood up and almost ran after Hikaru.
“I’m coming with you. I’ll beat that fool if he insists on leaving. He thinks this world is his own, so he can decide everything without thinking that his decision will affect others or not.”
Yabu just look at them in silence. He wanted to stop them because he knew what was Takaki thinking, but he didn’t say a word. He understood very well how Takaki had tried very hard to survive. He knew very well that Takaki had been trying to suppress his feeling for a long time. He knew that Takaki had fallen many times but he always tried to get up, with his own strength. Takaki never asked anyone for help. Not even to him, even though Takaki knew that he would definitely help if he asked, but Takaki never asked. He rose again to his feet by himself. Always very slowly, but he always managed to stand up straight again.
“You look so calm. Don’t tell me that you knew about this.”
Yabu turned to Inoo and shook his head weakly.
“I really have no idea, but I do understand why he decided to leave. It’s very hard to keep a very big secret. Alone. It feels like our energy will be drained quickly every time, until you will reach the point where you want to give up. Perhaps Takaki had reached that point.”
Inoo looked at Yabu silently. For a moment he didn’t speak at all before then sighed deeply. “You will just let him go? You don’t want to hold him?”
Yabu looked at Inoo again before looked away.
“Personally, yes, I will let him go. I won’t hold him back. He has the right to choose. He has the right to release all the burdens he bears. He has the right to seek the peace in his life.”
Inoo looked at Yabu silently. He waited for him to finish his words. He knew Yabu wasn’t finished, so he didn’t try to interrupt, although in his mind he had questions to be asked.
Yabu looked down. “But I also know that he will hurt many people with his leaving. Yamada will suffer more than anyone else. He will absolutely go crazy.”
Yabu breathed heavily.
“Then Chinen. He will feel very guilty because he can’t help Takaki at all. That kid always felt a huge debt of gratitude to Takaki. Those days when Takaki always tried to support him, Chinen never forgot about it.”
Almost suddenly, Yabu looked up and stared at Inoo.
“Then you too.”
Inoo suddenly felt his heart stopped beating for a few moments.
“Me?”
Yabu smiled. “Don’t take it wrong. I knew that you and Takaki are actually very close. You don’t show it often in public, but you are very close. You will feel very lost if Takaki really leaves, and that will affect your performance, which will definitely disturb the stability of our group. Not only Yamada will loose Takaki, but everyone will lose him. All of us.”
Inoo gulped and looked down.
You’re right. Why now I feel that you are actually the closest one to Takaki? Because you know so well what he thinks? And me? I Selfishly want to hold him back only for my own happiness. I’ve never thought about his happiness. I’m just thinking about myself. I just realized how selfish I am. Oh my God! Takaki, I’m sorry.
“I will follow them. I don’t want them to do anything strange to Takaki. Let’s hope he doesn’t really leave. Let’s hope we still have a chance to meet him.”
Inoo nodded weakly. He just kept quiet for a moment while looking at Yabu who walked quickly toward Daiki and Hikaru left.
Inoo looked around the now empty room. It felt so spacious when only him in it. He sighed before decided to walk out slowly toward the dressing room. He stopped when he heard a sob from the room. He held the door handle in silence. His body suddenly became stiff.
Yamada?
He stepped closer to the door and tried hard to listen.
“You love him so much. You shouldn’t end your relationship.” Yuto sounded very depressed.
“He really wanted to end it. I’ve always held him back. He won’t move forward if I keep him tied. I have to let him go.”
“But this isn’t the right way, Ryosuke. You shouldn’t let him go. Show him that you will be fine. Show him that nothing will happen to us too. We will be just fine.”
“But I understand very well what he meant. Just imagine, what if they know about us. There will be lots of people who will suddenly turn their backs on us when they know about me and Yuya. There will be so many people who will chide on JUMP. Yuya doesn’t want that to happen. He had tried many times to explain it to me. It took me a while to understand, and when that happened, I also agreed him. We have to end our relationship.”
“And hurt yourself in the process.” Yuri stared at him sharply. “I’m sure that Yuya also actually hurt with your decision. Oh my god, Ryosuke. I just found out that you are so stupid.”
“I know I was stupid from the start, Yuri. You don’t need to tell me that. I know I’m stupid because I’ve fallen in love with him. I was so stupid because I couldn’t control my feelings. I know I’ve been so stupid by endangering our group’s future. I know ...”
“You’re stupid because you don’t dare to fight for your love. You’re so stupid for just giving up on unclear reality. You’re so stupid for letting go of someone who truly loves you for who you really are. You are really stupid.”
“Yuri, ... “
“Shut up, Yuto. I have to let this out or I’ll feel sorry for the rest of my life. This fool here, will continue to torture himself and someone important to him if I don’t scold him. He will continue to wallow in sadness forever if we don’t pull him from the darkness of his heart.”
Yamada closed his eyes.
“There’re a lot of girls out there who are very suitable to him. All fans will adore him. If they found out about me and Yuya, they will quickly leave us. He doesn’t want that to happen. I don’t want that to happen.”
“You mean Shinkawa Yua?”
“In this world, there is a law that we can’t fight even with all of our strength. There is a law that can’t be bought with money. The name is moral. Yuya and I cannot afford to have to deal with the moral code of society. I can’t imagine how many scorns will come when all of this is revealed.”
“And you think Shinkawa will make him happy? Are you sure about that?”
Yamada smiled. “The girl really loves him. Yuya will surely melt if she tries harder.”
Out of the door, Inoo gulped hard at the conversation.
So this is the reason why you want to leave. You can’t bare your own feeling of loosing him then you decide to leave.
Suddenly Inoo stepped forward. He opened the door so sudden and almost made the three of them jolted in surprise.
“Inoo-Chan ... “ Chinen sighed heavily. He caressed his chest to ease his heart rate.
Inoo starred Yamada intently. “If you really love him, until you feel that you can’t live without him, until you can’t breath without saying his name, you’d better go for him now because yesterday evening he decided to leave.”
Yamada stoned. He lost his word. He lost his strength all sudden. He couldn’t move.
“You’re kidding, right?” Yuto stood up. He reached his phone and dialed numbers, just to receive inactive tone. He tried to dial many times more just to receive the same answer. “His phone’s off.”
Yamada looked away but didn’t move.
Author: dean_itoh
Pairing/Subject: Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: You know that the boys aren't mine~
Summary: Sometimes love is just to let go
“And he skips today’s rehearsal.”
Yabu sighed heavily while shaking his head.
“He was weird yesterday.” Daiki threw his towel to the floor. “He was too silent. He didn’t even answer when I called him. He was like ..., he was thinking about something. Very serious thing. I don’t know.”
Hikaru and Yabu looked at each other in silent.
Bleary, Inoo looked at the entrance, still wishing that Takaki would appear even the rehearsal had ended some times ago.
Please stay. Don’t leave. We need you. I need you.
A feeling of tightness filled his chest. He gulped several times while trying hard to hold back his tears so they wouldn’t fall.
When finally I found someone who understand me, he left. Do I have to be alone forever? I can no longer hold everything in this world alone. Maybe I’d better go too. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of all those limelight. They’re all around me but I feel all alone. I’m tired of doing anything out of my will. I’m tired of having all shiny. I’m tired to always pretend that we’re fine. I’m tired of everything. I want to stop.
“Inoo-Chan, are you okay?”
He turned to meet with the attentive gaze of Yabu, who decided to walk toward him.
“Anything’s wrong? Are you sick?”
Inoo shook his head weakly. He smiled, but his tears betrayed him. They fell on his cheeks like unstoppable rain. Daiki ran over to him and patted his back gently, trying to calm Inoo.
Yabu led Inoo to sit on the floor, then forced Inoo to look at him.
“Tell me what it is.”
Inoo sobbed softly. “Takaki ..., he plans to leave.”
Yabu, Hikaru, and Daiki were suddenly speechless. They looked at each other in silent, didn’t understand of what Inoo was talking about.
“What do you mean?” Hikaru frowned.
“Yesterday evening, when you dropped me on the beach, to accompany him, he told me that. He’s sure that it’s better for him to leave. I didn’t understand what he was talking about at that time but he looked very tired. He looked helpless.”
Daiki took his phone and dialed several numbers. He tried many times by pressing the same number but finally shook his head.
“His phone’s off.’
Hikaru stood up and walked out.
“Hikaru, where are you going?”
“To that fool’s place, and tell him that he shouldn’t go because he doesn’t need to do it. To tell him that he still has us. To tell him that he is not alone. To tell him that Yamada will go crazy if he stubbornly still wants to leave. To tell him that if he really loves Yamada, he should stay.”
Daiki stood up and almost ran after Hikaru.
“I’m coming with you. I’ll beat that fool if he insists on leaving. He thinks this world is his own, so he can decide everything without thinking that his decision will affect others or not.”
Yabu just look at them in silence. He wanted to stop them because he knew what was Takaki thinking, but he didn’t say a word. He understood very well how Takaki had tried very hard to survive. He knew very well that Takaki had been trying to suppress his feeling for a long time. He knew that Takaki had fallen many times but he always tried to get up, with his own strength. Takaki never asked anyone for help. Not even to him, even though Takaki knew that he would definitely help if he asked, but Takaki never asked. He rose again to his feet by himself. Always very slowly, but he always managed to stand up straight again.
“You look so calm. Don’t tell me that you knew about this.”
Yabu turned to Inoo and shook his head weakly.
“I really have no idea, but I do understand why he decided to leave. It’s very hard to keep a very big secret. Alone. It feels like our energy will be drained quickly every time, until you will reach the point where you want to give up. Perhaps Takaki had reached that point.”
Inoo looked at Yabu silently. For a moment he didn’t speak at all before then sighed deeply. “You will just let him go? You don’t want to hold him?”
Yabu looked at Inoo again before looked away.
“Personally, yes, I will let him go. I won’t hold him back. He has the right to choose. He has the right to release all the burdens he bears. He has the right to seek the peace in his life.”
Inoo looked at Yabu silently. He waited for him to finish his words. He knew Yabu wasn’t finished, so he didn’t try to interrupt, although in his mind he had questions to be asked.
Yabu looked down. “But I also know that he will hurt many people with his leaving. Yamada will suffer more than anyone else. He will absolutely go crazy.”
Yabu breathed heavily.
“Then Chinen. He will feel very guilty because he can’t help Takaki at all. That kid always felt a huge debt of gratitude to Takaki. Those days when Takaki always tried to support him, Chinen never forgot about it.”
Almost suddenly, Yabu looked up and stared at Inoo.
“Then you too.”
Inoo suddenly felt his heart stopped beating for a few moments.
“Me?”
Yabu smiled. “Don’t take it wrong. I knew that you and Takaki are actually very close. You don’t show it often in public, but you are very close. You will feel very lost if Takaki really leaves, and that will affect your performance, which will definitely disturb the stability of our group. Not only Yamada will loose Takaki, but everyone will lose him. All of us.”
Inoo gulped and looked down.
You’re right. Why now I feel that you are actually the closest one to Takaki? Because you know so well what he thinks? And me? I Selfishly want to hold him back only for my own happiness. I’ve never thought about his happiness. I’m just thinking about myself. I just realized how selfish I am. Oh my God! Takaki, I’m sorry.
“I will follow them. I don’t want them to do anything strange to Takaki. Let’s hope he doesn’t really leave. Let’s hope we still have a chance to meet him.”
Inoo nodded weakly. He just kept quiet for a moment while looking at Yabu who walked quickly toward Daiki and Hikaru left.
Inoo looked around the now empty room. It felt so spacious when only him in it. He sighed before decided to walk out slowly toward the dressing room. He stopped when he heard a sob from the room. He held the door handle in silence. His body suddenly became stiff.
Yamada?
He stepped closer to the door and tried hard to listen.
“You love him so much. You shouldn’t end your relationship.” Yuto sounded very depressed.
“He really wanted to end it. I’ve always held him back. He won’t move forward if I keep him tied. I have to let him go.”
“But this isn’t the right way, Ryosuke. You shouldn’t let him go. Show him that you will be fine. Show him that nothing will happen to us too. We will be just fine.”
“But I understand very well what he meant. Just imagine, what if they know about us. There will be lots of people who will suddenly turn their backs on us when they know about me and Yuya. There will be so many people who will chide on JUMP. Yuya doesn’t want that to happen. He had tried many times to explain it to me. It took me a while to understand, and when that happened, I also agreed him. We have to end our relationship.”
“And hurt yourself in the process.” Yuri stared at him sharply. “I’m sure that Yuya also actually hurt with your decision. Oh my god, Ryosuke. I just found out that you are so stupid.”
“I know I was stupid from the start, Yuri. You don’t need to tell me that. I know I’m stupid because I’ve fallen in love with him. I was so stupid because I couldn’t control my feelings. I know I’ve been so stupid by endangering our group’s future. I know ...”
“You’re stupid because you don’t dare to fight for your love. You’re so stupid for just giving up on unclear reality. You’re so stupid for letting go of someone who truly loves you for who you really are. You are really stupid.”
“Yuri, ... “
“Shut up, Yuto. I have to let this out or I’ll feel sorry for the rest of my life. This fool here, will continue to torture himself and someone important to him if I don’t scold him. He will continue to wallow in sadness forever if we don’t pull him from the darkness of his heart.”
Yamada closed his eyes.
“There’re a lot of girls out there who are very suitable to him. All fans will adore him. If they found out about me and Yuya, they will quickly leave us. He doesn’t want that to happen. I don’t want that to happen.”
“You mean Shinkawa Yua?”
“In this world, there is a law that we can’t fight even with all of our strength. There is a law that can’t be bought with money. The name is moral. Yuya and I cannot afford to have to deal with the moral code of society. I can’t imagine how many scorns will come when all of this is revealed.”
“And you think Shinkawa will make him happy? Are you sure about that?”
Yamada smiled. “The girl really loves him. Yuya will surely melt if she tries harder.”
Out of the door, Inoo gulped hard at the conversation.
So this is the reason why you want to leave. You can’t bare your own feeling of loosing him then you decide to leave.
Suddenly Inoo stepped forward. He opened the door so sudden and almost made the three of them jolted in surprise.
“Inoo-Chan ... “ Chinen sighed heavily. He caressed his chest to ease his heart rate.
Inoo starred Yamada intently. “If you really love him, until you feel that you can’t live without him, until you can’t breath without saying his name, you’d better go for him now because yesterday evening he decided to leave.”
Yamada stoned. He lost his word. He lost his strength all sudden. He couldn’t move.
“You’re kidding, right?” Yuto stood up. He reached his phone and dialed numbers, just to receive inactive tone. He tried to dial many times more just to receive the same answer. “His phone’s off.”
Yamada looked away but didn’t move.